The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 19 The Law of "Carrying a Boat" in the Workplace——Psychological Strategies to Build a Good Relationship with Subordinates (1)
As a leader, if you don't lead well, it will eventually lead to the collapse of the team.Therefore, how to make your team more cohesive and centripetal is a question that every leader must consider.A smart leader is always good at observing the behavior orientation of his subordinates, so as to understand their true inner thoughts and give them appropriate satisfaction.And those domineering and authoritarian people who never take into account the feelings of their subordinates, in the end, they can only end up betraying their relatives and leaving themselves in a helpless situation!

Carrot plus stick effect: to win over subordinates, one must know how to understand the "heart" of subordinates

"Carrot and stick" is one of the incentives.This metaphor refers to the use of rewards and punishments to induce desired behavior.It comes from an old story "to make a donkey go" put a carrot in front of it or drive it behind with a stick.

This theory holds that human emotions are irrational and will interfere with people's reasonable requirements for economic interests, and organizations must try to control individual emotions.

How can a leader humanize his small team?This requires leaders to have extraordinary ability to win over subordinates.How to win over subordinates?Use your "heart".In the workplace, to compliment your boss, you need to learn how to listen to your words, so that you can say what you say just right. When you win over your subordinates, you also need to learn to listen to your words, so that you can truly win over the "heart" of your subordinates.

No matter who they are, they are willing to work and live in a team full of human touch.The injection of human touch is firstly the responsibility of the team leader, because whether the leader is empathetic, sympathetic and caring for his subordinates directly determines the concentration of the team's human atmosphere.

How to win over subordinates?First of all, to be a leader with a "heart", you must understand the "heart" of your subordinates, know what your subordinates really need, and properly meet their needs, so that you can truly unite your subordinates around you and make your work smoother .Otherwise, if you do not pay attention to the psychological needs of your subordinates when you win over them, you will easily get twice the result with half the effort, and even cause dissatisfaction among your subordinates.

Manager Zhang of the company's finance department settled the department's hospitality expenses last month, and found that more than 1000 yuan was not used up.According to the usual practice, he would use the money to treat his employees to a meal, so he went to the lounge to ask employee Zhang Ye to inform other people to have dinner together in the evening.

When approaching the lounge, Manager Zhang heard someone talking inside. He looked through the crack of the door, and it turned out that Zhang Ye and Feng Liang, an employee of the sales department, were inside.

"Uh!" Feng Liang said to Zhang Ye: "Manager Zhang of your department cares about you very much. I saw that he often treats you to dinner."

"Come on," Zhang said disdainfully, "he only has such a little ability to win people's hearts, and he can't do anything when we really need his care and help. Take the training class held by the company last time." To put it bluntly, everyone knows that if you can take this training class, your work ability will be greatly improved, and your chances of promotion will also be greatly increased. Several people in our department really want to go, but Manager Zhang didn’t notice it at all. He didn’t actively fight for us, but let other departments take the lead. I really doubt whether he really cared about us.”

Hearing what his employees said about him, Manager Zhang had no choice but to hide in his office full of grievances.

In this example, Manager Zhang played a role of "unthankful" in the matter of eating.In fact, this is not accidental, because he is not a leader who is good at understanding the psychological needs of his subordinates.

If the boss wants to win over his subordinates, he must learn to observe the words and feelings, and know what the subordinates need.Only in this way can you do what he likes and let him follow you willingly.Next, let us see how Hu Xueyan, the "sage of business" in the Qing Dynasty, won over his subordinates.

When Hu Xueyan first established Fukang Bank, he desperately needed a capable assistant to help him.After investigation, he found that Liu Qingsheng, a buddy of Dayuan Bank, was very capable and could take on this important task.So, he invited Liu Qingsheng to the restaurant, ordered a table of good dishes, and chatted with him while eating.During the banquet, Hu Xueyan asked Liu Qingsheng some knowledge about the bank, and Liu Qingsheng answered fluently, which made Hu Xueyan very satisfied.

He felt that he should "poach" Liu Qingsheng for his own use.

