The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 21 The Law of Dependency in the Workplace—Psychological Strategies for Building a Good Relationship with Colleagues (1)
The office is a special place where we spend most of our days.However, whether this time can be spent happily depends largely on whether the relationship between you and your colleagues is harmonious.Some people can get along well with their colleagues, while others are always alone. The reason is that some people are good at winning the favor of colleagues, while some people are more self-centered!

The Broken Window Effect: Repairing Damaged Relationships in Time
Interpersonal conflicts and interpersonal conflicts must be repaired in time, otherwise, small conflicts and small conflicts may accumulate into major conflicts due to the continuation of time.

When small conflicts become major conflicts, real cracks are prone to appear in interpersonal relationships, and it may be too late to make up for it.Therefore, in interpersonal communication, it is necessary to quickly make up for and repair the cracked relationship.

The "Broken Window Theory" embodies the suggestive effect of details on people, and the important role of details in the outcome of events that cannot be underestimated.Facts have proved that the "broken window theory" can indeed guide our lives and bring us unexpected results.

In the 18th century, New York was famous for being dirty and chaotic, with a harsh environment and rampant crime. The situation in the subway was particularly serious, and it was an extension of crime.Statistics show that in New York at that time, there was one wanted criminal among every seven fare evaders, and one weapon carrier among every 7 fare evaders.This situation did not change fundamentally until 20, when the new police chief Bratton began to govern New York.

After Bratton took office as the chief of the New York Police Department, he first started to manage the subway. He first managed it from the subway cars, and the cars quickly became clean; And then it was clean; then, the street was clean; then, the streets next to it were clean; then, the whole neighborhood was clean; finally, the whole New York changed, and became neat and beautiful.Today, New York is one of the best-governed cities in the United States.This incident caused a storm all over the world, and it is also known as the "New York Tipping Point".

The above examples tell us that we must not ignore the influence of a small matter on the whole situation.The success or failure of many things often depends on a small detail.Once a part of the matter or a tiny detail starts to change, it is extremely likely to affect the entire situation.

Therefore, correctly playing the positive role of the "broken window effect" has a positive role in our life that cannot be ignored.However, at any time, we must learn to divide the problem into two.

While recognizing the positive significance of the "broken window effect", we should also realize that it reminds us from another aspect to correct and remedy the problems that are happening in time, otherwise, the problems will become more and more serious.In daily communication, interpersonal conflicts and interpersonal conflicts must be repaired in time, otherwise, small conflicts and small conflicts may accumulate into major conflicts due to the continuation of time.When small conflicts turn into major conflicts, real cracks are prone to appear in relationships, and it may be too late to make up for it.Therefore, in interpersonal communication, it is necessary to quickly make up for and repair the cracked relationship.

In the field of interpersonal communication, in the process of dealing with interpersonal relationships, we should also be alert to the negative impact of the "broken window theory".Every relationship has some friction and conflict.Some people come across more than others, some are playful, some are annoying, but some are the type of conflict that never seems to be resolved.What should we do in the face of these contradictions?Many people in life adopt the method of "avoidance", but afterwards they find that "avoidance" is not applicable, because it is okay to avoid once or twice. Severe cracks appear.

Then what should be done?The best way is to eliminate each small conflict and friction immediately when they occur, so as not to pile up each small conflict and friction and form a big interpersonal relationship. crack.

Tian Gang and Wang Shuangxing are both salesmen of a trading company.Once, the sales manager organized a meeting for everyone to express their sales opinions.

Because of different opinions, Tian Gang and Wang Shuangxing quarreled.Although the sales manager mediated, both of them disagreed with each other, and the argument became more intense.Finally, the meeting was interrupted.

Although this is just a trivial matter, the two have hated each other since then. Not only are they not as affectionate as before, but they also often quarrel during meetings.Wang Shuangxing found that Tian Gang was against him everywhere. Even if what he said was correct, he would "find the bone in the egg" and deliberately made things difficult for him.At the beginning, Wang Shuangxing was very angry and thought he should teach the other party a lesson.But after he thought about it carefully, he realized that it was very inappropriate to do so: the other party had already had opinions on him, if this continued, the conflict would only get bigger and bigger, and even become an enemy.Wang Shuangxing felt that he should have a good talk with Tian Gang, so as to eliminate the conflict between them.

So, on a weekend, Wang Shuang asked Ueda to go out for a drink together.After the two chatted casually for a while, Wang Shuangxing picked up a glass of wine and said to Tian Gang: "Brother, it was my fault that I had an argument with you a few days ago. Don't take it to heart. We are all here for work." Seeing Wang Shuangxing Apologizing to himself, Tian Gang said with some embarrassment: "I was wrong at the time, brother, don't take it to heart." The two chatted while eating, and the previous unhappiness was wiped away.

