Don't be too personal, don't be too impersonal

Chapter 12 Low-key survival is wisdom and art (2)
Don't always complain that God has planned too many twists and turns in your life, and don't complain why life brings you so many trials and tribulations.We should understand that the reason why life is worth fighting for, fighting for, and changing is because of these difficulties and unsatisfactory existence.It is precisely because the sea has so many turbulent waves and magnificence that people are deeply moved and fascinated; it is precisely because the sky is full of countless lightning, thunder, squalls and showers that we can understand the warmth of the sun and the breadth of the sky broad.If your life becomes really flat, without any waves and twists and turns, then you will soon feel dull.Therefore, instead of complaining all the time, it is better to attribute every failure to an attempt, an experience and an opportunity for growth, instead of inferiority, complaining, and self-pity; imagine every success as a kind of luck, an accident, a Take a short break from being complacent, arrogant, and defiant.

Maybe, there are countless dissatisfaction in your heart, your heart is full of depression, and you feel unfair, but when your heart is full of complaints and self-pity, but you don't fight for it, don't ask for change, you will gradually get used to being expressionless I let my heart become harder and harder, and in the end I even forgot that there is something called happiness in this world.You know, complaining won't change anything, and it won't change your current situation.

Instead of complaining, we might as well let go of some prejudices, discard some endless complaints, let ourselves learn to observe, and then change.If you are in a group now, you will find that in this group, there are roughly divided into routine people and problem-solving people.And routine people always envy those who can solve problems, they always complain that their salary is not as good as those who can solve problems, and feel that they don’t have to repeat boring work every day, just sit in the office and do nothing You can get a high salary.In fact, when you think like this, you don't even know the devotion and pressure that those people you envy have in their hearts.

There is such a story, a young man who just learned to drive, because his father was sick, he went to deliver goods for his father.The heat was unbearable, and the young man was sweating profusely. He cursed the unbearable weather angrily, so he accelerated his speed, hoping to get the goods home quickly.At this moment, the young man suddenly found that there was a car in front of him driving fast towards him.Seeing that the two cars were about to collide, that car showed no intention of avoiding it, and drove straight towards the young man's car. The young man stepped on the brakes hard but could not stop the car immediately.

"Bastard, get out of the way, you idiot." The young man yelled loudly, "If you don't get out of the way, you're going to run into me!"

But the young man's yelling was completely useless. Although the young man finally turned the car to the other side in a hurry, it was too late, and the car had already hit his car hard.The young man was completely irritated, and he reprimanded sharply: "Can you drive? You hit my car on such a wide road. Are you blind?" Opening the door of the car, he was surprised to find that there was no one in the car. What he had just scolded was just an empty car that was driving freely and no one cared about it.

In fact, in most cases, when you complain, blame, or yell, your audience may just be an empty car.The person who has repeatedly angered you will never change his course because of your reprimand.

Of course, we don't have to deliberately please those who make you complain in order to stop complaining. You can choose not to care or ignore him.However, one thing you must be clear about is that you must find a way to stop him before he turns the trouble he created into your trouble.Don't complain, because no matter how much you complain, he won't make any changes for you.And if you don't stop it in time and just keep complaining on the sidelines, the result can only be that you will be hurt, because it is your own indifference and letting go that will eventually expand the damage to the point where it cannot be repaired.

The coffee is bitter and mellow. Some people know how to taste it carefully, while others take a sip and feel bitter, so they immediately spit it out.Life is like coffee to be savored, not complained about.As for fame, status, and money, they are just accessories that can package your life. If your essence is happiness, then your happiness will not be changed by the packaging material of the accessories.Of course, there are too many people who value material wealth these days, and you don't think you can be completely unaffected.But if you pay too much attention to the external things and ignore the internal quality, then no one can guarantee that you will get a cup of delicious coffee, or you will lose your appetite for coffee because of it, so don't take what you see Make it the target of your chasing and complaining, after all your own coffee can only be prepared well by yourself.

Smart people don't complain endlessly, they will turn their complaints into a belief, because they understand that no amount of complaints will help, it can only make themselves more and more distressed.It is better to turn complaints into a kind of motivation, because the life of each of us cannot be smooth sailing. If you encounter something worth complaining about, maybe you can try not to open your mouth first, but to think quietly first, and then Take action and change the situation.As said in "A World Without Complaints": "Our thoughts create our world, and our words express our thoughts." Don't always complain, if you leave complaining, you will find yourself becoming positive , Optimism, life has become a lot easier.

