To Youth: Secretly Falling in Love with You

Chapter 36
Although there are many people in the back mountain, it is very quiet.Sometimes I want to read a book, and occasionally there is no place in the library, Fu Jiani will come to the back mountain and sit down on a grassy area, which is very comfortable.

They all walked very slowly, as if they were enjoying the scenery, and they seemed to be waiting for each other on purpose.

The sun hangs lazily in the sky, as if sleepy, a little dim.

It was almost 5pm.

For the first time, Fu Jiani discovered that slowness is also a wonderful speed, at least she can delay the time she spends with Cai Yilian as much as possible, and satisfy her small, invisible selfishness.

It was the first time for Fu Jiani to appreciate the surrounding roadside scenery so seriously.

Clusters of pink begonias are attached to the branches of brown begonia trees, swaying, flying, and then falling to the ground, covering the grass one by one.The grass, which turns pale yellow after autumn, is lined with pieces of delicate pink petals, like decorations on the fluffy pile, which is naturally and casually beautiful.

The lush trees in summer, at this moment, the leaves are rendered brown by autumn, scattered sparsely on the trees, as if they will fall down in the next second - like a butterfly finally breaking out of its cocoon, just getting new wings, a little clumsy flight.Just like myself - chasing his footsteps clumsily, the feeling of first love is so wonderful and unforgettable, life just opened a new chapter, the prelude to gorgeous youth, frivolous, dare to speak and do, do nothing fear……

I only hope that your heart is like mine.

Certainly not indifferent.

She suddenly remembered that it was not just an ancient poem she learned some time ago, it just felt very suitable for her current mood.

She racked her brains to find something to say, but she didn't know what to say when she got to her mouth. She was afraid that she would blurt out some childish words, and then he would think she was a child.

She was never a child—just because he was childish.

How she wished he could read minds.

In this way, he can read his own heart.

In this way, he can know his long-buried feelings.

Those feelings were piled up in my heart, ready to go out all the time, but in the end, I was still severely suppressed in my heart.

She prepared breakfast for him, she smiled at him, she showed everything about herself in front of him... She always wanted to tell him that I like you.

She always wanted him to understand.

But he didn't have the slightest intention of confessing to her, and always kept their distance between teachers and students and lovers.

This kind of relationship is often referred to as "not full of lovers."

Before the lover is full, whoever loses his temper first loses.

If you lose, what you lose is not only a heart and the opportunity to be a lover, but those beautiful fantasies, which will be ruthlessly crushed and crushed by the so-called "reality" until they become powder and drift away with the wind .

Also known as "lose-lose."

So Fu Jiani didn't want to lose.

She is afraid that those tenderness will disappear; she is afraid of Cai Yilian's contemptuous eyes; she is afraid of her first love, but she has been playing the role of a bystander, a clown, and even a "little three"...

Forget it, forget it.

Even if it's a secret love, it should have a beautiful ending instead of being destroyed by oneself.

The girl's eyes became confused.The color of the sunlight is getting darker and darker, and when it falls on someone's transparent pupils, it reflects the brilliance of the green years.

The quietest piece of grass in the back mountain is one of Fu Jiani's most proud discoveries.

At this moment, she was sitting here with the person she had always loved deeply.

Happiness is nothing more than this.

The person in your heart will accompany you to watch the moment when the sun rises from the horizon, and welcome the beginning of a new day together; or, that person will accompany you on a sunny day, sitting under the orange sun’s rays and looking at the sun Out of sight——.With the night, with all the joy or loss, with all the secrets.

It's still a while before the sun goes down.

"Let's watch the sunset together." This somewhat abrupt suggestion blurted out involuntarily.

I just hope to fulfill this wish with you.

Use the most devout way to fulfill my most devout dream.

"Okay." He hesitated for a moment, but was quickly replaced by a smile.He said yes.

The ones that get you stuck in the end are always good in the beginning.

Yes, those memories are good.including now.

Is it right? It also includes the future.

She didn't know what to say at this moment.

Afraid of destroying the atmosphere, afraid of hurting him again, afraid of a sad ending, afraid of just waking up from a dream...

Unexpectedly, she saw the corner of his mouth curved into a beautiful arc.

Again, tripped over by such a smile.Can't move, don't want to move.

Fu Jiani adjusted her breathing lightly.

The sunset is orange, such a warm color.The birds flying across the sky are like scissors, cutting pieces of the brocade of the setting sun, and then sewing them into the coming darkness one by one.