Every small contradiction and friction is like a "small broken window" in the "Broken Window Theory". If it cannot be repaired in time, the broken window will become bigger and bigger, so that it cannot be repaired.Therefore, when dealing with interpersonal relationships, we should try to avoid the "broken window theory"

We cannot allow every "broken window" to develop freely, but we should eliminate interpersonal conflicts and frictions when they just happen or even just sprout.

So, how to resolve interpersonal conflicts and interpersonal conflicts in time?
First of all, when a conflict occurs, let yourself calm down for a while.If we find ourselves in the middle of a heated argument, the best thing we can do is to step away for a while and calm our minds by going for a walk or having a heart-to-heart talk with a sober friend.If we happen to need a break, we take a nap or meditate for a while.Of course, before we leave, we need to take a few deep breaths and agree to come back to this topic later.Our departure is entirely to solve the problem better when we come back.

Second, external forces can be used to resolve conflicts and prevent conflicts.If outside help is needed to resolve a conflict, we might consider turning to an experienced and impartial mediator.The role of the mediator is to talk to all parties, create favorable conditions for discussing issues, and guide all parties to reach a decision that is acceptable to all.

Finally, limit the scope of participation in conflict generation and resolution.Whose problems will be solved.Because both parties in the conflict know best the cause of the problem.Don't easily push conflicts or conflicts of interests to others or society, because people's various reactions without knowing the real background of conflicts or out of their own considerations may influence or affect the resolution of conflicts, and eventually lead to conflicts Both parties have control over the resolution of the problem.

Positive and negative pole effect: do not make friends with colleagues, but do not make enemies with colleagues. As we all know, there is a well-known physical phenomenon, that is, a magnet has positive and negative poles, like poles repel each other, and opposite poles attract each other.However, this mutual repulsion and attraction is not impossible to change, that is, to change the distance between the two, this repulsion and attraction will be destroyed.The signs of this physical phenomenon in people's psychology are called positive and negative effects.

For the vast majority of us who work, we spend most of our day in the office, and we spend far more time with our co-workers than with our families.It can be seen that in a unit or in an office, it is very important to do a good job in the relationship between colleagues.Only when you have a harmonious relationship can you feel comfortable, which is not only conducive to doing a good job, but also beneficial to your physical and mental health.If the relationship is not harmonious, or even a little tense, then we will suffer, and we may be greeted with one after another small troubles, small ones affect our mood, big ones affect our work, and even affect our careers.Why do you say that?Because the relationship between colleagues is very complicated and very special.

Not long after Ma Yingfei started working, meeting colleagues in this department was like meeting relatives.is not that right?We go to work together every day, talking and laughing and doing the work; we go to the cafeteria to eat together at noon, and enjoy ourselves like a family; ··It's so late to meet each other!Ma Yingfei often sighs: "Who says it's not easy to make friends after work! I think colleagues are easy to get along with!"

Since we are friends, we naturally talk about everything, Ma Yingfei has no scruples, especially when complaining: what kind of perverted boss, eccentric second boss; It's a joy to say.Everyone present nodded and said yes, the hero sees the same thing, and Ma Yingfei secretly praised himself for being smart and able to win over colleagues.

However, it didn't take long for Ma Yingfei's "high talk" to get "feedback": colleagues gradually disliked interacting with Ma Yingfei, some colleagues even glared at Ma Yingfei, and some colleagues secretly prepared "little shoes" for him. ", some simply retaliated with an eye, and some even went to the leader to speak ill of Ma Yingfei.

At this time, Ma Yingfei realized: "Colleagues really can't be close friends!" However, it was too late to regret, because the colleagues in the entire office were offended by him.In the end, Ma Yingfei had to resign in order to jump out of the "fire pit".

In fact, things like this are not uncommon in the workplace. "You must not have the heart to harm others, and you must not have the heart to guard against others." This sentence will never be outdated in the workplace.Ma Yingfei made this most inadvisable mistake.As the saying goes: People's hearts are separated by belly, and it can be more reflected among colleagues.

There is an old saying that can fully express the "principle" of being a colleague in a relationship, that is, "only talk about three things when you meet people, and don't throw all your heart away."

Colleagues must not get too close, and must keep a certain distance, otherwise, not only will it not be conducive to the normal development of the relationship between colleagues, but it may even cause fire.

Of course, it is worth emphasizing that although the relationship between colleagues cannot get too close, and they cannot "hear to heart" with colleagues, they must not be placed in a completely "hostile" position.Because if you are an enemy of your colleagues, the consequences may be even worse.

