Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 2

Chapter 18 Suspicion in the shroud store (1)
Back on the small second floor, Reddy Gaga was eating ice cream with a large box at the door.

I asked, "Why did you go in the morning?"

"Doing business with people," Reddy Gaga said.

"Bullshit. How can you do business with people? If you don't learn so much about me, how can you learn the skill of bragging?" I walked into the room while talking and laughing.

After taking two steps, I thought it was wrong.He went back the same way and stared at the ice cream box in Reddy Gaga's hand.

That's right, what he is holding in his hand is an ice cream with a popular foreign name that specializes in serving the rich and petty bourgeoisie, the Rolls-Royce in ice cream-Hajudas.

Liu Guihua, the village flower in the village, worships this ice cream just like the village committee worshiped overseas sea turtles when recruiting people. She thinks this ice cream is just like what is written in the advertisement, "If you love her, take her to eat hashudas." There is a taste of love here. ' Same, I can taste the taste of love, so I have been clamoring to marry someone who treats her to eat hashudas every day.

Later, the young rich man and young entrepreneur Qiangzi coveted Liu Guihua's beauty, so he had a crooked idea, trying to fool her into being his god-sister, and invited her to have a chocolate ball once.After Liu Guihua finished eating, she frowned and said, "I guess the way I eat it is wrong."

Qiangzi bought another copy.This time Liu Guihua tasted in various other postures, and the last gesture was to stand on his head. After eating, the guests sitting next to him applauded vigorously and threw a dollar over, which was confiscated by the staff of Haqiudas.Tell them very seriously that customers are not allowed to perform in the store.

Qiangzi asked: "How is it?"

Liu Guihua wiped her sweat, gasped and said, "Very tired."

Qiangzi said, "I'm asking how it tastes, do you understand it?"

Liu Guihua said very melancholy: "I understand, so love is the taste of chocolate."

After that, Liu Guihua used chocolate instead of thinking about Hajudas, her weight skyrocketed, a little beauty fell, and finally lost all her spiritual energy, and everyone disappeared.

Since then, Qiangzi has hated false advertisements.

He said to me sadly and angrily: "Look at those advertisements, that is not a lie, do you eat instant noodles with so much meat on them? Do you buy a car with a free beauty? Do you drink Sprite and have water poured from the sky? So simple A woman in my life was harmed by the advertisement!"

But in fact, everyone knows that even if Liu Guihua is not fat, it is impossible for the two of them.Although Qiangzi is a rich man, Qiangzi's wife is very strict with money management. She checks accounts and collects money every day. Her eyes are like radar. Qiangzi can't save a penny. Qiangzi's wife only gives him extra money every day except for the transportation fee. Money for a bowl of beef noodles.

So the two chocolate balls that Qiangzi invited Liu Guihua were the private money he had saved for half a year, and rejected countless invitations to get together at Ergouzi Beef Noodle Restaurant with me.Liu Guihua certainly didn't know how many bowls of beef noodles she ate in one bite.

But it is because of his wife's high-pressure policy that Qiangzi can stand out from the crowd among the rich, and he is not stained by the mud, and has not been infected with the various bad habits of the rich.

So it is unreliable to lock a man's heart first to lock his stomach. First of all, you have to lock his wallet.

And I don't know what methods Qiangzi's wife has. Qiangzi has no complaints about being managed like this. Although he is a little cautious occasionally, overall, he is still devoted to his wife.

I talked about this with Er Gouzi more than once, and we both felt that she was a woman with means.But there is one thing I didn't say to Ergouzi, that is, I think if I get married with Sanniang in the future, I think I will be in dire straits.

It's a bit far-fetched, but I only have one central idea after talking so much, that is, this ice cream is very expensive. The big box in Reddy Gaga's hand must have cost dozens, no, it must have cost hundreds.

No one in the small second floor would want to go all the way from the city to buy this thing as a gift to Reddy Gaga.

I immediately had an ominous premonition: "Where did you steal this thing?"

Reddy smirked while eating: "It was given by someone else."

"Who gave it?"

"The person who does business with me."

"What business?"

Reddy Gaga raised Hajudas happily: "I brought him something, and he gave me this."

My heart skipped a beat, it’s broken, this guy was fooled into stealing things again, and asked quickly: "Which thing, who are you going to steal again?"

"Don't worry, I didn't steal anything from anyone else," Reddy Gaga said, "It's ours."

"Oh." When he said that, I felt relieved. There is nothing more expensive than Khajudas in this house, at most it is cheap, and it doesn't hurt anything.I snatched Hajudas from Reddy Gaga and said, "This thing is expensive, don't eat it so fast, put it in the refrigerator for a while."

