Don't be too personal, don't be too impersonal

Chapter 19 Love is bread, not the spice of life (1)
[-]. Learn to face love

When we first met our male (female) friends, we might be attracted to each other because of each other’s personality. For example, girls, some are gentle and graceful, some are careless, and boys have a stable temperament and some are macho, but When two people really face love together, they will find that it is better to show less personality and think more about each other in everything.

When we started to know love, we must have imagined what kind of love we might encounter in the future. Perhaps everyone hopes that it will be as beautiful and romantic as Qiong Yao drama.In such a romantic drama, you know that there are only these types of love in the world: either vigorous, ordinary, or end without a cause.In fact, these are just fictions of the script creators, not real life.If you want to say that it is very romantic, it means that two people stay together until the end of life, and never leave.There may be some differences in the middle, occasional quarrels, and troubles about trivial life, but these are just a part of a long love life. After a long period of running-in, the two will get closer.

People say that the love in college is the most beautiful, carefree, free from the pressure and constraints of life, and can be together every day, but not many people really get together. When graduation is approaching, it is a climax of breaking up. Because many problems will come to the fore, the employment is in two places, the job is good or bad, or one has a job and the other chooses to continue to study, these are the reasons for separation.Even for lovers who are still together, if you find that life suddenly becomes tense after graduation and you are often on alert, such as watching TV advertisements for weight loss, you may wonder if you have gained weight recently; You will wonder if he has an opinion on you; your boyfriend is angry with you, and you are also suspicious, wondering if your love has also reached the edge of danger.In fact, all of this is just the pressure you imposed on yourself.For example, when it comes to love, you don't have to be so desperate. Don't start to doubt your feelings and start to be anxious because of the joys and sorrows of friends or colleagues around you. If you really believe in the other party, then there is no need to be like this.Learn to distinguish between work pressure and life pressure, share it with him or her, let your love become a decompressor in work or life, and experience some things together may bring you closer.

Nowadays, it is very common for college students to fall in love. As for how to evaluate this phenomenon, there have been different opinions.College students are generally adults, they can be responsible for their own choices, and love has indeed brought good results to some college students, helping them find happiness in life early.For example, those who met and fell in love in college worked hard together for a common goal, and finally formed their own family and had a happy marriage and career.However, it is not ruled out that there are still some people who are emotionally concerned about gains and losses. They are pessimistic, negative, and even hopeless about life because of a temporary lovelorn. The final result is very disappointing and sad. Such examples are also common.

I remember a report that a female college student, Xiao Yang, found that her boyfriend who had been living with her for four years often came home late for various reasons. When she just wanted him to explain, her boyfriend proposed to break up.Xiao Yang couldn't accept this blow for a while, and she became taciturn. In order to escape the pain, she began to indulge in online games all day long, and later it became so serious that she had visual and auditory hallucinations.She always told her mother in the middle of the night that she saw someone passing by her window and suspected that it was a thief trying to steal something.Her mother was worried about her daughter, so she kept waiting outside to catch the thief, but there was no trace of the thief. At this time, Xiao Yang's family realized that she was not mentally right recently, so they took her to the hospital. The doctor's diagnosis was schizophrenia Symptoms, the reason is that you have not handled the pressure of breaking up a relationship well.

In fact, the pressure in life is everywhere. Students have the pressure of their studies, people in the workplace have the pressure of work, the elderly have the pressure of infirmity and mobility, and the middle-aged people have the pressure of supporting their families.Therefore, it is normal for people in love to have some emotional pressure.

Maybe you are also in the state of falling out of love just after graduation, and you feel that life has become completely meaningless because of the loss of him (her), and you even start to feel that people have lost the fun of being alive. If so, I hope you will think about it at this time Think about your past, those wonderful youthful years cannot pass away in vain; think more about your present, your parents who have worked hard for your growth, and your tomorrow, the career you will have and the suitable life you will definitely meet companion.These are the ones you really deserve to pay attention to, and we should be ready to meet them every moment.

We can't be sure how long it will last in a person's life, so don't waste the present time.Even if you are falling out of love, it should be regarded as a step in your life. As long as you bravely lift your foot and step over it, you will find that your beautiful life has just begun.

