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Chapter 18 Don't easily compromise with life in difficult days (1)
When one day, you arrive at the place you want to go without thinking about your own safety, but you are surprised to find that everything you have gone through before is just the only way to get here, and you can't shape who you are today without a single step.The world is confused and disturbed, but you know where you should work.

Life is not difficult, only through it is yours

In any case, we cannot easily give up the goals we want to pursue.If we achieve it, we can live the life that our dreams come true. If we don’t realize it, at least we will work hard for the life we ​​desire.

Deep down, I am actually a humble and cowardly person.But I know that's not good, so I try to look sunny.But a good friend said that my face still showed sadness.Who knows?But I'm trying to smile at everyone.

In the twinkling of an eye, it was almost [-] years old, and the family urged the marriage, saying that it was time to get married.But obviously it's not just about me, it's also about my girlfriend.She is actually a childish girl, often unpredictable, and you need to spend a lot of time guessing about emotions.

It is said to start a family and start a business. For a 28-year-old man, the sense of urgency of the years is really obvious.As a youth magazine, I was often called "uncle" by readers, and it dawned on me that I was no longer the boy on campus, basking in the sun carefree, falling in love, having dinner parties, and singing KTV.As a result, the whole person seemed to wake up overnight.

Received contracts for several books and worked hard to write them.Even if it is not for the dream of youth, it is for money, for the house, car, ticket, and sister.Don't say that my ideals are not noble, I should tell you more about my writer's dream when I was young. Thinking about it now, I have said enough about my writer's dream.Being a writer is the vanity of youth, but what I hope at this moment is to polish my clumsy writing, write some books that can really fall into the hearts of readers, sell a few more copies, and earn more money.

My father, who has lived in the country all his life, spent his life savings to make a down payment for me and bought a small house in the city, with one bedroom and one living room.I'm planning to sell it recently.After 5 years of graduation, I don't have much savings.But I feel that the small room cannot accommodate life.I can't leave my dad in the country, or occasionally have relatives and friends as guests, and I don't even have a place to stay.I haven't exaggerated to be like Haizi: "I want to have a house facing the sea, where the spring is warm and the flowers are blooming."

That's not a dream it's a fantasy.

Life is hard, sometimes you have to work harder as a man, you have to face more pressure.Under pressure, you may feel that you can’t bear it, and there are indeed many people who can’t bear it, and died of overwork in this battle (a media student made a public welfare film about death from overwork, you know I often stay up late to write manuscripts, and he has reminded me many times to pay attention to rest, not to die from overwork one day), and there are also many people who choose to commit suicide for love or life pressure as mentioned above.

That day I complained in the QQ group, saying that I wanted to sell the house.I want to write books desperately to earn money and change to a bigger house.Not to mention that the relationship between books and money is vulgar, it is a dream and a life, isn't Nine Knives also writing for making money and treating sick mothers?

Some netizens said that I have a house and cry poor.Only one netizen who is married and has children said: Someone is working hard with you, don’t die from overwork, your wife (girlfriend) is still young.He asked my mother-in-law if she was putting pressure on me, and I said it was okay, but she was not very satisfied with me.He said, take your time, two people have a good relationship together, and they can survive anything if they carry on together.

As if there is someone who can understand you, your emotional gap will be difficult to manage.Under the comfort of netizens, I started the Tucao mode.Crackling complained about his own pressure:
I grew up in the countryside, and I am not a person who is interested in money. But in the city, you can settle down, start a family, start a business, get married and have children, and retire, and you have to mention money.So I signed several books. Although I can't make much money, I still have to do it myself.If you want to make money with this ability and subsidize the gap for house replacement, it is really too much pressure.It is even more impossible to rely on wages to fill the gap.

Every day when I come back from get off work, I often write manuscripts until 12:1 midnight and 7:[-] am, and I have to get up after [-]:[-] am, take the subway from the south of the city, change buses, and walk to the company in the north of the city to work.In the end, I am also tired, but I have to laugh and chat with everyone every day, communicate and work, and only I know how I feel in my heart!
It's been a few months since I started contract writing, and it's been like this every night, fighting until late at night.On the first day of the new year, I helped my sister take care of the pharmacy by myself, while sitting in front of the computer and writing articles.The fear is to miss the deadline of the contract.Usually, everyone thinks that I am an editor, so literary and artistic, it's just that I haven't vomited these emotions.Who is not fighting against life while being a grandson in order to live a better life... I made a lot of complaints, some were surprised, some were comforted, and felt that I never thought that the unscrupulous, closed-mouthed and cold-hearted Uncle Box Rice would actually be in his heart There is so much stress and emotion too.

