Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 2

Chapter 4 The House of the Savior (4)
I stooped through the slit, and saw a man standing outside, wearing a suit that seemed to be made of good material, with his hands straight and horizontal, resting on my door.

"Who are you?" I asked, "What are you doing in the middle of the night?"

The man didn't make a sound, and kept jumping forward with his arms crossed. His jumping posture was very strange, his knees were not bent, and his hand hit the door, and it was a tom again!With a bang, the sound was louder than ever.

Is this person out of his mind?I asked again: "What do you want to do?"

The man still ignored me, stood still and jumped again, hitting the door with his hand again, his voice getting louder and louder.

I couldn't bear it any longer, so I stood up straight and scolded face to face: "What the hell are you trying to do!"

At this time, the moonlight pierced through the clouds and shone on her face, and that face looked very familiar.

I got goosebumps all over my body.

I've seen this long face before - today's daytime, the photo of the little boy holding it!
That Wu Xiang who was beaten to death!
No wonder the posture of jumping up is so strange!This guy is dead!
What did he come to see me for?
I shivered and whispered, "I'm sorry, you found the wrong door." I quickly turned around and closed the door.

Rhythmic toms continue to be heard outside!Tom!Tom!There was a knock on the door, but the 'thing' was still knocking on the door persistently, with such force that the door frame creaked.

I leaned on the door panel and shouted: "Brother, you went the wrong way. Hey, pay the debt and kill the murderer. If you want revenge, you have to go to the person who killed you! You look at the road and go straight north along the highway for about 10 minutes. There is a bus stop in [-] minutes! It's just twelve o'clock, you wait for six and a half hours, and you can wait for the bus to the city immediately!"

It's okay if I don't talk, but when I talk, he jumps outside more and more, and finally there is a click, and his arm hits the door panel, right next to my head, one left and one right, straight through Come here, almost rub my ears!

Where did I dare to lean against the door, and ran away in a hurry.

Li Botong stroked his beard and gloated, "Now, do you believe that I'm here to save you?"

This is all coming home, how can I not believe it!

The zombie glove was temporarily trapped on the door panel, so it could only keep jumping on the spot. The door panel creaked and seemed to fall apart at any time. I nodded repeatedly and said, "I believe it, I believe it! Beard, since you are here Save me, then hurry up and save me."

Li Botong said, "What's the name?"

A man can bend and stretch, I said, "Second Master!"

"It's not a good name," Li Botong said.

I called out again: "Master!"

Li Botong groaned, smiled very happily, patted me on the shoulder and said, "Since you called me that, then I must save you, let's go!"

"Go?" I asked, "Where are you going?"

Li Botong: "Escape from the window."

I waved my hands and said, "You still let me call you Uncle Master with this little ability, can you do it? You didn't lie to me, did you?"

Li Botong wiped his beard, and said: "It seems that I must show you my hands, and I will wait for the old Taoist to draw a talisman to subdue this monster!" After speaking, he took out a peach wood box from his bosom, and when he opened it, there were pens and paper inside , and a small box of cinnabar, Li Botong took out one of the yellow paper strips, put it on the wall, and then dipped a pen in the cinnabar to start drawing symbols.

I leaned over to take a look, and it looked like a ghostly talisman, but I couldn't tell what was written on it.

I asked, "What did you write?"

Li Bo channeled: "Spells to kill evil."

I asked, "Is this in Albanian?"

Li Bo channeled: "It's Chinese."

This word is too ugly!I watched it for a long time, and finally couldn't help but said: "I've always wanted to ask you, this is something for ghosts. Even a cultured person like me can't understand it. Can those ghosts understand it?"

Li Botong was stunned for a long time, and then said to me: "I really haven't thought about this problem."

I said, "If they don't understand this, can it be effective?"

Pixiu has been eavesdropping on our words, and he couldn't bear it anymore and said: "You don't care about him, as long as it can be used!"

