dead souls, imperial envoy

Chapter 60 Nose (3)
After hearing these words, Kovalev was completely disappointed.At this time, he caught a glimpse of the drama bulletin at the bottom of the newspaper, on which was written the name of an actress, what a beauty!He couldn't help laughing again, and put his hand into his pocket, hoping to find a blue note worth five rubles.He wanted to invite the school officer to watch this play. In his opinion, sitting in an ordinary seat is obviously not in line with the status of a school officer.However, he immediately thought about his missing nose, and now he really can't do anything, it's just hopeless!

His pain seemed to touch the white-haired staff member.The man felt it necessary to express his pity for him, and it must have comforted him.So Pulsatilla said: "It's a pity that such a bad thing happened to you. Wouldn't it be better to take a snuff? Whether you have difficulty breathing, headache, or hemorrhoids, snuff can help you It has a very good therapeutic effect." As he said that, he flexibly folded the lid of the snuffbox to the bottom, and on the lid was a beautiful woman with a hat on her head.Then he handed the snuffbox to Kovalev.

He was originally well-intentioned, but Kovalev was irritated, and he said angrily: "It's so strange that you can still laugh at me at such a time. Now I don't even have a snuff tool. You can't even see it, can you? I'm not interested in snuff at all now, so put your snuff away! No matter how good snuff you give me, it's not going to please me right now, let alone what you give me. Birch smoke is such a low-quality thing." After finishing these words, Kovalev left the newspaper office sadly.Next, he went directly to visit the chief of the police station.Candy was the bureau chief's favorite, and many businessmen gave him candy towers to curry favor with him.Now, the candy towers fill his sprawling front and dining room.With the help of the female chef, the director is now taking off the boots that are above the knee-the position requires that he must wear these things when he is working.His uniform and the saber were removed and put aside.As for his triangular official hat, it became his son's toy at the moment.His son is only three years old this year, and ordinary people dare not even look directly at that official hat, but he has no fear.The director has been busy all day today, shouting and drinking, and at the moment when he returns home from get off work, he only intends to enjoy life in peace.

He stretched himself, and moaned indistinctly: "At this time, I really should sleep for two hours!" Kovalev walked into the director's house and saw this scene just in time.Obviously, it is definitely not a wise choice for him to visit at this time.Under such circumstances, if he wants to be welcomed by the director, shouldn't he bring some fine woolen cloth or tea to the director?You know, no matter what kind of artwork, the director can't put it down.Of course, the money that the chief loves most is banknotes.The director often said this way: "This thing is really good. Where can I find something better than this? It's small and just put it in your pocket. It doesn't need food, and it's not fragile. If you don't believe me, put it in your pocket Throw it on the ground and try it, it won't be strange if it breaks!"

When entertaining Kovalev, the director was obviously not enthusiastic enough.He said that resting after eating is a rule established by God early in the morning, so even if you want to investigate any case, you can't choose to investigate it at this time.From this, Kovalev learned that the director was indeed very proficient in those ancient rules.The director also said, how many majors are there in the world, and what kind of people do not have them?Someone who can even have his nose cut off must not be a serious person. This kind of person hangs around in those shady and despicable places all day long, and his clothes are disheveled.

Kovalev felt as if he had been hit with a sap in the head when he heard him say this.It should be added here that Kovalev is very petty and irritable.He can only accept others to judge himself, but he must not tolerate others belittling his official position.When watching the play, he couldn't tolerate the appearance of lines that slandered the school officer. If the lines were only aimed at the lieutenant, he could accept it.His obsession with the official position has reached such a point. At this time, he hit such a nail in front of the director, so he shook his head and said very seriously: "I think your critical words are completely unreasonable. I think There is no need to refute." After saying this, he turned around and left.

Along the way, his steps were heavy and slow.It was not until the evening that he finally returned home.He has been running around for so long, but he has found nothing.Now when I return home, I feel quiet and lonely, and I can't help feeling disgusted.There was a dirty leather sofa in the front hall of the house. When he passed by, he saw his servant Yi Fan lying on his back on the sofa.Not to mention he was lying there, spitting up the ceiling over and over again, and each time the spit stuck to the same spot.As soon as Kovalev saw his relaxed and contented appearance, he became very angry, picked up his hat and hit Ifan on the head, angrily said: "Why do you keep doing such stupid things, you are so stupid! pig!"

Yi Fan got up immediately and quickly stepped forward to help him take off the cloak.

