90 days of cultivation temperament goddess

Chapter 22 Communicate gently and show your infinite charm (1)
A woman's temperament is sometimes reflected in her tactful and smooth communication with others.

Women who are good at communicating with people and have the help of noble people are the most attractive.Personal network cannot be compared with temperament, but it is an intangible asset. Without rich network resources and noble people's help, you may be lonely and struggling.

The essence of popularity is the quantifier of temperament.The richer your network resources are, the higher your popularity will naturally be, and the stronger your charm will naturally be.

Let beauty be your capital

In terms of communication skills, pretty girls have an advantage.But girls can't think that they are sure to win just because they are beautiful. If they are dazzled by beauty and lose their minds, beauty is not a capital for your personal growth, but a killer.

She is well-known in the car industry in City H. She is a car model. Every time there is a car show in the city, car dealers will look for her.In the circle of car models, she is a "big name" figure, earning a lot of money every year.But this time, the car dealer who has worked with her for many years did not find her.She knew that the car dealer was particularly interested in her beauty and body, but she had no interest in the car dealer.She wondered if it was because of this that she was left out by the car dealer who hired her with a high salary every year.

It was later confirmed that this was not the case, because the car sales company changed hands, and a message came over: "You are too proud, our boss likes low-key women."

Of course, there are many car dealers in the city, and she has many opportunities.

Three years ago, one of her classmates invited her to invest in a themed cafe, and she had enough money to open the themed restaurant at that time.But she thinks it's really good to be a car model, surrounded by flashing lights and focused by men's eyes, they support her like a goddess, and she can dictate to them.

The classmate told her that this is all a cloud of the past, and you must have your own career.

She doesn't care, because she has beauty herself, and beauty can create value.Now she is still a car model, a car model who is afraid of being robbed by car dealers, and her classmates have opened the eighth shop, living the days of going to Japan to see the sea in summer and Canada in autumn to see maple leaves.

One day, she saw some photos in a pictorial, a white-haired, wrinkled woman sitting in front of the window of an old-fashioned bungalow, her face full of melancholy.She is Heidi Lamar, a once amazing American Hollywood movie star.Lamar was quite accomplished in electronic science back then. She was awarded the Medal of Honor by the Electronic Science Foundation of the United States, and she was also a key researcher in the field of "Spectrum Extension" in the United States.However, because of her beauty, she embarked on the road of acting and gave up her research.Lamar's life sentiment is: "If I am not beautiful, maybe I will be better now."

What happened to Lamar touched her a lot.She suddenly discovered that it turns out that beauty will delay people and bury many opportunities.Since then, she has thought about changing.

Generally speaking, after girls reach their teens, they begin to realize the role of beauty in the field of communication.There are many people who praise them, and many people chase them. Because they are beautiful, they are very eye-catching and popular.Gradually, in the eyes of beautiful girls, beauty can have enough say.This kind of thinking is dangerous. Beauty can be your capital. Use it at the right time, and it can open up many difficulties in your life, but you can’t fall into complacency just because you have beauty, otherwise you will be like that pull Mal is as sunk as "she" in the story.

There are also many beautiful and intelligent famous women, such as Lin Chiling.From "Taiwan's No.1 model" to the heroine of "Red Cliff" and "Assassin's Tomb", Lin Chiling has become the big sister of Taiwan's entertainment industry.In addition to her good figure and good looks, Lin Chiling's temperament and reputation are also top-notch, and her upbringing is not generally good. She has always been smiling and polite.You can say that this has a lot to do with her family background.In Taiwan, Lin Chiling is also one of the most famous ladies. Her father Lin Fannan's career spans the aluminum products and technology industries, and her mother Wu Cimei is also a big beauty.But in modern society, there are not one or two people who come from a famous family but are flamboyant and maverick, and there are not a few who are almost drowned by the saliva of netizens. The continuous popularity of Lin Damei is definitely related to her style of dealing with people and social occasions. They are inseparable from the real ladies in the world.

Only an excellent woman like Lin Chiling has a beautiful appearance and a wise heart, so girls must make reasonable use of their beauty, and must not let themselves sink because of their short-term beauty.

Don't overestimate your own beauty, and don't underestimate a man's IQ
The two things that women are most likely to overestimate are their own beauty and the feelings of men.Beauty is a short-term visual advantage, not a core competitiveness.Most of the men who are interested in your appearance break into your life just to get away.Don't underestimate the IQ of men, they know what they want.For men, country is always more important than beauty.

Low-key and harmonious communication art

She is a "high scholar in the mountains", she has the good character of raising eyebrows, and she is Xue Baochai.Over the years, some people hate her and some people like her, but the way of dealing with her is worth learning.Indeed, Xue Baochai is very good at dealing with the world. She maintains a kind, natural, appropriate and decent relationship with people from all walks of life. There is no expression of indifference, which manifests itself in any form of expression; the joyful person also does not see the affection of sweetness, which manifests in any form of expression." Talking little, people call it "pretending to be stupid"; being content at all times, it is said to be "reserving clumsiness".Even for Aunt Zhao who was looked down upon by others, she never showed indifference or contempt, so she was praised by all kinds of people in Jia's house.Mother Jia praised her "that child is meticulous and thinks about everything properly"; Aunt Zhao, who never praised others, also said, "Miss Bao is very proper".Even the little girls get closer to her.Xue Baochai's attitude is naturally easier to be accepted and won the favor of others than Lin Daiyu's willful flair, which is beyond doubt.