Hu Xueyan had inquired about Liu Qingsheng before, and knew that although he was talented, he was not highly valued in Dayuan Bank, and his salary was not much. Because of this, he stayed in Hangzhou by himself, while his wife and children were still there. Yuyao.So Hu Xueyan deliberately asked him: "Brother Qingsheng, you are in Hangzhou, why don't you take your wife and children over?" Liu Qingsheng sighed and said, "I want to take over my wife and children too, but this salary is not enough at all." Expenses." Hu Xueyan said: "Brother Qingsheng, if you take over your wife and children, how much silver will you need a month?" Liu Qingsheng said: "At least ten taels of silver will be needed every month." Hu Xueyan said: "Brother Qingsheng, I don't know if you have ever thought about it, you can only be a clerk in Dayuan, and it is difficult to raise your wages." Liu Qingsheng sighed and said, "Yes, I have thought about it too." Hu Xueyan said, "I plan to To open a bank, we are currently short of a 'staff', would you like to work with me? I will give you 200 taels of silver every year, and there will be a bonus at the end of the year, what do you think?" Afraid that Liu Qingsheng would not believe it, Hu Xueyan immediately took out 200 taels of silver. Put the two silver coins into Liu Qingsheng's hands, and said: "Brother Qingsheng, this is a year's wages, you take it first." Liu Qingsheng said very excitedly: "Mr. Hu, you treat people like this, to be honest, I listen to you I’ve never heard of it. Mr. Hu, you can just tell me what you want.” In the end, Liu Qingsheng followed Hu Xueyan with all his heart.

After arriving at the Fukang Bank, Hu Xueyan arranged for someone to take Liu Qingsheng's family over and arrange a place for them to live.This made Liu Qingsheng even more grateful, and he had to work hard to repay Hu Xueyan's kindness.

Why was Hu Xueyan able to win over Liu Qingsheng's heart?This is because Hu Xueyan is good at observing the other party and knows what the other party needs, so he can do what he likes and make the other party grateful.As a leader, only by doing this can your subordinates appreciate you and follow you willingly.

For example, leaders should often greet their subordinates, chat with them, care about their health and family conditions, and provide them with help if they encounter some difficulties.In addition, leaders should take no time to praise their subordinates, so that they can get a kind of satisfaction in their hearts and know that their efforts are not in vain.

South Wind Law: Send warm south wind to your subordinates

The "Law of the South Wind" is also called the "Law of Warmth". It tells us the truth: warmth is better than severe cold, and human affection is better than cruelty.In the process of interacting with people, we can also use the "law of the south wind" to speak and do things, control others, and please the other person's "heart" first.When we can touch the "heart" of others with warm words and kind deeds, we can easily control others and make them submit to us invisibly.

"The Law of the South Wind" comes from a fable by the French writer La Fontaine:

Once, the north wind and the south wind wanted to compare who was more powerful.The way of the game is: to see who can take off the coats of pedestrians on the road.

As soon as the game started, the north wind couldn't wait to blow a cold wind, which was biting.However, to Beifeng's disappointment, when the passers-by on the road saw the cold wind blowing, they all wrapped their coats tightly to resist the cold.The harder the north wind blows the cold wind, the tighter the clothes of pedestrians on the road are wrapped.

Seeing this, Beifeng had no choice but to bow his head and admit defeat.

Seeing that the north wind had failed, the south wind began to blow warm wind slowly.As soon as the warm wind from the south wind blows, the climate suddenly becomes warmer.When the passers-by on the road saw the warm weather, they slowly loosened their grip on their clothes, and some even unbuttoned them.When the weather got warmer, pedestrians on the road took off their coats one after another.

In this way, Nanfeng finally won.

This fable vividly illustrates such a truth: warmth is better than severe cold, and human kindness is better than cruelty.Communicating with others is exactly like this, and controlling others is exactly like this. If you want to control others, you must first conquer the "heart" of the other party.So how to conquer the heart of the other party?Strong means?Malicious threats?Obviously this is not the best way.A philosopher once said this sentence: "The most difficult thing to conquer in the world is the human heart, and the easiest thing to impress in the world is also the human heart." , it knows right and wrong.

"People's hearts are the easiest to move" is also the reason.Therefore, when dealing with interpersonal relationships, we must be sincere, and face everyone with caring smiles and acts of kindness.Only by doing this, can we truly enter the other party's heart, move the other party from the heart, and thus easily control the other party invisible.