There was a girl, in 2009, her boyfriend who had been in love for 6 years suddenly proposed to her to break up.After the incident, apart from hiding in the house and crying all day, she kept calling her boyfriend and begging him not to break up, but every time her boyfriend refused her request decisively.Until one day she sent a text message to one of her friends and said: "I really can't bear the current state, I am too tired, there is only one way to relieve me." Her friend felt something was wrong and called In the past, her mother cried and said that she committed suicide by cutting her wrist and is now being rescued in the hospital.When my friend rushed to the hospital to see her, she found that the once lively woman was already emaciated.

When her condition stabilized, the friend asked her: "Are you still tired now? You are lying here, where is the man who made you give your life for him? Has he returned to you? Look at your parents Always secretly crying for you, do you feel at ease? Seeing all your friends have to think carefully about what they say in front of you for a long time and don’t know what to say and what not to say, are you happy? If you think about it seriously If you still decide to run away from the problem, we will stop you. Remember, life is not only your own, but also your parents’. Don’t make troubles with life. Is the love that is threatened by life worth cherishing? Even if that person returns to you in this way, do you think you can go back to the beginning? Life and love have nothing to do with each other. Love may be eternal, but how can you be sure that he is your eternity? Think about it Bar."

The friend's heartfelt words made the girl wake up like a dream.Later, when my friend got home, she received a text message: "There are always two kinds of people in this world, one is the one you love, and the other is the one who loves you. If you choose the one you love, you will be vigorous. Choose to love you Although my life is plain and ordinary, but I can rely on each other. Now I don’t want anything extravagant. Before, I was blinded by the loss of love. I only saw my own misfortune and ignored the feelings of the people around me. I made too many people worry about me. After that I want to live a good life so that those who really care about me will be happy because of my existence."

Life is like this, when you lose something, you will definitely gain something else. Therefore, it is advisable to take a long-term perspective and see everything farther away, and life may be much easier.Every day in this world there are people who get hurt because of this or that kind of emotion, but tomorrow will not stop coming because of anyone’s sadness, even if you get hurt because of love, don’t keep immersed in grief and anger, just let nature take its course , naturally resigned.There is a saying that sounds a bit old-fashioned called "Where is there no fragrant grass at the end of the world", and there is another saying that "Mochou has no confidant in the future, and no one in the world does not know the king". Although it is not fresh enough, it still has some truth.Don't feel that you can no longer see the complete sky in your life because of such things, let go of those that don't belong to you, and free your hands to accept the future.

Someone said: "Love is like a handful of sand in your hand. The tighter you hold it, the faster it will disappear." So, face love correctly, look at it with a peaceful mind, and hold it well when it comes. , Own it well, and when it is about to leave, please smile and wave to send it away.

[-]. Don’t mistake friendship for love
Many people have thought about the question, which is: Is there a real friendship between a man and a woman?Do you have many male or female friends?Is there any difference in the way you treat them?
There must be such a person by your side. You like her very much and want to see her every day. You will be very nervous when she has a problem. When you have a problem, the first thing you think of is not your girlfriend but She, you thought it was love, but you were wrong!There is a kind of person in this world, you can treat her as a friend, buddy, confidant or even a relative, but that doesn't mean you can be a lover.Your male (female) friend may always complain that you treat him (her) better than your good friend, so you always quarrel over that good friend, and gradually you can’t tell whether you really treat that good friend or not. This friendship turned into love.You start to feel lost, but please don't think there is something wrong with you, it's not just your personality.

In fact, friendship and love between opposite sexes are two different things.Although, no one will deny the truth, but in real life, there are many people who can't tell the difference between the two at all, and even confuse these two feelings under the constant questioning of others. In the end, it not only caused embarrassment between each other, but also brought unnecessary trouble and pain to the other party, and in severe cases, it would also cause unpredictable results.Mistaking the other party's friendship for love, wishful thinking sometimes even creates a deformed psychology.

Xiaohai and Xiaomeng are classmates in the university. Xiaohai comes from a wealthy family, handsome in appearance, warm and generous, and polite to others, while Xiaomeng’s family comes from a remote small village. become more withdrawn and silent.Because of low self-esteem, Xiaomeng was listless all day long, and seldom interacted with classmates, even seldom participated in school activities, and Xiaohai was the class leader in the class. After he found out about this problem, he talked to Xiaomeng several times, but the result It was not too obvious, but Xiaohai decided to help this classmate and make her cheerful.He often talked with Xiaomeng, and after a while Xiaomeng finally became a little more cheerful.

