The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 14 Unveiling the Mask of the Lie——Psychological Strategies for Insight into Lies (2)
But when you ask for a specific piece of information, he will definitely give an answer, instead of saying that he doesn't know, because they are afraid of arousing suspicion from others.

For example, when asked what year he watched Gone with the Wind, Sir Robin clearly gave 1939.When asked which year he watched "Some Like It Hot", he said he forgot the exact time.In fact, for most people, they have forgotten what they ate yesterday, let alone what happened a week or a year ago.

Expose each other's lies from the conversation mode
When a person intends to deceive others, he will put special restrictions on diction, grammar, specific words, etc., in order to achieve the purpose of deception.But there are still subtle differences between a lie that sounds true and the truth. As long as we observe carefully and experience it carefully, we can find the flaws in it.

Where do people realize that others are lying?Those who feel that others cannot detect their lies, are their lies really not known?Now, the author will list several common conversation patterns in life for you, through which we can see through each other's lies on the spot.

slipped up
The mother went to visit the grandmother at the grandmother's house, leaving the son alone to do homework at home.After the mother came back, she asked her son, "Did you work hard on your homework today?"

The son said: "Of course I worked hard. It took me three hours to 'copy' my homework."

For some liars, because what they say is different from what they think in their hearts, they often "miss their mouths" and express their true thoughts and feelings.Of course, people who lie after the fact will find a way to "remedy", but we must not believe them lightly.

respond with your words

The husband did not come back all night.The next day, his wife asked him: "Did you go to gamble last night?" The husband said in a panic:
"No." The wife then asked, "Then what did you do last night?" The husband said, "What did I do last night...I went to chat with friends last night."

For a liar, a second is longer than a lifetime.When they are questioned, they have a guilty conscience and are very afraid that the other party will doubt themselves, so they will answer the other party's questions as soon as possible.But because they are nervous and have no time to think, they will apply the words of the other party, for example, change the affirmative sentence into a negative sentence, or give a negative answer.

provide more information
A girl asked her boyfriend: "Where did you go last Saturday? Why is your phone turned off all day?" The boyfriend said cautiously: "I went to play football with my friends." The girl glanced at her boyfriend, what? Didn't say either.Now the boyfriend was flustered, so he quickly said: "The people I dated are all college classmates, and we usually have a good relationship." The girl still didn't speak, and the boyfriend continued: "We arrived at the stadium at 10 o'clock on Saturday morning. At 12:[-] noon, we played another game after dinner, and our team still won.”

For liars, if the other party keeps silent, it will make them very guilty, thinking that they are under suspicion.Therefore, in order to win the trust of others, they will describe their lies intermittently, and wait until the other party believes it before stopping.If the other party keeps silent, he will keep talking.This is not the case for honest people. After they explain, they feel calm in their hearts. Even if the other party does not speak, they think that they have already explained and there is no need to say anything more.

answering suggestively instead of answering positively

At the company's regular meeting, the manager asked Xiao Zhou, who had the worst sales performance: "Xiao Zhou, have you really worked hard this month? I heard people say that you spend every day on the computer, either chatting or watching movies."

Xiao Zhou said in a low voice, "Manager, I'm really wronged for saying that. I don't get off work until nine o'clock in the evening every day. I'm the last one in the company to go back."

Xiao Zhou did not give a positive answer to the manager's question, but used the excuse that he got off work at the latest every day, implying that he was working very hard.

For most people, lying makes them feel uncomfortable, so they don't lie directly, but answer other people's questions with hints.

In this way, their subconscious will feel better and finally "answer" the other person's question.

get involved with other things

The boy asked his girlfriend: "I know you and your ex-boyfriend used to have a deep relationship, since you became my girlfriend, you haven't seen each other again." The girlfriend said loudly: "Of course, I won't do that You know, I hate third parties the most, and doing something like that is simply morally corrupt."

From this passage, many people may not see any problem, but this girl is very suspected of lying.In many cases, liars want to emphasize that what they said is true, but they can't find any actual evidence, so they often get involved in other things.For example, in the girl above, her boyfriend originally asked her if she had a relationship with her ex-boyfriend, but she brought up the issue of a third party and emphasized that she hated such behavior very much.In addition, some people will swear and swear to the interrogator in order to prove their innocence.In such a situation, the interviewee may also have a strong suspicion of lying.

Identify each other's lies from their actions and demeanor
There are many ways to express a lie.An averted look, a shoulder shrug, a hand rub, or a pursed mouth can all be signs of a lie.It is these subtle body language that give away the liar.