Sun Xiaomei, who is only 27 years old, was appointed as a department manager just one and a half years after joining the company, which really surprised many colleagues.However, despite being surprised, colleagues still took it for granted that Sun Xiaomei became a department manager, but many people did not expect it to be so soon.

Regardless of Sun Xiaomei's young age, she has not been in the company for a long time, but she has one thing special - she has a very good relationship with everyone in the company, and she has special prestige in the company.This has a lot to do with Sun Xiaomei's way of dealing with people.She is cheerful all day long, and she will smile warmly to everyone she sees; whoever asks her for help, as long as she can do it, she will not refuse... It can be said that in the whole company, people who can do it Sun Xiaomei is the only one with these.Therefore, as soon as Sun Xiaomei came to the company, she was loved by everyone, especially the company's top management.

In fact, before Sun Xiaomei arrived, the atmosphere in the whole company was very bad, the internal competition was extremely fierce, and intrigues often happened.The arrival of Sun Xiaomei magically humanized the company.Simply speaking, Sun Xiaomei's cheerful smile every day relieved the original tension in the company to a large extent.

Perhaps because of these reasons, the company's senior executives saw Sun Xiaomei's rare affinity, so they deliberately promoted her to management work.After a period of investigation, the company's senior management finally decided to appoint Sun Xiaomei as the department manager.Everyone was convinced of Sun Xiaomei's promotion.

How can we control people?Sometimes tough measures are not needed.In the story, Sun Xiaomei warmed the "heart" of the whole company with her "smile", captured the "heart" of the whole company, and also controlled the "heart" of the whole company invisibly.Sun Xiaomei's experience is worthy of our deep thinking.

The principle we said "to rule people first, to control people first, to control people's heart" has been well verified in Sun Xiaomei's experience.

It can be seen that only when we control other people's hearts can we control other people's behavior to a certain extent.Of course, "controlling the heart" is not a simple matter. "Controlling the heart" first requires us to have a benevolent heart, and we need to start from the little things in life.

First, to control others warmly, you must first be a humane person.No matter what time it is, the humane person is the most popular, because the humane person is the easiest to impress the people around him from the heart.A humane person is the easiest to obtain the psychological approval of others, and the easiest to establish a good interpersonal relationship with others.So in the process of actual interpersonal communication, we should try to be a caring and sincere person.

Second, only by helping others frequently and making emotional investment can you easily control people's hearts.If you want to "control people's hearts", it is necessary to make some emotional investment properly.So how to make emotional investment?In daily life, being a helpful person and lending a helping hand when others are in trouble is the most effective way of emotional investment.Our small effort may be exchanged for the gratitude of others. Don't miss this kind of investment.Everyone we have helped appreciates us from the bottom of their hearts and becomes a valued member of our solid network of relationships.

Third, impress people with details and infect people with sincerity.In dealing with people and communicating with others, we must be sincere in the details, and the sincerity in the details comes from the sincerity in the heart.In fact, only by touching people in details can we truly move people and capture people psychologically.In the process of specific implementation, we should start from the details, and make human feelings into ideas in a flat way.For example, remembering someone's name is one of the subtleties in interpersonal communication.Dale Carnegie once said: "One of the simplest and most important ways to gain favor is to remember other people's names." It is a kind of politeness to be good at remembering other people's names, and it can often play an unexpected role in interpersonal communication. Effect.

In addition, in the process of communicating with people, remembering the birthday of the person you are communicating with is also a good communication tactic.Remember the birthday of the person you are communicating with, on their birthday, send them a birthday card, send them a bouquet of flowers, or hold a small birthday party for him, the effect must be very good.This kind of emotional touch in others is incomparable with money.

Emphasis on both kindness and power: an indispensable skill to control people
In the process of interacting with people, if we want to successfully control others, paying equal attention to grace and power is the most effective strategy: we can move the other party from the heart by showing "kindness" to others, so that the other party can repay us with gratitude. When we need the help of the other party, the other party can stand up; exerting "power" on others can shock the other party spiritually, let the other party know that we are principled, so that the other party dare not underestimate us.

(End of this chapter)