There is a feeling called heartache

Chapter 22 Who Can Watch Your Life?
She walked ahead, thinking, in this life, who else will be like her father, waiting for her for the rest of her life?
When she was two years old, she had a high fever and fell into a coma.Her father carried her to the hospital overnight. On the way, she who had been in a coma for a day suddenly opened her eyes and called out clearly: "Daddy!"

My father often mentioned this matter to her later, and those tiny details were carved into a landscape as my father repeated them again and again.Every time my father finished speaking, he would sigh: "Tell me, you are such a small person, and you have been in a coma for so long, why did you suddenly wake up?" At this time, father's eyes were full of tenderness and love.If she talked too many times, she would get annoyed and choke him with words, but my father didn't care, he just smiled, he was happy and satisfied.Her arrogance and domineering grew out of her father's connivance.

My father is actually not a good-tempered person, irritable and irritable.Often, he would quarrel with his mother just because of some trivial life matters, and every time, the quarrel was earth-shattering.My father was addicted to alcohol, he would get drunk every time he drank, and he would quarrel after he was drunk.From the time she can remember, the family has rarely been warm and peaceful, and the smell of gunpowder always lingers inside and out.

Her father's tenderness and love were only given to her.He seldom quarreled with his mother in front of her. If she happened to meet him, no matter how fierce the quarrel was, as long as she yelled: "Stop arguing!" The aggressive father immediately lowered his head and died down.As a result, whenever my parents quarreled, my brother would call her immediately. Everyone knew that she was the only magic weapon to subdue my father.

Her feelings for her father were complicated. She once felt sad for her mother and thought in her heart:
Looking for a boyfriend in the future, the first requirement is to be gentle and tolerant, and the second is not to smoke and drink.She would never find a man like her father: irascible, critical, narrow-minded, and make the family turmoil because of a little thing.

However, being his daughter, she knew she was happy.

She thought that such happiness would last her whole life, until one day, her father suddenly and solemnly told her that from now on, you will live with Dad.Later she knew that it was the mother who proposed the divorce.Mother said that after so many years of quarreling and quarreling, she was tired of it.The father was deadlocked for a long time, and finally chose to compromise. The only condition he put forward was that he must take her with him.

Although it was her mother who proposed the divorce, she still stubbornly put the account on her father's head.From then on, she became an indifferent and lonely child, refusing to take care of her father, and moved to live in the school by herself.Her father went to school to find her, and the insulated lunch box was full of her favorite braised pork ribs.

She didn't even look at it, she lowered her head and pushed the rice into her mouth vigorously, mouthful after mouthful, until her eyes filled with tears.Father sighed and begged her to go home, but she kept a cold face and remained silent.Father raised his hand to touch her head, and said pitifully, "Look, you've become so thin in just a few days."She blocked her father's hand with the book in her hand, and shouted hysterically: "Don't worry about it!" Then she swept it violently, and the lunch box on the table fell to the ground with a "bang", and the sauce-red ribs spilled all over the floor. The scent filled the entire dormitory.

Father's raised hand stopped in mid-air awkwardly.According to his temper, if it were someone else, I'm afraid the slap would have already fallen.She saw the muscles on her father's face twitch violently a few times, and said, "No matter what, Dad will always love you!" When his father was about to leave the house, he turned his head and gave her a deep look.She watched her father walk away, and the line of defense she kept collapsed. She was alone in the deserted dormitory, looking at the ribs all over the floor, crying loudly.

She's just a child spoiled by her father.

The autumn wind just started, and after evening self-study, the night wind was already a bit chilly.As soon as she walked out of the classroom, she saw a black figure looming in front of the window, her heart tightened, and she called, who is it?The man responded immediately, Yaya, don't be afraid, it's Dad.Her father walked up to her, handed her a roll of things, and told her: "It's cold, you like to sleep on the quilt since you were a child, be careful not to freeze." She went back to the dormitory, opened the package, and it was a new cotton wool bag. quilt.Burying her head in, she took a deep breath, filled with the smell of sunshine, she knew that it must be her father who had been in the sun for a day and rushed to bring it to her again.