Hu Haibo is a salesman in a foreign trade company.Because the competition among colleagues is very fierce, there will often be some phenomenon of "grabbing orders".There is a colleague named Zhang Yang who likes to grab other people's orders the most, and many people hate him very much.Zhang Yang also snatched Hu Haibo's list, more than once.

Some time ago, Hu Haibo put in a lot of effort to finally sign an order, but when it was time to sign the contract, the other party told him that they had already signed a contract with someone else, because that person offered a lower price than Hu Haibo.Later, Hu Haibo knew that Zhang Yang was the one who grabbed his list, which made him very angry.

In the past, even though Hu Haibo didn't like Zhang Yang, everyone didn't show any shame, and they exchanged pleasantries when they met.This time, Hu Haibo completely hated Zhang Yang.He united people who had opinions on Zhang Yang and made trouble for him together.Several times, he made Zhang Yang unable to step down at the conference.

But a few months later, a friend of Zhang Yang became the deputy general manager of the company, and Zhang Yang was promoted to be the chief sales officer of the company by this friend, and Hu Haibo was directly under his supervision.Because Hu Haibo made trouble for him before, Zhang Yang also held a grudge against him, finding fault with him and criticizing him every day, especially when there were many people.Later, Hu Haibo couldn't take it anymore, so he had to resign from this good job.

After reading the above examples, we should understand that we must not offend people in the company, because on the one hand, we work together every day, and if we look down and see each other, if there is a gap between colleagues, it will be very uncomfortable.On the other hand, when you hate others, the other party will also find ways to retaliate against you, which is equivalent to planting a "landmine" for yourself, which may explode at any time.Therefore, we try not to make enemies in the company. Even if there are conflicts and conflicts, we must find other ways to solve them.

Seeing this, many people may sigh: getting along with colleagues is really a troublesome thing.So, what kind of relationship should be maintained between colleagues?We believe that the key to the relationship between colleagues is to grasp a "degree": neither too close nor too far away; neither heart-to-heart nor enemy.Specifically, we think we can start from the following aspects:
First of all, grasp the "degree" when chatting with colleagues.When chatting with colleagues, don’t “break the casserole and ask the bottom line”, it’s enough for each other to be tacit, consider each other’s thoughts, save enough face for the other party, so that it’s easier to get the other party’s favor; at the same time, don’t involve the other party’s privacy, this is Treat colleagues with minimum respect.In addition, we must pay special attention to stay away from gossip, it is a knife that "kills without blood" in the workplace, and people who are troubled by gossip will cause great harm to their hearts, so no matter in terms of personality or morality, don't gossip. Get yourself involved so that you don't mistake yourself.

Secondly, getting along with colleagues requires common ground while reserving differences, and an objective view of the differences between the two parties.Due to differences in experience, standpoints, etc., colleagues often have different views on the same issue.When you have a disagreement with your colleagues, one is not to argue too much.Objectively, it takes a process for people to accept new viewpoints. Subjectively, people are often accompanied by the mentality of "good face" and "competitiveness". Unity; the second is not to blindly "peace is the most important". Even if it involves issues of principle, it is wrong not to persist and not to argue. In the face of problems, especially when there are differences, we must strive to find common ground and strive to seek common ground while reserving minorities. different.

Finally, when interacting with colleagues, you must grasp the propriety, communicate with each other, and don't get too close.Colleagues are the people who spend the longest time with us every day. We work face to face, shoulder to shoulder in the office, work together, eat and drink together, and entertain together.But when we have "private space"

After the concept, we also cannot ignore the reasonable social space and public space, how to grasp the distance in the office is not so simple.It is a good thing to have a good relationship with colleagues, but remember that colleagues refuse to be intimate.Colleagues are colleagues, not friends.To make friends, besides like-mindedness, loyalty is the most important character. Once you choose me, I choose you. It is the responsibility of both parties to trust each other and be faithful to friendship.

Colleagues are different. We can't have too high expectations for our colleagues, otherwise we will easily get into trouble. Even if there are no big troubles, there must be a lot of small troubles.

Tai Chi Effect: Use Softness to Overcome Hardness, Use Weakness to Overcome Strongness
Overcoming rigidity with softness is the essence of Tai Chi.In the process of interpersonal communication, if we encounter a very strong opponent, we might as well learn the trick of "overcoming rigidity with softness".By learning the communication strategy of using softness to overcome rigidity, we will be able to adapt to the situation and adopt appropriate strategies according to the psychology of strong opponents, so as to easily deal with them.

(End of this chapter)