Don't be too personal, don't be too impersonal

Chapter 15 Friends Are Always Heavier Than You Think (1)
[-]. There is always something that one person cannot do
Sometimes we always stubbornly think that we can handle everything. Whenever friends and family members around you want to help you, you will always say: "It's okay, I can solve it by myself." Sometimes we don't want to Trouble others, don't want to owe favors; sometimes we are just proud and stubborn, don't want to admit defeat, don't want to bow to difficulties; sometimes, we may have a "dark" mentality in our hearts, and don't want the fruits of our labor to be divided up , We are stubborn, willful, feel that we have individuality and dignity, and never want to rely on others.However, one day, we will slowly discover that we are not capable enough to do everything.In fact, we are not supermen, saints, or Monkey King. We are just ordinary people. Sometimes, it is not a big deal to admit that we cannot do it alone and understand that "there is always one person in the world who cannot do it." bad thing.

You may be the support of all your friends. They like to ask you for help when they have something to do. They ask you to borrow money when they have no money.And even if you have difficulties, you are unwilling to ask others for help. You think you can handle it completely. You always think that you are omnipotent. The most common sentence you say to others is: "It's okay, I will help you deal with it. "Then, won't you be tired?Haven't you ever been exhausted and overwhelmed?Haven't you ever been overwhelmed by the burden and can't breathe?
Maybe, you have to be strong since you were young, you have to be the first in everything, and you don’t allow yourself to lose. I hope that your teacher will love you, your parents will support you, and your classmates will envy you. You like that feeling.You enjoy being center stage and are willing to work towards it in order to maximize the spotlight's time.After graduation, you still work hard, your leaders appreciate you, your customers respect you, your career is in full swing, you feel that your life should be smooth like this, and there is nothing you can’t handle.You even think that you now have a perfect life that everyone envies, you are carried away and complacent, but you forget that the life of each of us cannot be smooth sailing, everyone's strength has limitations, and no one can last forever. Face it all alone.

Zhang Han is a college student who has just graduated. He was the object of worship of all his classmates when he was in school.During school, as long as students encountered any problems, they would like to ask him to help solve them, so he became a man of the school since he was a child.Friends who were with him always felt at ease and felt like he was a safe haven.The same is true for relatives and friends at home. His father was cowardly by nature, so his mother relied on him for everything since childhood.Later, he graduated, and because of his outstanding performance, he naturally became the company's elite, and the company's business has also flourished.When everyone thought that his life was going smoothly, one day the police found him and said that he was accused of stealing business secrets. Everyone's first reaction was that it was impossible.However, the false accuser stood in front of him, pointed at him and said, "Comrade policeman, that's him." Zhang Han looked at the person in front of him, feeling a little familiar, but couldn't remember it for a while.

Zhang Han originally thought that he would be released after the police finished their investigation, but the police said that he could not go back now.He suddenly thought of Wang Lei, a high school friend of his, and seemed to remember that Wang Lei's father worked in the police station.So he called Wang Lei.After listening to Wang Lei, he said without hesitation: "Zhang Han, don't worry, I will go there with my dad now." Zhang Han was touched and said: "Thank you." Wang Lei said: "Your boy has always been a helper. Look at us, you will come forward to solve any troubles we encounter. When we say thank you, what do you say? You always hit me on the head and say, if you are not a brother, just shut up. Now I also say this I'll give you back the words."

After Wang Lei's father went to understand the situation, he made a guarantee for Zhang Han, and the police station released Zhang Han.However, the police still require Zhang Han not to leave the city where he lives now, and to be investigated at any time if there is any problem.

On the night Zhang Han came out, Wang Lei mysteriously pulled Zhang Han and said, "Come on, follow me to a place." Zhang Han was exhausted, and asked, "What is so mysterious?" Wang Lei said, "I am alone. My friend just saw the person who falsely accused you. He was sneaking around with others, and he didn't know what he was plotting. Let's go, let's go and see."

Sure enough, Zhang Han found that person, and the person next to him was an employee who had been kicked out of the company because he discovered that he had leaked company secrets, so Wang Lei immediately called his father.Wang Lei's father sent people to take the two people back to the police station. After investigation, Zhang Han was indeed falsely accused by those two people.

After a lot of tossing, although Zhang Han felt exhausted, he also understood a truth: "The world is very big, but the power of an individual is only small."

Therefore, don't always take on all the problems by yourself, thinking that everything can be solved by yourself. When we help others solve problems, we should also rely on the strength of others when we encounter difficulties.

