The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 16 Unveiling the Mask of the Lie——Psychological Strategies for Insight into Lies (4)
When Li Lei heard this, he felt a "thump" in his heart, thinking that this is not possible, he must settle this client today.Li Lei blinked his eyes, took heart, and quickly said to Mr. Yang: "No! No! No! I have another purpose for this trip besides promoting our company's paint. I heard that your company's furniture is of comparable quality. Well, I came here to pay a special visit. In addition, I have long admired your name. You are one of the most outstanding entrepreneurs in this city. You have achieved such brilliant achievements in just a few years, which is really enviable. !For a young man like me, your experience and achievements will definitely have an extraordinary impact on me. So, Mr. Yang, can you waste a few minutes of your time and tell me about your entrepreneurial experience Woolen cloth?"

Mr. Yang was not in a good mood at first, but when he heard the young man say this, he suddenly became excited: "Where is it! Young man, it is not easy for you to have such a mentality. Young people nowadays are very impetuous, and rarely There are young people with an open mind like you. Let’s talk about my entrepreneurial history..." Immediately afterwards, Mr. Yang briefly introduced the hardships he has experienced in the past few years.

Li Lei listened carefully to Mr. Yang's narration, and from time to time returned applause and nodded acquiescence to Mr. Yang's narration.

After Mr. Yang finished speaking, he patted his desk with his hands and said proudly: "Did you see it? I painted it myself."

Of course, Li Lei did not forget the real purpose of his trip, so he walked up quickly, knocked on the desk with his hand, and dripped a drop of water on it, and touched it carefully with his hand, and then used Wipe up the water with paper towels.Afterwards, he said to Mr. Yang: "Indeed, Mr. Yang's craftsmanship is really extraordinary. The style of this table is really good, very grand, and it fits Mr. Yang's identity very well. Look at the lacquer, you can tell at a glance that it is There are craftsmanship in it. But... But I have a little suggestion, I don't know if it should be said or not..."

"It doesn't matter, if you have any suggestions, you can speak up boldly. I am the most open-minded person." Mr. Yang said loudly, patting his chest.

"Mr. Yang, you really have a lot of adults. I think the quality of this paint is not very good. The main reason is that the water resistance is not very good. Please take a look..."

Li Lei took no time to change the topic to the main topic.

"Really? Let me take a look." Mr. Yang hurriedly lowered his head to observe carefully, kept nodding, and responded after a while: "Young man, it's not easy, you're right."

Immediately afterwards, Li Lei took this as a breakthrough point to introduce to Mr. Yang that the biggest feature of the new paint he brought today is that it greatly enhances the water resistance on the basis of inheriting all the advantages of traditional paint.

Mr. Yang had a strong interest in this new type of waterproof paint at that time.Half an hour later, Mr. Yang, who was in a good mood, signed a big deal with Li Lei on the spot.

How did Li Lei convince Mr. Yang to successfully sign the order with himself?Obviously, he benefited from the praise and appreciation of Mr. Yang.Perhaps, those compliments were just polite words on the surface, but they just touched Mr. Yang's heart, and just satisfied the vanity of the big boss of the furniture company, so that his attitude changed from "cold" to "enthusiasm". It took a 180-degree turn and eventually led to a signing.

All in all, everyone has vanity, and no one doesn't like to be praised.Therefore, in the process of interpersonal communication, we should try to praise appropriately on appropriate occasions to meet the psychological "vanity needs" of the other party, thereby promoting the harmonious development of interpersonal relationships.

Halo effect: You should shine as early as possible, let the leaders know that you can do it
The "halo effect" refers to the deep and prominent impression due to a clear perception of a certain quality or characteristic of someone.This strongly perceived quality or characteristic, like the halo of the moon, masks clear perceptions of the person's other qualities and characteristics.In interpersonal communication, if we can make good use of the halo effect, learn to highlight our own advantages and hide our shortcomings, it will help us gain the appreciation of others.