Kovalev went back to his room and sat down on a chair, feeling pained and tired.He sighed several times, and finally said: "My God! My luck is terrible! I would rather be missing feet, or missing hands, or missing ears, and I have to deal with this situation." It wouldn't be very difficult to imagine, even though it would look pretty ugly. But if it's missing a nose, my God, a guy without a nose looks neither like a man nor like a bird, and no one knows what he looks like It's hard to see why you're still here like this, just pick it up and throw it out of the window. If you accidentally lost the nose, it's understandable. If it's in a duel, or on the battlefield It is even more forgivable if I let the enemy cut it off. But what about my nose? It was lost for no reason, and I can't even find a valid reason. How could such a strange thing happen? It's unreasonable!" Kovalev pondered for a while, and then said, "This matter is really unreasonable. Who would lose his nose for no reason? It's unreasonable, no matter how you look at it. All the same. Either I was crazy, delusional, or I was dreaming. Maybe I drank the alcohol that I was going to put on my face after shaving. He must be totally ignorant, because that idiot Yi Fan didn’t even remember to take the alcohol away.” Major Kovalev felt that his alcoholism should have passed, and to prove this, he stretched out his hand and slapped himself hard. After twisting it hard, the pain was so severe that he couldn't help but yelled.If it is still in a dream at this moment, how can there be such a strong pain?He tiptoed to the mirror, thinking that his nose should still be there, so he squinted at himself in the mirror.But the reality didn't turn out as he wished. Seeing his own appearance, he immediately took several steps back and sighed, "It's so ugly!"

This is really hard to explain.If it's buttons, watches, spoons, etc., it can be justified.But losing your nose, and losing your nose in your own room, is just too bizarre.Kovalev thought about this matter seriously, and finally came to the conclusion that the school officer's wife named Podtchenna was the culprit in this matter.Other than that, he couldn't think of any other reasonable explanation.The school official's wife has always wanted to betroth her family's daughter to Kovalev.In fact, Kovalev often teased the lady, but his actions were generally more secretive.Later, the school official's wife put it bluntly, hoping that he could be her son-in-law.However, Kovalev said a lot of nonsense to perfuse her. He said that he planned to dedicate the next five years to the country. After all, he was not very old. Time to talk.In this way, he distanced himself from the school official's wife and her family's daughter Qianjin.What he did must have annoyed the officer's wife.In order to take revenge on him, the school official's wife invited a witch to do something to make him into the bad shape he is now.Besides this reason, what other reason could make him lose his nose?I really can't figure it out.You know, he's the only one in his room.On Wednesday, the barber named Ivan Yakovlevich had just shaved him once.At that time, his nose was still on his face.On the following Thursday, he vividly remembers, his nose showed no signs of losing it.Even if someone really cut off his nose, then he would at least feel the pain, which is reasonable!After the nose is cut off, there will be a scar, and the scar will not heal so quickly and become as smooth as a pancake.He pondered what to do next.Either take the school official's wife to court in accordance with legal procedures, or go directly to her house to expose the vicious thing she did to her face.At this time, a faint light came in through the crack of the door, making Kovalev temporarily stop thinking.It must be Yi Fan who lit the candles in the front hall, he thought.Yi Fan quickly walked over with a candle, the candle was so bright that it illuminated the whole house.Kovalev hastily covered the place where his nose had been with a handkerchief.Otherwise, if this idiot saw his strange face, he would definitely be terrified.

Suddenly someone asked in the front hall, "Excuse me, is this the home of the eighth-class civil servant Kovalev?" At this moment, Yi Fan was still staying in the civil servant's room.

Kovalev responded: "Yes, this is Major Kovalev's house, please come in!" Then he hurried over and opened the door to welcome the man.

The person who came was a police officer, with a fat face and beards, and looked extraordinary.He is the police officer who appeared on the Bridge of Isaac, whom we mentioned at the beginning of the story.

"Did you lose your nose?"

"Yes."

"We got it back."

Major Kovalev yelled, "Huh?" He was so excited that he almost forgot what to say.The police officer stood right in front of him, the candlelight flickering on his plump cheeks and plump lips.Kovalev stared at him raptly, and finally asked: "How did you get it back?"

"It's a queer thing to say, when we stopped him, he was about to run away from here. He was going to Riga at that time, and he was already in the carriage. He had already obtained a passport in the name of some government official. It looks like a gentleman, even I thought so at first, it's a weird thing! However, I soon found out that it was just a nose, because I had my glasses on, which is lucky Who made my eyes short-sighted? Even if you stand right in front of me, I can’t see your facial features and beard clearly. The only thing I can see is the general outline of your face. My wife’s mother, that is My mother-in-law is in the same situation as me."