"Put it in the refrigerator?" Reddy Gaga looked at me with contempt and said, "You idiot, wouldn't it just melt?"

Yes, I forgot my fridge has a heating function!I had to finish eating quickly, so I asked Yunmei with the ice cream box; "Do you want some?"

Yun Mei shook her head and asked Reddy Gaga: "What did you bring to him?"

While feeling the melting ice cream in my mouth, I said happily: "Whatever it is, it's not as expensive as this Hajudas. It's silly to exchange Hajudas, hahaha."

Reddy Gaga said, "I gave him the big mirror in Ma Yu's room."

puff!All the hasjudas in my mouth came out.

On the mountain of theft, Reddy Gaga has already stood at the apex, the man's head and the hanged ghost staying in the house did not realize that such a large mirror was removed by Reddy Gaga.

"Oh! mygod!" The man looked at Reddy in surprise, "I didn't hear anything!"

"Yeah." Reddy nodded with a smirk, "I should be careful."

"Respect and harm..." The Hanged Ghost said in admiration.

Reddy quacked modestly and said, "It's so-so."

Is now the time to praise him?

The little ghost said: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

"You want to learn? OK!" Reddy Gaga said, "You play with me every day, and if you want to learn, I will definitely teach you."

Why are you learning this thing!And you two obviously don't understand the language, why can you communicate so smoothly?

San Niang, who just came back, heard us explain the ins and outs, and asked Reddy Gaga: "What does the person who asked you to steal the mirror look like?"

Reddy Gaga thought for a while and said, "That's it."

"What is that like?" Yun Mei asked, "Is it male or female, tall, short, fat, thin? How old are you? What clothes do you wear? Do you have any characteristics?"

"Man, thin, old man, wearing a gray waistcoat." Reddy said, stooping. "He walks like this."

I concluded: "A thin old man with a hunchback."

It’s bad, I’ve always been with monsters who have practiced for thousands of years and hundreds of years. I have no concept of time. If it is not in order, it is a valuable antique!
Antiques are more valuable than Hajudas, so they were cheated like this!

Sanniang asked: "Yunmei, do you know what?"

Yun Mei lowered her head and said, "I don't know, I'm tired, so I'll go back and rest first."

This is the first time I heard the word tired from Yunmei's mouth.

Reddy quacked, "Where's the meal? Where's the meal?"

The head of the man said: "These two Tian Yunmei didn't cook, even if they did, no one dared to eat it, it was full of rat poison."

The Hanged Ghost looked at Yun Mei's back and said, "Yun Mei has been behaving strangely lately."

"It always feels wrong." I nodded and said, "It's like a different person."

Sanniang looked at me in surprise, and said with a light smile, "Brother Ma, you..." Halfway through speaking, she suddenly covered her nose, "It stinks."

I sniffed, and sure enough, I smelled a rotting corpse.

That smell came out of me.

It's over, the piece of skin on his body is smelly.

No wonder Yunmei has to peel off the skin every day for maintenance, it turns out that it will really stink after wearing it for a long time.

This cruel situation reminded me of the reality of wearing human skin on my body, so I immediately went upstairs to find Yunmei.

The door of Yunmei's room opened as soon as she pushed it, but Yunmei was not in the room. I looked out from the open window, and Yunmei was limping out without knowing where she was going.

It seemed that he forgot that he had changed his body and jumped directly from the second floor!
I feel distressed when I see her limping, that is my body, so save it!
What's even more strange is that it's getting dark now, why is Yunmei going out?

I remembered what Li Botong had secretly said to me just now.

Li Botong said to me: "I don't know what Ma Daoshi sealed in that mirror, but this painted skin is different from the original painted skin here, it has a devilish energy on it."

I thought Yun Mei became weird after she came out of the mirror, and now she jumped out of the second floor without making a sound, which is even more suspicious.

I was about to chase out, but Sanniang grabbed her and said, "How do you get out like this?"

When I looked in the mirror, I was shocked, only to see that I was now covered in bruises, and my skin swelled up like a balloon.

It must be scary to go out like this.

I pulled out the skin like peeling plaster, and then opened Yunmei's closet. I was stunned, the skin inside didn't even paint my face!

While in a hurry, the hanged ghost and the man's head floated over, and the hanged ghost shouted loudly: "Uncle Mary! Here!"

The man shook his head and threw the thing he was holding over.I picked it up and saw it was a set of Spiderman clothes.

The Hanged Ghost said shyly, "This is what Su Puppet and Wang Liang used for role-playing, and I will lend it to you."

