Don't be too personal, don't be too impersonal

Chapter 28 If you do this, you will be like a duck to water in the workplace (1)
[-]. The human face in the gains and losses of interests

There is always such a group of people around us, they will flatter and flatter others when they see their careers flourishing, no matter how indifferent and cold-eyed they are, they can still smile with them without getting angry or angry.And when others fail in their careers and can no longer give them any help, they treat them as plague gods and avoid them far away.We feel that the faces of these people change like chameleons. They only know how to be bullying and flattering. All their likes and dislikes are not from the heart. They live a hypocritical life without personality at all.For us who have just graduated, this kind of person may make us feel disgusted, disgusted, and at a loss, but in any case, we must admit that this is inevitable, because there is no shortage of people who dance with interests in this world .

This is the so-called "human face in profit and loss", and what we need to make clear is that if we don't want to be such a person, we don't want ourselves to forget ourselves, lose ourselves, and have no personality at all. In other words, you must truly cultivate your own personality and heart, and make yourself stronger, so strong that you can use your true talents and abilities to seek a living space for yourself, so strong that you don't need to "destroy your personality" and "cater to others". , flattering others" can also live a good life.

When we first entered the society, we thought that the world was just like the life on campus, and we looked forward to the world we were about to face with enthusiasm.However, when we really enter, we will understand that too many people are mediocre and involuntary, and we must gradually learn to put away our "personality" and live in harmony with all "human face" .

Zhang Wei is a very successful businessman, but his family was very poor when he was young, and the family could only live in a small rented house.His parents were timid and cowardly by nature, and they didn't like to stir up trouble. The neighbors in the neighborhood looked down on them from the beginning, and there were always some gossips, and those who were troublemakers always found fault with them. .One day, a neighbor dumped the leftovers of his meal in front of their house. This behavior finally angered Zhang Wei. He wanted to go out angrily to reason with the neighbor, but was stopped by his mother, who said in embarrassment : "Don't be like this, kid, their family is rich, let's not provoke them." Since then, Zhang Wei secretly vowed that he must become a rich man, and he must come back to make them regret it.Later, he started from scratch, and finally became a successful businessman with a lot of money as he wished.

And Zhang Wei has only one idea, which is to buy a villa for his parents and let those people look at it.When he went back, all the neighbors in the neighborhood pulled their children, greeted him with smiles, and said, "Call your uncle quickly. See how successful your uncle is. Now he drives such a good car."

In fact, such things can be seen everywhere. This society is like this. If you have ability and capital, others will look up to you and flatter you;Many successful people have also had the experience of being ridiculed everywhere before they were successful, and then being fawned upon by those who laughed at them after they were successful.

Maybe, now you feel that the world is too indifferent to allow you to blend in; maybe, now you feel unable to adapt to this society of interests; People who feel disgusted, but life is actually an experience, and our key is to know how to be a human being.In all kinds of "human nature masks", we can't be that kind of "snobbish person". There are only two results for that kind of person: one is that the situation of the person you flatter has not changed, if the other person does not like to be flattered, then You are likely to be a villain in vain, which will only attract others' contempt and disgust. If the other party is also a snobbish person, it will be difficult for him to help you sincerely for you whose status and situation are lower than him; One is that the person you once despised and ridiculed succeeded in the end. Not only will you end up being despised and ridiculed by others, but you will also attract powerful enemies for yourself.

[-]. Stay away from other people's private world
In real life, we always meet people like this: they are "gossip masters", they can talk about everything without hindrance, they can't tell what should be said and what should not be said, and they never consider what they will bring to others. I just feel that knowing other people's privacy will make people feel very capable.They always like to explore other people's privacy, and then publicize it everywhere. They can't keep secrets, and many people are unwilling to communicate with them. The leader will not delegate important things to them or tell him things that involve interests. I don't like him either. This kind of person will eventually become the public enemy of everyone around him.

Each of us will inevitably have some privacy or hidden pain that is "inconvenient to outsiders", so we should also learn to "stay away from other people's private world", even if we know other people's privacy, we should not publicize it, so as not to To attract people's disgust and make enemies for ourselves is a principle and personality in our dealing with people.

Yang Ning is a very beautiful girl, but she always likes to snore and grind her teeth when she sleeps. For a girl with outstanding appearance and face, this is a shortcoming that is ashamed to mention, so she doesn't like to sleep with others.She felt that if people found out about her fault, she would definitely be laughed at, so she kept it in her heart.

