The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 15 Unveiling the Mask of the Lie——Psychological Strategies for Insight into Lies (3)
Grabbing his arm, he said softly: "Boss, be careful of falling into their trap." How can such a simple sentence, even a sentence that sounds insignificant, calm down the "boss"?In fact, what really appeased the "boss" was not the words of the "younger brother", but the "insider effect" between them.From the perspective of the "boss", the starting point and interests of the "little brother" are completely consistent with his own. Therefore, what he said must be thinking from his own perspective.

"One's own effect" is also called "emotional resonance effect" in psychology.In propaganda psychology, the propagandist and the propagandist have identity or similarity in social status, such as occupation, place of origin, age, life experience and so on.Then, the propagandists can easily regard the propagandist as one of their own, and thus more easily accept the propagandist's point of view.

In today's workplace, no one can escape the hurdle of "interview", but no matter how tricky the interviewer is, and no matter how fierce the competition is, there is only one central point of the interview, that is, the company is looking for "insiders".If you can successfully pull the examiner as "your own person" in this contest, the interview will naturally become your passport to work.Let's listen to the story of Masako's interview first!
Early in the morning, Masako came to the interview company a few minutes early according to the time agreed in advance.However, as soon as she arrived at the entrance of the company, she felt a little dizzy. For a small department manager position, there was a long queue at the entrance, and there were no fewer than 15 people who came to interview. "Next person."

The examiner yelled casually, and Masako straightened her clothes and walked in confidently.

"Hello!" After a simple self-introduction, the two began to talk, "What kind of business did your previous company mainly do?" the examiner asked.When Masako heard this, she smiled and replied: "It's somewhat similar to the business here, as far as I know about your company..." In this way, the conversation changed, and Masako began to talk about the company she was interviewing for. The new owner, and he said it well.Next, the examiner simply put Masako's resume aside, and began to ask Masako about the company and her understanding of her position. In response to the hearty laughter of the examiner, Masako walked out of the office with a smile on her face.Apparently, she was accepted.

In fact, the reason why Masako can stand out from a lot of competitors depends on her understanding of the company in advance. She knows herself and the enemy, so that she can successfully change her role and become "one of her own" in the examiner's mind. Therefore, Only when we communicate can we be so harmonious.

How about Masako's trick, isn't it?Therefore, before the interview, you must find out the "insider details" of the company.Regardless of whether the examiner sitting opposite you is serious and meticulous, or casual and elusive, as long as you can do your best to pull him into "your own"

If you are in the ranks, you will take the initiative of this interview and get the person sitting across from you.

The coordinate effect: where do you sit in a meeting

Psychological research shows that when people sit in the same direction, they will have a sense of peace and intimacy.And when people sit opposite each other, there will be a natural feeling of oppression and unnaturalness.Even if one party has no desire to stare at the other party, the other party's psychology will naturally form a kind of aggressiveness.Psychologists call this phenomenon in the psychology of interpersonal communication that people affect the quality of communication due to their sitting orientation with others, which is called the "sitting orientation effect".

There is a commentary TV program in the United States. Since it is commentary, debates are indispensable. From the perspective of the program producer, the more intense the debate, the more successful the program will be.But at first, what made the producer scratch his head was that the critics recruited in the program were all chosen at the moment, so they always lacked the climax of the debate. As a result, the program ended in a lack of momentum every time.In desperation, the producer of the show asked a psychologist how to make the show more popular.After listening to the introduction of the program producer, the psychologist gave him a suggestion, that is, "change the configuration of the debater's seat." That is to say, simply change the sitting direction of each debater, from the previous horizontal row Instead of sitting, change it to two people sitting opposite each other.Since accepting this suggestion from the psychologist, the program has been able to set off a heated discussion climax every time.It didn't take long for this program to become well-known to women and children, and it became a program that everyone eagerly watched.

In fact, what is included in this case is the "sitting direction effect" in psychology, that is, the psychological effect produced by the direction.The key reason for the sitting orientation effect is to sit facing each other, because this will cause the two people sitting facing each other to have a natural sense of oppression and unfreedom, and it is easy to cause tension and antagonism.This is caused by the visual "feeling" of looking directly at the other party. Even if you do not stare at the other party intentionally, because you are facing each other head-on and have a strong line of sight, you will have an aggressiveness that pierces the other party's heart.The two sides of the "opposition" will have heated discussions in order to clarify their views and make their views more convincing in the debate.However, if they sit sideways or diagonally to each other, let each other's eyes intersect obliquely and weaken the opposition of sight, then the sharp confrontation can be avoided, so that the whole show always ends in "lack of momentum".