That day, she went home to get something.Pushing open the door, my father curled up on the sofa, fell asleep, and the TV was still on.Father's hair turned pale gray, and his face was haggard. In just one year, the vigorous father became old all of a sudden.She suddenly discovered that her father was actually so lonely.After standing blankly for a long time, he took the quilt to cover his father, but his father woke up suddenly.Seeing her, he was a little nervous, hurriedly tidied up the mess on the sofa, remembered something, put down the things in his hands, and said incoherently: "Haven't you eaten yet? Wait, I'll make your favorite braised pork ribs... "She wanted to say she didn't want to eat, so I took the food and left.But seeing his father's expectant and nervous expression, he couldn't bear it, so he sat down.Excited like a child, her father trotted into the kitchen, and she heard him drop a spoon and break a bowl.She went in and helped her father pick up the pieces, and her father said to her embarrassedly: "Hands are too slippery..." Her eyes were wet, and she suddenly regretted: Why did you hurt the person who loved you so much?
In her junior year, her father got married again.Her father called her and said cautiously:
"He's a primary school teacher. He's retired. He's careful and has a good temper... If you don't have time, don't come back..." She also had a boyfriend at that time, and she understood that some things depend on fate.She also knew in her heart how lonely her father was all these years.She was silent on the phone for a long time, and then said softly: "From now on, don't quarrel with others." Her father responded repeatedly: "Well, stop arguing, stop arguing."

During the summer vacation, she took her boyfriend back together, new furniture was added to the house, and the flowers on the balcony were in full bloom.The father is well dressed and looks good.Facing the fat woman, she shyly called out:
"Auntie." The auntie panicked and happily went to the kitchen to cook. She came out after a while and asked her whether she likes sweet or spicy food, and whether the taste is lighter or stronger.He also directed his father to peel a green onion for a while and wash the vegetables for a while.She didn't expect that her grumpy father would be tamed by her like a child.She listened to her father and aunt laughing softly in the kitchen, the smell of oily smoke overflowed from the kitchen, her eyes were hot, this is the real taste of home.

That night, after everyone was asleep, her father came to her room and said to her seriously: "Yaya, this boy is not suitable for you." Her stubbornness came up again: "Why is it not suitable? At least , he doesn't drink, he has a much better temper than you, and never quarrels with me." The father was a little embarrassed, and still advised her: "You have too little experience, this kind of person, he doesn't quarrel with you, but bit by bit, He remembers it all in his heart."

She stubbornly insisted on her choice, and got married after the second year of working.But unfortunately, she was caught by her father's words. She inherited his father's quick temper, and when she got angry, it was inevitable that she would make noise.He never quarreled with her, but his silence and persistence made it even more unbearable for her.The cold war, separation, and when the child was two years old, they divorced.

After the divorce, she took care of the child alone, suffered from insomnia, lost a lot of hair, and her job was not satisfactory, and she suddenly aged a lot.Once, the child suddenly asked her: "Dad doesn't want us?" She held back tears and said: "No matter what, Mom will always love you." She said it, but how has she ever experienced her father's feelings?
My father said on the phone that if life is not good, come back.Let your aunt take care of the child, can dad still support you?She was silent, did not speak, tears fell drop by drop, she thought her father could not see.

The next day, the father came suddenly, and without any explanation, he packed up her things, picked up the child, and said, go home with grandpa.

It was still her room, and the aunt had already cleaned it up spotlessly.Father likes to cook, and cooks three meals a day for her in different ways.My father is old and forgetful, and he often puts double salt in the dishes.But her father remembered everything about her childhood clearly.The father told the child about her fever when she was a child. The father said: "It was your mother's 'Daddy' that held my grandfather's heart..." She was listening, and suddenly remembered the poem: " I am so forgetful when I get old, but I never forget lovesickness."

In early spring, when he saw her wearing gray clothes, his father insisted on buying new clothes for her. He opened his wallet to show her arrogance. Inside was a wad of new money, which was the pension his father had just received.She laughed, stepped forward and took her father's arm, and said mischievously: "It turns out that sugar daddy feels so good!" My father held his head high like a gentleman, and she and my aunt couldn't help laughing.

Walking on the street, my father pulled out his arm and said, you go ahead, and I will follow behind.She smiled and asked, what, sorry?Father said, you go ahead, in case of any accident, I will remind you to hide.She stopped, and the sun shone from behind, and she suddenly realized, when did her father's waist become bent?She remembered that her father was such a tall and strong person before.However, such an old man still wants to walk behind her, reminding her of the dangers she may encounter, and she walks ahead, thinking, in this life, who else will be like a father, waiting for her for the rest of her life?Thinking of this, tears poured out uncontrollably.I didn't dare to wipe it, for fear of being seen by my father behind me.Just straightened up and walked straight ahead.

(Wei Xuanli)

(End of this chapter)