"This one..." Li Botong said, "Next time in the Daoshu seminar, I'll ask Lao Tzu and Zhang Daoling." Then he handed me the talisman and said, "You go and stick this on his chest or back, remember, Corpse Qi condenses in the chest, only these two positions, nothing else!"

I asked, "Why don't you go?"

"As a master, you can't get too used to your apprentice." Li Bo said, "This is a test for you!"

Nonsense you!You just dare not go!
Fortunately, the zombie is stuck on the door now, as long as there is no emergency, it is not difficult to stick a talisman.

I told Pixiu in my heart to protect me, then took the talisman and walked towards the zombie.

Just two steps away, suddenly there was a click in front, and the zombie knocked down the entire door panel!With my hands still on the door, I just carried the door panel and jumped towards me. Now I jumped up, and when I fell down, it was not just the sound of my feet, but also the sound of the door panel hitting the ground.

Boom!Boom!Boom!
It's a lot of work!
Although the door panel blocked the zombie's eyes, he jumped straight towards me as if he could see it. Only then did I realize his insidiousness, his chest was blocked by the door panel!I can't stick it!
But wherever I turn, the zombie jumps there, as if it can sense me.

Li Botong shouted: "He can sense Yang Qi! Hold your breath! Don't breathe!"

I stopped breathing immediately.Sure enough, the zombie stopped, motionless against a large door panel.

I held my breath so hard that my face was sore, I carefully moved behind the zombie, picked up the talisman and was about to slap it on the zombie's back!
It was too late and then too fast, at this moment, the zombie jumped forward violently, I didn't stick the talisman, and fell down.

Looking up, Lady Gaga actually came out, stood in the living room, looked at us, and asked, "What are you doing?"

The zombie jumped towards him without hesitation.

Reddy Gaga looked at me and then at the zombie, pointed at the zombie and said, "Thief!"

The zombie had already jumped in front of Reddy Gaga, and Reddy Gaga yelled: "Thief! You stole my door panel!" Then he stretched out his hand and tore the door panel off the zombie's arm, carrying the door panel and trotting to the door.

The zombie jumped and followed behind him.

Reddy Gaga placed the door panel at the door as it was, and nodded in satisfaction. The zombie had already jumped behind him, only a few steps away from him.

I couldn't help shouting: "Reddy Quack, be careful!"

"careful!"

"What?" Reddy Gaga heard my voice, turned around, and the zombie just jumped in front of him, surrounded Reddy Gaga with his hands from left to right, and then opened his mouth to bite.

"What did you call me for?" Reddy Gaga asked me without hesitation, crawling out from under the zombie's arms.

The zombie took a small bite, and as soon as he closed his mouth, his teeth collided, and there was a 'knock' sound. Obviously, the bite force was not light. If Reddy Gaga was really bitten, he would be injured if he didn't die, and it would hurt if he didn't get hurt!
Reddy Gaga, unaware that he had just escaped death, grinned at me sillily.

Sure enough, fools are the happiest.

"Stop laughing." I quickly shouted, "Come here!"

Reddy quacked and ran towards me bouncing around.

My yell also leaked my yang energy, the zombie behind him jumped into the air, and jumped two ninety degrees to the right on the spot, facing us.

Seeing that the zombie was about to jump again, I suddenly heard the creaking sound of the door panel that Reddy had just placed.

As soon as the zombie jumped up, the door panel behind him fell down with a bang, hitting the zombie's head straight and pressing the zombie down.

The zombie's head was hard enough, so he hit a hole in the wooden board with his head, and then the big door was directly placed on his head.

Even so, the zombie still dragged the door panel and jumped towards us persistently. He couldn't move when he was pressed by the door panel, and he jumped forward. The door panel was placed on his head while it was placed on the ground , being dragged by him and making a piercing sound.

Why do you say this is troublesome?I can't stand it anymore, you will die when you die, and you still have to come here to toss, how much benefit do you think you can get?First the arms and then the head, even if you want to torture yourself, don't come here, you don't care about the body, I still care about my door panel.

When Reddy heard the rattling sound, he turned his head and looked anxiously again: "You stole my door panel again!" Then he wanted to go up again.