Fu Jiani has always liked some warm colors.When I was young, because of my own reasons, I received very little love and attention, which was pitiful.She is not a doll that does not need warmth.She is unwilling to rely on feelings, and is not used to enjoying feelings, but just like this, the loneliness in her heart is buried deeper and deeper.

Loneliness is something that can accumulate slowly.Every loneliness will be the square, cube, Nth power of the last time... Loneliness engulfs and wraps her heart like a black hole.She was afraid, but the more she was afraid, the less power she had to resist these loneliness.These loneliness invaded her consciousness again and again, and she learned to be numb, cold-blooded, and the attitude called "it has nothing to do with me". ,

She has never dared to forget that countless nights, she woke up from her sleep, surrounded by no one, cold walls, stiff muscles, a brain that couldn't think, an unbelievably slow heartbeat, and countless black, gray, A pale nightmare haunted her.Like the countless lonely ghosts in Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio, with a ferocious smile, they pierce her arms, calves, and ankles with thorny dark green vines... the blood that oozes fishy sweet, with a faint rust smell—— Bright red, red creepy.

Whenever this time, she will habitually empty her mind and inject some warm colors: light beige, tulle-like goose yellow, lush green grass, tranquil and peaceful sea blue, sunset-like warm orange, full of mystery Romantic lavender purple, girly light pink, transparent light red like watercolor, bright red when flowers bloom, cyan mixed with the smell of trees, and pure white like snow...

The tiny warmth, in her heart, suddenly became so important.

An Ran, An Ran.

Sunny days are always warmer than rainy ones.

"What's wrong. Jiani, what are you thinking?" Cai Yilian suddenly turned his head with interest, looking at Fu Jiani who was in a daze.

He didn't know what kind of turmoil was going on in this girl's heart in just a few minutes—all he could see was the girl in a daze, and a strange, strange figure he had never seen before was fixed on her face. expression.

She didn't answer, as if she hadn't heard anything.

So, childishly, he raised his hand to her eyes and shook it gently.

Fu Jiani blinked a few times quickly, and pulled herself out of the vortex of memories - she had just recalled her nickname that once made her feel inferior and annoyed: freak.

"Oh, it's nothing. Teacher Cai, it's almost sunset..." Fu Jiani still heard what he said, so she asked him expectantly as if nothing happened.

"Yeah, wait a little longer, one of the most spectacular sights of the day will appear..." Cai Yilian replied expectantly.Oh, it turns out he likes sunsets too.

"Then, what is the other most spectacular sight during the day?" She pretended to ask casually, but she was already silently guessing his answer in her heart—what she wanted was just a kind of "fate" and "Tacit agreement".

"It's when the sun rises, and the galaxy at night." Cai Yilian said the answer.

Sure enough, as Fu Jiani had expected, it "unexpectedly" coincided with her answer.

"Haha, it's the same as me." She showed a very surprised expression, and her voice unconsciously changed into the kind of cute loli voice that she had been secretly imitating.

It can also be said to be a girlish voice. ,

Kind of weird.She touched it like this, and she has never really owned it? "puberty."

Still because of him.Still changed because of him.

The original self has almost disappeared.

Cai Yilian blinked, with a playful expression that he had never seen before: "Hehe, the voice just now really doesn't look like yours, but it's quite cute."

She burst out laughing.

His compliment—this is the best reward for her.

The sun began to sink slowly.At a speed like a seed bursting out of the ground, a flower slowly opening, or the wind blowing over every leaf.

Their eyes met almost at the same time.

Both of them were a little embarrassed and wanted to look away, but they couldn't move.

fate.These were the only words that Fu Jiani thought of after falling into his eyes.

His eyes are clean, her reddish face is reflected in his pupils, and there is also an orange sunset silhouette. The tall trees do not occupy most of the picture, but make the feeling of "complementing each other" clearer.

"Jianni, if you get sick in the future, you must go to the hospital and take your medicine on time. If you can't come to class, you have to ask for leave. You can't hold on. If it is my class, I will come to make up for you in person," Cai Yilian said very Seriously told him that that expression was almost the same as the one in the imagination and the dream.

"Yeah." She lowered her head and answered softly, not letting him see her blushing face, her hands clenched tightly into fists, because she was so nervous that she almost bleed.But Fu Jiani didn't feel much pain, because she just wanted to know what he would say to her next.

Could it be a confession?

She was nervous and secretly delighted again.After waiting for so long, can we end this ambiguous, unfulfilled relationship?Could it be that their relationship will be upgraded from "teacher-student" in the next moment?
She is lost in the sunset, in the blazing, complex labyrinth of her emotions.

close to falling.

(End of this chapter)