"How do you know I'm lying?"

"Baby, lying can be seen, because there are only two kinds of lies: one with short feet and one with a long nose. You belong to the latter."

This passage comes from the world-famous fairy tale "Pinocchio", in which the little puppet Pinocchio's nose grows when he tells a lie.In real life, although the nose of a liar will not really become longer, there will still be some flaws in his movements and demeanor, which also become evidence for our "catch a lie".

avoid eye contact
"What did you do last night?" the prosecutor sternly asked the prisoner sitting across from him.

The prisoner lowered his head and said, "I didn't go anywhere last night, just stayed at home."

In movies and TV shows, we often see such shots.When a person is lying, he is guilty and will try to avoid eye contact or look directly at the other person.In this way, he can reduce the pressure and tell the lie.Conversely, when a man is telling the truth, he is at ease, staring at his accuser with full attention and wide-eyed eyes.

lack of movement
The salesman Xiao Zhang is always late recently.The manager asked him, "Why are you always late lately?"

Xiao Zhang is obsessed with playing mahjong these days. He plays until two o'clock in the morning every day, so he can't get up in the morning.When asked by the manager, he couldn't help but froze, put his hands on the sides of his thighs, and whispered: "My wife is not in good health these days, and I need to take care of her before going to work."

In life, I don’t know if you will notice that when we are emotionally excited, there will be a lot of body language, and we will even wave our hands to express our enthusiasm for speaking.And when we say something that we don't even believe in, our bodies become rigid and sluggish.In the same way, when a person is lying or hiding something, his gestures will be less. If he is sitting on a chair, he will put his hands on his thighs; On the inner thigh, or simply in your pocket.When a person is lying, he is guilty and restricts his body language, making himself look stiff and lifeless.

touch face with hands
When a person tells a lie, there will be a feeling of guilt in his heart, and he is very guilty.So liars make subconscious movements to "soothe"

Own.For example, he might put his hands over his mouth, which means he doesn't even believe he's telling the truth.Also, touching one's nose, scratching one's back, rubbing one's eyes, or scratching one's ear when one is speaking are some signs of lying.Of course, some people may also make the above actions when they are in deep thought. At this time, it cannot be regarded as a sign of lying.

hide fingers
According to the research of body language experts, a person points to others or points to the air, which represents a firm belief or an authoritative point of view.

And when a person is not firm or lying, he will not make such an action, but deliberately hide his fingers.

set up a protective barrier
The two managers were talking about business while drinking tea in the business club.One of them said to the other: "The price I gave you just now is already the lowest, and it really can't be lowered." When he said these words, he put the teacup between the two of them, forming a line: "Chu River Han Boundary".

I don’t know if you have noticed that when you are talking with others, if you feel very uncomfortable, you will unconsciously line up the teacups on the table to form a "protective line".For example, when you report the situation to the boss, if all the reports are bad, the boss will make such an action to express "I don't want to hear such words".When a person is lying, he will also use teacups, pillows and other objects between you and him, so as to create a "protective line" for the subconscious mind and make himself feel better.

Chapter 7 The Law of Instant Value-Adding in the Workplace——Psychological Strategies for Building a Good Relationship with Leaders Today, with the rapid development of technology, a company obviously cannot rely on a group of "sycophants" to remain invincible.However, people with high quality, high ability, and good at dealing with leaders can get more opportunities at work.As long as you pay a little attention, you will find that these people can always speak and do things according to their own preferences, we might as well follow suit!
Flattery Effect: Verbal compliments should be moderated
It seems to be a weakness of human nature to like to listen to good things. Some people take advantage of this loophole. They are good at understanding other people's psychology, and they always do what they say and do.And those who are being flattered know that the other party is flattering themselves, but they still like to listen to it, so as to obtain psychological satisfaction.This common phenomenon is the "flattery effect" in psychology.

The flattery effect, also known as the "flattery effect", is a common phenomenon in real life. In many cases, people who are good at flattery are often more likely to be appreciated by others.What enlightenment can this effect bring us?That is, words can shorten or distance the psychological distance between people, and it plays a very important role in interpersonal relationships.The measured use of respectful words is very necessary in order to have good interpersonal relationships.The right place, the right time, and the proper respect will produce unexpected results.

