Don't be too personal, don't be too impersonal

Chapter 11 Low-key survival is wisdom and art (1)
[-]. It is a blessing to be confused
Walking out of the school gate, we are always imagining our new life, fantasizing about being admired and imitated by the people around us, thinking that the future is bright.You do not allow yourself to make mistakes in life and work, and you always talk about your principles, but you gradually find that you have fewer and fewer friends and more and more enemies around you.So, you will gradually understand that in the real world, it is rare to be confused, which is our world, a real world.You think that "sticking to the principles" is your personality, so that you can keep yourself from "colluding" with others, but in this real society, sometimes it is a blessing to be confused, which is also a unique personality.

I remember a famous designer said: "Designers only have the most creative works in school, because at that time you don't need to think too much, you don't need to consider cost, profit and other things that have nothing to do with design. At that time, you were just a designer, but when you walked out of the campus and looked at your work, you still used things that you thought were vulgar, and those real ideas, those purely artistic views, could only be hidden in your heart.” Although So, don't feel hopeless, this is the society we live in.

There was a young man named George who just graduated from a college student. The first job he applied for was to work as an accountant in a fairly large courier company. He also applied for the same job as Tom, a college student who had just graduated. are classified in the same group.One day, the boss handed George a document saying: "There are not enough couriers, please help deliver this to the company." George took the document, looked at it, and complained, "I applied for an accountant, not a courier." At this time, Tom, who had just come out of the bathroom, heard it and said, "Sir, I'm fine anyway, I'll deliver it." Tom took the document and went out.A month later, George was fired. He went to his boss and asked, "What's wrong with me? Why can Tom stay and I can't, I have a higher degree than him." The boss shook his head and said, "You only know your degree. High, but the most important thing in this society besides academic qualifications and strength is the ability to do things, and you always forget the peripheral environment in order to maintain your own principles."

After reading this story, you may start to wonder, shouldn't people stick to their principles?We must know that there are no absolutes in this world. Right and wrong are only a matter of thought. Don't just consider immediate interests, and don't cling to your so-called principles. We should make it clear that since someone has set a principle, someone must break it. .

I once talked with a friend, and he told me such a story: Once when he went to buy fruit, he saw a young man arguing with the old fruit seller, so he went over to inquire and learned that the young man originally wanted to buy three yuan. He picked up seven oranges and weighed them for three yuan and five, and took off one and weighed them for two yuan and ninety-eight cents. The young man was not happy and felt that he was at a disadvantage.So the old man put a cherry tomato on it and said it was exactly three yuan, but the young man was still not happy, and asked the old man why he had to add a cherry tomato to the oranges he bought.Reluctantly, the old man took off the cherry tomatoes and exchanged them for a bigger orange. It cost three yuan and ten cents, and said, "Three yuan is fine for you." He is a principled person, as much as he should."

The young man took out a hundred-yuan bill and handed it to the old man. The old man asked helplessly, "Don't you have some change? Give me the change."

The young man looked at the change and said, "It's only three yuan, ten cents less."

The old man was a little dumbfounded and said: "You young man, why are you so obstinate, wouldn't it be enough to charge you three yuan?"

The friend couldn't stand it anymore, so he took out the dime in his bag and quietly threw it at the young man's feet, saying, "Isn't there a dime under your feet?"

The young man looked at it, picked it up and said, "I don't know when I dropped it." In this way, the friend who was a bystander had no choice but to end the quarrel in this way.

You may be wondering what does this story have to do with what we are going to talk about?In fact, there is a lot of truth to this.Just imagine, if the young man picked it up and left when he said it was two yuan and ninety-eight cents, although he suffered a small loss this time, the next time he came to buy it, it might be three yuan and twenty-nine cents. He would not charge him another twenty-nine cents, and in the end it was the young people who took advantage.When the old man puts a cherry tomato, if he thinks of what he has already got instead of what he wants to get, maybe he will be very happy.Because it's so simple, we can all see that he got two different flavors of fruit.But he insisted on not accepting it, and finally showed his so-called principles by picking up the money thrown by others. While losing his demeanor, he also proved that he is just a stubborn person who loves face but does not want to suffer, greedy for small profits people.We can't accept and understand that he showed his bottom line of principles in this way, but it is not uncommon for people who "stick to principles" like this in real life.