"Halo effect", also known as "halo effect", "prejudice effect", "aperture effect", "halo effect", etc., is a factor that affects interpersonal perception. generalized subjective impression.The quality or characteristics of this strong perception of loving the house and the crow, like the halo of the moon halo, diffuses and spreads around, so people call this psychological effect the "halo effect" vividly.

The opposite of the halo effect is the "demon effect", that is, having a bad impression of a certain quality of a person or a certain characteristic of an item will make people bias their evaluation of other qualities of the person or other characteristics of the item. Low.

The "halo effect" will directly affect a person's judgment of other people's personality charm.Everyone will be affected by the "halo effect" to varying degrees, and have a biased understanding of others.Let's look at such a story:
During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, Mi Zixia, Minister of the State of Wei, was deeply favored by Duke Ling of Wei.

One night, when Mi Zixia heard that his mother was suddenly ill, he secretly drove home in Wei Linggong's car to visit his mother.According to the laws of the state of Wei at that time, those who stole the king's car without permission would have their feet cut off.However, when Duke Ling of Wei learned about this, instead of blaming Mi Zixia, he praised him and said, "You are so filial! In order to visit my mother, I don't even care about being punished for breaking the law."

Another time, Mi Zixia accompanied Wei Linggong to visit the orchard.Mi Zixia tasted a peach and thought it was delicious, so he gave the leftover peach to Wei Linggong to eat.According to common sense, it is disrespectful for a courtier to give the leftovers to the monarch, but Wei Linggong said: "You really love me. If you have good things, you don't enjoy them alone, but leave them for me to taste."

Later, Mi Zixia fell out of favor because he offended Duke Ling of Wei.Thinking of the past, Wei Linggong said angrily: "This guy has long been a bad guy - he drove my car without authorization and gave me the leftover peaches. He should be punished severely!"

The huge change in Wei Linggong's attitude reflects the influence of the "halo effect": when he dotes on Mi Zixia, he thinks that everything Mi Zixia does is good; Everything he did was bad, even what he thought was good before became bad.

In fact, the formation of the halo effect is related to one of our perceptual characteristics—integrity.When we perceive objective things, we do not perceive individual attributes or parts in isolation, but always tend to perceive objects with different attributes and different parts as a unified whole. Attributes and parts are organically linked into a compound stimulus.

In addition, from a psychological point of view, the halo effect on human perception also lies in the role of implicit personality theory.Some qualities of people are intrinsically linked.For example, enthusiastic people tend to be kind and friendly to others, have a sense of humor, are willing to help others, and are easy to get along with; while indifferent people are more lonely, rigid, unwilling to ask for help, and difficult to get along with.In this way, as long as we have a core characteristic of "enthusiasm" or "indifference" to someone, we will naturally complement other related characteristics.

In the process of interacting with the leader, each of us wants to leave a good impression on the leader.In order to achieve this goal, we might as well make good use of the "halo effect": in the process of interacting with people, we should try our best to fully demonstrate our advantages in front of the leaders, so that the leaders can see our excellent side. "And an overall good opinion of us.

Of course, when we show our strengths, we should try our best to avoid letting our leaders see our shortcomings and insufficiencies, so as to prevent the other party from having an overall bad impression of us due to the "demon effect".

All in all, if you want your leader to see our strengths and appreciate us, you might as well learn to highlight your own strengths in front of him, and put more "gold" on yourself.

Counter-suggestion effect: Change your thinking and let your boss follow you
"Counter-suggestion effect" refers to the use of exaggeration or aggressive indirect methods to influence the behavior of others in the case of certain psychological confrontation, so as to induce others to act in favor of us and achieve our own goals.In the process of dealing with interpersonal relationships, if we can skillfully use the "counter-suggestion effect", we can easily control other people's psychology and influence their behavior.

Many people don't know how to deal with their bosses. In fact, if we can make good use of the "counter-suggestion effect" in the process of communicating with them, we can easily control the other's psychology and influence their behavior, so as to achieve our goals. Purpose.