I think the zombie finally calmed down, it would be terrible if he stretched out his hand to take off the door panel, and immediately said: "You go behind the door panel and grab him!"

Reddy responded with a quack, ran to the back and pulled the door panel, and now he fixed the zombie, with his head still on the door panel, I don't have to be afraid of him biting me.

I took the amulet and slapped it on the zombie's chest.

The zombie paused for a moment, then immediately stopped moving.

Reddy dragged the door panel and walked back, and moved back with the zombie. I asked, "What are you doing?"

Reddy Gaga said, "It's not safe without a door, thieves will come in, I'm going to put the door on."

I said: "It's not safe for you to install this door with zombies!"

Li Botong supported his beard and said with emotion: "As expected of my apprentice, you did a great job."

I looked at the door panel and thought, how lame do you have to be to think this is a good job?I pointed to the zombie and said, "Tell me what's going on first?"

"In recent years, the village has practiced cremation, and they have been cremated in the crematorium in the city, so there is no such thing anymore. It turns out that everyone who lives in this village knows about this situation." Li Bo said, "I told you that The house is in an extremely yin place, and the first seven nights of resurgence are when the corpse's yin energy is at its peak. The corpse is waiting for the corpse to return to life. At this time, it will undergo a corpse change under the influence of the extremely yin place, and move here. Don't look He is like this now, in fact, there is no soul inside."

I asked, "You will become a zombie in the future?"

"That can't be changed all the time," Li Bo said, "that is, it can be moved in one day, and it will return to the original after the first seven days."

It turned out that they used me as a morgue!

It seemed that the villagers must have known about it.I stretched my head to look outside, and sure enough, I saw a few people standing in the distance, and they didn't come over, so I took a flashlight to shine here, as if observing the situation.

The light in our living room was off, and his flashlight couldn't shine so far, so it was useless to use the flashlight, because he couldn't see anything.

I asked: "Isn't it 12 o'clock on the night of returning to the soul? Now it's past 12 o'clock, why haven't I seen his soul yet?"

As soon as I finished speaking, I saw the result. I saw a few ghosts appearing within the range of the flashlights of the villagers.

One was bound by an iron chain in front and strenuously walked forward, while the other two stood behind and dragged the iron chain back.

The two ghosts in the back are fat and thin, and they are very recognizable.

Isn't that Gou Fugui and Don't Forget?
"Don't leave, don't leave, you have been hiding for so many days, hurry up and go back with us to apply for a household registration. Comrade, think about it, you will go to hell and suffer for revenge, and nothing is more important than obtaining a household registration! . Gou Fugui said: "In the future, you will live and reincarnate in the underworld. Who doesn't need a household registration? If you don't have a household registration, you will be a lonely ghost..."

The ghost shouted: "I don't want to reincarnate! I want to revive my soul! I want to take revenge! Why don't you let me return to my soul!"

"About this matter, we have a document here—the hell file No. qq360." Don Xiangwang took out a list and read: "A letter to the general ghost people. In order to maintain the orderly progress of the residence registration work in the hell, we I have just made a difficult decision. Before reincarnation at Huihun Night, ghosts who have just died will be forced to apply for household registration. Ghosts without household registration will become lonely ghosts and will no longer be able to enjoy the services of public facilities in the underworld. We know that This will cause you some inconvenience, and we sincerely apologize to you. We look forward to your understanding and support."

"What's the use of an apology! Can an apology calm me down?" said the ghost, "I don't support it, I don't understand it!"

"Little comrade, you have to figure it out." Gou Fugui said, "This apology is just talking casually. No one cares whether you accept it or not. It is useless if you don't understand or support it. The higher ups don't care about your opinion. It's all mandatory."

The ghost shouted loudly: "Ah! I won't go, I want revenge! I only built such a house in my life! I'm already dead, and I can't let those bastards demolish my house again!" After saying that, he broke free Gou Fugui and Don't Forget restrained me, rushed towards my house.