But who doesn't have so much stress and emotions in life?Living is not easy at all, but if you want to end all this with death, it seems easy on the contrary.But after death, what is the meaning of this worldly joy, anger, sorrow and joy to you?
I want to have a house of my own, where I can laugh at home when I am happy, and cry at home when I am sad; there is a woman at home, and I can call her name countless times, and she will answer you there; I also want to have a daughter , dressed her up like a little princess, and said to me after coming home from school: "Dad, I'm back!"

I know that after complaining about those emotions, I have to continue on the road.Maybe before I set off, I thought countless times that one day I would be a writer, but today, I still want to say that I also want to be an ordinary man and live a life of indifference and happiness.The more ordinary, the more difficult it is.After complaining about our dissatisfaction, we have to go back to the earthly battlefield to finish this battle.Realized, it is an ideal, not realized, at least we have worked hard for the life we ​​desire.

In confusion, find your place

Youth, blind self-confidence and dreams make us even believe that as long as we work hard, it seems that it is not so difficult to reach the stars.

Mo Yi is now a well-known painter in the CG industry.

It seems that only successful people are suitable for talking about dreams.During the interview that day, he told me a very long story.

Mo Yi's father is a calligrapher, and he has liked his father's pen and ink to shine since he was a child.Under the influence of his ears and eyes, when his classmates all went to the cultural entrance examination for university, he entered an art college at the age of 15, learning traditional painting, and later entered the university to study animation and comics.

Up to this point, his life was not much different from anyone else's.

In college, he saw a wider art world that he hadn't seen as a child.I feel that I will also engage in the art industry in the future, and want to be an artist.He is also very confident in his love and grasp of painting.

After graduation, he came to Beijing from Jilin.

It is said that Beijing is a city full of dreams. This city has gathered many industry resources. No matter what you do, you can find a stage to express yourself here.However, Wang Feng's "Beijing Beijing", Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao's "Beijing Complex", and my good sister "One Man's Beijing" also sang the sadness and confusion of this city.

Mo Yi is full of enthusiasm and wants to find his dream in this city.

In Beijing, he didn't know anyone, he didn't even have a place to live, and he didn't know what to do.Just after graduating from university, this setback took a toll on my enthusiasm for art.He seemed to be thrown into a stuffy jar inexplicably, and he felt strange even to breathe.He dragged his suitcase and walked the streets of Beijing for a day, the pressure of finding a job, and the eyes of those on the street who regarded him as strange made him feel deeply lonely.

The sense of loneliness and emptiness made him fear, but this fear did not swallow him. Later, he joined a game company to do original painting design.His talent for drawing was finally transformed into a source of life.Passion for art belongs to passion for art, if you can’t live, how can you pursue your dreams.

He went to many game companies as an original graphic designer, and also served as a game design lecturer. Although he can get people's appreciation every time, those are not what he pursues.He didn't know what he wanted.

Until he met the Japanese CG master Masago Koya.Zheng Zigong also painted "Hundred Flowers and Three Kingdoms" and "Water Margin", using Chinese elements with great proficiency.

He also began to paint "Journey to the West".When I started painting "Journey to the West", I just wanted to let myself spend those empty and lonely time when I was alone in Beijing, and I also regarded it as a practice brush, so as not to waste my painting skills and hone my willpower.This painting became a milestone in his life.

Faced with pressure, indifference, loneliness and dreams, he paints desperately, which seems to be a kind of vent and also a kind of pursuit.This painting lasted for four and a half years.Four and a half years ago, he was still a freshman full of enthusiasm and dreams when he first arrived in Beijing.Four and a half years later, he returned to Changchun to open his own CG studio.In Beijing, enthusiasm was poured cold water, and various dreams hit the wall. Afterwards, he found himself in the painting project "Journey to the West".

Those paintings are domineering and fierce like CG paintings. Each painting is the paint that he spent many days and nights painting one stroke at a time, but it is as delicate as computer painting.Those exquisite paintings made him devote himself wholeheartedly, so focused that he could only see the paintings, and could not see any dreams, indifference, or loneliness.

He often paints himself like a "lunatic" and "crazy", getting up in the early morning and waving his pen and ink as if in a trance.After painting Dao, he was very eager for the joy of the day when he finished painting, but four and a half years later, he seemed extremely calm.That day he was smoking a cigarette in his studio in Changchun, and his heart was peaceful... He knew that it was time to start a new project and continue painting.

I thought it was to cultivate my mind, but I accidentally drew a dream.In self-cultivation, he saw his true self.One person started painting in Beijing, and one person finished painting in Changchun. On the way, he experienced many people coming and going. Some people came and some people left, and he became calmer.He said that he is very glad that he has grown up in these years. What he has grown is not only his painting skills, but also his spiritual understanding.

The passionate young man who came to Beijing alone, wanted to realize his artistic dream, finally found himself in painting, became calmer, and knew his direction more clearly.

