The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships
Chapter 22 The Law of Dependency in the Workplace—Psychological Strategies for Building a Good Relat
Chapter 22 The Law of Dependency in the Workplace—Psychological Strategies for Building a Good Relationship with Colleagues (2)
We are not unfamiliar with this phenomenon in our daily life: when an egg is dropped on a rock, the egg is easily broken; when a ball is dropped on a rock, it bounces off and remains intact.The reason is that the ball can be flexible to a strong external force, but the egg cannot, so there is a saying that "it is too much to hit a stone with an egg".Everyone knows that aluminum, which is extremely hard, is extremely flexible. We can smash it as thin as paper with a hammer, but still can't smash it in half.The truth contained in this is-to overcome rigidity with rigidity, both sides will suffer; to overcome rigidity with softness, success will be achieved immediately.
Lao Tzu has repeatedly used water as an example to demonstrate the truth that "the weak can overcome the strong".Although water is weak, dripping water can penetrate rocks. When it meets a circle, it becomes round, when it meets a square, it becomes square, when it meets a stop, it stops, and it flows as it pleases;This is the nature of water.When a stone is thrown into the water, it will be covered by water because it is "inclusive"; when it is on fire, we use water to extinguish it, because water has "dissolution"; when soil meets water, it will become soft because water has " "flexibility"; put wood in water, it will gradually rot, because water is "permeable"; steel soaked in water for a long time, it will rust, because water is "erosive"...these types of water The characteristics represent the principle of "softness can overcome rigidity, and weakness can overcome strength".
In life, we need to have this characteristic of water. The best way to solve many things is to learn to overcome rigidity with softness. There is nothing easy to change. The weak overcome the strong, and the soft overcome the strong."
At the end of the Spring and Autumn Period, Zichan, the Prime Minister of the State of Zheng, adopted the method of overcoming rigidity with softness in governing the country.Zichan combines rigidity and softness in politics, puts softness first, and softness controls rigidity.
At that time, Zheng State was a small country with very weak national strength. If it wanted to survive in a space full of big countries, it was urgent to strengthen the country's strength.Zichan advocated the revitalization of agriculture, the construction of agricultural work, and the collection of new taxes at the same time to ensure sufficient military supplies and supplies.
At the beginning of the new tax collection, the public complained everywhere, and some even threatened to kill Zichan.Many courtiers in the DPRK also stood up to express their opposition to the new policy, but Zichan ignored it and did not give too much explanation, just patiently waiting for the development of the situation.Zichan said: "The interests of the country are the most important. When necessary, it is natural to sacrifice personal interests and obey the interests of the country. I have heard that things should have a beginning and an end, and should not be anticlimactic. If there is a good beginning but no good end, nothing will be achieved. Therefore, I must persist It's done."
New taxes will be levied as usual.Because Zichan also adopted the method of revitalizing agriculture, agriculture developed quickly.With the prosperity and development of agriculture, the people turned from complaints to praise, and everyone was convinced.
Zichan also set up township schools all over the country, and the township schools have freedom of speech, so some people who are dissatisfied with politics often use the township schools as a forum to carry out political activities.Some people worried that it would affect the rule in the long run, so they proposed to ban it.But Zichan said: "This is unnecessary. It is normal for the common people to work hard all day, go to the township school to complain and comment on politics. We can use it as a reference, choose the good and follow it, and verify the gains and losses. If it is forced to suppress, it is better to use In Tusai State, the water flow may be temporarily blocked, but it will inevitably attract more violent torrents and break the dams. At that time, I am afraid that there will be no way to recover. It is better to slowly divert the water into the canal, divert the water and treat it, wouldn't it Better?" Everyone agreed.
Afterwards, it proved that Zichan's new policy was very correct and achieved good results.Under the promotion of the New Deal, Zheng Guo's national strength has been greatly improved.
Such success has a lot to do with Zichan's way of working and dealing with affairs.
From the perspective of being a human being, overcoming rigidity with softness is not only a kind of wisdom in life and work, but also a very practical communication strategy in interpersonal communication.In interpersonal communication, if we can learn to overcome rigidity with softness, we can easily detect each other's psychology and avoid many unnecessary troubles.