Once, Yang Ning's college classmate wanted to borrow a night in Yang Ning's rented house because she went to Yang Ning's city temporarily for business.Yang Ning was too embarrassed to refuse, so he agreed.At the beginning, Yang Ning was afraid to sleep, fearing that he would snore and grind his teeth when he fell asleep, but he still fell asleep later.

The next day, she saw that her classmate did not sleep well, so she asked: "What's the matter, did you not sleep well?" The classmate heard this and complained: "You snore and grind your teeth while sleeping, how can you sleep well?" Well?" Yang Ning felt aggrieved after hearing this, and hoped that her classmates could keep the secret for herself, but she felt a little bit hard to tell, and she couldn't say it in the end.

Later, when Yang Ning went home during the Spring Festival, she attended a reunion of college classmates. As soon as she walked into the hotel, she felt that the classmates around her looked at her strangely.At this time, a classmate who had conflicts with her in college came over and said, "I heard that you snore and grind your teeth while sleeping. It's really strange. Beautiful women have bad habits that are not humane." The classmates also started to laugh, and Yang Ning felt embarrassed and sad in an instant.

And the classmate who was staying overnight came over generously and said, "What's the matter? Isn't it just snoring and teeth grinding? What's there to care about?" Yang Ning couldn't laugh or cry when he heard this.

In fact, if this kind of thing happens to anyone, it will feel hurt. We have helped others, but we are still exposed by others. Will we dare to help others next time?Maybe some people don't need to care about such small things, but in fact, everyone has their own growth process, their own psychological shadow and privacy that they don't want to be touched by others. We can't always measure others by our own standards.

Many times, if it is not a close relationship, we should learn to stay away from other people's private world, so as not to say things that should not be said or do things that should not be done without knowing it.

It is inconvenient for us to touch other people's privacy, let alone try to spy on it. It is like a landmine. The person who planted it knows where it is hidden, but you just want to dig it out because of your curiosity, so , it is very likely that you will step on that mine by accident.Not to mention showing off the dug mines in front of others, because maybe the mines will explode in your hands the next moment.

So, don’t tease other people’s privacy for a moment’s pleasure. When you have access to other people’s privacy, it is probably because you are friends with each other. Since you are already friends, you should respect each other even more, even if others don’t I clearly tell you that I hope you can keep it secret, and you should do it, because that is the most basic courtesy and respect among friends.

When facing people we are not familiar with, don’t always like to gossip and inquire about other people’s privacy. Of course, don’t disclose your own privacy to others casually.We often encounter things that make us disgusted and anxious in our work and life. We hope to find someone to talk to, release pressure, vent our distress, and hope to get comfort and help from others.Because of this, we should keep our mouths shut for ourselves and others to avoid unnecessary trouble and harm.

A person's self-cultivation does not refer to how many years of school we have studied, what kind of diplomas and academic qualifications we have, but it is reflected in our words and actions in dealing with people.A truly self-cultivated person speaks according to the occasion and the target. Before speaking, he must consider whether what he said will cause harm to himself or others, so that we can live a more pleasant life.

[-]. Leaning against a big tree may not be able to "shade"

We grew up under the protection of our parents, and later, we grew up under the care of our teachers and classmates.Before we leave school and enter the society, we always live under the shade of trees built by others, and we don't know sorrow and suffering in the world.Gradually, we may get used to it, take it for granted, and think that we can always rely on the big tree to enjoy the shade.However, don’t think that you can let go unscrupulously if you have reliance now, don’t think that you won’t be pierced by nails if you wear shoes on your feet, and don’t think that you can fly higher and higher because your wings are hard, until the day your reliance disappears in an instant , your shoes can no longer be worn, your wings are broken by a brave hunter, and when everything you once had is lost, you will realize your innocence.

When we grow up slowly, enter the society, and become an independent and responsible person, we should understand that there is no "big tree" that can be relied on forever in this world, and we can't be naive forever, talking about our personality, without Live willfully.Perhaps the ignorance and fearlessness of youth and frivolity can be called a personality, but when we enter the complex environment of society, we should deal with the relationship with the "big tree" more rationally and skillfully.

We always encounter some factions in the workplace, whether it is in a unit or a small department, there will always be factions.As the saying goes, "Birds of a feather flock together, and people form groups." Some people who always like to flatter, they always follow behind the leader without complaint. If the leader tells him to go east, he will not go west, and these people will form a group.There are also some people who don't like the filth in the workplace and officialdom, and like everything to be black and white, so they will form a group.There are also some people who neither compromise nor take responsibility, so that they are always in a gray area.

