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Chapter 436 Was she blaming me when she left?

September [-]th, the fourth day of the eighth lunar month.

At this time, Ye Guan had chosen a funeral date for herself a long time ago, as if she had expected that she would leave this world on a certain day.

When she was sitting on the balcony of the hospital facing the wind, half of the setting sun hit her side face, she was so beautiful.

The corners of her mouth moved slightly, like the waves on the lake, and like pear blossoms printed on the calm waves, as if there was the warmth of early spring.

At that time, Lin Ran felt that what she said was frustrating and a little unlucky.

But looking back at this time, Fang understands that the dying person knows his own fate best, especially a person who has been alive for a long time and is looking forward to passing away.

Ye Guan always said: "I already feel that I am very favored by the heavens. After all, people like me can earn money if they live an extra day. As long as there is an extra day, Jingyu's sadness will be reduced by one day."

Lin Ran wiped the printed and framed photos of Ye Guan with a dry cloth in her hand. She wiped off the dust bit by bit to concentrate.

In the distance, Zhou Jingyu was sitting on the floor at the door, looking slovenly, tasting the cigarette between his fingers. He no longer wore a white suit, and instead wore a black suit.

It was gloomy as if his life was never bright again.

Lin Ran felt as if he hadn't seen Zhou Jingyu's face open for a long time, and he began to become melancholy, as if his soul had traveled far away.

Many people who received the obituary came one after another on the sunny day of today.

They all wore jet black clothes, and they came to see Ye Guan off for the last time.

Lin Ranwang nodded to them one by one to express her gratitude. Standing beside her was Lin Xinxin, imitating her appearance and expressing a very deep greeting to everyone.

Ye Guan felt that he didn't have many friends when he was alive, but today the number of people who came to know the news far exceeded their expectations, and the room was a little crowded. After talking to Lin Ran, some people went outside the yard to talk to Zhou Jingyu.

Lin Ran laid her arms lazily on Lin Xinxin's shoulders, she was silent and didn't say much, Lin Xinxin was well-behaved and very sensible, she didn't ask anything, and she didn't even show any curiosity about anyone around her.

Lin Jin approached her last night and told her to stay with her little aunt no matter what today, and don't ask or talk too much about anything.

Lin Xinxin felt that it was the first time since she grew up that she was paid so much attention.

Of course, he has become extremely obedient.

But she is still an ignorant child, her eyes are always inadvertently looking at the sacrificial desk placed in front of the ice coffin.

The only decorative bouquet is a bright yellow tint.

The photo of Ye Guan is placed among the yellow chrysanthemums, a youthful smile is blooming like the chrysanthemums around her, she is full of vitality, her straight black hair is scattered randomly, and it still seems to be blown up after being frozen.

Lin Xinxin felt that the woman in the photo was so beautiful, and she remembered her with many memories. Although they met very rarely, every time she felt that Aunt Ye Guan was a very gentle elder.

In particular, she spoke slowly and never made people feel uncomfortable.

When she saw herself, she would always show a kind smile, and her crescent eyes were slightly curved, making people want to look at her more.

What Lin Xinxin likes most is Ye Guan's voice, just like the music playing in the funeral home at the moment, it is Ye Guan's voice, a voice beyond her age and experience, sad but moving.

When Ye Guanhuo was on fire, relying on her charming retro voice, she could always bring people back to the last century. Her voice is full of stories, and it is a complete story without any lyrics.

But she could no longer speak, she could no longer say: "Xin Xin, do you like Aunt Ye Guan?"

Lin Xinxin just nodded in the past, because she never dared to say much because she didn't dare to get close to strangers, but now she regrets it a little.

Especially when she understood... Ye Guan went to heaven and could never come back.

Why didn't she say a few words to Aunt Ye Guan?

Why didn't you tell Aunt Ye Guan——Xin Xin, I like Aunt Ye Guan so much, how I wish Aunt Ye Guan was my relative.

When Lin Xinxin thought of this, the corners of her eyes became moist. Lin Ran lowered her head and looked at Lin Xinxin, watching her raise her tender hand to wipe the mist from the corners of her eyes, then squatted down and looked at her, "What's wrong?"

"Auntie, is it possible that Aunt Ye Guan will never come back again?"

