The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 26 The Law of Influence in the Workplace—Psychological Strategies for Building a Good Relationship with Customers (3)
The clerk looked surprised.The owner of the shop said: "I also started this small shop not long after I was laid off. We are all down in the world. It's not easy. I'll keep your goods first. Let's do each other a favor!"

Why is there such a big contrast between the attitude of the store owner?The reason is that the "similarity effect" is at work.The clerk's complaints brought back memories of the shop owner. Both of them were laid-off workers and re-employed—this similarity resonated emotionally with the boss.With emotional communication, the transaction will naturally become smoother and simpler.

In fact, from the perspective of human psychological development, the meaning of human existence is fundamentally reflected in maximizing the freedom from "instinctive life"

To be freed from the shackles of human beings, to strive to obtain the essence of "super life", and to become the master of one's own life activities.This means that man has broken through the stipulations of the "species" of life, and surpassed the limitations of natural instincts. Under the condition of life permitting, man always uses his psychological identity to control his life activities, and uses his psychological self-determination to act as a human being. master of one's own life.This determines that in the process of interpersonal communication, psychological similarity will be particularly precious, and people usually cherish a person who has many similarities with themselves.

"The same people who are degraded in the end of the world, why meet each other before", the sense of wandering in life, the feeling of degraded life, when they sprout in the hearts of both parties in communication, all communication obstacles will disappear in an instant; When difficult feelings resonate in the hearts of both parties in the communication, all language barriers will be eliminated immediately.Therefore, in interpersonal communication, if we want to gain the support of the other party, we can properly use the "similarity effect" in psychology to shorten the psychological distance between each other and let each other have a feeling of bosom friend, and then propose Request, the other party may support and help us.

The principle of liking: match what you like, and get closer
The "liking principle" believes that people always like to associate with people who have common topics or have high similarities with them, and people are always willing to agree to the requests made by people they know and like.In the process of interpersonal communication, if we want to establish a good interpersonal relationship with the other party, we can use the "preference principle" to win the other party's approval first, and then use this as a breakthrough to start substantive communication.

The "principle of liking" is similar to the "similarity effect" we mentioned above.The liking principle means that people always like to interact with people who have a common language with them.This principle pointedly pointed out the inherent laws of human communication: people like to communicate with people who have common topics or have high similarities, and people are always willing to agree to the requests made by people they know and love. Consider this so natural that no one is even surprised by it.

Therefore, in the process of interacting with people, if we want to gain the recognition and support of others, we must first find out what we have in common with each other or the characteristics that can attract each other's interests.In this way, based on the "common points" or the "points of interest" that are of interest to each other, we can start topics and continue to communicate, and it will be easy to gain the recognition and support of the other party.

Let's look at such a story:
Three people lived in one room at a time in a hotel.None of the three knew each other.In the evening, after dinner, the tall man lay on the bed and read a book; the short man packed his luggage; the oldest man spread the bed and sat on the edge of the bed in a daze.

It seemed that the oldest man was very bored, and he was trying to find something to do for himself, so he turned his head and accosted the short man who was packing his luggage: "Master, are you carrying so much luggage? It seems Go far away!"

"It's okay, it's not very far. I came from Zaozhuang, Shandong." The short man replied while packing his luggage.

"Ah! We are fellow villagers. I'm from Linyi, Shandong. Zaozhuang is a good place. I went there ten years ago. It's not bad. The customs and customs are very good. It's a good place!" The oldest man followed the clues Extend the topic further.

"Congratulations, congratulations, hehe." The short man looked quite happy.

"Comrade, where did you come from?" The oldest man turned his head to the tall man who was reading a book.

"Oh, I'm also from Shandong." The tall man replied.

"Oh? So you're also from the same village? It's a pleasure to meet you." Before the oldest man could speak.The short man had already taken up the conversation.

In this way, the three big men from Shandong chatted in a short while, and the chat was very speculative.During the deep chat, the three also got to know each other's identities: the tall one is in the vegetable business, the short one runs a restaurant, and the oldest man is actually the most famous local vegetable farmer.

After learning about each other's identities, the three chatted more deeply, and there was a feeling of "seeing each other late".Half an hour later, they talked about business: the oldest vegetable farmer signed a vegetable supply order with the tall man; the tall man also signed a food delivery contract with the short man.Half an hour ago, they were strangers who didn't know each other. In a blink of an eye, they became business partners, and they couldn't believe it was real.

Why did it take only half an hour for three strangers to become very speculative business partners?The essence is that the "preference psychology" of the three people is at work.

The "principle of preference" tells us that people like to interact with people who have common topics or have high similarities. The three people in the example know the commonality of "both from Shandong" that makes their psychological The distance was shortened all of a sudden, and they changed from strangers to acquaintances almost instantly.