I can't tell, you two are quite interesting!
I put on my Spider-Man suit and ran outside.There happened to be a taxi parked at the station, and Yunmei got into it and drove away.I hurriedly boarded the bus behind and said to the driver: "Catch up with the taxi in front." I guess it was because the leather didn't fit properly, and my voice was very hoarse.

The driver looked me up and down, and said: "You think you can take the bus by cosplaying Spider-Man! Although your chest muscles are strong, you are too small. Human Spider-Man is much taller than you, go down!"

The passenger behind laughed coaxingly.

Reddy Gaga, who was following me, imitated me and put a stocking on her head, jumped into the car and shouted: "Root, put your head under your ass!"

He put his fingers in the clothes and made a pistol pose through the bulge of the clothes. As a result, the clothes were torn and his fingers ran out.

The driver said: "What are you doing? Are you making a movie?"

The passengers laughed even more happily.

Sanniang waved her fan and said to the driver, "Brother Driver, let's drive, we'll be there soon."

"These people count you as normal." The driver shook his head while laughing and started the car.

As soon as the car started driving, the scenery outside the car window receded like a fast-forward movie scene. The driver was startled and immediately stepped on the brakes.

At this time, there is another place outside the car window.

"We're here." Sanniang said to the driver, "Open the door."

The driver opened the car door in a daze, watched Sanniang and Reddy jump out of the car, and then grabbed my clothes as if waking up from a dream: "What's going on?"

As I was walking down, the driver tore my clothes and tore off a large piece of cloth with a snort, revealing the bloody body inside.

"Damn it!" The driver trembled in fright, looked at the piece of cloth in his hand, and then at my body, stupidly, "The skin is ripped off! You..." He looked at me suspiciously, "You... "

My heart skipped a beat, he must have found out.

The driver held the cloth and pointed at me excitedly: "You are really Spider-Man!"

My foot slipped and almost fell.

There was a sudden chaos in the carriage, and the passengers stretched their heads to look this way.

"Spider-Man is peeling off!"

"Why isn't Peter in there!"

"Don't be stupid, can you believe the movie! Of course there is meat inside if the skin falls off! This is the truth!"

"I rely on God! I want to take a photo as a souvenir, Spider-Man, look here and here, and smile!"

"Spiderman is not Peter! I don't believe in love anymore!"

I immediately jumped out of the car.Someone behind whistled and yelled, "Spider-Man is gone!"

"Mom, I want to watch Spider-Man too."

"Spider-Man, sign me up!"

"Hero, don't go, hero! Let's take a picture, hero! Don't be so stern, hero! Smile, hero! It doesn't matter if you don't laugh, I will smile for you!"

Are you watching heroes or molesting good boys!

As I was running, I turned my head to see that there were fanatics trying to catch up, which made me break out in a cold sweat.

Doesn't this add to the chaos!

At this moment, the driver closed the car door: "Don't go, don't go, what if you disturb others to save the earth!" He looked at me from the car window, holding the piece of cloth torn from the cosplay suit in his hand, "Spider Xia, you can go to work with peace of mind, I will keep this piece of cloth well."

A child formed a trumpet shape with his hands and shouted at me: "Come on! Spider-Man!"

What is this and what, when did the earth become so dangerous.

I ran into the trail without looking back.

Sanniang was already waiting there, trembling with laughter: "Ah, Spider-Man is here."

"Spider-Man and Spiderman." I said, "Don't laugh at me, tell me how you got that driver to drive here in the blink of an eye."

Sanniang stretched out her white jade-like right hand to show me the watch on her wrist: "Where is the blink of an eye, we followed Yunmei to come here normally, but I used illusion to make the driver follow the taxi, and then disappeared. The memory of the people who took the whole car in the car, so you feel that it only passed for a moment."

No wonder I feel that the sky is much darker than before.

I asked, "Where's Yunmei?"

Reddy Gaga pointed to the front and said, "Yunmei went in there."

There are two small shops in front, one is a marriage agency, and next to the marriage agency is a shroud shop, which is the place where Yunmei and I visited not long ago.

The dating agency had already closed get off work, and now Reddy Gaga was referring to the shroud shop.

It's getting dark, what is Yunmei doing here?
The door of the shroud shop was ajar.

Sanniang and I looked at each other, opened the door and entered the shroud shop.

There was no sound in the shop.

At this moment, the sunset light is no longer enough to illuminate the counter, and the lights in the store are still not turned on.I can only move forward by the general shape of the object outlined by the faint light.

There is a sense of guilt and an urn on the cabinet behind the counter, and wreaths and elegiac couplets are piled up on the opposite side, and the whole space is filled with a depressing and dull atmosphere.

I asked loudly, "Is anyone there?"

No one responded, and the clock on the wall made the sound of the second hand moving.