What is her philosophy of life and art of communication?
Confucianism and Taoism complementary philosophy of life

Generally speaking, Xue Baochai adopts a philosophy of life that complements Confucianism and Taoism.To relatives, Xue Baochai adopts Confucian filial piety; to others, Xue Baochai embodies the Confucian "benevolence" thought, but this kind of "benevolence" is by no means "universal love", its essence is "there are differences in love, Push yourself and others."From the perspective of Taoism, Xue Baochai is good at avoiding and weakening conflicts in the process of interacting with others; he cultivates his mind and cultivates his character and takes care of himself alone.Xue Baochai uses this stern life attitude that complements Confucianism and Taoism to deal with the world, and shapes herself into a nearly perfect image of a goddess of temperament.

Be a low-key person, a flower of interpretation
Xue Baochai has never been public, and has always been low-key in his life and work, so he always has excellent sensitivity to other people's thoughts.For example, in the section "Responsiveness to relatives", it is written that she quietly warned Baoyu and Yuanchun not to use the word "jade" and changed "green jade" to "green wax".Later, Mother Jia wanted to celebrate her birthday and asked her what dramas she liked to listen to and what food she liked to eat.She knew very well that old people like lively dramas and sweet food, so she answered according to Jia Mu's usual hobbies.Maybe some people will ridicule this as a way of trying to figure out and cater to people's hearts, but isn't this the quality that an understanding woman should have?For Lin Daiyu's repeated sarcasm and provocations, she just pursed her lips and smiled, or pretended not to hear, or turned around and left, not giving Lin Daiyu a chance to create a direct conflict.

Chapter 30 of A Dream of Red Mansions has this description:
At that time, Baochai said that she was hot, so she didn't go to the theater, so Baoyu compared Baochai with Concubine Yang. When Baochai heard about it, she blushed immediately, and when she was about to have an attack, it was not good. Then he sneered twice and said, "I'm like Concubine Yang, but I don't have a good brother or brother who can be Yang Guozhong!" Just as he was talking, it happened that the little girl Dier lost her fan and laughed with Baochai: " Miss Bao must have hidden mine, good girl, reward me." Baochai pointed at him and said sharply, "Be careful! Who have you seen me playing with? Those girls who are always smiling with you, you You should ask them."

Here, Lin Daiyu heard Baoyu ridiculing Baochai, and she was really proud, so she wanted to speak up and take advantage of the situation to make a joke. She didn't want Dianer to look for a fan, and Baochai said a few more words, so she changed her mouth and said with a smile: "Sister Bao, What play did you listen to?" Seeing Lin Daiyu's complacent expression, Baochai understood that she must have listened to Baoyu's ridicule just now, and fulfilled her wish, so she said with a smile, "I'm watching Li Kui. He scolded Song Jiang, and later apologized." Baoyu laughed and said, "My sister knows all about the present and the past, and knows all about sex. Why don't you even know the name of this play, so you just talk about it. Baochai laughed and said, "It turns out that this is called "Apologizing to the Thorn"! You only know "Apologizing to the Thorn" because you know the present and the past. I don't know what "Apologizing to the Thorn" is!" I was sick in my heart (last time, Baoyu and Daiyu just reconciled after a conflict), and they blushed a long time ago after hearing this.When Baochai wanted to talk again, seeing that Baoyu was ashamed, he couldn't say anything more, so he had to stop it with a smile.

Just imagine what would happen to Daiyu. With her petty temper, she finally seized the opportunity, would she "take it with a smile"?It must be unreasonable and unforgiving, making people unable to step down.

Pretending to be stupid and clumsy, restrained and self-sufficient

Because Baochai can pretend to be stupid and keep a low profile in the world, her level and state of life are not comparable to ordinary people.

"Dream of Red Mansions" No.40 seven chapters, in "The Dumb Overlord Flirting and Being Beaten Hardly", Aunt Xue saw that Xue Pan was beaten, she felt distressed and hated at the same time, she scolded Xue Pan once, and Liu Xianglian again , intending to tell Mrs. Wang that she would send someone to find Liu Xianglian.Baochai hurriedly persuaded: "It's not a big deal, but it's normal for them to drink together and turn their faces after drinking. It's not uncommon for someone who is drunk to get beaten a few times. Besides, our family is known to be lawless. …Now that Mom is the first to tell everyone about something important, it seems that Mom is partial to spoiling him and allowing him to make troubles and recruit people. Today, I accidentally suffered a loss, and Mom just like this mobilizes teachers and mobilizes people, relying on relatives to bully ordinary people." Aunt Xue listened I also had to accept: "My son, after all, you are thoughtful, and I was confused for a while." Then, Baochai further cooled Aunt Xue's temperature: "That's good. He is not afraid of Mom, and he doesn't listen to people's persuasion." Even if it seems like a day, if he suffers two or three losses, that's all."