Li Meng is a salesman in a certain company, and the competition among the salesmen in the company is very fierce. On the first day when Li Meng went there, he met two sales elites who regarded each other as thorns in their eyes.The boss said, let Li Meng learn from the two seniors first.As soon as he arrived at the post, senior A said to Li Meng: "You go and get me a glass of water." Senior B said: "He is here to learn sales from us, not to pour water for you, and you are not without your own hands. Can't you go down?" Facing the completely different attitudes of the two people, Li Meng was very grateful to Senior B, and from that moment on he classified himself as Senior B's faction, so he echoed: "Yes, I'm here You are here to learn, not to pour water, you go pour it yourself." Senior A has no good looks towards him since then.

However, Li Meng didn't know that the reason Senior B spoke to help him was just to compete with Senior A, not to defend him.But he easily chose his own position, making his work subject to criticism and constraints from senior A everywhere.At the beginning, senior B also defended Li Meng from time to time, but not long after, senior B resigned and moved to another company.The people in the company are all senior A's subordinates, and everyone treats him coldly all day long, and then Li Meng had to resign as a last resort.

The so-called backers and big trees in the workplace sometimes don't really let us "shade" below for us. We should understand the importance of assessing the situation and not relying on others easily.

Maybe, in the face of factional disputes that often appear in the workplace, you will feel helpless and don’t know how to choose, so it’s better not to embarrass yourself and choose a gray area where you can live.

After graduation, Du Yu directly joined a company as an editor because of the introduction of his family. When he first arrived, he felt that everyone was very friendly and kind. When he was eating at noon, several people asked him if he was going to eat. He looked at himself and hadn’t finished his work yet. , So he said: "You guys go first, I have a little work left, I will go eat after I finish it." Half an hour later, several people asked him if he wanted to go to dinner together, and he thought he had already done it anyway. When it's over, let's go together, just to increase the understanding between each other.So Du Yu went to eat with them.On the way, I happened to meet someone who asked Du Yu to eat for the first time. He greeted them politely, but they walked over as if they didn't see them.During the meal, he felt very strange, he was fine just now, why is he ignoring greetings now?At this time, the people around him said: "You didn't understand on the first day, so don't stay with them in the future, they don't know what is good or bad."

Now Du Yu understood, it turned out that there were two factions in the editorial department.Since then, Du Yu has always avoided the open and secret struggle between the two for various reasons.Once a girl handed him a document and said, "Du Yu, I have something to do this afternoon, can you help me make this document?"As soon as the girl left, another girl came up and said: "Don't be so stupid, that's what she should do, you always do it for her, and if anything goes wrong, it's all on you, and you need to help her take responsibility, she I've seen a lot of people like this." Du Yu smiled and said, "Actually, it doesn't matter, it's not too difficult. Anyway, I have nothing to do now, so I just take it as a practice. Don't worry, I can handle it." He spoke nicely, and the girl didn't get angry. Du Yu used this method to avoid their fights again and again, so that he could continue to work safely.

It is often said that "the workplace is like a battlefield", and it is true, but the workplace requires wisdom more than the battlefield, and a little carelessness may lead to a series of adverse consequences.As the saying goes: "There are unpredictable things in the sky, and people have good and bad fortunes." The world is unpredictable, we still have to reserve more positions and retreats for ourselves, and don't think that "first find a big tree for yourself to enjoy the shade", but in the end you will be caught by others. Discard after use.

Those of us who have just stepped out of the campus should be careful not to think that it is a good thing to have someone backing you up. With the so-called backing, you can always be unscrupulous and like a fish in water.You must know that it may not be easy to enjoy the shade under the big tree, and you may be struck by lightning. Only when you are truly strong can you be truly strong.

[-]. Bow your head before your seniors
Nowadays, many people, especially those who have just stepped out of school and set foot in the society, when they are at home, their family members regard them as treasures and protect them everywhere. Over time, they forget what it means to bow their heads and submit to softness, and always show their personality and thorns Come out, stab others without any scruples, even in the face of his predecessors, he is always self-righteous and refuses to bow his head, and regards it as a personality to maintain his dignity and pride.

However, we must know that many times our success and progress are based on the roads and achievements of our predecessors.Newton still said that he achieved success because he stood on the shoulders of giants, let alone us?Therefore, we should retain our respect for the seniors at work, and sometimes we might as well bow our heads first.

(End of this chapter)