The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 20 The Law of "Carrying a Boat" in the Workplace——Psychological Strategies to Build a Good Relationship with Subordinates (2)
When it comes to "emphasis on grace and power", many people will immediately associate it with "rule" and "management", thinking that this is a strategy of controlling people that only rulers and managers can use.Actually, not so.As an ordinary person, in the process of interpersonal communication, no matter who we face, if we can properly use the strategy of "emphasizing grace and power", we can also get unexpected "controlling people effect".

In our daily life, no matter what kind of person we are, if we show "gratitude" to them, we can move them from our hearts and win over their "hearts", so that they can repay us with gratitude. Sometimes, the other party can stand up and help; while giving "graciousness", and then "power" to them, it can shock the other party from the soul, let the other party know that we are principled, and let the other party have a kindness towards us from the bottom of their hearts. Sincere respect.

Hu Xueyan, a great businessman in the Qing Dynasty, was a man who knew the way of management very well.For his subordinates, he has always attached equal importance to kindness and power, so that they will follow him willingly.

Once, Hu Xueyan met a man nicknamed "Little Monk".This person is very smart, and he can learn everything at once.At that time, Hu Xueyan was trying to get involved in the silk business and was short of assistants.Hu Xueyan liked this "little monk" very much and wanted him to be his right-hand man.

However, he heard that this person eats, drinks, prostitutes and gambles, and he is not an honest person.So, Hu Xueyan called the "little monk" to his side and said to him: "Governor Wang Youling is my good friend. If you work with me, you will definitely not make mistakes in the future. I will help you start a family and let you do something. Achievements." Then, Hu Xueyan gave the "little monk" a lot of money and asked him to take the flowers first.

For a gangster like the "little monk", it is a good thing to be able to follow a "God of Wealth" like Hu Xueyan, not to mention that Hu Xueyan has someone in the court and is also very famous in the world.So, he immediately agreed.Hu Xueyan went on to say: "If you do it with me, I will definitely not treat you badly, but I will bring you in, and the practice depends on yourself. If you don't live up to it, I can't keep you." The "little monk" is a A smart person, knowing that Hu Xueyan is very concerned about his shortcomings, swore to Hu Xueyan that he would never eat, drink, whore or gamble like before.Sure enough, the "little monk" did what he said, he got rid of those previous problems, assisted Hu Xueyan wholeheartedly, and became a good helper for Hu Xueyan in the business field.

From the above example, it can be seen that Hu Xueyan treated the "little monk" both kindly and powerfully. He first promised that he would not treat him badly, and then warned him: If you are still like before, I will expel you.This made the "little monk" not only see hope, but also received a warning, corrected all the previous shortcomings, and assisted him wholeheartedly.Similarly, in life, if you want to control others and let him follow you wholeheartedly, you must be like Hu Xueyan, paying equal attention to kindness and prestige.

So, how can we achieve "emphasis on grace and power"?This is actually not difficult, that is to understand the other party first, and then raise a warning to make the other party have scruples.If we want to control a person, we must know what the other person is thinking, what wishes and pursuits they have.When we know this, we can match what we like and achieve the goal of making the other party grateful.Of course, while doing what you like, you must also make the other party have some scruples. If you only show kindness, the other party may not necessarily obey you, and may even do things like "repaying virtue with grievances".Therefore, while giving benefits to the other party, you must also let him have scruples, completely obey you, and follow you.However, it is worth mentioning that we must pay attention to the other party's psychological feelings when we are "shiwei", because in this world, no one succumbs to others willingly.Only when the other party is convinced of the "power" we exerted, he will really accept it.In addition, when showing power, you should save enough face for the other party, and try not to show power in front of a third party.

In addition, the application of the strategy of "emphasizing both grace and power" must grasp a "degree".Whether it is "benevolence" or "power" to others, it must be done properly.Otherwise, too much "benevolence" will make the other party doubt the nature of our behavior, thus failing to achieve "benevolence"

If there is too much "shiwei", it will cause the other party to have "rebellious psychology" or even "hate psychology" towards us from the heart. Of course, this is not the result we expected.Therefore, whether it is "benevolence" or "shiwei", we must master the fire, do it just right, and not show our faces, so that we can "control others invisibly".

Sincere words of praise are a good way to control people

"A good word warms the winter three times, and a bad word hurts the cold in June." It is human nature to love to hear good words, even if you are in an important leadership position, you don't need to be condescending to others.You must know that the duty of a leader is to maximize the creativity of the entire team. If your words have destroyed this creativity, you might as well use another way to manage your subordinates with your sincerity.

Lincoln said: "Sharp criticism, reprimand, will never be effective, and will never compare with a simple word of praise." Franklin said:

"I don't speak ill of anyone! I only speak good of everyone I know! As it turns out, everyone will bow down to my praise." In this world, there is no one who doesn't like praise, No one needs praise.In the process of interpersonal communication, praise is the sharpest weapon and the most effective method... Therefore, no matter what kind of people or things you face, please don't forget to praise.

Whether it is a common man or a proud king, they all like to hear praise from others, which is a common need of human nature.Everyone needs praise. When we praise a person, we may not like him in our hearts.But we should also think about it, are we also very happy when people we don't like praise us?As long as we can think this way, we will no longer be stingy with our praise.

In fact, in the process of interpersonal communication, as long as we can praise others with a fraternal heart, as Franklin said, "everyone will bow down to my praise".That way, we can handle a lot of people without breaking a sweat.

On April 1863, 4, during the darkest period of the American Civil War, Lincoln and his Union Army made one tragic retreat after another on the battlefield.

Against this backdrop, the entire United States was shaken. Thousands of soldiers began to desert in the war, and even Republican senators rebelled, hoping to force Lincoln to leave the White House.

