The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 38 The Rule of Knowing People to Shield "Danger"—Psychological Strategies to Draw a Clear Boundary with Villains (1)
The "little man" is like the sand in the shoes, fettering one's own steps.If we encounter "little people" unfortunately, we can carefully observe their behavior, and then we will know that this behavior often comes from their inner inferiority and anxiety.Well, to such a person, just throw them out like the sand in your shoes!
Attribution Bias: Never let the villains see the truth

Attribution bias refers to the systematic distortion of certain information that is originally correct by the cognitive person, some of which originate from the inherent limitations of the human cognitive process, and some are caused by people's different motivations.Attribution bias and differences caused by subjective reasons are the main causes of improper attribution.

Judging from the definition of attribution bias, it may be difficult for you to understand its true connotation. In fact, what it says is that when people face a result, they often attribute the cause to one side by mistake, and cannot see the more comprehensive, objective reasons.For example, when a person achieves success at work, he often feels that it is a manifestation of his own ability. Even if he says "thank you for your care and support" on the surface, the most complacent thing in his heart is still his own efforts.However, everyone knows that the "Military Medal" is definitely half of others.For another example, when something goes wrong at work, everyone always wants to pick themselves out of it and try to pass the responsibility on to others. In fact, they are the clearest in their own minds, and they definitely have their own responsibilities.

From a psychological point of view, this mentality of people is quite normal, and it can even be said that such a mentality is beneficial to self-regulation and self-defense.However, too much is not enough. If there is always a deviation between your own understanding of things and the facts, and it is obviously far from the track of facts, it will bring loopholes to personal development. If you do not repair them in time, the loopholes will become bigger and bigger, and it will be difficult to make up. Until I fall physically and mentally.

We have just said that subjective reasons are the main cause of attribution bias, and we have repeatedly emphasized the importance of objectivity.However, we have to admit that people always carry their own subjective emotions when doing things and thinking about problems.Sartre said: "Others are hell!" When seeing other people's achievements and being reused, I always feel inexplicably resentful in my heart, which is jealousy.

In an IT company, there are three active employees. The reason why they are active is that the company is currently selecting vice presidents, and these three are the most promising candidates. However, since the company is only medium-sized, the vice president There is only one position of president. Obviously, the three of them are facing competition from three to one.The three people are Jin Hui, the beautiful assistant to the president, Wang Hai, an engineer who has worked for the company for many years, and Liu Yang, the young office director.

Jin Meimei has "served" the president for more than three years. During these three years, with her own intelligence, she has already known the company's business well, and she works like a fish in water.Because she is eloquent and can always understand the intention of the president, the boss trusts her even more.Therefore, she is naturally one of the candidates for the vice president this time.

Besides, that engineer Wang, since the beginning of the company's establishment, has been fighting the world with the boss, works diligently, treats people sincerely and simple, but is usually a bit boring, not very talkative, belongs to the kind of person who goes with the crowd and never offends others people.However, he thinks that he has worked hard with the boss for so many years, even if he has no credit, he has worked hard. This time, the position of vice president must belong to him.

As for that engineer Liu, he was young and had been in the company for less than two years. He was smart and capable, and he was very experienced in dealing with people. He was valued by the leaders, so he was quickly promoted to the position of office director.This is also the most favorable condition for him to compete for the vice president this time, which the employees below think.

The people below were discussing a lot, but the president remained calm. The three candidates seemed to be tacit understanding, and the golden beauty was more diligent, chasing after the president's ass.Engineer Wang also seems to be more capable of expressing himself than usual.Only that handsome Liu was relatively calm, still doing his work step by step, and seemed not at all interested in the position of vice president.In this way, Jin Meimei and Engineer Wang felt that Engineer Liu was too tender compared to them, so they voluntarily gave up the election.

After several months of protracted battle, everyone seems to be exhausted. Engineer Wang and Secretary Jin seem to have lost the energy they had before, but the president suddenly held a personnel appointment and dismissal meeting. The hearts of Jin Meimei and Wang Engineering are beating , as if waiting for the great moment to come, but also trying to search in his mind whether he has made any mistakes in his recent work.However, with the thunderous applause, the two of them also clapped dully. At this moment, Engineer Liu stood up from his seat in surprise, then smiled and nodded at everyone equally dull.Obviously, he was very surprised by this appointment.

The calm Engineer Liu finally won the competition.Secretary Jin and Engineer Wang didn't speak directly, but people could still hear their dissatisfaction and resentment from their eccentric tones.And those sycophants even sow discord, saying that they should not be elected.This made them even more jealous. No matter how they thought about it, they felt that the kid surnamed Liu was not as good as themselves. No matter how they thought about it, they felt that the boss was biased.As a result, they disliked that surnamed Liu even more.In fact, this phenomenon is obviously the "attribution bias effect" in psychology.

