The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 37 The Rules of Getting Together in Love, Marriage and Happiness—Psychological Strategies for Building a Good Relationship with Your Lover (3)
Usually, Zhou Jin is very busy at work, and the company is far away from home, so he feels very tired when he comes back every day. The vigorous energy he had when he was in love seems to have disappeared.In addition, after getting married, Zhou Jin obviously felt that he was under pressure. In the future, he had to support his family and take on family responsibilities.Therefore, he became more serious about his work and often worked overtime to get bonuses and commissions.

Perhaps because of these reasons, Zhou Jin spends a lot less energy on his wife Li Yu, not to mention watching movies and going to the park, even talking less about love.For this reason, Li Yu was very angry and complained that Zhou Jin was tired of him and didn't like him anymore.Li Yu complained a lot, and Zhou Jin was very upset when he heard it sometimes, so the young couple would quarrel with each other every now and then.

There are too many quarrels, and both of them feel that each other is very strange, and sometimes they can't even believe that the other party is the person they were in love with.

Both of them are also worried: Will our marriage end one day?
Like Li Yu and Zhou Jin above, once many people who are passionately in love get married, it doesn't take long for them to enter the "marriage silence period".Not only is the relationship between the two parties not as good as before, but even conflicts often occur.Someone once said: "Marriage is the grave of love." Now, there is a saying "the seven-year itch", which means that after two people get married, the relationship between the two parties is prone to problems within seven years. .Many people get divorced after less than seven years of marriage.

Why do you fall into a "marital silence period" after getting married?Specifically, there are several reasons: First, once many people get married, they think that their spouses are their own family members, and it is only natural that they love each other, so why bother to say it?Because of this kind of thinking, the communication between the two parties is less, and the relationship is not as good as before.Secondly, after marriage, the husband and wife are busy with their own careers, and some even live apart in two places, so the relationship between the two parties fades.Finally, the problem may also exist in the family structure. One party in the husband and wife is too strong, which suppresses the expression of the other party invisibly, and the silence becomes a silent protest.Of course, there are many reasons why husband and wife fall into the "marriage silence period", and the above are just some of them.

For many newly married couples, what they are most worried about is that their marriage will fall into a "silent period".In fact, "the silent period of marriage"

It's not as scary as everyone imagines, as long as we can adjust ourselves, we can keep our marriage sweet for a long time.

Zhang Guang and Liu Xiaobo are newlyweds.After being married for a period of time, Zhang Guang found that the relationship between the two was not as close as before.

After get off work, the two seldom communicated together except for a few words during meals.More often, two people would rather watch TV or read a book than chat together.

This made Zhang Guang very distressed. He felt that if this continued, his marriage with Liu Xiaobo would have problems sooner or later.So, Zhang Guang decided to change the status quo.He made an agreement with Liu Xiaobo not to rush to watch TV or read books every day after get off work, but to chat for a while.Every weekend, the two watch a movie or listen to a concert.Sometimes, Zhang Guang would buy some roses for Liu Xiaobo on the way.A few days ago, the two of them signed up for an adult tutoring class together.In this way, not only can you make progress, but also let the two people have more communication topics.

Since the two people made changes, their marriage has become happier, as if returning to the time when they were passionately in love.

From the above examples, we can see that as long as you are good at changing, you can go through the "marriage silence period" smoothly and keep your marriage happy all the time.So, how to successfully pass the "marriage silent period"?We give the following suggestions for your reference.

First, both husband and wife must learn to share their life feelings with each other.Love needs to be managed, and it is the same after marriage. Husband and wife should often share their feelings about life.A happy marriage is based on smooth and full communication between the husband and wife.In real life, there are many couples who often have conflicts, mutual accusations, complaints and suspicions, and even extramarital affairs. One of the important reasons is the long-term "post-marital silence" caused by the decline in the quality of marriage and the long-term accumulation of conflicts.Some people can share various life feelings and life experiences with leaders, colleagues, customers, friends, and classmates outside, but when they get home, they have nothing to say to their other half. , is also limited to housework.From the thousands of words before marriage to the few words after marriage, the two gradually become "the most familiar strangers". They look polite, but in fact there is no spiritual communication, which is a taboo in married life.Therefore, we must learn to recharge our marriage, open our hearts, open the chatterbox, express ourselves, let the other party understand you, and you will find that it is so beautiful to share life feelings with your lover.

Second, the emotional appeal between husband and wife cannot be less.In real life, some men think that after marriage, they are the masters who work hard to support their families and have authority. Flirting is a far-off thing for young people; The housewife also turned a blind eye to her husband's hints.Psychologists believe that these ideas are not desirable. Marriage is not the end of love. Both parties should continue to cultivate their relationship so that love can continue to extend in the peak experience.Emotion is not the patent of unmarried young people, nor is it an exclusive privilege enjoyed by the honeymoon period, but a flavoring agent that both husband and wife should have for life.Many people think that husband and wife are too familiar, touching each other's hands is like touching the left hand with the right hand, without any special feeling.

In fact, if we take good care of those hands and appreciate those hands carefully, we will still be touched by happiness in our hearts when they meet.There are many ways to care, such as creating a small romance from time to time, having a little romance when two people are alone, watching a movie together, giving each other a box of heart-shaped chocolates, taking a short trip, etc.The love between husband and wife is a matter of course, but this does not mean that love cannot continue to be discussed.

