Don't be too personal, don't be too impersonal

Chapter 4 I'm not teaching you to cheat, this world is too complicated (3)
8. Don't start rumors.People hate people who make trouble out of nothing, and there are many people who like rumors. They are good at using rumors to cause trouble, and then shift the responsibility to others.Strictly prohibit yourself from guessing or spreading rumors casually. This will make people think that you are mature, well-educated, serious and responsible.

9. Don't panic, talk about urgent matters slowly.When encountering urgent matters, don't panic, sort out your thoughts, and speak out slowly and clearly. This will not only solve the problem as soon as possible, but also make your friends feel that you are more stable and clear when dealing with problems, which will increase your trust. your trustworthiness.

Be cautious in words and deeds, treat everything objectively and calmly; don't brag about yourself casually, don't belittle others; don't fall into vicious competition with others, and dare to take on your own responsibilities, which is the embodiment of personality charm.Think twice before speaking, don't rush to express your feelings, communicate with others, listening is more important than talking.

[-]. There is no unconditional honesty

Treating talents honestly will make close friends. This is a saying we often hear.Being honest with others is our personality, a manifestation of simplicity and kindness. However, we need to know that being honest with others should be aimed at our own friends, not all the people we meet in the mall and workplace.In shopping malls and workplaces, we might as well make ourselves less honest and less "personal".

There is an old saying that "no business, no fraud, no fraud, no business".In business, it is important to treat people with sincerity, but this "sincerity" refers to honesty, not honesty, otherwise there would not be so many scheming and resourcefulness in business.In real life, to be honest with others, you must be prepared to be deceived or used by others; if you want others to be honest with you, you must come up with conditions that can make others honest. Don’t feel that this is vulgar, it is true , There is no unconditional honesty in the world.

At work, if you want your boss to reuse you and treat you honestly, you must show your strength or try your best to please your boss and give him a reason to be honest with you; when you get along with friends, you must be sure of your A friend really has no intention of harming you, nor will he take advantage of you, so that he can be honest with him.It is necessary to be honest with your friends. Only when you are sure that the other party is also honest with you, can you speak your mind and regard the other party as a friend you can make friends with. to myself.

When getting along with parents, it is necessary to be honest with them.But, again, there are conditions to be honest with your parents. Of course, this does not mean that you need to ask for something from your parents, but that when you are honest with your parents, you must make sure that you will not hurt your parents and only say what you have to say.

When getting along with lovers, everyone says that lovers should be honest with each other, but we know that absolute honesty does not exist.Honesty is conditional. Only when you let the other party feel that you really love the other party will the other party be honest with you.Liu Bang worked hard to bring down the Han Dynasty. Because of Lv Zhi's exclusive power, Liu Heng, the acting king of the country, did not hesitate to use the position of prime minister in order to obtain the support of Chen Ping, the minister of the dynasty. Finally, he won the support of Chen Ping and established the rule of Wenjing.If you want others to be honest with you, you must show your "sincerity". Exchange of equal value is the basis for gaining others' trust.Don't resent others for being petty or "ignorant," even if you mean well.There are many reasons for others not to be honest with you, such as distrust, unwillingness to be honest, jealousy, or even fear. If you want the other party to be honest with you, you must first eliminate the other party's concerns.

If we want to be honest with others, we have to pay a price.Don't naively think that others will trust you unconditionally. If you want others to be honest with you, you must first find a way to make others believe in you.

There is no free lunch in the world. Except for those who love you, never believe that anyone will pay for you unconditionally, and there is no unconditional honesty either.

[-]. Crybabies get candy

When we were young, we all vaguely felt the same truth. We are also children who love to play and make trouble, but adults always give sweets to those children who love to cry.The reason is very simple. When adults see children crying, they will realize that they are weak and feel pity in their hearts, so they are willing to give them candy to make them happy.In the adult world, this is also sometimes the case. Knowing how to show weakness at the right time can make people close to you feel compassionate and protective, and it can also make your enemies and opponents relax their vigilance and let go of their defenses. Talents who know how to show weakness and admit defeat at the right time can grow For the real strong.

Male horses with a strong temperament, because they are not easy to be tamed, will inevitably suffer the fate of being killed and eaten for meat.On the contrary, those mares who know how to show weakness and can live in harmony with humans, because they are easier to tame, are often carefully domesticated, and naturally have a longer life span.If the trees are beautiful in the forest, the wind will destroy them; if they are piled up on the shore, the current will be turbulent;Whether it is nature or human society, it seems that "jealousy" is everywhere.Knowing how to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, and to show weakness at the right time is an effective way to protect yourself.