[-]. People who attract you will always have similarities with you

When we carefully examine the friends around us, we will be surprised to find that birds of a feather really flock together and people are divided into groups. We have to admit that this sentence is very reasonable.Look at your best friends, what attracts you to them and what attracts you to them is the similarities between you.Of course, it is impossible for two people in the world to be exactly the same, so there is a difference between commonality and individuality.When your personality becomes the commonality between you, the more likely you are to be partners and friends.

When we leave school, go to the society, and start working, we must hope that there is someone around us who can fight with you and face all kinds of setbacks and difficulties when we are fighting alone.

In real life, the term "donkey friends" we often hear refers to people who get together because of their common field travel hobby; there are also "backpackers" and "sofa sleepers" across the ocean. Because they have the same hobbies, they got together, got acquainted, and finally became good friends.Becoming friends with people with the same interests or similar circumstances can allow you to get more reasonable advice when you are in a certain confusion or problem.

Wu Qian and her boyfriend went to Shanghai to develop together after graduation, and both found their ideal jobs.Half a year passed in an uneventful life, and through her own efforts, Wu Qian became an enviable white-collar worker with a monthly salary of nearly ten thousand.Even in Shanghai, such a salary can guarantee them a relatively easy life.However, Wu Qian was not very happy and satisfied. She felt that she had been living a boring and single life, and she was about to suffocate.She knew it wasn't the life she wanted, so she decided to quit.

After telling his boyfriend about his idea, the boyfriend expressed strong opposition on the spot.The boyfriend blamed Wu Qian for always not knowing how to be satisfied and cherish it. He was puzzled that she quit such a good job so easily.The two had a quarrel because of this. The boyfriend thought that Wu Qian was just thinking about it like a child, just playing with her temper, and she would not mention it again when she woke up, but what he didn't expect was that Wu Qian Akane quit her job the next day.

Wu Qian's boyfriend was very angry when he found out. He felt that Wu Qian was too willful, and then he tried to get a friend to introduce Wu Qian to a job.

One day, after Wu Qian's boyfriend left for work, Wu Qian browsed the web by herself, and accidentally saw a post about "couchsurfing". After Wu Qian read the post curiously, she suddenly felt enlightened. Realizing that this is the life she wanted: to drift free, to roam the world.

Later, she discussed with her boyfriend that she wanted to be a "sofa guest", but this time she still could not get his understanding and approval, and finally Wu Qian decided to leave alone.

Wu Qian's boyfriend came home one day and found that Wu Qian's clothes and daily necessities were gone.He saw a letter left by Wu Qian on the table:

"Don't look for me. Since we came to Shanghai, we have been swallowed up by this city. We have no freedom and slowly become slaves to life. I already feel that I have difficulty breathing, and you will only blame me for being self-willed. You used to take me on picnics when I was in school. Even though we had no money at that time, we still felt free and rich. Now, I have to carry burdens to survive every day. I am so tired and don’t want to continue this kind of boredom. A boring life, so I chose to leave."

Half a year later, Wu Qian's boyfriend met Wu Qian again by accident. She was happily with another man, and they had traveled many places together.Wu Qian said with a smile: "I am very happy now, he can accompany me to do what I like to do, we have a lot of the same things to discuss, I feel very free and relaxed when I am with him."

In fact, whether it is love or friendship, you need to have such a fellow traveler with similar interests, hobbies, and aspirations as you. Such a person can make you feel calm, and you don't have to pretend or force yourself.

Many people like to ask: what is a friend?Some people replied: "A friend is someone who can accompany me and help me when I am in trouble, and be happy with me when I am happy." Some people would say: "A friend is someone who will never forget you in my life. Some people will say: "A friend is a person who quarrels with you, even if you quarrel very hard, but in a blink of an eye, he will laugh and smile away the grudge." In fact, it is not true. A true friend is someone who is similar to you.How can you be a "friend" if he doesn't resonate with you, resemble you, catch your eye and your mind?

[-]. Stand out from the crowd
Many people always feel that they are ordinary and humble, and they always act as low-key as possible, hiding in the crowd as much as possible, not wanting to attract attention.At school, when others happily joined clubs, they kept a low profile as always, and finished college in a low profile; after joining the workforce, they remained low profile, and such good things as salary increases and promotions would never fall on them , They are too low-key, so low-key that after working for a long time, the boss may not recognize their appearance or call their names.Because it is too low-key, too impersonal, and makes people feel too selfless and existential, people always forget their grades, even if they work hard day and night, their bosses always don't notice them.Even in the impression of many people around, they don't exist.