Hearing this, I finally understood that this ghost was Wu Xiang who had just died.

Gou Fugui hurriedly shouted to me: "Comrade Lei Feng, stop him for me!"

The two underworld civil servants lacked exercise, and their speed was completely inferior to that of Wu Xiang who rushed towards us like a wild mouse. When Gou Fugui yelled at me, Wu Xiang had already rushed into the house.

Do I still need to do it myself to stop him?I snorted contemptuously from the tip of my nose, then opened my mouth and spit out two words calmly: "Pixiu!" The next second, Pixiu jumped out of the jade pendant with a whoosh, and stretched out its claws to pin Wu Xiang under him Subdued.

"Oh, Comrade Lei Feng." Gou Fugui floated in panting, and when he saw this scene, he showed admiration, "I haven't seen you for a while, you have become a leader!"

That was, I walked up to Wu Xiang with my hands behind my back.

Wu Xiang saw my door panel on his shoulder, and shouted angrily: "What have you done to my body!"

I said angrily, "Go and ask what your body has done to my door!"

"Mr. Ma, it's a good thing you're here." Wu Xiangwang picked up the iron chain tied to Wu Xiang and said, "We've been chasing this ghost for a few days, and it's really hard to catch."

Wu Xiang was crushed by Paixiu, and he was still yelling: "I don't want to be reincarnated! I don't want to be reincarnated!"

"Hey..." Li Botong shook his head, walked over and said to Wu Xiang, "Benefactor, since you have died, then the affairs of the world have nothing to do with you. , you are just strangers, you don’t know anyone, and the grievances and hatreds are all in vain, why are you so persistent now?"

When Reddy Gaga saw Li Botong, his eyes lit up, and he ran over, reaching out to grab his beard.Li Botong's face was calm, no matter how he grabbed it, he was as stable as Mount Tai.

"Yes, yes!" Gou Fugui came over and said to Wu Xiang, "It's more important to get a household registration as soon as possible!" Then he looked at Li Botong with admiration, and whispered to me, "This Taoist priest looks like a tall man. .”

Wu Xiang shouted: "I have been a countryman all my life, so I don't know what you mean! I just know that my wife and son are at home guarding the house! I can't let outsiders bully them!"

"Good and evil will eventually be rewarded, and the way of heaven is reincarnation. If you don't believe me, look up and see who will be spared." Li Botong swung his whisk and knocked off Reddy's hand that was scratching his beard. , you don’t have to worry, they will all die.”

Isn’t this nonsense, there is no one who is immortal, wait for someone to eat and drink and live to die at the age of 80, and you say that God’s retribution has come, then the ghost will believe you.While thinking about it, I looked at Wu Xiang, only to realize that I was wrong, and no one would believe him.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Wu Xiang said, "Anyway, I can't let him bully my wife and children, don't settle this matter! I don't want to die, even if... just do it..." Wu Xiang probably wanted to talk about being a lonely soul Wild ghosts are also good, but their level of education is not that high, and they can't think of that word. After seeing Gou Fugui, don't forget each other, and said fiercely: "Even if I am a ghost without a registered permanent residence, I will recognize it!"

With a bitter face, Gou Fugui asked Li Botong respectfully, "Look, Taoist priest, what should we do?"

He was deceived by Li Botong's appearance again.

Li Botong shook his head and said, "It's okay, it's the retribution for the person who harmed him. We should stop that person from demolishing the house, and fulfilling his wish is also considered a good deed." Then he turned to Lei Di beside him. Quack said, "If you pull my beard again, I'll beat you!"

Don't forget to ask: "Leader, what should we do about this matter?"

Gou Fugui said: "Since the Taoist priest has said so, there is no other way."

It hasn't been a while, and they have matured like this with Li Botong!

"We are busy with business." Gou Fugui came over and patted my shoulder and said, "Comrade Lei Feng, you can help him."

I knew it couldn't be done without me.

I said, "That's fine."

Gou Fugui suddenly gasped, looked behind me and said, "I seem to have seen this ghost baby before."

(End of this chapter)