Featured by Frederick Floyd
Chapter 12 1964 years
Chapter 12 [-]
The son of Fu Cong and Mira was born, Fu Lei and his wife were excited and happy, and named him "Fu Lingxiao", which means "Gaoxiang".In the same year, Fu Lei completed the translation of Balzac's "Disillusionment" trilogy.
1964.3.1
Dear children:
Mira's letter was up to four days before yours from Canada.When we heard the good news, we were so happy that we couldn't express it. My mother couldn't even sit or stand. She was excited for a few days.She has a strong maternal nature and is eager to have grandchildren. She has been looking forward to it for a long time. She often says: Why does Cong have no children yet?Every time I don't answer Mira's letters for a long time, I always suspect that she is in love.I am worried about adding to your burden, and I am also afraid that you two will not be free: in short, the same love for children, but a different perspective on the problem.A person with a sense of responsibility can't help being happy and worried when encountering such a major event.But when you got married, you knew that such a day would come, so you don't need to panic temporarily.Thinking back to the moment you were first born 30 years ago, when you heard your mother groaning outside the obstetrics department of the hospital, there was an indescribable "awesome" feeling. I feel like I've taken another big step in my life.A person's growth is often unconscious, but when your mother gave birth to you, I was clearly aware of my own growth, and I still can't forget it.I believe that you and Mira will have similar experiences when the time comes.
After having children, both parents will inevitably have many sporadic and trivial disputes in order to love their children. You should talk to each other in advance, so that you both have a mental preparation: neither be stubborn in small places, nor do you have to fight for inevitable small disputes temper.There is also a wife with a strong maternal nature, which often arouses the jealousy of her husband. It seems that once she has a child, her position in the wife's heart shrinks a lot - I have to remind you of this first.Because in most Western women, motherhood is stronger than in Eastern women-I say "expression", because Eastern maternal love, like other emotions, is not as obvious as Western women.But if you show it too much, it will easily arouse the jealousy of your husband.
In terms of finances, instead of worrying about the arrival of children, it is better to think of ways and make arrangements.The fixed expenses for clothing, food, housing, and transportation, how much is needed every month, and how much is pocket money, make a comprehensive plan based on the principle of living within your means, and then strictly implement it.Most people's experience is always trivial and difficult to master, and most need restraint.When you encounter every non-essential expense, you have to calmly think about whether it is really necessary.I usually see calligraphy, paintings, cultural relics, gadgets (even expensive books), and I never dare to buy them on the spot. cancelled.For all small gadgets, after ten or eight days, the desire will naturally fade away.Even for things related to your research and knowledge, you have to consider whether it is necessary, such as records, buying a few fewer copies may not hinder your artistic progress.Only after some objective thinking every time you take out money, can you implement the budget, achieve a balance of income and expenditure, and still have some small savings.When we were in the most difficult time, we used to put every monthly expenditure in an envelope, and write "food", "water and electricity", "books" and so on; when the money in one envelope was used up, we would never embezzle other The money in the envelope, let alone the next month's money in advance.Looking at the accounts now, it is the least spent in those years.We still often check the accounts at this moment to see which uses were available and unavailable last month, so that we can pay attention to saving this month and the next few months.I'm not asking you to follow suit, but to give you an example of how we control costs.
