The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 36 The Rules of Getting Together in Love, Marriage and Happiness—Psychological Strategies for Building a Good Relationship with Your Lover (2)
First, in the face of love, it is very important for us to ask ourselves what love we really need.We should understand what we want from each other and what we are willing to give.That way, when we start contact, we'll know if we're willing to start a relationship and develop it.Once the decision to start a serious relationship is made, both partners must remember what brings each other together.For example, what external and internal things of the other party attract you, and what aspects of his (her) personality do you appreciate.In this way, after the two parties in love have been together for a period of time, they will not feel indifferent to each other's advantages.People always get a bit burnt out after feeling comfortable and at ease, but if both parties are willing to put in the time and effort, the problem can be solved.

Second, an important secret to keeping love fresh is patience.Sometimes, maybe we are dissatisfied with each other's actions, but we can't take it too seriously and care about it too much.We must always remind ourselves to slow down, take a deep breath, and think about the reasons why the other party is doing this.We also need to get rid of the arrogant attitude and avoid jumping to conclusions, because that will make the other person feel uncomfortable and have no freedom to act, as if we only see the worst in the other person in our eyes.In many cases, both parties in love have to learn to give each other some time and tell each other that they can sit down and have a good talk at the right time.No matter the situation, patience is the golden secret to keeping a relationship alive (unless the other person doesn't want to talk to you about your relationship anymore, which means you need to think hard about ending the relationship).

Third, to keep love fresh, we must learn to tolerate each other. "People don't have a thousand days to be happy, and flowers don't have a hundred days to be red."In real life, due to various reasons, conflicts between lovers are inevitable.In order to keep love young forever, we must learn to tolerate each other, that is, to make concessions to each other.An American sociologist said: "If both parties can make concessions in conflict, or both parties have similar views on the appropriateness of the other's role behavior, or both parties can find more value in mutual interaction, we can predict that their marriage will The relationship will be more happy." It can be seen that tolerance, understanding, and giving in when it is time to make concessions can keep love young forever.

Fourth, to keep love fresh, we must learn to create a life atmosphere.Love life or married life should be romantic and poetic. This romantic and poetic not only refers to art and literature, but is hidden in all areas of life.In life, the source of love needs to be carefully cultivated by both men and women, just like watering flowers.Sometimes, the memory left by a thoughtful word in life will never be forgotten, so mutual consideration and caring can never be less.In addition, an outing, a movie, a snack, a walk... will add endless fun and make love show the most beautiful brilliance forever.Therefore, keeping love fresh must not lack a romantic life sentiment.

The Law of Path Dependence: Initial Choice Does Not Equal Final Happiness
Once people make a certain choice, it is like embarking on a road of no return. The power of inertia will make this choice continue to reinforce itself and make it difficult for you to get out.The same is true for emotional choices. Once we make a wrong decision, even if it is a small wrong decision, we may regret it for the rest of our lives.Therefore, when we face emotional choices, we need to be calm, calm, and calm again!

Once people make a certain choice, it is like embarking on a road of no return. The power of inertia will make this choice continue to reinforce itself and make it difficult for you to go out. This is the famous "law of path dependence".

We know that the ascension of modern space shuttles is inseparable from rocket propulsion.But if I say that the rocket propulsion used by the modern space shuttle has a certain connection with the Roman chariot more than 2000 years ago, many people may be surprised by this.But they are indeed inextricably linked.

The rocket propulsion used by the modern British and American space shuttles is built in the factory and transported by rail.Railway transportation inevitably passes through tunnels, and these tunnels are usually not much wider than the width of the train tracks.Therefore, the width of the rocket propeller cannot exceed the width of the train tunnel, only comparable to the width of the train tracks.That is, the width of the rocket thrusters is determined by the width of the train tracks.

So what determines the width of a train track?The width of modern British and American train tracks is about 4 feet 8.5 inches, or 1.435 meters.

This standard width is the same as the track width of modern British and American trams.This is because modern British and American railways were first designed by the same people who built streetcars, and 4 feet 8.5 inches is the standard width used for streetcars.

What determined the standard width of the tracks of the early trams in the United Kingdom and the United States?The designers of the early streetcars in Britain and the United States used to build horse-drawn carriages, so the standard of the tramway followed the wheelbase standard of the horse-drawn carriage - 4 feet 8.5 inches.

So, why does the carriage use such a wheelbase standard?It turns out that the width of British carriage ruts is 4 feet 8.5 inches, so if the carriage uses any other track, its wheels will quickly be damaged on the old British roads.

Where do these ruts come from?It's from the ancient Romans.Because the long-distance old roads throughout Europe, including Britain, were laid by the Romans for their armies, and 4 feet 8.5 inches is the width of a Roman chariot.The wheels of any other wheelbase on these roads won't last very long.

