Don't be too personal, don't be too impersonal

Chapter 16 Friends Are Always Heavier Than You Think (2)
Maybe we are still young and don't like people who "rely on relationships to make a living". They always show off their individuality in doing things, and want to gain a place in society with their own strength.However, we need to know that connections are also part of our own strength, which represents our influence and appeal among others.If you think that "building a network" is not personal, then you might as well let yourself not be too personal.

People of the older generation often say: "One more friend is one more way." Maybe you just walked out of school and you still don't feel deeply, and you also have a cluster of inextinguishable arrogance burning in your heart, thus ignoring the importance of interpersonal communication.So, when someone invites you to drink, you say you don’t have time; invites you to dinner, and you say you don’t have time; invites you to drink coffee, and you say you don’t have time; or even calls you, and you feel that you have wasted your time.You don't like people appearing in your life and disrupting your life, you feel that it is a kind of bondage.In fact, you are really wrong. The workplace needs friends, and life also needs friends. If you blindly avoid the circle of interpersonal communication and make your network narrower and narrower, then one day you will experience the feeling of being abandoned by others. Care, no one can tell the taste.

Su Wen is a sales manager of a company with extensive interpersonal contacts.However, he suffered from mild autism when he was a child, and hated being with others. He liked to be alone, and he didn't even like others to enter his house.In order to cure his autism, his parents tried a lot of methods but they didn't work, and they were always heartbroken.Later, an old man in the neighbor's house saw Su Wen's mother's sad face, so he asked her what made her so sad.Su Wen's mother told the old man the whole thing.After hearing this, the old man asked, "Why don't you let him try to make friends?" His mother said, "He refuses to associate with anyone. It doesn't matter how we try." The old man shook his head and said, "He wants to make friends too." Friends, no one can do without friends, and he is the same."

A few days later, the old man visited Su Wen's house and saw Su Wen hiding in the corner.The old man didn't go forward, but took out a compass from his pocket and said, "My God, where am I?" Su Wen looked at the white-haired old man strangely.The old man pretended to be surprised to find Su Wen: "Oh, whose child is so cute, dear child, I'm lost, can you help me go home?" The old man held out his hand to Su Wen, and Su Wen hesitated After a moment, he slowly put his hand into hers.

Later, Su Wen slowly broke through his autism and began to make friends. When he talked about his autistic experience, he always said: "My first friend turned out to be an old man. Doctors can't help me with the disease, but she can find the crux of the problem and help me get out of the shadow of autism. Actually, think about it, don't always think that you don't need anyone, because things that you can't predict will happen at any time in your life. It is impossible to solve everything easily by yourself. You need friends, you need to interact with others, and you need to have your own network of contacts. Through this network of contacts, you can meet many people and understand many things that you don’t know about , You don’t have to face things alone, it’s very likely that things that are very difficult for you are very simple for others.”

Roosevelt is one of the three greatest presidents of the United States. He once said that "the first element of success is knowing how to make good interpersonal relationships." As a president, he still needs connections to maintain success or failure, which shows the importance of connections.Like persistence, attitude, self-confidence, and perseverance, networking is also one of the decisive factors for success.We already live in a huge network of relationships, we have to take a different path, and we need to deal with all kinds of people every day.It is much easier for us to succeed if we have someone to help us on every road when the road is not clear.If you say this, many people may ask, is our success all due to people and relationships?Don't those so-called efforts matter?In fact, this is not the case.A person's success cannot be separated from his perseverance and correct attitude, and his network is more like a crutch, which allows you to walk more smoothly on the road to success.

We all praise and envy Bill Gates' success. Someone once analyzed the reasons for Bill Gates' success. Unexpectedly, his success is not only based on his own intelligence, but also depends on his good personal connections. .He was only 20 years old when he started his business, and he was still a college student.His mother was one of the directors of IBM, and he successfully signed the first contract through this relationship.Later he had his own company, his own position.As the company grew, Bill Gates had two more partners: Paul Allen and Stephen, who not only helped Bill Gates a lot in software development, but also gave Bill Gates a lot of help. Ci brought many partners.Because of this, Bill Gates himself once said: "In my career, I have to say that my most important economic decision is to select talents, have a person who fully trusts, a person who can entrust important tasks, A person who shares your worries." It can be seen how important a leader's recruitment is to the company.