"Financial management" is a difficult task if it is interpreted as "making money", but it is also easy to understand as "not going short and saving a little".As long as you have the will, determination, don't compromise with yourself, and have the fancy [hobby] to suppress yourself ruthlessly!As the old saying goes: Open source is not as good as cutting expenditure.Our desires are endless, the so-called "desires are hard to fill", if you use as much as you want, even if you make money every day, you will not feel rich.Since you want to maintain your innocence and independence, and you also need to support your family and prevent disasters and fortunes, you have to tighten your belt and firmly hold the "exit" barrier. The "entrance" is in the hands of others, you can't and will not beg servilely; but the "exit" is completely in my hands, and I make the decisions.You should remember the so-called Qingliu in ancient China, people with arrogance are all poor people who are willing to be indifferent.Why the word poverty is connected together is worth pondering.My understanding is that if you are clean, you will be poor, and only if you are poor can you be clean!I don't want you to be "poor", but to restrict your desires and live within your means. You can't say that the requirements are too high!You understand all these principles, so I don't need to repeat them. The problem lies in practice.You can think and do it in art, so you are successful; if you can say you can do it in life, as long as you reach half of your art, you will get eight out of ten of your life worries.Throughout the ages, most artists can't live. This is not their glory, but their failure.The reason for failure is not really being too clumsy for real life, but not paying attention and not making up your mind.Because my so-called "being able to live" does not mean making a fortune, exploiting people, or being miserly, but means living in an orderly manner, making ends meet with a little surplus.To achieve these two points, it is more than enough to apply a small part of the attention and determination to deal with art!
Among our friends, there are quite a few who earn very little and do not live a bad life, and they don’t appear mean or shabby to the outside world: there must be such people around you, so you can observe them and learn from them, wouldn’t it be good?And besides being rational and restrained, they have no other knack.
I remember that when you first got married in [-], I mentioned this to you both. Now that you are worried about finances for your children, I have to repeat the old story. I hope you don’t think I am old and troublesome! ——Even if it’s cumbersome, it’s because I love you, isn’t it?
As for Mira, I remember that you had the intention of cultivating before you got married. Even if the result is still far from your ideal (whose ideal can be consistent with reality?), it cannot be said that there has been no achievement in the past three years.First of all, you have mentioned more than once in your letters in the past two years that your relationship with her has become much more harmonious; it proves that your mutual understanding is increasing, not stagnant.This is the most important foundation of conjugal love.Secondly, her affection for us, even the Chinese daughter-in-law married overseas, may not be as good as her.The sons of many friends have been married abroad for many years, and the daughter-in-law (who is still Chinese) is still like an outsider, and it is rare to write letters. How can Mira be so kind to us!In the end, her education of her children (which she has discussed with us recently) clearly accepted your ideals.She herself also wants to learn Chinese, no matter what the future effect is, she is always "respectful".Her admiration for Chinese culture indirectly expresses her appreciation for you.Although she is very childish and immature in many places, the advantage of childishness is innocence.Her understanding and feelings for your art may not be very many among Western women.At least she wasn't a posh chick, and her approach to art was genuine.Only you can measure the difference between Mira before August [-] and Mira in January [-].I trust that the work you did to her was not in vain.Even if she walks slowly, at least she is following you.
Besides, it is difficult to be an artist's wife, and it is especially difficult to be your wife.The average artist can't do without servants.It's not like you and I like to close our doors and live in a monastery.This is very difficult for Western women to adapt to.And the way of running around frequently and treating the family like a house (that is, a station, a reverse journey) also requires Penelope [Panelope] to be as steadfast and patient as Ulysses [Ulysses]—if in these respects, Mira If you have gotten used to it to some extent, it is a great success, and you should be happy.We also have to be self-aware: your temper is as bad as mine, even if you are slightly better, it is only fifty steps or one hundred steps.Thinking of this, the small dispute between husband and wife may be half and half of the responsibility, and maybe I have to bear more responsibility on this side-although our country had the May 20th Movement, the New Women's Movement (around 30), the husband's power It is still heavier than in the West, which is not easy for Western women to accept.I made a special point, I hope you pay attention.As for the way of housekeeping, you can’t train others by example; it’s hard to be orderly when you do things yourself, and frequent travel also makes you have great difficulties: you can only study at the same time, and discuss a lot.I'm sure the two of you have accomplished a lot in giving in to each other.It's just that the artist's mood fluctuates easily, and there are often some inexplicable harassment, boredom, and distress, which affect family life.You might as well think of these calmly at ordinary times, so as not to shake the foundation because of minor quarrels.We don't really take what you say in your letter.It took years of exploration for two young people to get along.Most of what I said above, you have in your mind, I just like to do some "prompt" work on the stage.What I especially want to remind you is belief, belief in the future of the two of you.If you have the heart of "what will happen in the future, you don't know", and the other party will realize it sooner or later, then the root cause will be touched, and everything will be difficult to handle.Often nothing will become a small matter, and a small matter will become a major event; on the contrary, with a firm belief, a major event will be reduced to a small matter, and a small matter will be transformed into nothing.In another 20 years, when you look back on your life around the age of [-] and think of the countless little disputes between the two of you, you will definitely laugh.Didn't you say that you have pushed things away?This is an example.Preliminary experience of the feelings of ten or twenty years later can often make people look down on the difficulties in front of them.
