Super self-control: not being a slave to habit

Chapter 7

Don't think of weeds too negatively, they are part of life, we need to see them, recognize them, think about solutions, and take immediate action to eliminate their negative effects.These weeds are a real part of life growing year after year in the garden and just need to be eradicated.Otherwise you will be mired in negativity as more weeds will emerge in the future.

Those who have achieved outstanding achievements have a common characteristic, that is, when they are in the emotional vortex, they can control themselves well.How do they do it?It's very simple, they just used a rule: don't focus on the "problem" for more than 1 minute.Scientific research shows that it is easy to indulge in negative emotions if you have a few minutes to focus on them, otherwise you have to spend multiple times adjusting yourself.

You can ask some positive questions:

What did I learn from it?
What's the benefit of this?
Where else is it not perfect?

Such problems can turn your mind to seek solutions, and quickly turn your emotions to a positive state, and the previous feelings of unhappiness, frustration, and anger will gradually dissipate.

Weekly mental adjustment rules

The one-week psychological adjustment rule, this method can keep you in a good emotional state under any circumstances. Once you have signs of negative emotions, you need to immediately change your psychological focus to put yourself in a positive state.For example, during this week, if someone provokes you, you may get angry, and then you need to change and adjust immediately.

Weekly Challenge Adjustment Requirements

Requirement [-]: In the next seven days, you must abandon all negative and negative language, and you must not speak questions, words and metaphors with negative or negative emotions.

Requirement [-]: Once you find that you start to have negative emotions, immediately use the methods taught above to change this state, especially you can first punch the above-mentioned "problem-solving questions" and ask some questions. Positive question.When you ask these kinds of questions, you can deal with them more objectively.

At the same time, during these seven days, you must be able to use a "three tops" theory. ——Ouyang Xiu, a great writer in the Song Dynasty, believed that there are three places where literary thinking springs up: on the horse, on the pillow and on the toilet.Among them, "on the pillow" can be before getting up in the morning or before going to bed at night, "immediately" can be when taking public transportation, and on the toilet can be when washing.Inspiration comes during these times.

Requirement three: During these seven days, do not dwell on the problem, but insist on focusing on the solution.Once you find that you have a problem, you must immediately put your mind on how to find a solution.

Requirement [-]: If you find that you often fall into negativity or negative emotions unconsciously, don't be angry and frustrated, just make changes.However, if you indulge in this state for too long, then all your efforts will be wasted, and you will have to start all over again the next morning, and adjust for another seven days in a row.This approach is designed to ensure that you don't get even the slightest bit of negativity or negativity during the seven-day adjustment period.

Self-control expert hot comment
To treat our minds, we should also cultivate a garden. We must pay attention to when we have negative emotions, don't be afraid of them, and don't be drowned by them.What you have to do is to change the old planting mode as soon as possible and plant new seeds, and you will find what you want naturally.

Grasp the key 6-second time difference

A saying that emotional control experts often say is: wait 6 seconds before making a decision. 6 seconds - this time point is determined by our human physiological system.About this 6-second mystery, as early as 1978, it was analyzed in detail by an EQ organization.

Emotions are a chemical produced by the limbic system in our brains.The limbic system constantly generates various emotions quickly and automatically according to the external stimuli we receive.Therefore, emotion is a natural biophysiological chemical reaction, and its occurrence is inevitable.Scientists have used performance appraisal tests and MRI scans to allow people to see emotions at work in the brain all the time.

It has to be said that the response speed of the limbic system is amazing, 8 times faster than that of our "logical thinking center" (cerebral cortex)!In other words, the moment an emotion arises is completely out of the control of our thinking cortex (that is, the logical thinking center).In this way, we can understand why we cannot completely put aside our emotions and often make irrational actions in an instant.

That is to say, before 6 seconds, our emotions cannot be commanded by "reason". If an action occurs at this time, it is due to the natural instinct of human beings, that is, a purely "emotional" reaction; emotions and thinking can communicate with each other and integrate information to complete controllable decisions and actions.

Such a thing happened in a certain city
A woman took her child to a roadside stall and bought two popsicles for 1 yuan each. She gave 10 yuan, and the stall owner got back 8 yuan.However, the woman recorded that she gave 50 yuan, so she should get back 48 yuan.Of course, the stall owner couldn't agree, and he couldn't find a 50-yuan bill after searching the cash box, but the woman still refused to let go.The two sides argued about this for a long time without any result, so they had no choice but to call "110".When the police arrived at the scene, things changed dramatically: the stall owner loudly stated the details to the police, while the woman kept saying that she had misremembered the amount of money.A farce ended here.