A college graduate wrote that his weakness was "not so gregarious" in his career recruitment.In the eyes of some people who think that strengths should be exploited and weaknesses should be avoided, this may be a failure.However, what is unexpected is that the recruiting unit chose him instead, because in the eyes of the recruiting unit, this college graduate wrote down his weaknesses in a down-to-earth manner. This spirit of daring to admit his weaknesses not only shows his Honesty, while also showing that he knows himself well.For an employer, it is invaluable for a person to have an honest spirit, and his full understanding of himself will help him maximize his strengths and avoid weaknesses when doing things, and better avoid unnecessary troubles. "Showing weakness", boldly and deliberately exposing one's weaknesses in some aspects, can often make others understand themselves better and think that they are humble and honest. This is a beneficial way of life and a kind of wisdom.

If you want to use the wisdom of showing weakness proficiently and appropriately, you must pay attention to the choice of methods and methods.In front of people who are inferior to you, you can show your weaknesses in terms of limited experience, lack of knowledge and ability to the other party, which can avoid the other party's jealousy and make it easier to make friends with the other party; if you are more successful than the other party, you may wish to show the other party "Complain", talk about your failure record; if you have expertise in a certain professional field, boldly admit your shortcomings in other fields, so that the other party will think you are a humble person.As for those who succeed by chance, they should declare their luck even more.Mr. Shen Congwen, a great writer, is a famous writer, and his novels are also praised by the world, but his teaching skills are very average.Mr. is quite self-aware. When teaching at the university, he often said to students: "My lectures are not wonderful. You should sleep. I have no objection, but please don't snore, so as not to affect others." Mr. said to the students so frankly " Show weakness", but won the applause of the students.

If you are strong, learn to show weakness at the right time, so that you will gain something both for yourself and for the weak.Because if the strong is willing to show weakness and act as a weak person, then he will naturally be modest and prudent, and others will accept him. In this way, the strong will gain more friends and he will continue to become stronger.As for the weak, because their souls are comforted and psychologically balanced, it is easier to recognize people who are stronger than themselves, and at the same time realize the gap between themselves and the strong, so that they can consciously learn from the strong and make themselves stronger. Some progress, some improvement.

Such a phenomenon often occurs in nature: a few grasses are pressed under a pile of stones. In order to breathe fresh air, enjoy warm sunlight, and make themselves grow better, the grass changes its growth direction, along the Touching the edge or crevice of the stone, sticking out its head in a crooked manner, rushing out of the obstruction of the chaotic rocks.In the face of an invincible enemy, Xiaocao chose to bend and show weakness, which enabled him to grow in extreme difficulties.

Rockup is a mountaineer in Sweden. He has climbed countless steep mountains in his life and completed self-transcendence time and time again.Rockup's ultimate goal is to climb the world's highest mountain - Mount Everest. In the spring of 1996, Rockup started his plan to climb Mount Everest. He set off from Sweden by bicycle, and after many hardships, he came to the foot of the Himalayas and climbed Mount Everest with twelve other climbers.After some hard climbing, they were finally only 40 feet away from the summit of Mount Everest, but at this time, Rockup resolutely decided to give up the climb and go back down the mountain, which meant that all previous efforts were wasted!The reason why Rockup made this decision was that it was already the time he planned to go down the mountain. Although it only took more than [-] minutes to reach the peak, it would exceed the expected safe return time and he could not go down the mountain before nightfall. This means experiencing heavy snow on the mountain, and possibly dying.The other [-] climbers who accompanied Rockup did not agree with his decision and still climbed upwards. Although most of them reached the summit, they missed the safe return time and were buried in the snowstorm, which made people sigh.With the experience of climbing Mount Everest once, Rockup has a full understanding of the environment, and easily reached the highest peak in the world when he climbed Mount Everest for the second time.

If Rockup always sticks to his goal, does not know how to show weakness in the face of difficulties that he cannot overcome, and climbs to the summit with his companions, then the ending will definitely be the same as those twelve companions.Rockup admitted the facts at the critical moment, made a step back, learned to show weakness and assess the situation, and finally realized his wish.

We must know how to be humble, and if we are too sharp, we will be envied and jealous by others.Learn to disguise yourself so that people associate a certain image with you when they think of you, and forget who you really are.Because people are always used to sympathize with the weak, but they are jealous and wary of those who are stronger than themselves.Learn to show weakness at the right time, expose some of your own shortcomings to others, and make some humorous jokes, which can enhance your affinity and make it easier for others to balance their psychology.