When it comes to recruiting talents, we can't help but think of Liu Bang. Liu Bang was thirsty for talents when he was fighting for power, he reused talented people, and used his connections to recruit talents.In contrast, Xiang Yu, although superior in martial arts, was arrogant and suspicious, and finally lost Jiangdong with the courage of a man, and achieved Liu Bang's dominance of the world.

In fact, society is like this, we cannot survive alone as an individual, we need friends.If you have the desire to succeed, you should build your own network of contacts whether in career or family.

[-]. Choose friends who are helpful to you
There is a very popular saying in Hollywood that says, "If a person wants to be successful, the key is not what you know or what you do, but who you know."In real life, we all know the importance of friends.Regardless of your origin, no matter what kind of work you do, you will be affected by this unspoken rule.Some people are talented and capable, but they are poor and unable to use their talents and abilities to create value and wealth for themselves. The reason is that they lack friends who can help them.

For those of us who have just stepped into society, you may think that the so-called "making friends who are helpful to you" is a too utilitarian approach and a manifestation of too little personality, but in fact, in real life In life, we sometimes have to make ourselves "don't be too individual", otherwise we will hit the wall everywhere in society and finally achieve nothing.

After long-term research, Carnegie, the master of success, found that: "Among the factors of a person's success, professional knowledge only accounts for 15%, while the role of interpersonal relationship accounts for the remaining 85%." If you are truly Don’t complain that you are underappreciated, just try to expand your social circle and find those friends who can really help you, your situation will change, and your abilities and talents will eventually be discovered.

1. Making friends who are helpful to you is also an "opportunity".

The process of making friends is actually a process of looking for opportunities. If we are Maxima, then we should try our best to find someone who appreciates us; Let others discover you, like you, and accept you; if you are a person with interests and expertise in a certain area, then you should also try to make friends with people who have the same interests and expertise.Only in this way can we get more opportunities for progress and development, let more people know and appreciate us, let our abilities and talents be displayed to a greater extent, and bring us one step closer to success.

Chen Yuan is an account manager of a company. In the process of interacting with people, she attaches great importance to "be friends first and then discuss business".Generally, when she visits a client for the first time, she does not talk about business, but learns about the other party's interests and hobbies through communication. During the conversation, she just regards herself as a loyal listener and a considerate friend.

Once, she was introduced by a friend to meet a young female manager. Before the visit, Chen Yuan thought: Generally, strong women are not easy to deal with, so you must be careful when approaching them.

When they met, Chen Yuan first introduced herself to the female manager.

After listening to her introduction, the female manager reacted very coldly and said, "I'm sorry, we don't need the service you provide yet."

Chen Yuan immediately smiled and said: "Manager Wang, I didn't come here today to discuss business with you. I just heard someone introduce you. I came here today because I wanted to ask you for advice. I hope I can learn from you and become a good teacher in the future." A successful strong woman like you."

After hearing her words, the female manager didn't express anything obviously, but she still casually said: "What can I learn from you?"

Chen Yuan felt relieved, because she knew that she had obtained the opportunity for further communication, so she said: "If your time is convenient, I would like to ask you about the way to success. Everyone thinks: It is not easy to be a woman, and it is difficult to be a woman." It's harder for women who are successful in their careers. What do you think?"

The female manager showed a smug look on her face, and she talked a lot, and she began to talk about her struggle history and success history.Chen Yuan nodded frequently, showing envy and admiration from time to time.In the process of the female manager's narration, the relationship between the two has also become much closer.

Later, Chen Yuan observed her office and found that there were many books in the bookcase, many of which were about literature, and there was a pot of orchids in the corner.Xiao Chen thought to himself that he happened to have some tastes and interests in literature and flower art, so he talked with her about flower art and literature again, and soon they found the same interests and topics of communication.It was only later that I learned that the female manager had a soft spot for literature. At that time, the two talked more and more speculatively, and felt that it was too late to meet each other.

Finally, the female manager said: "It was really a pleasure talking to you today, I almost missed a bosom friend just now."

Chen Yuan saw that it was getting late, and was about to leave.