Lin Xinxin choked and cried, and then looked at Lin Ran seriously with eyes full of mist, hoping that she could deny the speculation in her heart.

"Is it the same as grandpa?"

Lin Ran looked at Lin Xinxin, stretched out her hand to stop the tears from the corners of Lin Xinxin's eyes, and then nodded.

"Where did Auntie Yewan go? Is that place better than here? Will she go to find grandpa, so that she won't be too lonely."

"Ye Guan's mother went to heaven, that place is very good, it will be much better than here, there will be no tears, no pain, only quiet and simple, I think she will like it there, and she will have a good life."

Lin Xinxin looked at Lin Ran, nodded, and then read Lin Ran's "Mother Ye Guan" twice in her heart, and then listened carefully to the music echoing in her ears to identify the familiar voice.

Her brows were knit together, and a soft voice came out of her throat: "Auntie, when I fell asleep, I always felt that someone was sitting next to me, looking at me, and she grabbed my hand and said that she It's my mother!"

Lin Xinxin remembered that person was still rubbing her hands warm with his own body temperature, that person was always smiling and talking intermittently, and would kiss her forehead with his lips, always saying: "I'm sorry!"

"I think that person's voice sounds like Ye Guan's mother."

She never regarded Su Chenxin as her mother, especially when she thought of Su Chenxin trapping her in the hotel and forcing her to say that her mother was Lin Ran, she couldn't forget the frightening look in her eyes.

Lin Xinxin felt that a woman like that would definitely not be her mother.

She always felt that her mother should be a gentle person like Ye Guan.

But she didn't dare to say such words out of her mouth.

Because Ye Guan can't be her mother, some things become extravagant hopes if she thinks about them too much, and if she feels uncomfortable, she will cause trouble to others. She doesn't want to make her father, aunt, and grandma, who have always loved her, unhappy.

"After Ye Guan's mother went to heaven, she will always guard you. Whenever it gets dark, you look up at the stars. The brightest star in the sky is Ye Guan's mother looking at you."

Lin Xinxin nodded, and then said: "Then can you tell Ye Guan's mother to tell Grandpa, don't be so lazy, and always watch over us!"

"What's wrong……?"

"I know grandpa must have dozed off again, otherwise why haven't I seen you unhappy yet, why didn't I make you happy soon!"

"Do I look unhappy?"

"You haven't been very happy, and you seem tired."

Lin Ran looked at Lin Xinxin with a smile, then stretched out her hand to embrace her head, then lowered her head and kissed her forehead, "Auntie will definitely be happy in the future, and I won't make Xinxin worry anymore!"

"With Ye Guan's mother and grandfather here in the future, our family will be happy."

Lin Xinxin's childish words came out, Lin Ran narrowed her eyes in relief, then nodded with a calm smile.

……

Near nine o'clock, following the reminder of the staff in the library, a group of people started to get busy again, preparing to take up the work assigned to them in the past two days.

Lin Ran held Lin Xinxin's little hand and came to the altar. After whispering something to Lin Xinxin, the two of them stood and looked forward with extremely respectful hands.

Lin Xinxin let Lin Ran pat her on the back lightly, then knelt down on the ground, and after a few prostrations, she closed her eyes and silently recited her wishes and prayers plausibly.

"Miss, we're on our way."

Lin Ran stretched out her hands, holding the photo frame standing in the middle of the flower bed, and then spoke softly to Lin Xinxin, "Mother Ye Guan's last journey is up to you to see her off, you must take good care of Mother Ye Guan!"

Lin Xinxin took the photo that Lin Ran handed over, and hugged her tightly in her arms. She looked up at Lin Ran, and said seriously, "I will!"

At this time, Zhou Jingyu walked around to the side of the ice coffin with Song Yan's support, Zhou Jingyu reached out with a simple movement, and took out the ceramic urn that Ye Guan had placed in the ice coffin.

He lowered his head and set his eyes on his arms, as if he was holding a treasure that he loved extremely.

As the music sounded, a group of people cried everywhere, most of them were people they didn't know but came to see them off after receiving the news.

Although he didn't know why they were crying, Lin Ran still looked back at them to express his gratitude.