The Noisier The Happier: Smart Couples Don't Let Fights Hurt Their Relationships
The sea will not remain calm forever; husband and wife quarrel is also the original taste of life.Smart couples never keep the problems in their hearts when they encounter small quarrels, otherwise, the problems will one day be like a volcanic eruption and get out of hand.

Although husband and wife are the most intimate relationship in the world, but because they are together every day, friction is inevitable.Almost every couple will have conflicts and quarrels, which is nothing more than a normal thing.But it is precisely because of the quarrel that many couples hurt their feelings, and finally even choose to divorce.It can be said that quarrels are "landmines" in the relationship between husband and wife, and they may not necessarily hurt two people at any time.

Du Bin and Zhang Xiuyan are a couple. They have a very good relationship, but they quarrel occasionally.During this time, the two often quarreled over their children's schooling.Their son is in the first grade of junior high school this year. Du Bin wants to find him a private school with very high teaching quality. One can improve the child's academic performance, and the other is that the child can study at the school and have more time to study .But Zhang Xiuyan completely disagreed with her husband's idea. She hoped that the child could go home every day and be by her side.For this issue, the two quarreled for a long time, and finally listened to Zhang Xiuyan's opinion.

Two days ago, Zhang Xiuyan wanted to find a tutor for her child, so she discussed it with her husband.At the beginning, Du Bin disagreed, he thought the child's burden was already heavy.But Zhang Xiuyan still insisted on her own ideas.Finally, Du Bin became impatient and said, "Since you have already made up your mind, what are you going to discuss with me?"

Now Zhang Xiuyan was also angry, and said angrily: "You don't care about the child at all!" After hearing this, Du Bin was also angry: "I am the father of the child, how could I not care about him! But you, just Knowing that spoiling a child is really hurting him!" As a result, the two of them quarreled more and more, and finally, Zhang Xiuyan returned to her mother's house, where she lived for a month before returning.

From the above example, it can be seen that if the trivial matters are not handled well, the quarrel between husband and wife will really hurt the feelings of both parties.Husband and wife live together every day, and bumps are inevitable. It can even be said that there is no couple in this world who does not quarrel.

However, in the eyes of love experts, quarrels between husband and wife are not only destructive to the relationship between the two parties.If the "argument" is reasonable and level, it will even enhance the relationship between two people.

Let's look at this couple:
Like all couples, Wang Gang and Meng Yao would quarrel over trivial family matters from time to time.However, at the height of their quarrels, there is always one person who is extremely clever in turning the tension around and bringing them back together in an instant.

Wang Gang said: "A quarrel between husband and wife is like cooking. You have to control the heat and add different seasonings according to the size of the dishes. The key is that someone must know when to turn off the fire. If the fire is turned off too early, the dishes are half-cooked, and they will have to be returned to the pot." ;The fire is turned off late, and the dishes are burnt, the taste must be bad, and no one will be happy after eating them. Only when the dishes are fried just right, turn off the fire in time, can it become a delicious meal, and everyone will feel comfortable eating. When we quarrel, there is always one person who will take the lead in making concessions. Last time she gave in, and this time I gave in... So no matter how fierce the quarrel is, we can quickly reconcile. This is much more quarrelsome , On the contrary, we will find more lovely things in each other, which will make us cherish each other more. Therefore, the more we quarrel, the better the relationship will be."

Wang Gang's words are worthy of our deep thinking.After careful analysis, it is not difficult for us to find that the most important thing for a husband and wife to quarrel is to grasp a "degree" and quarrel just right.If we can all grasp this "degree", then we will be more "noisy" and happier.

It can be seen that quarrels are actually not terrible. As long as we can quarrel, quarrels will become the flavoring agent of married life.

Of course, we are not encouraging couples to quarrel frequently, but to tell everyone that if some quarrels are really unavoidable, some principles must be followed during the quarrel process, so that the quarrels between the two parties are limited and will not hurt the relationship between the two.

So, what principles should couples follow when they quarrel?

First of all, discuss the matter as it stands, and don't dig out all the old things.In this respect, some ladies are very "proficient". They originally quarreled because of this matter, but it didn't take long for them to go to other topics. As a result, the quarrel became more and more topics. Also getting bigger and bigger.

Secondly, when quarreling, you must pay attention to your sense of proportion, and don't speak harsh words at each other.When quarreling, you can't say unfeeling words, you can't laugh at the other party's certain flaws or expose the "scars" of the other party, and you can't yell at the other party in a moment of anger, regardless of the consequences.Experts think:
"Any accusation can be forgotten, but sexual accusation is never forgiven." At the same time, don't say "divorce" lightly. If you keep mentioning divorce, the other party may believe it and think that your marriage is really irretrievable .

Finally, after a husband and wife quarrel, they must do a good job in the aftermath.In fact, after the quarrel, the husband and wife take the initiative to apologize and say "I'm sorry", and in most cases a reconciliation can be reached.Many happy couples have experienced quarrels and disputes. They often say "we quarreled", but they also tell everyone that after the quarrel, we must do a good job in the aftermath, otherwise it will easily hurt the relationship between the husband and wife. Feelings.

(End of this chapter)