Then, the three of them all knew each other's identities, and they were all related to "dish", which allowed them to find their commonality again, and the distance between them was one step closer.When the psychological distance of the three people was quickly shortened twice in a row, there was no barrier of interpersonal communication between them, and it was not surprising that they "became business partners within half an hour".

Waterfall Psychological Effect: Be Proper in Speaking in Social Situations
We often have the experience that when we are talking with someone, the other person values ​​what we say inadvertently. What we want to express is obviously not a certain meaning, but the other party hears the "overtones", as the so-called " He does not mean that".This phenomenon is called "waterfall psychological effect" in psychology.

The "waterfall psychological effect" reminds us that in the process of interpersonal communication, we must learn to be cautious in words and deeds, and pay attention to the proportion of speech.In daily communication, we often have such an experience. When talking with people, we inadvertently say a word, but the other party attaches great importance to it. What we want to express is obviously not a certain meaning, but the other party hears the "overtones" ", as the saying goes, "the speaker has no intention, but the listener has intention".

In "Historical Records", such a story was recorded:
Pingyuan Jun Zhao Sheng's neighbor is a lame man.Once, the lame man limped to fetch water from the well, and was seen by Mr. Pingyuan's concubine.

The concubine laughed out loud when she saw how amused the neighbor was limping.This made the neighbor dissatisfied. He went to Mr. Pingyuan and asked to kill the concubine who laughed at him.Mr. Pingyuan loved that concubine very much, not to mention killing her just because he laughed at someone, it was somewhat unreasonable.So, he faltered and hawed at the neighbor's request, trying to perfunctory the past.Seeing that Mr. Pingyuan did not agree to his request, the neighbor said: "In everyone's opinion, Mr. Pingyuan respects scholars and despises women. Therefore, hundreds of scholars have come to you. I am just a little disabled. But I was ridiculed by your concubine for no reason, which made me feel very humiliated. The ancients once said: "A scholar can be killed but not humiliated." So, please be the master for me. Otherwise, others will think you are a womanizer As for the ignorant scholars, there are not so many scholars going to you anymore." These words reached Mr. Pingyuan's heart, although he couldn't bear it, he finally killed the concubine and apologized to the neighbors.

After reading this short article, I believe many people will feel that the concubine died unjustly.Indeed, it was really worthless for her to lose her own life just because of an unintentional mistake.However, her "unintentional mistake" did make the other party feel extremely humiliated.

In real life, many people have had the experience of being stabbed by other people's "unintentional words".Similarly, many people have also experienced the experience of not paying attention to propriety when speaking, and letting their "unintentional words" stab others.This is a very strange phenomenon. The sender (speaker) of the information is relatively calm, but after the outgoing information is received by the other party (listener), it causes a psychological imbalance, which leads to changes in attitude and behavior.This kind of phenomenon is just like a waterfall in nature, the top is calm and quiet, but the bottom is splashed with waves, which may arouse the other party's resentment at the slightest, and bring disaster to oneself at the worst.Psychologists call this phenomenon the "waterfall effect".Examples like this are all around us:

Li Liang is a carefree person, speaks outspokenly, and is very humorous. No matter who he meets or what happens, he is always cheerful, and he is a full-fledged "optimist".Because of his optimistic and cheerful personality, Li Liang has a very good reputation among relatives and friends.But also because of his straightforward personality, he often offends people in his daily life.

For example, at the class reunion last year, Li Liang didn't know where the interest came from, but he made a joke about a very shy female classmate, inadvertently pointing out a small physical defect of the female classmate in the joke.

All the students present knew Li Liang's character, and they all knew that this was his unintentional words, but "the speaker has no intention, but the listener has intentions", as soon as Li Liang's words came out, the female student's face turned red .The female classmate was a relatively peaceful girl. She didn't refute Li Liang's public joke, but she was very dissatisfied in her heart, and she had a grudge with Li Liang ever since.

Since then, whenever Li Liang attended class reunions, he never saw that female classmate again.

After Li Liang knew the reason, he was very annoyed about it. He lost a good friend just because of a joke of his own. It's really not worth it!
Li Liang's "unintentional words" actually aroused the hatred of female students, which is the "waterfall psychological effect" at work.It can be seen that if we want to be a popular person in social situations, we must always remind ourselves not to make the mistake of "unintentionally hurting others". feel.

If we want to avoid unintentional mistakes, we must see the timing and be cautious in words and deeds.Some people talk like no one else around, talk endlessly, don't look at other people's faces, don't look at the timing and occasion, and just satisfy their own desire for expression. This is a manifestation of lack of self-cultivation.When speaking, you should pay attention to the reaction of the other party, and constantly adjust your emotions and speech content to make the conversation more interesting and harmonious.Only in this way, we will not hurt each other because of our unintentional mistakes.

(End of this chapter)