Kovalev asked excitedly: "Where is my nose now? I want to see it right away!"

"You don't have to worry about this, I've brought it here with me. You can't do it without it, I know that very well. Another strange thing is that the barber on Ascension Avenue is the culprit in this case .We've got him now. This drunken crook. He just stole buttons from a store the day before yesterday. This guy likes to steal. I've been suspicious of him since early in the morning. Well, you see Look at your nose, it's not different from before." As he said that, the police officer took out the nose from his pocket, which was still wrapped in paper.

Kovalev exclaimed: "Oh, it's my nose! No mistake! Please do me a favor, how about we go and have a cup of tea?"

"I really want to go, but I have to go to a mental hospital next time, I'm so sorry! Things are getting more and more expensive now! Our family has a lot of people, and I have to support my wife's mother , my mother-in-law has to support a few children. My eldest son is very smart and looks promising, but it's a pity that I can't give him a good education because I don't have that much money."

Kovalev already understood his hint, so he took a red note worth ten rubles from the table and asked him to accept it.The officer put his feet together, saluted Kovalev, and then left.The moment he went out, his scolding came from outside, and then passed into Kovalev's ears.He slapped a redneck hard on the face for being so stupid that he drove his car onto the pavement.

After sending off the police officer, Kovalev still seemed to be dreaming.Faced with this unexpected surprise event, he suddenly lost consciousness, and even his vision was blurred.After a few minutes, he finally regained consciousness and returned to reality.He stretched out his hands, carefully held the newly lost nose in his hands, and carefully observed it for a long time.

He said, "It's my nose, that's right! The little pimple that came out yesterday is still on the left side of the nose." He was so happy that he almost laughed out loud.

However, just like after a stone falls into the water, the water surface will soon turn from motion to stillness.It didn't take long for Kovalev to feel that this cheerful mood had subsided. As time went by, his mood became more and more depressed, and finally returned to his usual calm.Only then did Kovalev realize that the matter had not yet come to an end, and the nose must be installed in its original position before the matter could be considered a satisfactory solution.

The major said to himself: "If you can't install it back, what should you do?" His face immediately turned pale.

There was an indescribable sense of panic in his heart, prompting him to come to the table.Fearing that there might be a misalignment when installing the nose, he reached out and moved the mirror closer.He carefully put his nose back in its previous position.God!The nose won't stick!too terrifying!He blew hot air up his nose to warm it up a bit and started the installation again.The middle of his face, where his nose used to be, is now just a flattened area of ​​skin.He put the nose on it, but the nose didn't have half the will to stay there, no matter what he did, he couldn't make it stick there obediently.

The major scolded: "You bastard, go up!" But the nose didn't even react at all.Then, the nose fell to the ground, and the sound sounded like a cork had been dropped, which was very eerie.Kovalev's face twitched, and he said in fear: "Why are you disobedient?" He continued to tirelessly install his nose, but no matter how hard he tried, the result was in vain.

He called Yi Fan loudly and told him to invite a doctor over.The doctor the major mentioned also lives in this building, and a high-end apartment on the second floor is his residence.This doctor looked very prestigious at first glance, with a black beard, which was trimmed very beautifully.His wife is cheerful and eats several freshly picked apples every morning.It takes a full 45 minutes to brush her teeth and rinse her mouth in the morning. Not only that, she needs to use a total of five types of toothbrushes when brushing her teeth.Because of this, her mouth is exceptionally clean.After listening to Yi Fan's explanation, the doctor rushed to the major's house immediately.First of all, he roughly asked about the cause and process of the incident, then raised the major's jaw, stretched out his thumb and poked the position where the nose should have been.As a result, Kovalev's head was thrown back, and the back of his head came into intimate contact with the wall.Doctors don't think his condition is serious.He told the major to stay away from the wall, then told him to turn his head to the right, put his hand over where his nose had been, and groaned, then told him to turn his head to the left, and groaned again. .Kovalev threw his head back in much the same way a horse reacts when someone counts its teeth.The doctor looked at it like this, shook his head and said: "This is not easy to handle. If you don't want the situation to get worse, just make do with it. If you want to put the nose back in place, I can help you put it back right away. , there is nothing wrong with that. But it will do you more harm than good, and you should know that in advance."

(End of this chapter)