The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 23 The Law of Dependency in the Workplace—Psychological Strategies for Building a Good Relationship with Colleagues (3)
Cleverly avoid the "little gang" in the office

The ancients advocated "the golden mean" and paid attention to "impartiality", which is actually of great benefit in the workplace.Focusing on our own pursuits and career ideals, maintaining neutrality appropriately, and never ganging up with gangs will help us resolve conflicts objectively and help us "stand alone" in the complicated "office political conflicts".

"Small office teams" are a common phenomenon in the workplace.For many professionals, the most troublesome thing in the workplace is not knowing how to deal with the "small team" in the office.Faced with the "solicitation" of a small team, is it to join?Or sternly refuse?In the face of isolation or attacks from "small teams", should we deal with them head-on?Or cleverly deal with it?This requires us to master some clever coping strategies.

Regarding the "small office team", someone once conducted a related survey, and found that: more than 85% of the survey participants believed that these small groups existed in their work; 66% of the survey participants believed that they were often excluded Outside of groups; many people both hate and fear the small-team phenomenon in the workplace.

After graduating from university, Li Xianxian found a copywriting and planning job in an advertising company.This advertising company is a well-known large company in the industry, and her specific work content is also very suitable for her major, and the salary is also good, so she is very satisfied with this job.It can be said that Li Xianxian came to work in this company full of confidence and felt that he had a bright future.

However, within half a year of working, Li Xianxian was exhausted physically and mentally, and was greatly disappointed in his job.why?Because she found that the competition among employees in the company is very fierce, and the relationship between employees is very tense. Small teams derived from this can be found everywhere. People also "divide into cliques" and fight openly and secretly.

In the first half year since she started working, Li Xianxian seemed to be suspended in the air in the office. She was afraid of saying the wrong sentence, because she knew that offending one person was equivalent to offending a group of people.

Li Xianxian slowly felt that it was too tiring to work like this, and it was nothing to be physically tired. The key was that her mental fatigue was too much for her to bear.

Now, she is very troubled by this and doesn't know what to do.

Around us, I believe that many people, like Li Xianxian, are troubled by the "small team" in the office.Of course, for many people, they still like to join a small team, because in a "collective", they can jointly "resist the enemy" and get a share of the good things. Of course, people outside the "small team" There is no such privilege anymore.But is joining a small team really beneficial to you?Let's take the example of Li Ming.

Li Ming is a newcomer in the workplace. When he first came to the company, he found that the company was divided into two factions, with the sales manager as one faction and the HR manager as the other faction.Because he is a very capable person, both factions want to win him over.Li Ming saw that the internal struggle in the office was so fierce, if there was no one to promote him, he could only hang around at the bottom with no hope at all.So, after careful consideration, he "turned to" the faction of the personnel manager.Sure enough, after working in the company for a year, he was promoted from the bottom to a section chief.

But the good times didn't last long. In the company's internal struggle, the personnel manager was squeezed out, fell down, and resigned from his job.As a result, "a fire broke out at the gate of the city, which brought disaster to the fish in the pond", Li Ming was quickly excluded and became a small employee again.But the other party still refused to let it go, and kept making troubles for Li Ming and others.In the end, Li Ming could only resign and leave the company.

From Li Ming’s example, it can be seen that forming a gang and forming a small team is not necessarily suitable for one’s own development. If the party you are relying on falls, you will also be implicated and become the target of the other party’s attack.Sometimes, although building a small team is beneficial to your promotion and salary increase, the position changes in the office are very fast. Today your "boss" is still proud, but tomorrow, he may step down sadly.At that time, you will be squeezed out by the other party, and you may be forced to resign by the other party, and they will just let it go.Since we are not supposed to join small teams, what should we do?

In fact, the method is very simple, that is to maintain neutrality appropriately, and never "collude with gangs". "Office politics" occurs almost every day, and the best solution is to remain neutral.In office politics, some people may be drawn into a battle between two opposing power figures, and favoring either side can either make it to the top or fail them all.At this time, you might as well learn to remain neutral.The ancients advocated "the golden mean" and paid attention to "impartiality", which is actually of great benefit in the workplace.Focusing on our own pursuits and career ideals, maintaining neutrality appropriately, and not ganging up with gangs will help us resolve conflicts objectively and help us "stand alone" in the complicated "office political conflicts".

In addition, we should also improve our communication skills, and look at the internal struggles in the office with a normal heart.In the workplace, the reason why many outstanding people can stand out is that they are good at communication and actively understand the psychological needs of others.In the office, some "wars" are extremely unnecessary, and the reasons are often mutual misunderstanding and distrust.Solving such problems and trying to understand each other is a good way to alleviate hostility.Once the other party feels that we understand his starting point, he will often lower his defenses and be willing to communicate, thereby building a relationship of trust.In this way, the two parties can not only further communicate and find a consensus, but also cooperate with each other to achieve rapid success in the workplace.But if there is a lack of such an understanding, both sides insist on maximizing their own interests, which may lead to "storms".