In business, what the boss values ​​most is personal ability and performance. Strength is the only criterion for improvement. The boss doesn't like "good guys", and the company can't survive on "flatterers". What he needs is ability, The backbone of responsibility.So don't take it for granted that only you are promoted.The boss, the reason why he is the boss, and the reason why we are his subordinates, is that to some extent, his intelligence is superior to ours. In this case, he has his own reasons for appointing and dismissing a person.

Therefore, if you find a colleague who is more talented than yourself in the workplace, even if he is your competitor, you must learn to learn from and pay tribute to the other party, instead of always one-sidedly summing up the other party's success as some unreasonable factors.You know, how we attribute other people's behavior directly affects our reaction to other people's behavior.In this way, you can only find many excuses for not growing and not progressing.Therefore, your best approach is to try to find out the reasons for his success from the other party. Even if there is only one reason that you are not as good as yourself, you can still gain something, and your new progress will start from this moment.Then, use your own brain, improve your performance, let the boss see your progress and brilliance, and use facts to prove that the company is growing stronger because of your existence.By that time, if you don't want to be promoted, I'm afraid it will be difficult.

Boiling effect: think calmly, don't fall into the trap of villains
As we all know, water is still water at 99°C, and it cannot be converted into water vapor. If at this time, add another fire and let the water temperature increase by 99°C on the basis of 1°C, it will make Water boils and produces a large amount of water vapor, which causes the qualitative change of water.This effect is called "boiling effect" in psychology, also known as "99°C+1°C theory", or "99°C theory".

100°C is the critical point of water. When the temperature of water rises to 99°C, it will not boil. It cannot be called boiling water, nor can it become water vapor. Its value is still very limited.At this time, if you give up burning, the previous 99°C will be reduced to zero, meaningless.If you add a little firewood at this time, the water temperature will easily rise to 100°C, and the result will be complete.Therefore, it is this "1°C" that is often the key factor that leads to the greatest difference.

In ancient my country, there was such a legend.The two met the gods by chance.The gods gave the two of them the method of making wine, telling them to choose the rice that was plump on the day of Duanyang, blend it with the water from the high mountain when the ice and snow first melted, and put it into a pottery urn made of thousand-year-old purple sand soil that is deep and uninhabited.Then, cover it with the first lotus that saw the sun in early summer, and seal it for seven to 49 days. On this day, the cock crows three times before it can be unsealed.In this way, sweet wine is brewed.

After hearing this, the two hurried to brew their own fine wine according to the instructions of the gods.The days passed day by day, and they finally looked forward to the No.40 nine days that the gods said.But in the ninth day of No.40, things changed drastically.The rooster had only crowed twice before one of them couldn't hold back and lifted the lid of the container.As a result, the smell emanating from the wine jar was extremely unpleasant, extremely sour, like a jar of stale vinegar soaked in rainwater.And the other, patiently, insisted on waiting until the third cock crow.In this way, his altar of sweet and clear heaven-sent wine was brewed successfully.

This story tells us that if you don’t wait until the last moment of winemaking—the third cock crowing, you won’t get good wine.In fact, not only wine making, but also in daily life and work.Don't underestimate this last "cock crowing", it often plays the most critical role in the development of the whole situation.Many times, as long as you keep yourself calm and work a little harder, you will be successful.But if you are not careful and give up the last effort, you will fail.

Take a look at the following example again, if you are also troubled by such a thing, I hope you can get some comfort and enlightenment from it.

Xiaoqing is an editor in a certain company, and she has been working in this company for more than half a year, and her work is going well, and her boss appreciates her writing skills very much.But in the past few days, her mood has suddenly turned dark like the weather in July when the weather turns cloudy.For this reason, Xiaoqing also developed pimples all over her face.

All this stems from a new employee in the editorial department.The name of this employee is Zhang Mei. From her first day at work, Xiaoqing had a faint feeling that this new employee named Zhang Mei was "special". Because Xiaoqing took the initiative to greet her, she always ignored her. of.