What is the "counter-suggestion effect"?Let's start with a little story:

During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, once, Lu Buwei, the Prime Minister of the Qin State, returned home with a very ugly face and looked very angry. Seeing this, Gan Luo stepped forward and asked, "What's on your mind, the prime minister, can you tell me?"

Lu Buwei was very upset. Seeing that it was Gan Luo, he waved his hands and said, "Go away, go away, what do children know?" Gan Luo said loudly:
"Isn't the prime minister adopting the disciples just to help you solve your problems? Now that you have something on your mind but don't tell me, even if I want to help, I have no chance!"

Lu Buwei saw that he was quite confident in his speech, so he changed his attitude and said: "It has been three years since the emperor sent Cai Ze, just Chengjun, to the state of Yan as his minister. The king of Yan is very satisfied with him. The king of Yan sent Prince Dan to Qin. As a hostage to Yan State, I sent Zhang Tang to Yan State as a chancellor, and the fortune-telling result was very auspicious, but he refused to go because of excuses."

The thing turned out to be like this, Zhang Tang was a minister of the state of Qin. He once led an army to attack the state of Zhao and occupied a large area of ​​land. The king of Zhao hated him very much and claimed that if someone killed Zhang Tang, he would reward him with a hundred miles. This time, the envoy to Yan State must pass through Zhao State, so Zhang Tang refused to go.

After hearing this, Gan Luo smiled and said, "It turned out to be such a trivial matter. Why didn't the prime minister let me persuade him?" Lu Buwei scolded him: "Don't speak wild words, kid. He won't go if I invite him, let alone you young age."

After hearing this, Gan Luo said unconvinced: "I heard that Xiang Lu was respected as a teacher by Confucius when he was seven years old. Now I am five years older than him. Why don't you let me try? If it doesn't work, you It's never too late to blame me!"

Seeing his firm tone and awe-inspiring expression, Lu Buwei couldn't help secretly admiring him, so he changed his attitude and said in a slow tone: "Okay, then you go try it! After the thing is done, there will be a big reward."

Seeing that he agreed, Gan Luo didn't say much, and left happily.

Gan Luo went to Zhang Tang's house.Zhang Tang heard that it was Lu Buwei's retainer visiting, so he hurried out to meet him, but found that Gan Luo was only a boy in his teens, so he couldn't help but feel contemptuous, and he opened his mouth and asked, "What are you doing here?"

Seeing his arrogance, Gan Luo said, "I'm here to mourn for you."

Zhang Tang was furious when he heard this: "How can a child talk like that, and no one died in my family, why are you here to mourn?"

Gan Luo laughed and said, "I don't dare to talk nonsense, please listen to me to explain the reason. Compared with Wu An Jun Bai Qi, who has more credit!"

Zhang Tang quickly replied: "Mr. Wu An is brave and good at fighting. He attacked the mighty state of Chu in the south and dominated Yanzhao in the north. He occupied countless places and made outstanding achievements. How dare I compare with him?"

"Compared with Marquis Ying Fanju and Marquis Wenxin, who is more authoritarian?" Gan Luo then asked.Yinghou was a former prime minister of Qin State, and Wenxinhou was Lu Buwei.

Zhang Tang replied: "Of course Yinghou is not as authoritative as Wenxinhou!"

Gan Luo said, "Do you really know that Marquis Ying is not as powerful as Marquis Wenxin?"

Zhang Tang said: "Of course."

Gan Luo laughed and said, "If that's the case, then why do you still refuse to go? I heard that when Ying Hou wanted to attack Zhao Guo, Wu An Jun opposed him, and Ying Hou sent someone to kill him when he left Xianyang for seven miles. People like Lord Wu An cannot be tolerated by Marquis Ying, do you think Marquis Wen Xin will tolerate you?"

Zhang Tang couldn't help breaking out in a cold sweat after hearing this.Seeing this, Gan Luo said again: "If you are willing to go to Yan State, I am willing to go to Zhao State first for you."

Zhang Tang quickly thanked and agreed.

