Pillow Book of Talmud Wisdom

Chapter 8 Do not do to yourself what others do not want you to do to yourself—Jews talk about treating yourself well (2)
Living is a kind of responsibility, the most important thing is to have love, love yourself, love others, this is the meaning of life.The first step in learning to love yourself is to no longer judge yourself by other people's standards, but to establish your own set of value standards.Then use it as a basis for living.We also have to learn how to get along with ourselves and not judge ourselves too often.We can help ourselves to like ourselves by doing the following.

First, jump out of the mode of "comparing with others" and become an independent self "comparing with yourself".It is not easy to do this, because most of the education and social influence we have received since childhood is compared with others. We have formed habits, but habits can be changed. Everything is difficult at the beginning!It is best to find a good friend to do it together, encourage each other, learn from each other and support each other.

Second, write down all your good qualities.Some people find it difficult to write about their strengths, but it is quick and easy when they are asked to write about their weaknesses. So please take a moment to think about your strengths. If you can’t think of them, ask your friends or family members. Sometimes it is others who know our strengths more than we know ourselves.

Third, write down what you do every day, and put a mark on good things and good performances, such as "hard work", "seriousness", "hard work", etc., and mark things that need improvement and deficiencies, such as "proud" ", "Lazy" and so on, put a mark on it, and make a general record at night. After making the record, appreciate and affirm the good deeds you have done; tell yourself about the things that need to be improved: Today I am a little selfish, and tomorrow I will be selfish. I will improve and do better.Be grateful for everything and everyone that happened today for the opportunity to learn, improve, and grow.

Fourth, learn to appreciate the strengths of others and tolerate the shortcomings of others.

"Self-love" is a very healthy expression for every normal person.Moderate self-care is absolutely necessary in order to do a job or achieve a goal.Therefore, in order to live a healthy and mature life, "like yourself" is one of the necessary conditions.

Everyone has a role to play in life.This function must be manifested according to one's own personality, not imitating others.When you understand this, you will have confidence in yourself.

If you know how to love yourself, don't be harsh on yourself. No matter how perfect people are, they will make mistakes like ordinary people. Why should we hate ourselves and stop loving ourselves?Sometimes we have to practice self-relaxation, laugh at some of our mistakes, and learn to like ourselves.Because only those who like themselves will be liked by others.

Everyone needs self-motivation

Children need encouragement, and adults need encouragement; others need encouragement, and you also need encouragement.What is encouragement?Encouragement is the re-understanding and re-identification of others and themselves through specific rewards.

In the northern suburbs of New York, there lived a girl named Emily. She complained all day long and believed that her ideal would never be realized. Her ideal is also the ideal of every young girl: marry a handsome Prince Charming, To grow old together.Emily always thinks that other people have this kind of happiness, but she is always rejected by happiness thousands of miles away.

One rainy afternoon, the unfortunate Emily went to a famous psychologist, because he was said to relieve all suffering.She was let into the psychologist's office, and when they shook hands, her cold hand made the psychologist's heart tremble.He looked at the melancholy girl, her eyes were dull and hopeless, and her voice seemed to come from a cemetery.Her whole body and mind seemed to be crying to the psychologist: "I'm hopeless! I'm the most unfortunate woman in the world!"

The psychologist sat Emily down and talked with her, gradually gaining some insight.Finally he said to her: "Emily, I'll find a way, but you have to do what I say." He asked Emily to buy a new suit and get her hair done. Millie, all dressed up, told her he had a party at his house on Tuesday and he wanted to invite her to it.

Still sullen, Emily said to the psychologist, "I can't be happy even at a party. Who needs me, and what can I do?" The psychologist told her, "What you have to do is very simple. Your task is to help me take care of my guests, welcome them on my behalf, and send them my best regards."

On Tuesday, Emily was invited to the party.She performed her duties according to the instructions of the psychologist. She greeted the guests for a while, served drinks for the guests for a while, and opened windows for the guests for a while.Her lively eyes and charming smile became a rainbow at the party. When the party ended, three men volunteered to send her home at the same time.

