Life is but a thought: Nan Huaijin's 15 Life Wisdom Lessons

Chapter 18 If you don't forgive others, you are suffering yourself (2)
However, in life, people are always unable to achieve "forbearance". They will directly vent their dissatisfaction, complain about the injustice of God, and even complain that they cannot get the attention of others, and complain that others do not understand their own minds.For example, "I just cut my salary like that, and I have to work overtime every day. I'm almost exhausted!" "What kind of bullshit leader, I have no level at all. If I were a supervisor, I would definitely be a hundred times better than him." "This job is a bit technical. Nothing, repeating and repeating, it's driving me crazy!" "Our supervisor is a sycophant, look at his ass face."...Because we couldn't "bear it", we complained loudly and spread our complaints to other people. people, influence others.At this time, have we ever thought: Why can't we bear it?Do we think about problems from the perspective of others?Have you ever truly respected others?

There is a sentence in "The Analects of Confucius: The Life of Poetry", which says: "People are like this, so people always blame others for not understanding themselves, but they don't think about whether they understand others. This is like A person always says that others don't respect him, but he never respects others. You must know that the relationship between people is mutual."

Once upon a time, there was a poor man who wanted to get rid of poverty and spent all his time thinking about praying to Buddha for wealth.Almost every day, he would go to the temple to worship Buddha, and then ask the abbot of the temple: "When can I have a lot of gold, silver and jewels?" "When can I have groups of wives and concubines?" When can we have a mansion?"

Facing his every answer, the abbot simply replied: "Ask yourself."

The poor are thoughtful, but they don't understand the truth.Ask again, the abbot will not speak.After a few years, the poor still have nothing.

The poor couldn't bear such a life anymore, so they ran into the temple angrily and said to the abbot: "I burn incense and worship Buddha devoutly every day, hoping to live a good life. But why am I still poor until today? You I don’t even think about it for me, I can’t eat enough every day, and I can’t wear warm clothes!”

The abbot shook his head and said, "If you don't ask yourself about your own life, how come you ask about me instead?"

Think about it carefully, isn't the poor in the story a portrayal of some people?When encountering a problem, I want to push the problem to others, and never reflect on myself.Afterwards, I also blame others for not understanding myself.It is as if the eyes were covered by a leaf from the vastness of the forest, from the bright brilliance of the sun.

When we blame others for not understanding us, we also ask ourselves: "How much do we really know about others? How much do we know about others?" In other words, the relationship between people is mutual, and you should not Focusing only on one's own interests and ignoring others.If a person is selfish and values ​​himself too much, he will not be able to be understood by others in the end, because you only have the concept of self, and your mind is eventually blinded, and you can no longer see others except yourself.The ancients said: "If you want others to love yourself, you must first love others." There is no unreasonable love in the world, and there is no unreasonable hatred.Everything depends on what we do. We are willing to open our hearts to accept others, and others will feel our kindness.

Tolerance is not the same as connivance

Regardless of the narrow or broad sense of Confucianism, it has expounded the importance and principle of tolerance, that is, it cannot be tolerated.If you use tolerance to condone the mistakes of others, the result is unimaginable.

Although there is only one word difference between tolerance and indulgence, their meanings are vastly different.Tolerance can make people get along more harmoniously and make society more harmonious, while indulgence is like a naughty child, disrupting all harmony.

Someone once asked Confucius: "If someone offends me, how about I not only don't hold grudges but treat him well, so as to influence him?" Confucius replied: "There is no need for this! If that person is very virtuous, he will It is also good to you, so the kindness of a drop of water should be repaid by a spring. If that person's virtue is very bad and he has done something that is sorry for you, you can treat him with an open mind." From this, we can see that Confucius With a tolerant but not conniving attitude towards life, adults sometimes remember villains.

Mr. Nan Huaijin thinks that Confucianism has a narrow sense of color, if you slap me, I will never be merciful to you.You are good to me, then I will repay you with virtue.

Regardless of the narrow or broad sense of Confucianism, it has expounded the importance and principle of tolerance, that is, it cannot be tolerated.If you use tolerance to condone the mistakes of others, the result is unimaginable.

There is a news like this.An international thief was arrested and sentenced to prison.The reporter went to the prison to interview him, wanting to know why he did such a thing.

So the thief told his story.When he was very young, he saw a neighbor's hen lay an egg.He thought it was fun for a while, so he took it back.When Dad found out, he was about to reprimand him, but his mother who heard the news stopped him.The mother said: "The child is still young and ignorant, so don't scare him." Later, the father told him to return the eggs to the neighbor.After the neighbor knew what was going on, he didn't blame anything, so he generously gave him the egg.Stealing the eggs didn't get him punished, so he became more and more emboldened until he became an international thief and landed in jail.

When you find a child's mistake, you should point it out and let him understand where the mistake is.Although the father has this awareness, but due to the obstruction of his wife, he did not really teach the children.In this way, a child became an international thief under the "tolerance" of his parents.Is it for the sake of the child to easily forgive the child and label the child as "the child is still young and ignorant"?No!This is a kind of harm in disguise, a kind of ignorance, and it is the fuse that pushes children into the abyss.

People need tolerance, but tolerance is not unconditional, but has a limit.In life, we will encounter many unsatisfactory things and people who make mistakes. Among these people, they may be your relatives, friends, and colleagues.If they can correct their mistakes, then you can choose to tolerate them.If you don't ask anything, forgive them unconditionally, and forgive them, then your tolerance will become connivance, and it will even lead to more serious consequences.

"The widest thing in the world is the ocean, the wider than the ocean is the sky, and the wider than the sky is the human mind." Giving a chance to a person who makes a mistake is tolerance, not connivance.But at the same time, we should also understand that we must take responsibility for the decisions we make.

Some would argue that tolerance is a sign of weakness.In fact, no, weak tolerance is not real tolerance at all. True tolerance is a rare state in life, a state that needs to be practiced and practiced to achieve.

In short, tolerance is neither connivance nor unconditional forgiveness, but moderate leniency based on principles.In addition, legal and ethical norms must be followed.For those who know their mistakes and can correct them, our tolerance is necessary.

Forgive and forgive

Master Cheng Yen once said: "To be reasonable, one must forgive others, and to be straightforward, one must be calm." The general idea is that people should learn to get along with others, even when they have disputes with others, they must be reasonable and forgiving. Only by being upright and calm, speaking kindly, and having good intentions, can we achieve the result that makes each other happy.

Mr. Nan Huaijin once said: "For those who are inferior to us, we don't have to hate him, we have to sympathize with him, and if we can help, we should try our best to help, even if we can't help, we should be able to tolerate him."

The so-called "gold is not pure, no one is perfect", everyone has their own personality flaws, we can be tolerant of the shortcomings of others, and we will certainly be able to create good interpersonal relationships.In tolerance, "have to forgive others and forgive others" is very important.

Master Cheng Yen once said: "To be reasonable, one must forgive others, and to be straightforward, one must be calm." The general idea is that people should learn to get along with others, even when they have disputes with others, they must be reasonable and forgiving. Only by being upright and calm, speaking kindly, and having good intentions, can we achieve the result that makes each other happy.

When the famous writer Tony Shearer was 14 years old, he witnessed an event that benefited him throughout his life.

One day, Mr. Ingram knocked on the door of the farmhouse. He needed a helper for twelve cents an hour.Hearing that there was a reward, Tony readily agreed.

(End of this chapter)