How did Gan Luo move Zhang Tang?Why did the young Gan Luo accomplish what Xiangguo Lu Buwei couldn't do with just a few words?Through the conversation between Gan Luo and Zhang Tang, we can discover the reason for this.In fact, Gan Luo skillfully applied the "counter-suggestion effect".

Gan Luo pinpointed Zhang Tang's psychological weakness, and he took this as a breakthrough, borrowing the historical facts of "Wen Xinhou and Wu Anjun" to deliberately exaggerate the consequences of "if Zhang Tang does not go to Yan", which is actually It gave Zhang Tang a kind of psychological counter-cue, which just hit his psychological vital point.

Under such circumstances, Zhang Tang realized his dangerous situation, so he had to agree to go to Yan as an envoy.This is the magic of the "anti-suggestion effect".

Of course, the application of the "counter-suggestion effect" should not be too blind, and the following three points should be paid attention to: first, it is best not to use this method unless it is a last resort; second, it depends on the type of leader, if your boss is that For a person who is "fearless and fearless", it is best not to use this method if the implied result does not pose a threat to the other party; third, think about remedial measures once the "counter-suggestion effect" does not achieve the expected effect.

Concave-convex effect: neither humble nor overbearing, let the leaders look at you differently

At work, we should not show a servile look just because the leader is stronger than us in some aspects. We must learn to be neither humble nor overbearing, treat the leader as an ordinary person, and treat him with fairness.Being servile and servile will definitely not help us gain the favor of the leaders; a high-ranking attitude will definitely make more and more people dislike us, this is the so-called "bump effect".

To be neither humble nor overbearing is fundamentally to treat others equally. Don't shrink back from those who are stronger than you; don't be arrogant in front of those who are weaker than you.

In a complex society, there are high and low statuses and different levels of knowledge, but for all people, personality is equal.At work, no matter what we do, no matter what kind of leaders we work with, we must uphold the principle of "neither humble nor overbearing".In fact, only when we are neither humble nor overbearing, will our communication partners look at us with admiration, neither dare to underestimate us, nor dare to communicate with us.

The story of "Yanzi Envoy Chu" in "Eastern Zhou Dynasty" describes Yanzi's behavior model of "neither humble nor overbearing":

Yan Zi is an important minister of the Qi State, and has always been famous for his eloquence and quick thinking.

Once, the king of Qi sent Yanzi to the state of Chu.After the King of Chu knew that Yan Zi was going to be an envoy to the State of Chu, he wanted to take the opportunity to humiliate the State of Qi. At the same time, the King of Chu also wanted to take the opportunity to ridicule the short man known as "the first counselor of the State of Qi" - Yan Zi, because the King of Chu always believed that Yan Zi It's a false name, and I look down on him very much.

King Chu knew that Yanzi was short, so he opened a small gate beside the city gate to welcome Yanzi.

When Yan Zi came to the capital of Chu State, the guards at the gate opened the small gate and invited Yan Zi to enter the city through the small gate.

Yanzi knew the intention of the king of Chu in his heart, so he stopped at the door and said to the guards: "Please report to the king of Chu and ask him where this place is. If I am on an envoy to the country of dogs, then naturally I should enter through this small doorway." , if the state of Chu is not a state of dogs, then I have to enter through the gate."

The guard hurriedly sent a message to King Chu.When the king of Chu heard this, he had no choice but to let Yanzi enter the city through the gate.Through this point, the king of Chu's impression of Yan Zi has changed a little.

After Yanzi met the king of Chu, the two sides sat down.The King of Chu looked at the short Yanzi, pretending to be puzzled, and asked, "There must not be many people in Qi!"

Yanzi asked back: "Why did you say that? There are tens of thousands of households in the capital of Qi State alone. In the streets and markets of Qi State, they have to turn sideways to pass each other when it is busy. Sweat profusely."

The king of Chu looked up to the sky and laughed loudly: "In that case, why would you send someone like you as an envoy?"

(End of this chapter)