There was one man who was so good at flattering that his bad reputation went to the king of Hades in the underworld.After he died, he met the King of Hades in the underworld. As soon as the King of Hades saw him, he scolded him loudly: "I heard that you are very good at flattering in the underworld. I hate you the most in my life!" The man quickly kowtowed and said, "I am wronged!" Yama, you don’t understand, if people in the world can be as fair and honest as you, then I don’t need to compliment others!” After hearing this, Yama’s anger immediately turned into joy, and he said happily: “I don’t even dare to take pictures even if I miss you. My ass."

If that person hadn't said that, one can imagine what would happen to him. He must have been "banished to the eighteenth level of hell" by Lord Yama, and it was because of his decent and ingenious compliment that his fate was reversed and his fate was changed. back to life.

However, this does not mean that the more good things you say, the better.There is a saying that goes well, "To be respectful and hypocritical is to be a thief of etiquette. To be harsh and suspicious is to be a thief of wisdom." It means that excessive humility presents a kind of hypocrisy, not real etiquette; being harsh and trivial, Not the real wise man, that is, as the saying goes, "too much is not enough".

The following example is the best testimony:

Xiao Min is the secretary of an advertising company. She is not only beautiful, but also smart, and has always been very popular in the company.In addition, her biggest feature is that she has a sweet mouth and is especially good at talking, which wins the favor of leaders and colleagues.But it was precisely because of her eloquent mouth that she brought herself into trouble.She always thought that everyone liked to listen to good words, especially in front of the leader, she had to learn to flatter.So, she praised whoever she caught.In order to make a good impression on her direct supervisor and to get a promotion, she always praised her manager. "Manager, your suit is so handsome today." "Manager, you are so young and promising, you have reached the manager level in our company at such a young age!" "Manager, your speech at the meeting today is so contagious." etc. Wait.At the beginning, when the manager heard these words, he felt that the little girl was very good at talking.However, after a long time, the manager became a little impatient in the face of Xiao Min's praise, and he clearly felt that she was flattering him.

One day, when Xiaomin saw the manager, she began to praise again: "Manager, your wife must be beautiful?" "You haven't seen her before, how do you know my wife is beautiful?" The manager replied with a straight face. "You are so powerful, you are so successful in your career, and you are so handsome, you must have a good eye. When I see you, I know that your wife must be very beautiful." Xiao Min continued flatteringly. "I've been divorced a long time ago. I don't have a wife now. Please, don't talk nonsense about things you don't know." With a "bang", the manager slammed the door and left. Xiao Min was stunned for a moment.

Shortly after the incident, Xiaomin resigned helplessly.Because she had already clearly felt that the manager was ignoring her, and that kind of embarrassment made it difficult for her to face it.In this way, she lost a job that her friends envied because of the far-fetched "nice words".

Therefore, you have to clearly realize: "Eating too much sugar will cause bad teeth, and too many good words will be annoying." Japanese linguist Tadao Huashima even said: "Honorific words show the intimacy of interpersonal relationships, Once identity and power are used improperly or wrongly, they will disrupt the due mutual relationship." Therefore, in some irrelevant or particularly familiar interpersonal relationships, we do not need to use respectful words at all.As for the relationship with the leader, you have to grasp the scale even more.

In front of the leader, it is very necessary to say some "good things" moderately, but if you blindly flatter, you will arouse the resentment of the leader.As people have summed it up: "The compliments in the world can be divided into two types. One is the vain flatterer. When he compliments you, he also hopes to get compliments from you in return, so as to make his vanity The heart is satisfied; another kind of compliment is that when he compliments you, he is thinking of his own wishful thinking, hoping to get the most affordable things from you, such as money, power, etc.” If your leader With a little understanding of psychology, what would he think of your "nice words"?

Therefore, in front of the leader, compliments must be moderate, otherwise, it is very likely to go the wrong way.In other words, "flattering to the leader"

You must look at the occasion and the situation, and don't blindly think that as long as it is a good word, the leader will like it.You know, if a person wants to make a difference at work, it doesn’t mean that you have to learn to "flatter". No matter when, "internal strength" is the most important thing. of.

The Inner Effect: Secrets of Interviewing and Negative Interviewing

The so-called "one's own people" here refers to people who are consistent with themselves in terms of viewpoints and thoughts, that is, people who are regarded as the same type of people psychologically. The "insider effect" refers to the "insider", and what the "insider" says always makes me feel easier to trust and accept.

There is an important law in psychology, that is, the "friend effect".The so-called "insider effect", in short, is an unconscious mentality of people, that is, they are more trustworthy and more acceptable to what their "insiders" say.

In TV dramas, we often see such scenes, the gang boss clenches his fist angrily and rushes towards the opponent. At this time, "little brother"

(End of this chapter)