A slight drizzle suddenly began to fall outside, and then it gradually became heavier. It prevented many people who were chatting in the courtyard from continuing to chat freely, and it also made many people who were already melancholy even more depressed.

Tomorrow has been sunny for a week, but at this time it is raining heavily, and it rains suddenly at the door, which makes Lin Ran feel very strange.

Because the weather Ye Guan dislikes the most is rainy days.

She felt that she had been gloomy all her life!
A group of people had prepared umbrellas in advance. At this time, they opened their umbrellas together, and the noisy crying in their ears began to stop.

Lin Ran held an umbrella for Lin Xinxin and walked ahead, while Song Yan held an umbrella for Zhou Jingyu and took a step behind them.

Because he was the one walking in the front, as soon as Lin Ran went out, he saw a man kneeling in the rain in the distance, with his hands hanging on his knees and his head lowered, as if he had done something serious wrong.

At this moment someone ran over behind him with an umbrella and covered his head.

The person who brought the umbrella over was Shen Keming.

Lin Ran naturally guessed that the person kneeling on the ground was Lu Lu, and she had indescribably complicated emotions in her eyes, and after looking at Shen Keming in the distance, she walked around them.

Shen Keming supported Lu Lu and wanted him to get up, but Lu Lu had a stubborn temper and was unwilling to get up, just knelt down, and then silently suffered the rain that hit him when the wind came.

"Uncle, let's go!"

"I've been sorry to Ah Kuan for the rest of my life. I didn't even have time to look at her for the last time. She must have blamed me when she left, blamed me for leaving without saying a word, blamed me for never paying attention to her, blamed me..."

The three "weird" words expressed the self-blame in Lu Lu's heart, and forced out the anger in Lin Ran's heart.

After sending the group of people to the car, she strode directly towards Lu Lu who was kneeling on the ground in the rain, and walked over.

Lu Lu was still repenting, and then said extremely painful words, and said: "Why didn't she wait for me, why was she so ruthless even with the last look, and didn't leave it to me!"

"Why didn't she wait for you...? Didn't she wait long for you?"

"Auan never contacted me or told me how she was doing. She must be blaming me. After I left, she must have been blaming me..."

"Contact you...? Then I have to contact you, Mr. Shen, please don't show up here. Sister Wan said before she was alive that she didn't want to see you at her farewell party."

Lin Ran raised her head, but her eyes fell directly on the ground.

Song Yan, who was behind him, trotted over holding an umbrella, and then saw Lin Ran talking to Lu Lu, so he stood quietly behind, focusing on holding an umbrella for Lin Ran.

Lu Lu suddenly raised his head, and when he met Lin Ran's eyes, he was sad, pitiful, and even helpless.

He held Lin Ran in a plain black cheongsam with both hands, and then asked with a humble face: "What did you say when Ah Kuan left...? Did she still hate me at the end? Did she hate me when I left?" be silent."

"Strange……?"

Lin Ran sighed, and then said slowly, "I hope she blames you, but she didn't, but Mr. Shen, what are you doing today...? For the salvation of your conscience, I want to know if you owe her Too many, you are I hope I say no, or yes, if not, won't your heart ache less?"

"She should blame me. Sometimes I blame myself. Why are she and I always so close and seem so far away? I can bow my head at any time and come back. If I knew she was sick so serious……"

"You don't understand her, and you have never given her a chance to speak. Some people have duplicity and say they want you to leave, but they actually want you to stay, but you just leave as soon as you say, so straightforward!"

Lin Ran lowered her head and took a deep breath, so that she could relieve the pain in her chest.

"Do you really want to know what she said..."

Lu Lu looked at Lin Ran, his eyes became more earnest and expectant. Lin Ran looked at her, and gradually put away the pain in his eyes. After wiping away his tears stubbornly, he read out the words he had read one by one.

"On September 2006, 9, I took the stage for the first time at the Time Bar. There was a melancholy man holding a wine glass and nodding to me with a smile. His playful eyes were full of recognition for me. I was actually fascinated. !"

……

"On October 2006, 10, the painter named Lu Lu came again. He said that he liked to hear me sing, and he said that the time in Time Bar could make him forget all the unpleasant things outside."

……

　Lu Lu and Ye Guan's short essays will be presented as small diaries one by one!

　　
　
(End of this chapter)