My family is in trouble, what should I do?The three schools of Confucianism, Buddhism, and Taoism talk about seeking self-blame from within, and don't blame the other party first. This is the method of self-examination and self-criticism that has evolved into modern times.Baochai said: "That's good. Xue Pan has done a lot of bad things, let him suffer some losses, pay back some debts, and make him restrain himself. What's wrong?" Baochai's high determination here is not only in Wang Xifeng, You can't find high-quality women like Lin Daiyu, and it's hard to find even men like Jia Zheng and Jia Lian.

What's even more valuable is that Xue Baochai doesn't always adopt a low-key approach when encountering problems. She can also act decisively when encountering things that require her to stand out.For example, for Xiangling who was abused by her sister-in-law Xia Jingui, she decisively took him to her side and gave him warm care so that he would not be bullied.

It is a kind of wisdom and a kind of concentration to live in a low-key manner and pretend to be stupid.Xue Baochai's ability to deal with things skillfully has been praised by the people of the Jia family, and this is where her strength lies.

Xue Baochai is the "clear snow in the mountains", and she embodies many realistic and worldly good things. This point is very worthy of our study.Nowadays, there are too many women who are high-profile, extroverted, and smart, so it is rare to see the style of a high-ranking scholar.If everyone can learn some restraint and introversion from Baochai, there will be many more beautiful women.

Talk about it, be a woman who speaks with joy

A woman with a sense of joy, even if she looks mediocre, can win by impression points.

Some people are born with a sense of joy, such as Guan Ling, such as Miriam Yeung.If you don't have this pleasing appearance, you have to rely on saying something that makes you happy.

Sometimes, a short sentence can touch the depths of a person's heart, making people happy and sad.An attractive woman knows how to speak from the bottom of her heart, and it sounds gratifying. When you can talk eloquently, every word is precious, and make people around you happy because of your words, you have already gained infinite charm.

"We quarreled again yesterday." "I fell out with ×× again." "The boss said that I said the wrong thing and messed up the matter." In life, you can often hear these women complaining to others, and they will talk about A war of words between oneself and others.If you ask carefully about the reasons, you will find that most of the disputes are actually just one or two inappropriate sentences.

This phenomenon is very common in life. Almost everyone has encountered a verbal conflict once or twice that almost caused a big storm.Some women are too rash, not paying attention to what and how they speak, and ignite the fuse all at once.

One day, a friend happily told me that he had just returned from a trip to Europe and had learned a French dish and wanted to cook it for us, so he invited us to his home for dinner.

My friend is a person who loves food and likes to bring other people to do it together.His wife, however, doesn't like the kitchen.None of us dared to speak when the friend solemnly brought out a large plate of unflattering looking food from the kitchen.

"Oh, it's just ugly, but it's actually delicious." Although the dish looked messed up, my friend was still very interested and warmly invited everyone to taste it.

At this time, instead of smoothing things over for him, her wife said contemptuously, "If you don't know how to cook, don't do it. How shameful it is to create a 'disaster'!"

The party that day ended in the black face of this friend. When we left, the two had another big fight and almost separated.This wife is dissatisfied with her husband's cooking skills and hospitality. She shouldn't be so straightforward. A stranger can't stand hurtful words, let alone a husband who is full of expectations.
In fact, in life, there are many women like this lady. They have one or another shortcoming in expression but they don’t know it. Opportunity.There are many similar examples. The jealous boyfriend asked the girl why but was retorted, the female staff made trouble out of their mouths, the person who obviously wanted to apologize aggravated the other party's anger, and a momentary slip of the tongue led to the loss of a big client... Failed Cases abound. When women put so much effort into their appearance, do they think of improving their sense of joy in speaking?
Listen patiently and find the other person's interest
An attractive woman should have a good eloquence, but she never needs to be eloquent or speak out of script for 3 hours. Instead, she must be good at listening, judge the information that the other party is interested in, and then speak to the listener's heart.

find common ground and deepen the relationship
Brainy people are good at empathizing with others.A psychologist once said that a common language is the panacea of ​​social communication.Smart people will find common ground between themselves and each other, so as to deepen the relationship.If you want to become a master in speaking, you have to work hard in communicating with your heart.Try to get in touch with the other person's thoughts and talk to the other person about the topics he is interested in, which will make you get twice the result with half the effort in making friends and talking about work.

A friend who is engaged in car sales is a star salesman in his industry. He once said a sales experience when he was young.One day, he was leading an elderly client to look at the car. The chatty client talked about his business, his family, his daughter's rebellious period, and his son's grades in last semester.The friend was still a young man at the time, without a wife and children, so he couldn't talk to him for a while.If this continues, the customer will become impatient because of the tasteless talk.

(End of this chapter)