We live in this world. If we have no personality and no self, it will be very sad. When necessary, we must learn to attract the attention of others and make ourselves attractive.In dealing with people, we should not be low-key when we should be low-key, and we should not be low-key when we should be low-key.

"Being low-key and doing things high-key" is not unreasonable.We must learn to be a low-key person, not to be a "high-profile bird" ostentatiously, not to be arrogant enough to be disgusting, and not to do things that hurt the dignity of most people to express ourselves.However, we must learn to do things with a high profile, let others notice our efforts, affirm our achievements, and realize our personality, sense of existence and value.

There are always some people who like to be loud and noisy in public, thinking that they can be watched by others.They feel that this behavior is very legitimate and is the best way to attract the attention of others.Indeed, this can make everyone pay attention to you, but we must know that this kind of gaze is more of disdain and contempt, and the result will only make you shoot yourself in the foot, in addition to leaving people impolite , and the impression of a lack of public morals has nothing to gain.

Li Xiaoya is a person with a very flamboyant personality. She likes to attract others' attention very much, and she has gone to great lengths to be in the limelight.Sometimes, she would cry and laugh loudly regardless of the occasion, and she would throw chairs and tear books when things went wrong.Even during the rest time, she never restrained herself. She made loud noises when walking and opening doors, and she never forgot to turn the sound to the maximum while watching TV.Later, when everyone saw her, they took a detour, and she was gradually isolated, and no one wanted to eat or go shopping with her.

What we call attention-grabbing is not unscrupulous and compulsively attracting the attention of others, but rationally pleasing others and expressing ourselves.Perhaps, you will be wondering: How can I get the attention of others without making people disgusted?It's actually very simple, do something that is meaningful to others and to yourself.

Yang Ying is a girl who doesn't talk much, she has been very quiet since the first day she joined the company.Many people assigned the tasks assigned by the company to Yang Ying because they didn't have time. In their hearts, Yang Ying was just an ordinary person who didn't need to care too much.Once, a project that the company was working on encountered a problem, and everyone scratched their heads and couldn't do anything.After Yang Ying inquired, she found out that the company had met a strange client. This client said that he would only talk to eloquent people, and he would give the company three chances. If he was not satisfied, the company would lose the chance to cooperate with him.

For this reason, the boss told everyone in the company that whoever can negotiate this project will get a bonus of 5000 yuan.Although everyone wants to give it a try, no one has confidence in such a weirdo and is unwilling to stand out.

At this time, Yang Ying looked at the manager and said, "Manager, let me try."

All the people present looked at Yang Ying with strange eyes, thinking: "This little girl is really ignorant. Even someone who has worked for ten years has no confidence. You are a newcomer, what can you do?"

The manager looked at Yang Ying, patted her on the shoulder and said, "Yang Ying, I understand what you mean, but this time the matter is very important, can you do it?"

Yang Ying looked at the manager and said confidently: "Give me this chance, let me try it, isn't there no one willing to go now? Let me try it first, it's right to throw bricks and attract jade, if it doesn't work It can also provide some experience for everyone.”

The manager said, "Well, you just have to do your best."

Three hours later, Yang Ying took out the contract in her hand and handed it to the manager, saying, "Thank you for your trust in me this time, fortunately you have fulfilled your mission. This is a contract, and the other party has promised to cooperate with us for a long time. .”

Everyone exclaimed and exclaimed, feeling puzzled and unbelievable.Yang Ying smiled lightly and said: "Sometimes, it's not a question of whether you can do a good job, but a question of whether you do it or not. As long as you have the courage to face it, you have already won. In fact, that client did not have the legendary Being so tricky, he just wanted to see our guts and courage."

When the time is right, we might as well allow ourselves to do things in a high-profile manner without any scruples. As long as we act properly, not only will we not arouse resentment and hostility from others, but we will also achieve unexpected results.

In work and life, we should magnify our strengths in a timely manner and let others see them. Therefore, what we need to do is to think about what our greatest strengths are, and then expand them so that people around us can Pay attention to and appreciate us, so that we can get better and longer-term development.

[-]. Build your own network

We will always meet such people in real life. They are mediocre in themselves, but they can rely on those friends of various teachings and nine-rates to make a fortune. No matter what problems they encounter, they can solve them easily. The huge network of relationships they have created is always help them in times of difficulty.We have just left school, and almost all our interpersonal relationships are woven around school. Facing the huge background and network of other people in the workplace competition, we may feel a lot of powerlessness.As far as we are concerned, instead of being envious of the fish in the abyss, we should retreat and form a net. We can also slowly weave a relationship network towards success like them.

(End of this chapter)