Week after week, month after month, these three men courted Emily passionately, and Emily finally chose one of them to wear her engagement ring.Soon, at the wedding, someone said to the psychologist: "You have performed miracles." "No," said the psychologist, "she has performed miracles for herself. One cannot always think of oneself and pity oneself. , but should think about others and be considerate of others. Emily understood this truth, so she changed. All women can have this miracle, as long as you think about it, you can make yourself beautiful."

give yourself some psychological compensation

Now, the phenomenon of psychological imbalance happens from time to time in life.When encountering unsatisfactory grades, failing the college entrance examination, quarreling with family members, being misunderstood and ridiculed, etc., all kinds of negative emotions will accumulate in the heart, which will make the mind lose its balance.Negative emotions occupy a part of the heart, and due to the effect of inertia, this part becomes heavier and narrower; while the unoccupied part becomes more and more empty and lighter.Therefore, the mind is obviously divided into two parts, the heavy one is depressed, and the light one is impetuous, which leads to violent, rash, biased and stupid behaviors that are hard to restrain.Although this is the natural release of the energy accumulated in the mind, its behavior is destructive.

What we need at this time is "psychological compensation".Looking at the strong in ancient and modern China and abroad, the secret of their success includes being good at adjusting psychological imbalances, restoring balance through psychological compensation, and even increasing constructive psychological energy.

Someone made a rather vivid analogy: a person is like a scale, the left side is the psychological compensation function, and the right side is the negative emotion and psychological pressure.To the extent that you can weight the compensating function to achieve psychological balance, the extent to which you have the time and energy to do the tasks that are left to you and have enough fun to enjoy life.

So, how should we increase the weight of psychological compensation?

Have a correct self-evaluation.Emotions change along with people's self-evaluation and needs satisfaction status.Therefore, people must learn to evaluate themselves correctly at any time.Some teenagers are always in a state of depression or resentment, even pessimistic and world-weary because their self-evaluation is not affirmed and certain needs are not met. , and finally came to a dead end.It can be seen from this that young people must correctly evaluate themselves, and their expectations for things should not be too much higher than the actual value.When certain expectations cannot be met, be good at comforting and convincing yourself.Fear not, a life without regrets is a flat, lifeless life.Regret is an "additive" in life. It adds impetus to change and pursuit in life, makes people uneasy about the status quo, and always has room for improvement.Everywhere there is regret, but everywhere there is hope, hope comforts regret, and regret enriches hope.As the French writer Alexandre Dumas said: "Life is a string of beads made up of countless small troubles, and a philosophical person counts the beads with a smile." A life without regrets is the greatest regret.

In order to be self-aware, it is often necessary to take the evaluations of others into perspective.Therefore, often exchanging ideas with others and relying on the help of friends is an effective means to obtain psychological compensation.

You must realize that the troubles you encounter are inevitable in life.Psychological compensation is based on reason.People have feelings, and naturally they will not be insensitive to unpleasant things.Irrational people like to complain, complain, justify and complain everywhere, as if this can get rid of the pain.In fact, it is often a waste of time, reality is still reality.A wise person admits the reality, neither fantasizes about the sudden disappearance of setbacks and troubles, nor regrets what happened at the beginning, but thinks that things that don't go well are often encountered by others, and it's not that God is against you.In this way, you will reduce your psychological pressure, calm down as soon as possible, analyze the matter, sum up experience and lessons, and actively seek solutions.

In the face of setbacks, we should properly use some "spiritual victory method", that is, the so-called "Ah Q spirit", which is helpful for psychological compensation in adversity.For example, if the experiment fails, you should think of failure as the mother of success; if you are misunderstood or slandered, you should think of the principle of "growing up amid scolding".

However, we should also pay attention when making psychological compensation. Self-comfort does not mean letting go and justifying mistakes.A truly philosophical person is often the most ruthless critic of his own shortcomings and mistakes, the most demanding enterprising person, and the person who is willing to challenge himself.

Remember the words of Hugo: "Laughter is sunshine, it can drive away the winter in people's faces."

(End of this chapter)