The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 17 Unveiling the Mask of the Lie——Psychological Strategies for Insight into Lies (5)
Yanzi replied calmly: "The king doesn't know something. Our country of Qi has an unwritten rule: dispatching envoys should be based on the situation of the country where the envoy is sent. Minister; if the other country has intelligence, it will send intelligent people as envoys.

This time, the king of Qi couldn't find anyone more stupid than me in Qi, so he had no choice but to send me as an envoy to your country. "

When the king of Chu heard what Yanzi said, he thought: This Yanzi is really eloquent.Although the King of Chu pretended to be fine on the surface, he was still a little unconvinced in his heart, so he called Yanzi to the hall and arranged a banquet for Yanzi.

During the banquet, two soldiers escorted a prisoner to the King of Chu. The King of Chu asked him what crime he had committed. The soldier replied according to the plan: "This man from Qi is a robber." The King of Chu shook his head deliberately and said to Yanzi: "Why do the people of Qi like to do such things?" Yan Zi also shook his head and said, "People of Qi never commit crimes in the country, but they have become like this in Chu State. The atmosphere is really different!" Hearing what Yan Zi said, The king of Chu quickly asked the soldiers to escort the criminal down.At this point, the King of Chu’s opinion of Yan Zi had a 180-degree turn. The King of Chu completely admired Yan Zi’s eloquence, and quickly said: “I have heard for a long time that Mr. Yan Zi is the number one counselor of the Qi State. I met you today. , It really is a well-deserved reputation! Admire! Admire! Come! My humble respect, sir!"

How did Yanzi change King Chu's attitude towards him?It is precisely because of his personality charm that he is neither humble nor overbearing.Such a style of life is worth learning.

In fact, people are equal.If we try to curry favor with others because they are stronger than us, in order to gain their appreciation and trust, the result will often be the opposite.For example, some people do not hesitate to sacrifice their dignity to cater to their leaders, even if the leaders are arrogant and rude to them. This kind of "humble yourself and respect others" is indeed inappropriate!The Russian writer Anton Chekhov wrote a story about a small civil servant:

A small civil servant accidentally sneezed when he was going to work. He suspected that it splashed on his boss, so he took the opportunity to explain to his boss many times:

I didn't mean it.

In fact, this is just a trivial matter, and the boss didn't take it to heart at all.The small civil servant's repeated explanations annoyed the superior, who didn't care at all, and scolded the small civil servant for it.After being scolded, the little civil servant was shocked and frightened, and finally died of depression because of it.

Although this is an exaggeration of art, it is also a portrayal of life.Small civil servants did not die of physical illness, but of a sick personality.

In real life, if we servilely try to please others in order to gain the favor and appreciation of our leaders, it may make them hate us more and more.On the contrary, if we can achieve self-respect and self-love, and communicate with others without being humble or overbearing, we are likely to be appreciated by the other party.Mr. Lu Xun once said: "Don't regard yourself as someone else's fool, and don't regard others as your fool!"

It couldn't be more appropriate to put it here!

Terry's Law: Dare to admit mistakes in front of your boss
The content of "Terry's Law" is that if a person makes a mistake, he must have the courage to admit it, instead of being obedient and suffering.

In fact, if we have the courage to admit our mistakes, it will not only clear up the atmosphere of guilt and self-defense, but also help to solve the problems created by this mistake, and more importantly, it will not cause more serious interpersonal conflicts and cause others Therefore, the misunderstanding and hostility towards us.

In daily life, everyone will inevitably make some mistakes, and will also face a choice between admitting mistakes and avoiding mistakes.At this time, many people will hesitate, in fact, they lack the courage to admit their mistakes.In fact, it is not terrible to make mistakes. What is terrible is that many people cannot face their mistakes correctly and admit their mistakes bravely.In fact, if the mistakes that have been made are irreversible, the only choice is to face up to your own mistakes and admit them bravely, so as not to cause greater losses and unnecessary chain troubles.This is the so-called "Terry's Law".

Zhao Lin went out to do errands, and her boss urged her to come back quickly, saying that the department was going to hold a meeting.But after Zhao Lin got into the taxi, there was a traffic jam on the road, and the taxi couldn't run at all.

The boss asked Zhao Lin to return to the office before three o'clock.As a result, Zhao Lin ran back in a panic at 04:30.As soon as she entered the office, her boss lashed out at her angrily and asked her why she came back so late, which affected everyone's meeting.

Zhao Lin had already held back her anger in the taxi, but now her boss not only didn't understand her, but got angry at herself, so she defended and contradicted her wrongedly.

Hearing the quarrel, the department manager came over.The department manager was also very angry when he learned that "Zhao Lin was not only late, but also contradicted her boss".So, Zhao Lin, who had just joined the company for a few months, was fired!

Should Zhao Lin's boss be considerate of Zhao Lin?Perhaps the boss should be considerate of Zhao Lin, but if Zhao Lin said "I'm sorry" as soon as she entered the door, apologized to her boss, and explained the truth to her boss, then the result might be a different situation.

In fact, in the workplace, once you make a mistake and say "I'm sorry", you can make a big problem into a small one, and make a small problem into nothing.Saying "I'm sorry" does not mean that we have really made a big mistake, nor does it mean that we have done something bad and unreasonable. "I'm sorry" is just a softener, which can make both parties have room to retreat, and can help Create conditions for the next step of communication.If we make a mistake and have the courage to admit it, the other party will generally forgive us, and may even have a good impression of us because of this, and thus value us more.

Many facts have also proved that if we are brave enough to take responsibility for the mistakes we have made, we can clarify misunderstandings, restore the situation, and better resolve the other party's misunderstanding and hostility towards us.

Bruce Harvey of Albuquerque, New Mexico, mistakenly approved full pay for an employee who was on sick leave.After discovering the error, he told the employee and explained that the error had to be corrected and that he would deduct the overpaid amount from his next paycheck.

The employee said doing so would cause him serious financial problems and requested that the overpaid salary be repaid in installments.But Harvey had to get the approval of his superiors first.

"I knew this..." said Harvey, "would make the boss very unhappy. As I thought about how to handle the situation in a better way, I realized that all this chaos It was my mistake and I have to admit it in front of my boss."

So Harvey found the boss, explained the details to the boss and admitted his mistake.The boss was very angry when he heard this, and immediately lost his temper. He first blamed the negligence of the personnel department and the accounting department, and then blamed the other two colleagues in the office.

Meanwhile, Harvey repeatedly explained that it was his fault and none of anyone else's business.Finally the boss looked at him and said, "Well, it was your mistake. Now get this out of the way."

Later, the error was corrected without causing trouble to anyone.Since then, the boss has unconsciously valued Harvey even more.

It can be seen that if there is a mistake, correct it, why not do it?

In fact, a person can also obtain a certain degree of satisfaction if he has the courage to admit his mistakes.This will not only eliminate the atmosphere of guilt and self-defense, but also help to solve the problems created by this mistake, and more importantly, it will not cause more serious interpersonal conflicts, and will not cause others to misunderstand us and cause us to suffer. hostility.

Advice to leaders should also pay attention to psychological strategies
There is a saying of experience in the workplace: Never ask your boss for advice!On the surface, such a statement seems to make sense, but in fact it is based on a very simple logic: most people don't like to hear what is opposed to them.In fact, this is a very negative and stupid way of thinking. What a leader needs and appreciates will never be a bunch of followers and guys who have no opinions or opinions. What he needs is a team with innovative capabilities.

(End of this chapter)