The Law of Reflection: Appreciate each other first before you can be appreciated by the other party
As we all know, reflex is a natural phenomenon, which is expressed as the reverse reaction of stimuli to stimuli.The law of reflection refers to the law that determines the relationship between the direction of propagation of the reflected light and the incident light when light is reflected on a smooth interface.However, the biggest inspiration to people from this law is that in order to obtain reflected light, light must first shine on a smooth interface.Psychologically, the scope of this reflection is expanded, and it is believed that the same is true for interpersonal communication. If you want others to reflect the light of appreciation to you, you must first project the light of appreciation to others.

The "Law of Reflection" tells us that how we treat others, others will treat us in the same way.In the same way, in the process of interpersonal communication, if we want others to appreciate us, we must first appreciate others.Appreciation, affirmation, praise... are all mutual. If we don't know how to appreciate others, if we don't know how to appreciate others, if we don't appreciate others, we will certainly not be appreciated by others.

In real life, many people have such complaints: "Why am I always not reused?" "Why am I not popular?"

"Why can't I be recognized by others no matter what I do?" "I'm already discouraged, because I find that no matter how good I do, no one recognizes me." "Why I just can't be appreciated by others Woolen cloth?"

Almost everyone complains like this sometimes.These complaints are nothing more than one meaning - "Why am I not appreciated by others?" The "others" here can be family members, leaders, colleagues, and so on.So, why?Why do many people have such complaints?

Sun Weiwei and Li Keshuang entered a company at the same time.Since then, Li Keshuang's business has been inferior to that of Sun Weiwei.Seeing Sun Weiwei step by step from a salesman to a department supervisor, and his salary doubled to his own, Li Keshuang couldn't help feeling anxious.But Li Keshuang did not reflect on his own business, nor did he think about how he should work hard to improve his business capabilities and improve his performance.Instead, he just blamed the boss blindly: "Hey, he joined the company at the same time, his salary has doubled, and I'm still standing still, I really can't bear it, but what can I do? He is a celebrity in the eyes of the boss. And me? The boss doesn't like me! But why doesn't the boss like me? Ordinarily, the boss has no reason to look down on me! There must be something strange in it."

It didn't take long for Li Keshuang's complaints to spread throughout the company.Later, the boss of the company heard about it.One day, the boss called Li Keshuang to the office and said to him: "Xiao Li, you should find the reason on yourself. I have always treated the employees of the company equally. Salary means that your business ability needs to be improved. Your business is not improving, how can I give you a salary increase? If I give you a salary increase, what will other employees think? Do you think so? "

After hearing what the boss said, Li Keshuang was very embarrassed.

Appreciation always has a reason, no one will be appreciated by others for no reason; no one will appreciate someone for no reason.This also tells us that if we want to be appreciated by others, we must give others a reason to appreciate us, that is, we must make others feel that we are worthy of appreciation, so that others will appreciate us.

There is a reason why Li Keshuang in the above story is not appreciated by his boss - the boss will not appreciate an employee with mediocre performance like him, but Li Keshuang not only did not realize this, but complained about the boss Unfair, this is undoubtedly a very naive approach.

Therefore, if we are not appreciated by others, don't just complain about others, but find the reason in ourselves to see if we have qualities worthy of others' appreciation.

Having said that, let's take a look at such a short story:

There was a college student who thought he was very talented, but he couldn't find an ideal job after graduation. He thought that the reason why he was "underappreciated" was because he was not appreciated by "Bole" as a "thousand-mile horse".

In pain and despair, the college student came to the beach, intending to throw himself into the sea to end his own life.At this time, an old man with silver hair and white beard happened to pass by and rescued him.

The old man asked the college student: "Why do you want to die?"

A college student said: "I have achieved something in my studies, but I am not recognized by the society. No one appreciates and reuses me. I have lost all hope."

After hearing this, the old man pondered for a moment, then picked up a grain of sand from the beach, showed the college student to look at it, threw him to the ground, and said to him, "Can you pick up the sand I threw away?"

"It's impossible!" The college student shook his head.

The old man took out a crystal bright pearl from his pocket, threw it on the ground, and asked him, "Can you get it back?"

"Of course." The college student nodded.

"You should understand now?" said the old man, stroking his beard.

The college students suddenly realized after hearing this.

As this story tells us.Many times, the reason why we are not recognized by others is probably because we are just an ordinary "gravel" instead of a priceless "pearl"; if we are a priceless pearl, we will not get Not appreciated by others.It can be seen that if we want to be appreciated by others, we must first try to make ourselves a "pearl".

Therefore, if no one appreciates us, don't complain about others or other factors needlessly. It is best to find the reason in yourself first, and it is best to figure out whether we have qualities worthy of appreciation by others.After some examination, if we find that the reason for not being appreciated by others is actually from ourselves, then we must first improve ourselves and make ourselves better and better, so that others will feel that we are worthy of appreciation, and we can be appreciated by others.

(End of this chapter)