As the saying goes: "One hundred people have one heart, one hundred people have one nature." Some people are introverted, some are extroverted, some are gentle, and some are strong. Each has its own characteristics, and each has its own advantages and disadvantages.From a psychological point of view, all people are very strong, because everyone has an innate sense of superiority towards themselves from the bottom of their hearts.If we can grasp this "psychological superiority" of people, and then adopt a targeted communication strategy, we can quickly defeat our opponents.
Any staunch person is very emotional, and emotional agitation can easily make people irrational, and do or not do certain things based on impulse. This is the characteristic of a staunch person, and it is also its fatal weakness.As the saying goes: "To pull a cow, you have to pull the nose, and to hit a snake, you have to hit it at seven inches." This tells us that we should use our strengths to overcome our weaknesses.If you treat a staunch person head-on, it will inevitably make both sides lose their minds, and eventually both sides will suffer.If you face a strong person with a gentle posture, it will be a different situation, just like drizzle to a raging fire, a raging fire, and a drizzle of drizzle, although the fire cannot be extinguished immediately, it can effectively control the fire. Put out the fire little by little.
In the specific communication process, the so-called "overcoming rigidity with softness" is actually just a comparison of patience, patience, confidence, and perseverance.In these respects, whoever has the upper hand is the real winner.And softness or rigidity are just the superficial forms shown when the two are compared. The so-called rigidity here is just an expression of impetuousness, bluff, and inability to withstand setbacks; Only those who are arrogant and not discouraged by defeat can have performances, and they can overcome rigidity with softness.
All in all, in the process of interpersonal communication, if we encounter a very strong opponent, we might as well learn the trick of "overcoming rigidity with softness".As Zeng Guofan, a famous minister of a generation, said: "The principle of being a human being is that hardness and softness can be used together, and one should not be biased. Too soft will slump, and too rigid will be easily broken. Rigid does not mean to be brutal and severe, but just forced. If you want to be public, you need to force yourself. If you strive for fame and fortune, you need to retreat.” Learning the communication strategy of using softness to overcome rigidity, we can adapt to the situation and adopt appropriate communication strategies according to the strong psychology of strong opponents, so as to easily deal with the opponent.
Lightning Rod Effect: It can be good at guiding and resolving conflicts in the workplace
Install a metal rod on the top of a tall building, connect it with a metal plate buried in the ground with a metal wire, use the tip of the metal rod to discharge, so that the electricity carried by the clouds and the electricity carried by the earth are gradually neutralized, thus Buildings can be protected from lightning strikes, which is the "lightning rod effect", which is the working principle of the lightning rod. The moral of the "lightning rod effect" is: if you are good at dredging, you will get through, and if you can lead, you will be safe.In the process of dealing with interpersonal conflicts, especially in the workplace, the "lightning rod effect" has far-reaching significance.
For modern buildings, the lightning rod is a very important protection invention.A small metal rod is installed on the top of many tall buildings, and it is connected with a metal plate buried in the ground by a metal wire; The electricity carried by it and the electricity carried by the earth are gradually neutralized to protect the building from lightning strikes. This is the working principle of the lightning rod.
Some people apply the working principle of the lightning rod to dealing with interpersonal conflicts in the workplace, and call the organizational counseling and communication mechanism that can effectively handle interpersonal conflicts in the workplace the "lightning rod effect".The working principle of the lightning rod is very interesting. As long as we think about it carefully, we will find that the lightning rod itself is not actually "lightning protection", but "lightning induction", that is, the lightning that might have destroyed the building passes through metal wires, metal plates and connecting devices etc., turn into the ground, so as to achieve the effect of "melting".Therefore, the quality of building protection depends on how well the lightning rod is introduced into the ground by the lightning rod.The best way to deal with conflicts in the workplace is communication and counseling, which is exactly what the "lightning rod effect" inspires us.
Li Meng is the deputy general manager of a large company.A few days ago, the company was going to promote new employees, and the chairman asked each deputy manager to submit the candidates in his mind.In Li Meng's opinion, among all the people, Wang Shuang should be promoted the most, because this young man is not only smart, but also very diligent in his work.However, another deputy general manager is optimistic about Li Guoping, because Li Guoping just won a large order two days ago, which is very rare among young people.