I felt bad when I heard that rattling sound. Generally, a murder scene or a haunted house will have such a wall watch to exaggerate the atmosphere.

Unlucky.

There is a door next to the counter, which leads to the back room. This store seems to be a combination of residential and commercial, and the second floor should be where the boss lives.

Since Yunmei is not here, nine out of ten she must have gone in.

I called out again: "Is anyone there? Boss? We're going in." Then I asked Reddy Gaga to stand guard here, and walked in with Sanniang lightly.

According to a professional statement, we were breaking into a private house, so we both walked very carefully, like professional killers, without making any noise.

On the second floor, there is a small room on the left, a room directly in front, and the kitchen on the right.

The room is in line with the old man's style, simple and old without frills.

In the room directly in front, there are colored paper, wire, wood and reeds, as well as unfinished wreath paper figurines.Next to the paper figurine was a stack of fashion magazines.

Needless to say, this is the sin of that male ghost in the dating agency.

We go to the door on the left.

The door was ajar, and a man's voice could be heard faintly.

Those sounds seemed to be output by a malfunctioning machine, very blunt and intermittent.

"Hahahaha... finally found it..."

"Just... tonight..."

"Finally...hehehehe..."

While they were talking, there was a constant crackling sound.

Isn't this someone?

I knocked on the door and said, "Is the boss there?"

The voice inside the door immediately fell silent.

I continued to knock on the door: "Boss?"

Still no response.Sanniang and I looked at each other and pushed open the door.

The room was so dark that I couldn't see anything clearly, so I reached for the light switch and pressed it.

The room is immediately illuminated by lights.

This is the owner's bedroom, with a single bed against the wall.

I shivered.

The house is not big, and there is no shelter, so you can see the whole thing at a glance.

But there is no one alive here.

On the other hand, there are countless paper crimps by the wall, both men and women, without exception, with rough faces, flat facial features, empty and exaggerated eyes and thin bodies, which cannot be erased by red, yellow, green and white colored paper. Yin Qi in them.

It is this kind of form that is very different from human beings, but similar to human beings, between human and non-human, which is even more weird.

Many paper figurines decorated this room like a large tomb.

Since no one was there, who was it that spoke just now?
I turned to Sanniang to make sure: "Just now, did you hear anything?"

Sanniang nodded: "There must be something in this house."

I suddenly realized that there was a line of sight coming from behind me, someone was staring at me!

"Who?" I turned my head abruptly, and there were a few paper figurines behind me, looking at me with no emotion.

Sanniang walked over, peeled off those paper figurines, and said to me: "Brother Ma, look at this."

There is a cabinet behind the paper figurines, on which there are three lifelike porcelain figurines. Unlike the paper figurines, the facial features of these three porcelain figurines are vividly depicted.The one on the left is short and fat, with a fleshy face, wearing a leather jacket with bare shoulders, exposing the general's belly, while the one on the right is dark-skinned, of medium build, with a long scar on his face from the corner of his eye to his lip, which looks even more hideous.These two people looked like reckless men in the mountains, with wretched expressions and airy expressions.The one in the middle was quite different from them, with pretty eyes, a smiling face, and well-dressed clothes.He looks like a handsome boy from an ancient popular idol.

I picked up the little white face to observe, and even laymen like me could tell that the porcelain figurine was well crafted, the expression of squinting eyes with a smile was delicate and lifelike, the surface was smooth and round, without any blemishes.

"Brother Ma, be careful," Sanniang said, "This porcelain is at least 200 years old."

I smiled and said, "Aren't you bluffing me? It's new at first glance."

"The embryo is an ancient object, but it has been repainted." Sanniang laughed, "otherwise they would not be able to see with their eyes or speak with their mouths."

When I heard that this thing was so expensive, I shook my hand and almost dropped the porcelain figurine.He hurriedly caught it, and when he checked whether there was any problem, he found that the expression of the little white-faced porcelain man had changed from a calm smile just now to panic.

"This thing is alive!" I let go of my hand in shock, this time the porcelain figurine fell completely, and it was about to fall to the ground and be smashed to pieces, when the paper figurine next to it suddenly fell down, and the porcelain figurine fell onto the paper figurine. Unscathed.

At the same time, the tubes of incandescent lamps flickered violently, and the transformer hummed loudly.

Although there was no wind, there was a sound of paper shaking in the room. The sound became louder and more orderly, as if expressing anger.

My eyes stayed on the little white-faced porcelain figure that fell on the paper figure. For a moment, I seemed to see a nearly transparent man crawling there, turning his head and looking at me fiercely.

With a snap, the incandescent light went out.

(End of this chapter)