[-]. "Forbearance" is a knife in the heart
When we go out of school and take our first job, we often feel wronged. We don't like this feeling, thinking that we are here to work, not to be angry.But we can only be patient, because we don't want others to think that we are small-bellied and fussy, and we don't want others to feel that we can't bear a little grievance, and we don't want others to laugh at us as "delicate".

Many times, we may feel that this society is always teaching us "forbearance", and it slowly wears away our edges and personalities, making us ordinary, depressed, and passionless like everyone else. However, when we think this way, we also need to understand a truth-"the big waves wash the sand to find the real gold", the gold is hidden in the sand, and the real gold cannot be found without being tempered and eliminated.

When we first arrived in a place, our parents always reminded us to be diligent, polite, sensible, and modest.You always remember what your parents said, because you cherish your work.Even though you're productive and performing well, you're still putting your mind down.Someone said: "Hey, who is that, go and get me a glass of water." You go to pour water; the other said: "Hey, who is that, go and buy me a meal." It's very simple, I just want to work hard in this company.You feel that you are new here, so you should run errands. However, this may not be enough. Your boss often yells at you, ranging from ridicule to scolding, simply treating you as a "punching bag".Gradually you understand that good treatment does not come with a good temper, and you are ready to resign at this time.However, you are still lucky in your heart, and hope that your patience can be exchanged for a change in the environment.Even when you really decided to leave, you rationally chose to "be patient" to leave.So, you didn't make a lot of noise and make a big fanfare to leave, because you knew that it would do a lot of harm to you, a small employee, but no benefit.

Later, there is a violent conflict in the company, and you find that you really don't want to stay any longer.Your colleagues have also resigned in anger, leaving a lot of unfinished work for the boss.You also secretly made up your mind to leave, but compared to the colleague who turned his face on the spot, you chose to continue to endure and stand still, actively assisting your boss to deal with the mess at hand, while secretly looking for the next job.After a period of time, the colleague who resigned angrily found a new company, and you who stayed still also contacted a suitable next job.

This is the "moderate tolerance" that smart people must have.It is actually a good thing that a colleague resigned and found a job he likes, and he is indeed excellent.The HR department of the new company called the original company to do a background check. Your boss was furious about his sudden resignation. Naturally, he had nothing good to say. Your colleague’s new job was ruined because of this, and you, who did not move, put the job Handle it in an orderly manner, and then seize the opportunity to tenderly resign to the boss.The boss failed to persuade you to stay, so he had to send some words of blessing, plus an envelope full of bonuses, and shook hands with you in a friendly farewell.

Facing the same unsatisfactory boss, although you and your colleagues did not swallow their anger and stayed, although you both chose to resign, the way you left was completely different.Therefore, when you can't bear it, you don't have to freeze the situation. Sometimes changing the way may "be bright".

In fact, there are too many people and things in the workplace that we need to think deeply about. Let me ask you, would you be able to endure working in the lowest position in a company with mediocre benefits?At the same time, everyone who joined the company has been promoted one after another. If you are the only one who stays put, will you endure it?In a company with complex interpersonal relationships, you live on thin ice every day, will you bear it?

"Forbearance" is not "enduring reluctantly", but "be strong enough to endure".Patience should be principled and limited. Patience without principles is cowardly, and patience without limits is detrimental to physical and mental health.

So should we bear it or not?If you endure, how should you endure?In the workplace, we have to face too many intrigues, so we have to learn how to face all kinds of people and solve various problems.Because everyone's personality and preferences are different, so even if you are patient enough, but because everyone's emotions are different, it is difficult to grasp the scale. At this time, we need to use our own IQ, EQ and career quotient to vary from person to person, Solved the problem according to local conditions.

In fact, you should believe that fully understanding your boss is a matter of great benefit and harmless. Understanding their behavior habits, daily habits, ways of thinking, value trends, etc., only when you fully understand, can you do what you want it is good.In this way, your compatibility is high, and conflicts will naturally be less.Of course, you will still encounter unbearable things. Even if you decide not to bear it anymore, you should choose the right time, place, and people to communicate with each other. Only when you give others enough face will they respect you.And if you deal with your embarrassment unscrupulously in public, then you will not only anger your boss, but also be considered by those around you as not "professional quotient" enough, and you will have a reputation of being naive and difficult to get along with.