Because the two people are optimistic about different people, they quarreled in front of the chairman, and the quarrel was very fierce.In the end, no consensus was reached.After coming out of the chairman's office, Li Meng felt that he had done a very bad job, because this not only hurt the feelings of the two people, but in the end neither of them could implement their opinions—because both parties strongly opposed what the other wanted to promote.Afterwards, Li Meng said to the deputy general manager: "Do you think this is good? Let's give Wang Shuang and Li Guoping a month. During this month, if anyone can sign more orders for the company, we will Who should be promoted?" The deputy general manager very much agreed with Li Meng's proposal, and after get off work, the two went to the restaurant for a drink, and the unhappiness that happened just now had disappeared.
In response to the very strong objection of another deputy general manager, Li Meng did not fight back vigorously and force the other party to accept his opinion, but came up with an idea that both parties could accept, so that the conflict between the two parties could be resolved.In life, we must, like Li Meng, learn to use the "lightning rod effect" to resolve conflicts among colleagues and friends.So, how should we use the "lightning rod effect"?Here, we offer some suggestions for your consideration.
First, once the signs of conflicts are found, try to avoid the occurrence of conflicts.In fact, no one wants conflicts to arise or intensify, and everyone wants to live in harmony with each other.No conflict is the most ideal state of interpersonal communication, so in the process of communication, once a conflict or sign of conflict is found, it is necessary to do the work of communication and negotiation before the conflict actually arises, and try to eliminate the conflict in the bud.
Second, both parties to the conflict should respect each other and understand each other in good faith.After conflicts or conflicts arise, both parties to the conflict should look for reasons from themselves. Is it because they have not done well enough or have affected the interests of the other party?In addition, you need to think more about the problem from the perspective of the other party, and think more for the other party, and many conflicts will be resolved.In addition, it is necessary to communicate and deal with interpersonal conflicts or conflicts in a timely manner, so as not to further stimulate conflicts or allow conflicts to accumulate and form major conflicts.
Third, when resolving conflicts, keep a calm mind and discuss the facts as they stand.Once conflicts or conflicts occur, we must keep a clear mind and a calm mind when resolving conflicts. We must discuss the matter as it stands without getting involved in other issues, let alone take radical actions to escalate the conflict. Otherwise, it will easily intensify the conflict. exacerbate the conflict.The existence of a contradictory communication and mediation mechanism is crucial to every ordinary employee in the workplace, or to every enterprise or collective. It is the lubrication of the internal relationship of each collective organization. It is a powerful weapon for everyone to resolve and deal with interpersonal conflicts.
(End of this chapter)
We are not unfamiliar with this phenomenon in our daily life: when an egg is dropped on a rock, the egg is easily broken; when a ball is dropped on a rock, it bounces off and remains intact.The reason is that the ball can be flexible to a strong external force, but the egg cannot, so there is a saying that "it is too much to hit a stone with an egg".Everyone knows that aluminum, which is extremely hard, is extremely flexible. We can smash it as thin as paper with a hammer, but still can't smash it in half.The truth contained in this is-to overcome rigidity with rigidity, both sides will suffer; to overcome rigidity with softness, success will be achieved immediately.
Lao Tzu has repeatedly used water as an example to demonstrate the truth that "the weak can overcome the strong".Although water is weak, dripping water can penetrate rocks. When it meets a circle, it becomes round, when it meets a square, it becomes square, when it meets a stop, it stops, and it flows as it pleases;This is the nature of water.When a stone is thrown into the water, it will be covered by water because it is "inclusive"; when it is on fire, we use water to extinguish it, because water has "dissolution"; when soil meets water, it will become soft because water has " "flexibility"; put wood in water, it will gradually rot, because water is "permeable"; steel soaked in water for a long time, it will rust, because water is "erosive"...these types of water The characteristics represent the principle of "softness can overcome rigidity, and weakness can overcome strength".
In life, we need to have this characteristic of water. The best way to solve many things is to learn to overcome rigidity with softness. There is nothing easy to change. The weak overcome the strong, and the soft overcome the strong."
At the end of the Spring and Autumn Period, Zichan, the Prime Minister of the State of Zheng, adopted the method of overcoming rigidity with softness in governing the country.Zichan combines rigidity and softness in politics, puts softness first, and softness controls rigidity.
At that time, Zheng State was a small country with very weak national strength. If it wanted to survive in a space full of big countries, it was urgent to strengthen the country's strength.Zichan advocated the revitalization of agriculture, the construction of agricultural work, and the collection of new taxes at the same time to ensure sufficient military supplies and supplies.