Just imagine, if the woman hadn't been so impulsive at the time and thought about it calmly, she might have remembered the real amount of money she gave, and then the two sides would not have quarreled so fiercely that attracted passers-by to watch.

When anger comes, it is very powerful and can completely destroy people's normal thinking and actions.However, the anger will slip away on its own, so wait a little longer and don't rush into it.You should wait patiently for at least 6 seconds, and wait for your emotions and thoughts to communicate with each other before making a decision.

There was a farmer who quarreled with his neighbor because of a trivial matter.Finally, the farmer ran to the local well-known pastor in a huff.

"Pastor, please come and help us judge! My neighbor is so unreasonable, he actually..." The farmer was furious. As soon as he saw the pastor, he began to complain and accuse him. While he was complaining endlessly, the pastor interrupted him.

The pastor said calmly, "I'm sorry, I happen to have something to deal with at hand, please go back first, and talk about it tomorrow, okay?"

Early the next morning, the farmer came again aggrieved, but obviously not as angry as yesterday. "Today, you must help me judge right from wrong, that person is simply..."

The pastor said slowly: "I think you are still angry, so how about it, come back after you calm down, I'm going out now."

In the next few days, the farmer didn't come to see the pastor again.

After a long time, by chance, the pastor met the farmer humming a ditty on the ridge of the field.The pastor asked: "Now I have nothing to deal with, do you still need me to judge?" After finishing speaking, he looked at the farmer with a smile.

The farmer scratched his head embarrassingly, and said, "I'm not angry anymore! Now that I think about it, it's actually a trivial matter, and it's not worth getting angry about."

The pastor said slowly: "Well, that's right, I'm not in a hurry to tell you this matter just to give you time to calm down! Remember: don't make any decisions out of anger."

Leo Tolstoy once said: "Anger is harmful to others, but the person who suffers the most when angry is himself." Although many people understand this truth today, they are still emotional and impulsive.As long as the other party offends him, he will vent wantonly, which will easily cause all kinds of disputes.

When we are angry, our thoughts cannot be clear, and our subjective consciousness has long been blocked by anger.Therefore, we need to give ourselves a little time to cool down the hot emotions, calm down, think about it and ask ourselves, are we really angry?Is this something worth getting angry at?Only when we learn to control our uneasy emotional reactions with reason, and observe our inner emotional state more, can we minimize the degree of regret.

6 seconds of constructive action

Sit down, think about it, and go over any destructive anger you've experienced (name-calling, assault, throwing things, etc.).Next, recall the hypothetical extreme situation at that time, and then think about your actions at that time.You'll find that you're actually acting a little less aggressively than you assumed, and that shows that you're somewhat in control of your anger.

Try, when you get angry again, tell yourself to be patient and wait for at least 6 seconds, and after 6 seconds, transfer the values ​​you advocate to your brain, such as tolerance, love and kindness.You will find that after this series of actions, the anger in your chest will slowly extinguish.

Self-control expert hot comment
Although the generation of emotions cannot be controlled by us, we can control the spread of emotions.It's just that we need to be patient and wait for about 6 seconds at the moment when the emotion is generated-because, only after about 6 seconds, the limbic system can complete the process of transmitting emotional information-transmitting the emotional information it produces To the cerebral cortex, at this time, these two important parts of the brain are really connected.

Be wary of the cat-kicking effect
A certain organization conducted a survey of 16 adult prisoners in various prisons in the United States, and found an amazing fact that 90.00% of these male and female prisoners committed crimes and went to prison because they lacked the necessary self-control. Use their energies in positive and beneficial ways.

To be a very "balanced" person, enthusiasm and self-control must be equal and balanced in you.Lack of self-control is one of the most destructive weaknesses of the average salesman.The customer said something that the salesman didn't want to hear, and if the latter lacked self-control, he would immediately fight back with the same words, which was the most serious fatal injury to his sales force.

An incident in a large department store in Chicago illustrates the importance of self-control.

At the department store's counter where customers complained, women lined up to tell the young woman behind the counter about their difficulties and what was wrong with the company.Among the women who complained, some were very angry and unreasonable, and some even uttered ugly words.The young lady behind the counter received the angry and disaffected women one by one without showing any disgust.With a smile on her face, she directed the women to the appropriate department, her demeanor was graceful and composed, and people were amazed at her self-control.

Standing behind her was another young woman, writing something on some slips of paper, and handing them to the girl standing in front.These notes briefly recorded the content of the women's complaints, but omitted the original bitter and angry tone of these women.Psychologists were so interested in the arrangement that they visited the department store manager.It turned out that the young woman standing behind the counter listening to the customer's complaints with a smile was deaf.Her assistant gave her all the necessary facts by note.

(End of this chapter)