Most people are jealous, and showing weakness in front of those who are weaker than you can keep them in balance, which is good for your interpersonal communication.Being good at choosing content that shows weakness is very important in social networking.In front of people whose status is lower than yourself, you can show your struggle process in a timely manner, normalize your struggle process, and show that you are actually an ordinary person; in front of those who have not succeeded, talk more about your failure experience and the reality after success. Worry, give others a feeling that success is not so easy; for those whose income is not as good as your own, you can analyze the other party’s consumption advantages, and appropriately tell your own difficulties, such as poor health, being responsible for children’s studies and many difficulties in work, Let the other party feel that every family has a difficult scripture, and you can also help the other party find out his advantages, such as not worrying about his children, his wife is diligent and thrifty in managing the house, etc.; I don’t know anything, and reveal how I have made jokes and embarrassments in my daily life.

Don't talk in rhetoric, but show weakness in actual actions.You are already in a favorable position in your career and have achieved a certain degree of success, so stop competing with others for petty fame and fortune, focus on actual benefits, and don’t pay too much attention to those false names. Even if you have the conditions to compete with others, you must Show weakness to the other party and try to avoid it.Be indifferent to petty fame and fortune, leave a way for others to survive, and at the same time leave some retreat for yourself, because your success has become the object of jealousy of some people, you can no longer get angry for a little fame and fortune, you should "Show weakness" to others and make way for those who are temporarily vulnerable.

Only those who know how to show weakness can win the pity of the strong, and those who know how to show weakness will become stronger people.Han Xin still had the humiliation of his crotch, and Kangxi also had ten years of tolerance. We should learn to show weakness and use it as a weapon for our own survival.

[-]. If you are not afraid of being used, you are afraid of being useless
When we talk about being used by others, we feel hurt. In our young and ostentatious hearts, we always want to pursue individual freedom, and we don't like to be used by others, and we don't want to be used by others.This is the common psychology of most of us, but in fact, using and being used is a way of survival that we cannot get rid of and must learn.Hoes are used by farmers to weed, machines are used by workers to work, we use our subordinates to help with some work, and the boss uses us to make profits for the company... The reason why people are above all things is precisely because "goodness and falsehood are better than things", so We should not be afraid of being used. Being used just proves that we are "useful" and "valuable". What we should really fear and worry about is that we are "useless", and no one wants to take advantage of us.

It is experience that makes people mature, not years.Years cannot accumulate success. We can only sum up experience from the years to make ourselves better and stronger, and to understand the nature of life and society more clearly.Instead of hating a life full of use and being used, we should take comfort in that it sharpens our character and mind, making us more "useful" and stronger.

Don't be ashamed of being used, when you are used, you should feel encouraged, because others have given you a chance to learn how to use others, and at the same time make you understand why someone takes advantage of you.When you are used by others, you should use your own wisdom, learn as much as possible, and make yourself stronger.Don't be afraid of being used by others, but be afraid of being useless.Even being squeezed and used by others is much better than being ignored by everyone in "useless".In the process of being used, we can truly master the various skills of survival, and gradually have the ability and wisdom to use others.

You always want to realize your own value, but you don't know that you need a medium to realize your personal value, and the person who uses you is a medium.Try to increase your value of being used. When you are used by others to create enough value, your social value will be realized and you will have a better life.People are always realizing their own value in exchanging value with each other. To put it more clearly, they are realizing their own value in mutual use.Therefore, when your value of being used becomes greater, it means that the greater the capital you have, the more capable you are of living the life you want.If you want to live a better life, you have to improve your knowledge, skills, experiences, and experiences to make yourself more useful.

When a professor talked about "the way of employing people", he simply divided the methods of employing people into three categories: reuse, use and use, and also divided people into three categories: characters, talents, and hands.The "students" in the professor's class are all the bosses of small and medium-sized enterprises, and the professor's statement has also been highly recognized by them.In fact, after careful observation, you will find that the leaders of many units employ people more or less according to these three levels. Those who are loyal, talented, and like-minded to themselves should be reused or used, and those who are talented and ambitious should be used. Or not, and those who have no value to themselves or are temporarily unavailable are not used or dismissed.And for the tens of thousands of people who enter the society to look for food, they also face a corresponding fate. Of course, they hope that they will be reused, and no one wants to make themselves useless. Useless" is the true meaning of this sentence.

If we are always unwilling to make progress, feel that we are underappreciated for our talents, and even blame others, then we can only become useless people in the end.Don't complain blindly, always feel that you are being used by others, and be grateful that you still have the value of being used.This society is all about using each other, and it is sad for people who are not really used, because no one thinks highly of him, and he is not even worth being used by others.Be willing to be used, learn to grow while being used, learn to use others, this is the best way.

(End of this chapter)