As a result, after getting along for a few days, it turned out that Zhang Mei was as difficult as Xiaoqing expected. The boss said that she was a new employee and asked Xiaoqing to take her with her, and Xiaoqing readily agreed.However, she soon discovered that this Zhang Mei was really "very serious". She didn't tell her about some problems. When the boss asked her, she said that Xiaoqing didn't explain to her; when she told her, she was always domineering He looks like he knows everything.Seeing her like this, Xiaoqing really didn't bother to answer her.As a result, during the first week's regular meeting, what Zhang Mei wrote was completely different from what the editor-in-chief requested. Fortunately, Zhang Mei directly shifted the responsibility to Xiaoqing, saying that she hadn't explained it clearly to herself.At that time, Xiaoqing was really hard to argue with. She clearly explained it to Zhang Mei very clearly. She still remembered that Zhang Mei still said angrily: "I understand, it's not like I haven't done it before." In this way, Xiaoqing I didn't ask too much about her work.

When Zhang Mei said this, the boss didn't care about indiscriminateness, and severely criticized Xiaoqing in front of the entire company's colleagues.Xiaoqing's face turned blue and purple for a while, and she didn't say a word after the whole regular meeting.But Zhang Mei was gloating on the sidelines.

In order to vent, Xiaoqing called her close friend Wenwen and asked her out for dinner.During this dinner, Xiaoqing was talking alone, and Wenwen was listening alone.After Xiaoqing finished her bitterness and calmed down a little, Wenwen asked: "You are in the company now, how are you treated?" "Not bad! It is basically in line with my expectations." Xiaoqing replied without thinking. "Then have you found your next unit?" "Of course not, I never planned to resign." Xiao Qing said. "Then if you go blindly like this, who is happy and who is suffering?" Wenwen continued to ask.

Hearing what Wenwen said, Xiaoqing froze thoughtfully. "Yeah, I left like this, who is happy, and who is suffering?" The answer is of course self-evident, it is self-evident, and it is easier for Zhang Mei, at least she has one less competitor in her work.What Jing Wenwen said, coupled with her painstaking analysis of the stakes for Xiaoqing, Xiaoqing finally understood that her next choice was not to leave, but to work harder, because she was the most promising woman in this year. Candidates who have the opportunity to be promoted to editorial director.

The next day, Xiaoqing came to the office early. As soon as the boss came in, she walked into the boss's office, voluntarily admitted her mistake, and said that she would work harder and improve in her future work.After hearing this, the boss laughed loudly, and said: "Xiaoqing, you know that the company has high hopes for you, and hopes that you can become the leader of the editorial department as soon as possible. I'm not strict with you, but who is it? Besides, Zhang Mei is a new employee, so we can't give others a hard time when we come here, right? As for whether she will stay or not, it still depends on her work performance. I know it well, you just need to do your duty. Go Come on, go to work!"

Walking out of the boss's office, Xiaoqing let out a long breath. At this time, she had already calmed down, knowing that the boss's accusation of herself in front of the entire company's colleagues was nothing more than an example.Thanks to her own hard work, Xiao Qing was promoted to the post of director of the editorial department three months later, while that Zhang Mei was unable to stay because she was unable to do the job.

For Xiaoqing, this office turmoil was another small "milestone" in her work process, which taught her to keep calm at all times.In a calm state, warm yourself up to the last 1°C, and then let yourself find your own 100°C, instead of letting yourself fall short of 99°C.Therefore, at any time, don't fall into the trap set by the "villain" around you, and let yourself miss success.

If you have not suppressed your temper, made yourself temporarily confused, and failed to make the final "finishing kick", don't just complain about the villain's treachery, you should reflect on your own measurement and self-cultivation!Therefore, let us end with the phrase that has been said for hundreds of years, "Poor people must have something to hate."
Relationship Field Effect: Don’t Offend Villains Easily
In the activity efficiency of the role group, the collective force may produce the effect of increasing or decreasing the force. "Three cobblers, the best Zhuge Liang." This kind of cohesion or friction generated by a group of different role players is collectively referred to as the "relationship field effect" in social psychology.

The "relationship field effect" has given people a very important reminder, that is, in the process of people's cooperation, sometimes the power of the collective is greater than that of the individual. Without collective cooperation, these things are simply powerless for individuals.But sometimes, on the contrary, the power of the collective is not as great as the power of the individual.What caused this difference?Obviously, this is like a few people sailing a boat in the sea. If everyone on both sides of the boat uses the same force, the boat will definitely move forward. If the sailors on both sides use the opposite force, the boat will either Stand still, or, whichever side has the most strength, it will go in that direction.But in any case, it increases the resistance of the ship and reduces the speed of the ship.Therefore, in the second case, the people on both sides of the boat row together, it is better to have only one side rowing the boat, so that the boat will go forward faster and more stably.

Therefore, teamwork must prevent the generation of this opposite force, or in other words, try to turn this opposite force into a force in the same direction. Only when everyone works hard in one direction can the team's performance be greatly improved.

(End of this chapter)