He runs a CG studio and teaches people to paint, and he has traveled all over Japan and South Korea, Hong Kong and Taiwan in China, and even set foot on the land of the United States with his paintings.The more he paints, the more he becomes obsessed with faith.

When we were young, how many times have we been like Mo Yi back then, full of enthusiasm, longing for the joy of realizing a great dream, and finally because of that gorgeous dream, we repeatedly bumped into the south wall, and felt that dreams and failures are always the same. Friends who love each other, chasing each other again and again until the end, forgetting why we set out, only seeing the blurred shadow of that gorgeous dream, but ignoring the more delicate and real appearance of the dream.

There is a little friend Y, he loves to read martial arts novels, he writes quite well, he is chivalrous, and the poems he writes are tender and full of feelings.He loves to write poetry.

Occasionally, we chatted and asked about our future dreams.He said, it is "prosperity and wealth".Earn money, buy a three-bedroom house, and keep a study room for yourself.Then marry a fair-skinned wife and stay together every day.It would be great to write small articles once in a while.

I think this is the ultimate ideal.Whether it is a writer or a painter, behind those vanity, there should be a simple and happy life.But vanity is too beautiful, and we are so beautiful when we are young, we often can't hold it back.Often after being dazzled by vanity, we forget what we are after.

What is the goal?Where are you?How to get from here to there?

We have simplified these detailed issues into "hot blood and brain".

I know that my friend Y once dreamed of being a poet.But how much room does the poor poet have in this world?He gradually let go of that flashy dream, and now works as a designer in a road and bridge company, often working overtime until late, just to realize his dream of "prosperity and wealth".

Youth, blind self-confidence and dreams make us even believe that as long as we work hard, it seems that it is not so difficult to reach the stars.The campus environment is too simple, too suitable for dreaming.Therefore, it is often said that college students nowadays have high eyesight and low hands, and they work and live with their heads held high and do not look at the road under their feet. Sooner or later, they will fall into the sewer.

The reason why we feel confused is that there is a gap between our passion and reality. This gap is too big, it may destroy us, but there will definitely be a gap, and this gap is the driving force for us to move forward.

It is always good to have pursuits and dreams.Just like an interview with Dean, a well-known domestic writer born in the 80s, she said that Capote is her dream. If you have a dream, you can see your own shortcomings, and then work hard to achieve that goal.Maybe you won't be able to achieve it in your lifetime, but you know your own strength, you know your direction, and you work hard to do it, it is already amazing.

A successful person has no time for self-doubt

Successful people probably never have time to doubt themselves. They sum up experience where they fell, get up quickly, and go faster and higher.

一
Some time ago, a funny news event happened.

In Liuzhou, Guangxi, a girl is eating noodles in a snail noodle shop.They ate well at first, but a couple opposite each other showed their affection one bite at a time, smiling at her while eating.The girl felt that they were mocking her for being single, and in a fit of anger, she poured the leftover snail noodles on the other girl from head to toe, and then ran away.Helpless, the girl was finally caught and compensated the other party 600 yuan for mental damage.

This seems to be telling a sad love story, the pain that showing affection brings to singles.

After laughing, it's quite sad to think about it.Probably being in it, if we were the girl who got ridiculed, maybe we would understand that behavior too.But, is the other party really laughing at her?People who don't know each other, and others don't know if you are really single, maybe you are just eating here alone, what reason can you laugh at?In the end, it's just the girl who thinks too much.The inner demon made her turn other people's expressions into mirrors, and she saw the timidity and weakness deep in her heart in the mirror.

two

In high school, I took guitar lessons for a year.At that time, I also met some friends who love music.

But I am not born to play music. After buying a guitar, practicing, and playing for a while, it can be regarded as satisfying my hobbies.Although when I was in junior high school, I fantasized about becoming a singer in the future, but in high school, the reality has already pulled me back to the ground, and it is always good to have a little hobby.

At that time, there was a boy practicing piano in the same piano store. He entered the piano store to learn piano later than me.The guitar teacher is the owner of the piano shop. He has his own band, which is the lead singer and rhythm guitar.There is no class division for learning guitar with him, so I just sit casually in a separate room at the back of the piano shop.The shop is on the street outside the school.Therefore, most of the students who study together are schoolmates.

The boy who came in later than me had a good voice, but he couldn't let go of his singing, as if he was being held by the neck.Probably related to his introverted personality.Every time he came to the store alone with his guitar on his back, he left alone.

Every time the teacher asked us to "climb the lattice" first, slide the left hand on strings of different grades, and pluck the strings with the right hand accordingly, the sound cannot be broken, and the sound must be played.Every time he practiced very slowly.But I have been trying to keep up with everyone's rhythm.Many people who studied together in the piano shop didn't need to practice anymore. They were memorizing the score and started playing some tunes.

(End of this chapter)