After graduating from university, the two went to the same company in the same city.Because of Xiaohai's long-term care and help, Xiaomeng has always felt very solid and safe, and Xiaohai is also his ideal lover on the whole.Finally, during an outing, Xiaomeng confides her heart to Xiaohai. What she didn't expect was that Xiaohai was at a loss for her sudden confession, so he just found a reason and went home.The shy and introverted Xiaomeng was hit hard when she confessed her love for the first time. She complained that Xiaohai was unreasonable and her dignity was violated.For the next few days, Xiaomeng always had trouble sleeping and eating, and Xiaohai also found Xiaomeng to express his attitude after going home and thinking about it seriously: they are friends and can only be friends, they cannot be lovers, it is better to keep a little distance in the future .Only then did Xiaomeng wake up, and it turned out that all this was just her unrequited love.

In fact, we can see examples of Xiao Meng everywhere. Some people are too innocent, so as long as the other party treats you well, he will tell you if he doesn’t tell his lover. If you have problems, he will definitely help you solve them. If you have difficulties, he will definitely Spending time with you, you thought it was love, but in fact the other party just regarded you as a good friend.

When all the dust settles and we calm down for a period of time, when we think back to the beginning again, we will find how naive we were at that time, and the right and wrong before have long since disappeared.Love is beautiful, but it is too easy to break. Only friendship can accompany us for a lifetime. Maybe it has experienced gossip, love and resentment that cannot be mentioned, but in the end, only those pure friendship moments are the most memorable.

So don't wrong yourself.Some people say that there is only a thin layer of paper between love and friendship, which breaks the fact that you may have the love you want, and it is very likely that you will lose a friend who can accompany you for a longer time.

At this time, you will definitely ask aggrievedly: "Then why do you treat me so well?" Actually, for him, any friend who has such a problem, he will help and accompany him, not just for you , which is the difference.Therefore, when you have doubts, you might as well take a calm look at whether he is only treating you well, or promoting philanthropy.

Don't mistake friendship for love. If you like him very much, maybe you will dream that your friendship will turn into love one day, but if the other party only regards you as a friend, don't expect extravagant expectations and cut off your heart decisively. that bit of luxury.Don't think that when you have a problem and tell him that he still shows up again, it proves that he loves you. No one can guarantee this.

Be sure to distinguish between friendship and love. I'm talking about the essence.If you love him, tell him clearly, if you don't love him, tell him clearly that you don't love him.If you can't be decisive, besides the pain in your heart, this friendship will end without end, so your relationship will become unfamiliar from now on, and in serious cases, you may even cut off contact.

In a person's life, he will definitely meet such a person. He can shed tears for you, fight for you, and do everything for you, but the only thing he can't do is become your lover.

There is such a story: in the bustling metropolis of Shenzhen, he met her on the bus on the same road. From the first day they met, the girl could see him on the bus every day.However, for the entire 3 years, they just passed by.Until one day the boy said, "Look, we have to sit for so long, why don't we chat for a while, the girl is very happy, she thought happily, isn't it just for this moment that I wait every day, what can make me feel better than this moment?" What about happiness?
Since then, when they met in the car every day, they would chat like old friends they already knew, and occasionally meet to buy vegetables and cook together. The girl thought this was the love she had been looking forward to for a long time.However, within a few days, the boy said excitedly: "I'm very happy to meet you, you see we hit it off so well. I'm getting married next week, can you come to participate?" The girl was stunned for a while, She thought the boy was going to say that he liked her and wanted to be with her.She didn't know what she said at the time, but she cried a lot when she got home, and she knew that she couldn't hope anymore.

Someone once summed up such a formula: friendship=love-dependence, love=friendship+old age.In reality, we always meet some people who don’t want to let go. When they feel that love is coming, they throw themselves into it like moths to a flame. In the end, everything is just their own fantasy, but by that time, they have been deeply trapped in love. If you get into it and cannot extricate yourself, not only your own pain is unbearable, but also brings trouble to the other party.So, don't let your feelings exist in vague emotions, and distinguish the difference between friendship and love as soon as possible, so that the relationship between you and your male or female friends becomes clear, don't be confusing, you will find, How cherished it is to have a unique friendship with the opposite sex.

(End of this chapter)