For example, if you invite a colleague to dinner for his birthday today, you must buy a gift, but there is a certain kind of person who will accurately calculate the approximate cost of the meal, divide it by the number of people, and choose a gift based on the money spent by a person.He didn't want to regard this dinner as a bridge between colleagues to communicate or get closer. He only thought it was just a barter of equal value.There is another kind of person who has too many rules and regulations in his life. For example, it is his turn to check attendance today, and his colleague is 1 minute late. He could have turned a blind eye to it. Except for the harsh boss, who would care about an employee being late What about 1 minute?Besides, who can guarantee that every time he goes to work, there will be smooth sailing, there will be no accidents, and he will not be just 1 minute late?After all, people will encounter special situations, not to mention that this is not a loss to him.However, he was unwilling to show mercy, and put his so-called principles first. Principles are the kingly way of his life.Because of his principles, colleagues who were one minute late were criticized and fined at the regular meeting.On the surface, it seems that he is not wrong about this kind of thing, and he is just acting according to the rules.But sometimes this society does not need such "rules". When a far-sighted person does something, he will consider the future gains and losses.What did he get?Even if it was the colleague's own fault that he was late, in the end the colleague would blame him for "sticking to the principles."In principle, people who stand by principles should be appreciated, however, what we see is not the case.All we see is the fact that he is despised and alienated. Should we also reflect on whether this society really needs to stick to principles at all times?

We often say, why is this person so incapable of dealing with troubles? We must know that people who are not troublemakers generally have strong principles. Games can only use the rules of the game in their world.Their world is only black and white, there are no gray areas, because in their view, being confused is tantamount to making mistakes.

If we must adhere to our so-called "principles", then don't wonder why others don't pay attention or always target us.You must know that the rules of the game in the ivory tower may not make us feel like ducks in water in society, and you must know that not everything must be investigated in black and white. To survive in this society, if you understand that occasional confusion is actually a kind of blessing, Then you may pay more respect to Zheng Banqiao's "rare and confused" hundreds of years ago.

[-]. Impulse has always been the devil

When we walk out of school, don't always swear that we are extremely calm, because no one who walks out of school can pat his chest and say that his mind is calm.We are college students who have just graduated, and we are in full bloom, and we even feel that we can give pointers to the world and write passionately.These are our personalities and our proud capital. You even think that this society needs a proud man with a distinctive personality like you to change.However, on a certain level, or in the eyes of some people, the so-called personality you deliberately maintain is actually just a performance of being arrogant.

Maybe, in the past, you were always tolerated by the people around you. When your parents said something that didn’t suit you, you slammed the door and left. You always felt calm and unable to fill the generation gap between you, so you never wanted to talk to them properly; Even between friends, you always choose to communicate in a superior way.Sometimes, there is ambiguity between you, your friend disagrees with you, and you leave angrily after hearing a few sentences.At that time, you thought that someone would always pay for your impulse, and that everyone would forgive you, accommodate you, and tolerate you.However, after graduating and stepping into this society, you will truly understand what the "price of impulse" is.

When you are looking for a job, because of your high self-esteem, you position your salary and salary in your resume relatively high.The interviewer may ask you: "You are just a fresh graduate, why do you demand such a high salary?" You feel questioned and humiliated, and angrily say: "I can only say, in the future, don't regret today's salary." Don’t hire me. Besides, I don’t want to apply here now.” So, you slam the door and leave, feeling that others underestimate you, and you hate being underestimated by others, and not being looked down upon by others.And such an impulse can bring you nothing but failures in applying for jobs again and again, and it is impossible to gain anything.

Now you are like a runaway wild horse. You think that you can still be unrestrained, and that people around you can still accommodate you and respect you.However, unrestrained impulse can only make you lose more while hurting others. In the end, the cruel reality is like a basin of cold water to calm you down, and gradually you find that society is not the world you imagined.Until one day, you see that your friends around you have been struggling in their respective jobs for a long time, and you are still running around, just looking for a job.And these are the prices you pay for your impulses.