Don't underestimate the importance of the seat. Where do you sit in the leadership of the company's weekly meeting?But no matter where you are, there are two situations, one is to sit within the sight of the leader; the other is to sit outside the sight of the leader.Take a look at the following example, and you will understand how important the position of the seat is during a meeting.

According to the usual practice, weekly meetings are nothing more than normal for Liu Wei.But this regular meeting was a bit special. He changed from the "geomantic treasure place" where he used to sit in the corner to the leader's side.This is because I have an urgent order on hand and I am late for the meeting.After the whole regular meeting, Liu Wei felt that he was standing under the sun of July, and that feeling was beyond words.

A few minutes before leaving the meeting, the leader suddenly chatted cordially with Liu Wei. "Is your name Liu Wei? What orders have you received recently?" the boss asked. "A list from the Provincial Electricity Bureau." Liu Wei said. "Oh, you are the one who made the order from the power bureau! Not bad, not bad." When the boss said this, a light flashed in his eyes.

After a while, the boss said to Liu Wei calmly: "Young man, if you are not afraid of hardship, go to the Huaxi District and try it!" The Huaxi District is a newly developed area of ​​the company. The boss asked Liu Wei to go by name, and of course Liu Wei knew what it meant.It seems that if you want to succeed, you should walk into the boss's sight in time, Liu Wei thought to himself, and then said confidently: "As long as the leader trusts me, I am ready to work for the company at any time."

Business development in West China has been very successful!In the company's high-level conference room today, there is one more figure, and that is Liu Wei.Now, he is completely different from that yellow-haired guy sitting next to the boss with sweaty palms.Now he can not only sit beside the boss calmly, but also sit across from you freely, and give everyone a confident smile... Liu Wei's case tells everyone that the vacant seat next to the boss is the seat of self. The "throne" of ascension.It is not false to say that it is a throne, because it properly explains the "sitting effect" in psychology.

Presumably nowadays, there are still many colleagues with lofty ideals in the workplace complaining that they "have no way to ask for a job, and have no way to serve the country".Complaining that I am not appreciated and reused by the leaders in the company, no matter how hard I try, the boss always "turns a blind eye".At this time, you can ask yourself, during the meeting, "Where did I sit in the boss?" Whose fault is this?
Therefore, if you want to be appreciated and promoted by the leader, you must have the courage to "get close" with the leader, and you must not hesitate to show your face at critical times.Only by walking into the sight of the leader and letting him notice you, can he pay attention to you, appreciate you, and promote you.

Xiaocao's influence: You must learn to pretend to be tender in front of your boss

In the workplace, we must first understand some "hidden rules", that is, in the workplace, we must understand the principle of being able to behave freely in the workplace, accept when it is time to receive, let it go when it is time to let it go, and must perform when it is time to perform , Try to keep a low profile when you don't need to be too eye-catching.Especially in front of the boss, try not to be too aggressive, sometimes even deliberately pretend to be "tender", this is the so-called "grass influence".

In the workplace, we must abide by its internal operating rules, and there is nothing wrong with being active. Who doesn’t want to impress their bosses?But we must not forget these four words - too much is too late.In other words, there is nothing wrong with expressing yourself in front of your boss, but if you perform too much, it may have "fatal consequences".

Zhang Linlin works in copywriting and creative work in an advertising company.The aura of a top advertising student from a prestigious university and years of experience in the industry make her confident in her advertising creativity.Usually, no matter what she does, she doesn't listen to other people's opinions at all, and she can't tolerate other people's "chasing" about her creativity.Even Zhang Linlin, her immediate boss, the creative director, doesn't pay attention at all.Zhang Linlin believes that what kind of creative director he is, his ability is fundamentally inferior to her own.The creative director is also very dissatisfied with Zhang Linlin's personality, but Zhang Linlin's ability is indeed very strong, so there is nothing he can do about her.

Once, at a seminar on the advertising plan of a well-known mobile phone brand, the advertiser questioned Zhang Linlin's plan.Zhang Linlin was very annoyed by this, saying that the other party knew how to sell things, but had no idea of ​​creativity or artistic accomplishment.Zhang Linlin's behavior aroused the customer's resentment, and the customer eventually canceled the cooperation with her company.After that, the creative director had more "views" on Zhang Linlin.

Another time, the company wanted to send advertising works to the competition, Zhang Linlin's work was also on the list, but in the end a newcomer's work was finalized by the company to participate in the competition.When Zhang Linlin heard about it, she was very angry. She actually went to the creative director Xingshi to ask her the crime, and even asked for "sick leave" for several days.