At the beginning of the new tax collection, the public complained everywhere, and some even threatened to kill Zichan.Many courtiers in the DPRK also stood up to express their opposition to the new policy, but Zichan ignored it and did not give too much explanation, just patiently waiting for the development of the situation.Zichan said: "The interests of the country are the most important. When necessary, it is natural to sacrifice personal interests and obey the interests of the country. I have heard that things should have a beginning and an end, and should not be anticlimactic. If there is a good beginning but no good end, nothing will be achieved. Therefore, I must persist It's done."
New taxes will be levied as usual.Because Zichan also adopted the method of revitalizing agriculture, agriculture developed quickly.With the prosperity and development of agriculture, the people turned from complaints to praise, and everyone was convinced.
Zichan also set up township schools all over the country, and the township schools have freedom of speech, so some people who are dissatisfied with politics often use the township schools as a forum to carry out political activities.Some people worried that it would affect the rule in the long run, so they proposed to ban it.But Zichan said: "This is unnecessary. It is normal for the common people to work hard all day, go to the township school to complain and comment on politics. We can use it as a reference, choose the good and follow it, and verify the gains and losses. If it is forced to suppress, it is better to use In Tusai State, the water flow may be temporarily blocked, but it will inevitably attract more violent torrents and break the dams. At that time, I am afraid that there will be no way to recover. It is better to slowly divert the water into the canal, divert the water and treat it, wouldn't it Better?" Everyone agreed.
Afterwards, it proved that Zichan's new policy was very correct and achieved good results.Under the promotion of the New Deal, Zheng Guo's national strength has been greatly improved.
Such success has a lot to do with Zichan's way of working and dealing with affairs.
From the perspective of being a human being, overcoming rigidity with softness is not only a kind of wisdom in life and work, but also a very practical communication strategy in interpersonal communication.In interpersonal communication, if we can learn to overcome rigidity with softness, we can easily detect each other's psychology and avoid many unnecessary troubles.
As the saying goes: "One hundred people have one heart, one hundred people have one nature." Some people are introverted, some are extroverted, some are gentle, and some are strong. Each has its own characteristics, and each has its own advantages and disadvantages.From a psychological point of view, all people are very strong, because everyone has an innate sense of superiority towards themselves from the bottom of their hearts.If we can grasp this "psychological superiority" of people, and then adopt a targeted communication strategy, we can quickly defeat our opponents.
Any staunch person is very emotional, and emotional agitation can easily make people irrational, and do or not do certain things based on impulse. This is the characteristic of a staunch person, and it is also its fatal weakness.As the saying goes: "To pull a cow, you have to pull the nose, and to hit a snake, you have to hit it at seven inches." This tells us that we should use our strengths to overcome our weaknesses.If you treat a staunch person head-on, it will inevitably make both sides lose their minds, and eventually both sides will suffer.If you face a strong person with a gentle posture, it will be a different situation, just like drizzle to a raging fire, a raging fire, and a drizzle of drizzle, although the fire cannot be extinguished immediately, it can effectively control the fire. Put out the fire little by little.
In the specific communication process, the so-called "overcoming rigidity with softness" is actually just a comparison of patience, patience, confidence, and perseverance.In these respects, whoever has the upper hand is the real winner.And softness or rigidity are just the superficial forms shown when the two are compared. The so-called rigidity here is just an expression of impetuousness, bluff, and inability to withstand setbacks; Only those who are arrogant and not discouraged by defeat can have performances, and they can overcome rigidity with softness.
All in all, in the process of interpersonal communication, if we encounter a very strong opponent, we might as well learn the trick of "overcoming rigidity with softness".As Zeng Guofan, a famous minister of a generation, said: "The principle of being a human being is that hardness and softness can be used together, and one should not be biased. Too soft will slump, and too rigid will be easily broken. Rigid does not mean to be brutal and severe, but just forced. If you want to be public, you need to force yourself. If you strive for fame and fortune, you need to retreat.” Learning the communication strategy of using softness to overcome rigidity, we can adapt to the situation and adopt appropriate communication strategies according to the strong psychology of strong opponents, so as to easily deal with the opponent.