The female manager stayed and said: "Miss Chen, if you want, let's have a meal together."

Since then, Chen Yuan has become close friends with the female manager, and the female manager has also become one of Xiao Chen's most stable major clients.

2. Friends who are helpful to us are not only our working partners, but also our powerful assistants.

In this era of rapid economic development, each of us seeks space for survival and development in cooperation. No one can shoulder all the heavy responsibilities like the lone hero in the movie.In modern society, people's division of labor is becoming more and more refined. Everyone's ability is often limited to a limited field, and it is impossible to be omniscient.No matter how strong a person is, he needs the assistance and help of others to complete a job, and friends are the most powerful helpers in our career. If we have more friends, it will be easier to do things.

Paul Getty, the world's richest man, once said: "If a person wants to succeed in his career, he should never rely on one person to spend 100% of his energy to do something, but rely on 100 people to spend 1% of each person's energy to complete it together. "In real life, it is difficult to achieve success only by our own groping on the road of life. Only those who are "good at falsehood" can truly climb high and look far.

3. Friends who can help you are also an important network of contacts in your workplace.

The workplace is like a criss-crossing spider web. If you have more friends, you will be able to have both sides in the workplace and lead in all directions.At this time, there is no height that you cannot reach, and no business that you cannot negotiate.In the workplace, once we lose the precious resource of friends, we will be walking on thin ice and unable to move forward.In many cases, a person's ability to make friends directly determines his life development and career height.The number of friends you have often determines the number of business opportunities you can have, and the level of friends you make determines the size of the business opportunities you can obtain.American oil magnate Rockefeller once said: "In order to obtain the ability to get along with people, I am willing to pay a greater price for this than for any other ability."

Networks represent business opportunities. We have to admit that friends who are helpful to us can bring us more chances of success.

[-]. Learn to "thick-skinned" when communicating with others

We know that in the workplace, we will come into contact with all kinds of people, such as colleagues, superiors, customers, strangers who are helpful to us, etc. It is very important to learn to contact people.No matter how many work skills you have, if you cannot successfully win over subordinates, colleagues, approach leaders, and contact customers, it will be difficult to achieve great achievements.Even if you have rehearsed countless times in your mind to meet people, if you can't make yourself thick-skinned and bravely go out and approach others, then no matter how wonderful the rehearsal is, no matter how superb your skills are, it will be meaningless.In the workplace, one's own imagination and theoretical skills are not the key to career success. To succeed, one must approach others with a "thick-skinned" attitude and build a broad and tenacious network of contacts for oneself.

Moreover, the so-called "thick-skinned" is a manifestation of personality in many cases. It shows our self-confidence and tenacity, allowing us to have more courage and perseverance to face various problems in life and work. It also allows us to have a strong personality that never admits defeat, and even if we fail, we can have the courage to start all over again.

Jobs, the former CEO of Apple, was a tough negotiator and a very ruthless "thick-skinned" person.

When Jobs left Apple and established Pixar, he was in a weak situation and joined forces with Disney to produce the animated film "Toy Story". At that time, the two parties also signed an agreement on cooperation matters.

However, Jobs never seemed to think that an agreement was "an ironclad fact" in Jobs' mind.Later, after the huge success of "Toy Story", the "cheeky" Jobs planned to tear up the contract that he was not very satisfied with.

With the soaring box office revenue of "Toy Story", Jobs believed that Pixar was not the previous Pixar, his negotiating position had completely changed, and the agreement between them had to be re-signed.

So Jobs quickly called Disney CEO Michael Eisner and asked to speak with him.

Facing this phone call, Eisner was stunned: he and Jobs had already signed an agreement, and the terms were clear and unchangeable.But now, Jobs, an arrogant young man, actually wants to challenge him, to be equal to him!

In this regard, Michael Eisner was a little furious, but there was nothing he could do.

Both were undoubtedly master negotiators, and both knew how to exploit their strengths and exploit each other's weaknesses.

However, in the end, Michael Eisner gave in to the "thick-skinned" Jobs because he didn't want to lose the opportunity to continue working with Jobs, so the two parties later re-signed the agreement, and Jobs also passed this "cheeky" Actions, ultimately defending the interests of themselves and the company.

(End of this chapter)