In fact, Zhang Linlin's work is not bad, even better than that newcomer's work.However, when the company's top management voted, they all voted for the newcomer.why?Because Zhang Linlin's usual sharpness is too revealing, and other senior managers have clearly felt this, so they want to take this opportunity to deliberately frustrate her spirit.

In many cases, it is always annoying to think that you are superior.This is especially true in the workplace. If you are too strong and show your sharpness everywhere in the workplace, especially when our sharpness has overshadowed your boss, continuous troubles may follow.This is a big taboo in the workplace, and Zhang Linlin happened to commit this taboo.

Zhang Linlin's experience is worthy of our deep thinking.In the workplace, no matter how capable we are, we must try to keep a low profile, especially in front of leaders and superiors. In many cases, we even have to pretend to be "tender" on purpose, pretend not to understand when we understand, and save face. To the boss, let the boss maintain an infinite sense of superiority in front of us.Only in this way can we dispel the wariness of the boss and gain the favor of the boss.Just as Wang Xian did in the following example:
Wang Xian graduated from a famous university in Beijing, and found a good job in a foreign company after graduation.After Wang Xian came to work in the company, he performed very well because he was excellent in all aspects.The department manager gradually became wary of Wang Xian.It's no wonder that the department manager is a self-taught "Tubalu", and Wang Xian is a master's student at a prestigious university.

Fortunately, Wang Xian discovered in time that the department manager seemed to be a little dissatisfied with him, so he adjusted his mentality and made a clear analysis of his situation and status. Wang Xian told himself: "There must be no Evil thoughts of robbing shifts and seizing power." After that, he wrote an article on "Great Wisdom Ruoyu" in order to dispel his boss's wariness of him.For example, every time at a business meeting, Wang Xian always intentionally lays an ambush for his insights and foresight, so as to leave room for the manager to make a summary.Normally, Wang Xian also tries to be "vulgar" as much as possible, restraining his edge, often asking the manager for instructions and reporting, and not making decisions without authorization, especially for some decision-making work. Wang Xian and the manager expressed their views.

Once, the department manager was not at home on a business trip. There was a business that Wang Xian saw very accurately, and he was sure to make a lot of money. "Give it to the manager.After getting along for a period of time, the department manager completely dispelled his wariness towards Wang Xian, and he took the initiative to delegate many important decision-making powers to Wang Xian, so that Wang Xian could fully display his talent.

Of course, the relationship between Wang Xian and the department manager is getting more and more harmonious.

Different from Zhang Linlin's strong approach, Wang Xian chose a "low-key" way of dealing with people. He was very clear about his position and situation, and he saved enough face for his department manager in his daily life and work, and finally eliminated the department manager. The manager's wariness of himself won the appreciation of the department manager and saved himself.Undoubtedly, Wang Xian's practice is worthy of our emulation.

Vanity Effect: To Satisfy the Vanity of Your Boss
The vanity effect is a relatively typical joint external negative effect. Psychologically, people's psychology is classified as human "vanity".In the workplace, if we can properly satisfy the vanity of our boss at the right time, we will have smooth sailing at work and save a lot of unnecessary trouble.

In essence, vanity is a distorted self-esteem, an overexpression of self-esteem, a character defect that pursues vanity, and a social abnormality that people display in order to gain honor and attract general attention. emotion.

According to Freud's theory, people's vanity should be produced from birth, that is, everyone is born with a kind of vanity.Since all people have vanity, we should not ignore the "vanity" of our communication partners in the process of interpersonal communication.That is to say, in the process of interacting with people, we must learn to understand each other's vanity, and we must also learn to satisfy each other's vanity without losing the opportunity, so that our interpersonal communication will become smoother.

Facts have also proved that at work, if we can properly satisfy the vanity of our boss at the right time, we will have smooth sailing at work and save a lot of unnecessary trouble.

Li Lei is a salesman in a paint factory.On this day, he came to a furniture company full of confidence and wanted to recommend a new type of paint to the company.

However, when Li Lei walked into the office of the owner of the furniture company, he was not greeted warmly.After explaining his intentions, Mr. Yang, the owner of the furniture company, just replied coldly: "If your paint products are cheap enough and the price is reasonable enough, we still have something to talk about. If the price is much higher than the lowest price in the market , we have nothing to talk about. So, please go back after thinking about what I said. Besides, we already have a satisfactory partner."

(End of this chapter)