Lightning Rod Effect: It can be good at guiding and resolving conflicts in the workplace
Install a metal rod on the top of a tall building, connect it with a metal plate buried in the ground with a metal wire, use the tip of the metal rod to discharge, so that the electricity carried by the clouds and the electricity carried by the earth are gradually neutralized, thus Buildings can be protected from lightning strikes, which is the "lightning rod effect", which is the working principle of the lightning rod. The moral of the "lightning rod effect" is: if you are good at dredging, you will get through, and if you can lead, you will be safe.In the process of dealing with interpersonal conflicts, especially in the workplace, the "lightning rod effect" has far-reaching significance.
For modern buildings, the lightning rod is a very important protection invention.A small metal rod is installed on the top of many tall buildings, and it is connected with a metal plate buried in the ground by a metal wire; The electricity carried by it and the electricity carried by the earth are gradually neutralized to protect the building from lightning strikes. This is the working principle of the lightning rod.
Some people apply the working principle of the lightning rod to dealing with interpersonal conflicts in the workplace, and call the organizational counseling and communication mechanism that can effectively handle interpersonal conflicts in the workplace the "lightning rod effect".The working principle of the lightning rod is very interesting. As long as we think about it carefully, we will find that the lightning rod itself is not actually "lightning protection", but "lightning induction", that is, the lightning that might have destroyed the building passes through metal wires, metal plates and connecting devices etc., turn into the ground, so as to achieve the effect of "melting".Therefore, the quality of building protection depends on how well the lightning rod is introduced into the ground by the lightning rod.The best way to deal with conflicts in the workplace is communication and counseling, which is exactly what the "lightning rod effect" inspires us.
Li Meng is the deputy general manager of a large company.A few days ago, the company was going to promote new employees, and the chairman asked each deputy manager to submit the candidates in his mind.In Li Meng's opinion, among all the people, Wang Shuang should be promoted the most, because this young man is not only smart, but also very diligent in his work.However, another deputy general manager is optimistic about Li Guoping, because Li Guoping just won a large order two days ago, which is very rare among young people.
Because the two people are optimistic about different people, they quarreled in front of the chairman, and the quarrel was very fierce.In the end, no consensus was reached.After coming out of the chairman's office, Li Meng felt that he had done a very bad job, because this not only hurt the feelings of the two people, but in the end neither of them could implement their opinions—because both parties strongly opposed what the other wanted to promote.Afterwards, Li Meng said to the deputy general manager: "Do you think this is good? Let's give Wang Shuang and Li Guoping a month. During this month, if anyone can sign more orders for the company, we will Who should be promoted?" The deputy general manager very much agreed with Li Meng's proposal, and after get off work, the two went to the restaurant for a drink, and the unhappiness that happened just now had disappeared.
In response to the very strong objection of another deputy general manager, Li Meng did not fight back vigorously and force the other party to accept his opinion, but came up with an idea that both parties could accept, so that the conflict between the two parties could be resolved.In life, we must, like Li Meng, learn to use the "lightning rod effect" to resolve conflicts among colleagues and friends.So, how should we use the "lightning rod effect"?Here, we offer some suggestions for your consideration.
First, once the signs of conflicts are found, try to avoid the occurrence of conflicts.In fact, no one wants conflicts to arise or intensify, and everyone wants to live in harmony with each other.No conflict is the most ideal state of interpersonal communication, so in the process of communication, once a conflict or sign of conflict is found, it is necessary to do the work of communication and negotiation before the conflict actually arises, and try to eliminate the conflict in the bud.
Second, both parties to the conflict should respect each other and understand each other in good faith.After conflicts or conflicts arise, both parties to the conflict should look for reasons from themselves. Is it because they have not done well enough or have affected the interests of the other party?In addition, you need to think more about the problem from the perspective of the other party, and think more for the other party, and many conflicts will be resolved.In addition, it is necessary to communicate and deal with interpersonal conflicts or conflicts in a timely manner, so as not to further stimulate conflicts or allow conflicts to accumulate and form major conflicts.
Third, when resolving conflicts, keep a calm mind and discuss the facts as they stand.Once conflicts or conflicts occur, we must keep a clear mind and a calm mind when resolving conflicts. We must discuss the matter as it stands without getting involved in other issues, let alone take radical actions to escalate the conflict. Otherwise, it will easily intensify the conflict. exacerbate the conflict.The existence of a contradictory communication and mediation mechanism is crucial to every ordinary employee in the workplace, or to every enterprise or collective. It is the lubrication of the internal relationship of each collective organization. It is a powerful weapon for everyone to resolve and deal with interpersonal conflicts.
(End of this chapter)
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