The matter does not end there, why did the Romans use 4 feet 8.5 inches as the wheelbase of their chariots?The reason is simple, because 4 feet 8.5 inches is the width of the buttocks of two horses pulling a chariot.

Now, if we say that the rocket propulsion used by the modern space shuttle has a certain relationship with the Roman chariot or the width of the horse's buttocks more than 2000 years ago, probably no one will doubt it anymore.

That's how ingenious things are. The enlightenment given to us by the "law of path dependence" is worth pondering.According to the law of path dependence, no matter what the matter is, the initial choice is very important, and it directly determines the future direction of the matter.Each of us is faced with countless choices and abandonments in our life, so no matter what we face, we must think carefully and make the initial choice, so as not to bury hidden dangers for future success and happiness.

The same is true for emotional choices.In real life, there are many such examples. Young men and women are too irrational in the face of feelings and blindly act on their emotions, thus making emotional choices that are not suitable for them or even wrong. As everyone knows, even if it is just a small wrong decision at first , but its consequences will be magnified infinitely, which may eventually lead to a married life full of pain and a miserable life.

Wu Li used to be a very good girl. In 1999, after graduating from a famous normal university, she taught English in a famous private middle school in the south.At that time, she lived a carefree life, and her only regret was that she had no emotional sustenance.

Although relatives and friends also introduced some good targets to her, she didn't like them.

By chance, Wu Li met Mo Jian.When meeting for the first time, Wu Li was fascinated by Mo Jian's unrestrained character and handsome appearance.Mo Jian also likes Wu Li very much.The two quickly established a romantic relationship.

However, when Wu Li's parents learned that Mo Jian was just a singer in a small bar, they were dissatisfied.Later, Wu Li's parents gradually discovered that Mo Jian was very impetuous, ambitious, had no clear goals in life, and had an unstable income.Wu Li's parents hope that their daughter can live a simple and happy life, but Mo Jian's situation is not suitable for her daughter, so the parents officially oppose Wu Li and Mo Jian's continued relationship.

But Wu Li, who is in love, can't understand the painstaking efforts of her parents at all, and resolutely marries Mo Jian regardless of her parents' opposition.

After getting married, the happy life Wu Li had longed for countless times did not appear.After a long time, Wu Li found that her husband was not a down-to-earth person as his parents said, he was very impetuous and lazy. He never thought about finding a stable job to support the family. He also got a bar job after marriage. not enough.All the expenses of the family were borne by Wu Li, and Wu Li began to be disappointed with Mo Jian.

Later, Mo Jian dreamed of becoming a star, and even planned to develop in Beijing, while Wu Li only wanted to live a simple life, and the two quarreled countless times over this.

In 2006, Mo Jian carried Wu Li on his back on the train going north.Facing Mo Jian's leaving without saying goodbye, Wu Li could only wash her face with tears all day long, and she didn't know who to tell her grievances in her heart.At this time, Wu Li realized her mistake, realized how ridiculous her decision was, and truly regretted not listening to her parents' dissuasion.

There are many things like this around us.Many people are dazzled and blinded by the short-term happiness when facing their feelings, so that they make emotional choices that are not suitable for them.However, the knock-on effects of one wrong decision can be huge and sometimes overwhelming.

Therefore, those who cannot make choices in the face of feelings, those who are too emotional in the face of feelings, and those who are often dazzled by temporary false happiness.When faced with emotional choices, please be rational!Please think about it for a long time!

Silence after marriage: don't let marriage become the cemetery of love
"Psychology of silence after marriage" refers to the psychological state in which married men and women change their intimacy and enthusiasm when they are passionately in love, and often appear shy when expressing their emotions after marriage, or even have nothing to say.Many people will go through such a stage, and a truly happy married life will often appear after going through this stage.Therefore, we must face up to the "phenomenon of silence after marriage" and face our own "psychology of silence after marriage".

In daily life, it is not difficult to find such things: men and women in love are always gluey, but once married, the daily words become very simple; some couples even have almost nothing to say, as if love It's over when you're in love.Studies have found that this is a common phenomenon that occurs in many people and occurs in many marriages.In psychology, this phenomenon is called "the phenomenon of silence after marriage", and the psychology of people ignoring love after marriage is called "the psychology of silence after marriage".

Li Yu and Zhou Jin have been in love for three years. They were very close when they were in love. They often watched movies, went to the park, talked about love, and sent text messages. They were very affectionate.

Later, the two finally entered the palace of marriage.

When they first got married, the two were very excited, and the honeymoon period was full of love, with a feeling of "only envy mandarin ducks but not immortals".However, this kind of good life didn't take long before the two had conflicts.

(End of this chapter)