Under these circumstances, Lincoln wrote a letter to General Huguet, trying to persuade the retreating general.At that time, the fate of the country was completely in the hands of Hu Ge.This letter is considered to be the sharpest letter written by Lincoln after he became president. The content of the letter is as follows:
"We are in a meltdown right now. I have appointed you Chief of the Army of the Potomac. Of course, I have done so for good reasons to me. However, I think it is best for you to know that in some matters On, I am quite satisfied with you.

I believe that you are a brave and skilled soldier, of course, I admire you very much, I also believe that you will not confuse your career with politics, you are doing the right thing, you have confidence in yourself, if This is not an indispensable personality, but must be a very valuable virtue.

I have heard - so convincingly so I am compelled to believe - that you said recently that both the army and the government need a dictator, not for this, of course, but because I ignore it, and I give you Command.Only those generals who have achieved can be revered as dictators.All I ask of you now is military victory, and I'm willing to risk dictatorship.

The government will do everything in its power to support you. The government has been and will be so supportive of all commanders. I am disgusted with the spirit you have brought to the army before. Criticizing the commander and distrusting the commander may now pay tribute to your head.I will help you and do everything in my power to put it out.

When this spirit prevails in the army, neither you nor Napoleon, if he is resurrected, can command the army, now take care not to act rashly, but to serve with vigor and sleepless vigilance. Push forward and bring victory back to us. "

From this letter, we see that Lincoln praised General Huger before criticizing the opponent's mistakes.In the final analysis, the most successful part of this letter is that Lincoln praised General Huger with the most sincere praise. "Spring wind turns rain, good words warm the heart", just imagine, General Huge read this letter, how could he not be sincerely moved and willing to serve Lincoln?In fact, the complicated communication between people can be easily simplified by using praise.Learn to praise, we will win everyone's approval, we can easily control anyone.

All in all, everyone likes words of praise, and everyone wants to be valued. At any time, you must always say something that compliments others, and it is a sincere compliment.The power of praise is very powerful, it will boost a person's morale and make a person more willing to do something.Therefore, when we want to get help and support from others, when we want to control others in a certain sense, we must not forget to start with praise and sincere appreciation, and we must not forget to use the most sincere praise Words are used as the key to open the heart of the other party.

Return effect: Emotional investment allows you to easily win the hearts of your subordinates

Repayment refers to a kind of repayment behavior by the beneficiary from others to the giver.Usually, the more you give, the more others will give in return.Starting from this logical thinking, if you want others to reward you more, the most important thing is that you pay more.Therefore, many times, while helping others, you are also helping yourself, because then you will get more returns.In psychology, this is called the "reward effect".

Emotion, as the maintenance of communication between people, is indispensable.Humans are animals with feelings, and feelings are the most beautiful and sacred thing for human beings, and they are the bridge of trust and understanding between people.Mozi has a saying like this: "He who loves others will see love, but he who hates others will see evil." It means that if you treat others with an attitude of love, you will get love in return; Evil pays off.This also tells us that only when we pay can we get rewarded.In fact, this is the basis for the return on emotional investment.

In the process of interpersonal communication, we should understand the principle of "how you treat others, others will treat you". If we want to get support and help from each other, we might as well make "emotional investment".

In his best-selling book "I am the most profitable person", Fujita, the president of McDonald's in Japan, classified all his investments to study the rate of return, and found that emotional investment costs the least among all investments, but the rate of return is the highest. Highest.

Fujita is very good at emotional investment. He pays a huge sum of money to the hospital every year as a fund to reserve hospital beds.When the employees of Fujitada or their family members get sick or have an accident, they can be hospitalized immediately for treatment, avoiding the occurrence of death due to lack of time for rescue during multiple transfers.

Someone once asked Fujita: "If your employees don't get sick for several years, wouldn't the money be wasted?"

Fujita replied: "As long as employees can work with peace of mind, it will not suffer for McDonald's."

Another pioneering work of Fujita is to designate employees' birthdays as personal public holidays, allowing each employee to celebrate with their families on their birthdays.This initiative has greatly won the loyalty of employees.

Fujita’s creed is: it is absolutely worthwhile to spend a little more money on emotional investment for employees; emotional investment does not cost much, but the great creativity generated by the enthusiasm of employees in exchange is unmatched by any other investment.

In essence, Fujita's success lies in his winning the support of his employees. "Emotional investment" is Fujita's "killer".Every humane measure that Fujitada considers for his employees is actually considering for himself.

People say that feelings cannot be measured by money, but in this society that needs human affection everywhere, we should still invest in feelings unconsciously.As the saying goes, "Throw it with peaches, and return it with plums. There is no spring breeze, and autumn rain cannot be summoned."Those who touch people's hearts are nothing more than love.

As long as we can spare no effort to make emotional investment in the process of interpersonal communication, we will definitely reap great favors and good popularity, and we will be able to easily get help and support from others in the process of asking for help and doing things. .

So, how should we make emotional investments in our daily life?We believe that emotional investment should start from the details, and the most important thing is to have a willingness to help others.Being able to provide necessary help when others need it is actually an emotional investment.We help others, and it is easier when we ask for others.Therefore, if you want to improve your relationship with others, it is a good way to find an opportunity to do him a favor.Our small effort may be exchanged for the gratitude of others. Don't miss this kind of investment.Because if we help other people get what they need, we get what we want, and the more we help, the more we get.

All in all, no one will support and help us for no reason. What others give us in return is what we have paid.This also reminds us that if we want to win the support and help of others, we must pay first and help first, so that we can get help from others when we need it.

(End of this chapter)