At work, we will meet all kinds of people and unexpected things will happen. Don’t always follow your emotions, but follow your facts and rationality. At an appropriate time, have an open and honest talk with your boss.

As for colleagues, whether you can bear it or not, it depends on your close relationship and how well you know him.If this person is very sensitive and you have a good personal relationship, then don't just tolerate it, because excessive tolerance will cause his suspicion, and you will become more and more alienated in the end.If it's just a casual acquaintance, it's better to bear it for the time being. After both parties have calmed down, they can take the lead in expressing sincerity. After all, one more friend is better than one more enemy.For colleagues who are not very good personal friends and have sensitive personalities, you must be more tolerant.A bad personal relationship shows that the two sides have different positions, and at the same time, it also shows that each other may not be objective when looking at each other. Therefore, "cold treatment" is a good way. , Calm mind and reason", calmly assessing the situation is also a necessary skill in the workplace.

However, when we blindly tolerate but fail to obtain peace, maybe we should think about whether we have not tolerated enough or tolerated too much.For patience, we must have our own bottom line.When it comes to non-principled issues, try to make yourself neither humble nor overbearing, and be flexible; when it comes to principled issues, you still have to keep your personal bottom line, otherwise the bottom line will be lowered and lowered, which will not only make you depressed and depressed, but also make you feel depressed. Will suffer until I lose myself.However, even when we can't bear it, we should not try to enjoy ourselves for a while, and simply explode our emotions regardless of our care. Instead, we should exercise our minds and accumulate knowledge.

[-]. Don't be soft-spoken when you should say "NO"
We often feel that we have just stepped into the society, so we don’t want to offend others, and we try our best to meet the requirements of those around us, although sometimes we feel that we have more than enough energy, or we know that other people’s requirements will affect our work and life , but because he didn't want to offend others, he forced himself to do it hard.You think that you can gain the favor of others, but in fact, not everything we have the ability to do, and those who disregard our feelings and interests, we must say "YES" to have a good impression of us, they He is not a person who knows how to be grateful, and he will not really appreciate you and treat you as a friend.The point is that we have to have our own point of view, and if we don't have our own point of view, if we don't know how to maintain ourselves and love ourselves, then we will become insignificant in the hearts of others.

Therefore, we cannot allow ourselves to become too impersonal.When necessary, we must learn to say "no", don't feel embarrassed, others can ask us, and we have the right to refuse.However, we must pay attention to one thing. When we reject those unreasonable demands, we must not only have courage, but also wisdom.

We must learn to say "no", otherwise you will wear yourself down with useless entertainment.Don't feel embarrassed to refuse, because you still have many more important things to do than socializing!Many people in this society are no longer accustomed to rejecting for the sake of survival, for the sake of the so-called friendship and brotherhood. No matter what kind of things, even if it is a very small thing, we will be embarrassed to say it, and we will always say nothing. Agree, but look at yourself in the end, not only did you not get anything done, but you also dragged your body down in the end.

In real life, we can ignore many entertainments, but we always have to reluctantly participate because of face.For example, at a dinner party, strangers you don't know keep toasting to you. In fact, you are too strong to drink, so you can completely shirk it.But thinking that a glass of wine might make you a friend, so you drink one after another, but you probably forget that a real friend can be made with a glass of wine.Until the end, I was so drunk that I was sent home by my friends and vomited all over the floor. The elderly parents were too busy for you, and the so-called friends had already left.

After graduating from university, Li Ming applied for the first job as an editor in an Internet company.His job is to be an editor, and most of the time he just writes some gossip news on the Internet. As long as it can attract clicks and increase traffic, everything else becomes secondary.During his work, his boss and colleagues treated him very well, and the articles he wrote could attract a lot of traffic.On the first day off work, Li Ming was praised by his boss.

He also wants to make good use of this job and live in harmony with his colleagues. After all, one more friend in society means one more way out.At the beginning, my colleague just asked him to help buy a meal and pour water, etc. Later, he was asked to help write an article, and he had to sign the other party's name at the end.Li Ming also had no intention of arguing with him for a few dollars in bonuses, so he tolerantly tolerated these matters.

(End of this chapter)