Impulse will overwhelm your rationality and devour your wisdom, making you lose more in restlessness and anxiety, and gradually lose your way of finding the direction of life.The decisions and things a person makes impulsively are often blind and wrong, and the results are often irreversible.Abandon your impulse, put away the thorns in your "personality", and you will gradually learn to use reason and wisdom to gain more.

There is an unattractive student who graduated from an ordinary college and is now the chief designer of a certain company.When he went for an interview, the whole room was full of master's and doctoral students from various prestigious universities.His excellent performance in the interview even made the interviewer think that he was a college student who graduated from a prestigious university.However, the interviewer rejected his job application after considering the professional level.

After he learned that he failed to apply for the job, he felt very sad, and his face showed a little disappointment and embarrassment.But he did not leave ashamed and angry like the others, but got up and politely said to the interviewer: "Excuse me, can you give me a business card?"

The interviewer looked at him indifferently, and began to feel a little disgusted with this stalking young man.

"Although I don't have the honor to be an employee of your company, I think maybe we can be friends."

"Really? You think so?"

"Of course, every friend starts as a stranger. If you want to play tennis one day and can't find a partner, maybe you can find me."

The interviewer looked at him curiously for a while and took out his business card.

In fact, all the friends in the interviewer's circle are really busy, and he often worries about not being able to find a partner to play.

Later, the young man contacted him as expected, and they also became friends.

Once the interviewer asked him: "Don't you think the request you made at the time was strange? Don't you know that you are just a person looking for a job. Why do you need a business card if you have been rejected?"

He said: "I only know that people are equal. Education, status, wealth, family background, these don't mean much to me."

The interviewer said: "If I ignored you at all that day, how did you step down?"

He smiled and said: "Actually, what many people are most afraid of is not failure itself, but the embarrassment they face after failure. Many people dare not do things that might have been accomplished because they are afraid of losing face. But The real shame is not failure, but the failure to dare to face it. In fact, many things, including making friends, start with embarrassment.”

He went on to say: "I used to like a girl very much when I was in college, but at that time I only dared to look at her from a distance. Because I was afraid of being rejected. I was worried that if I confessed to her, would she use a looked at me with cold eyes, and then refused me mercilessly. If it was true, I would feel ashamed. In this way, I was frightened by my own imagination. Later, I accidentally learned that she had been Having a good impression of me is because I missed the happiness that could have belonged to me.

"Since then, whenever I have thoughts of fear, cowardice, and withdrawal, I will use this incident as a warning to myself, and don't be afraid of any embarrassment that may arise. Otherwise, in the following days, I will still Will miss again and again.

"You see, I can face everything bravely now, whether it is a girl who attracts me in front of me, or the podium of a tens of thousands of people, I will choose to face it bravely, although I know that I may not be qualified enough .”

The interviewer asked: "There is another question that is very curious. How did you manage to not get angry when I looked at you coldly?"

He smiled and said: "It's very simple. If I leave angrily, then we will not play like we are now. I know what I want. Obviously that does not include the impulse to make me fail."

You should often see that many people get along well with colleagues or superiors around them. At this time, you may think of words such as fawning and flattering.Perhaps this is true, however, we cannot rule out the possibility of being able to become true friends with your superiors and leaders. If you are frightened by your own imagination and cowardice from the beginning, then you will really lose the ability to communicate with your superiors, The possibility of becoming friends.The workplace is the workplace, even if your boss can tolerate your arrogance, irrationality and other impulsive emotions, you cannot always hide under the wings of others and do nothing.

In fact, everyone will encounter such and such hurdles in their lifetime. If you can think carefully, you can completely control yourself and make yourself less impulsive.Impulse is sometimes a tool, and it can be used as a means to express a firm stand and never compromise at critical times, but first you must be clear about what your anger can get you at the moment, instead of acting blindly and impulsively.

[-]. Complaining cannot change the status quo

There will always be some dissatisfaction in life. When we see those colleagues whose salary is twice as high as our own, the working hours are just sitting in the office drinking coffee and reading materials, we may not be able to help complaining; when we look at ourselves , We are busy from work to work every day, without taking a break for a minute, and when we don’t even have time to stand up and pour a glass of water, we may not be able to help complaining... Our hearts are always full of various complaints.You are thinking, why do I work hard every day but get low wages, while people who work all day and rest the same can get high wages, why is the world so unfair.

(End of this chapter)