In short, although your art of life is not as good as your art of music, it is not without progress and harvest.Andre Moloa said: Couples are often less intelligent, and the weaker one pulls the taller and stronger one down, and rarely the taller and stronger one can pull the weaker and weaker one. Lift up.For three years at least you've been lifting her up, and that's enough to comfort you.
For people like us, who never put love and family first, but put art and learning first as the goal of life, it is easy to get rid of material troubles, but in order to avoid Worry about the future, it is better to engage in art and learning, and you can’t arrange your material life well; just look down on money and remove all negative attitudes, sooner or later it will affect your highest goal in life-art!I hope that I will make up my mind and take action in this regard in the near future!Take care of everything!
Dad March [-], [-]
1964.4.12
Dear children:
You haven't written a letter since you came back from North America. I don't know how you feel?It is true that you must be in the right mood to write a letter, and I often feel this way.How will you manage three meals a day after Mira goes to Miami?I am afraid that you will be lost in practicing the piano, and you are afraid of going out, so you can only eat coffee and bread, which is not the way of daily life.Especially if you consume a lot of work, don't eat too casually. Nutrition (eating regularly) is important after all.Your whereabouts are uncertain. Even in London, the sound of the piano is constant, the room is soundproof, and the registered letter is delivered to the door, and the bell may not be heard. Therefore, the letter is delivered by your father-in-law to avoid returning it for the third time.The Swiss tour [travel] must be satisfactory, the place is good, the climate is good, the band is an old partner, and the Swiss love Mozart, the effect must not be bad, right?The trip to South America in June will definitely include Brazil; the current situation there has changed suddenly recently. If there is any problem, you must think carefully before leaving, ask your friends in the press, and discuss with your agent in London. , remember remember!There was a heavy snowstorm in Europe and the United States around March 25th. We saw the news and worried for you. Fortunately, it was not the time for you to fly across the Atlantic.It was cold and rainy in spring for several weeks, and it was gloomy from morning to night. My old eyes were dim, so I could only work under the lamp.The weather is like this, and the people are very stuffy, not to mention outings in the countryside, even going to bookstores and antique shops will not work.Even if the wind is warm and the sun is warm, I am reluctant to leave the desk.There is so much to do and so much to read that I can't be blamed for being stingy with my time.How many precious days I wasted from twenty-five to forty!
In recent months, I have been studying Balzac. Some of his novels with a strong philosophical flavor are recognized as extremely important in the West, but it took me a lot of effort to finish reading them, and it took me a lot of patience to read a few. A treatise on these works.I always feel that the mysterious and metaphysical atmosphere is not easy to accept, at most it is just understanding, not to mention appreciation and resonance.
It’s not that the Chinese don’t talk about metaphysics, but they are not as abstract as Westerners, and they often use poetic artistic conception to express metaphysical theories very ethereal. Although the real meaning is elusive, it is not as boring as Western metaphysics, nor is it that kind of abstraction. The religious smack of trying to cut a boat and ask for a sword is annoying.The origin of all things in the West must be attributed to a God no matter what. The so-called God seems to be unable to explain the universe or human life except God, so a Creator must be affirmed.Fortunately, no one can prove that there is no God, so they have to say it; but their positive arguments are also far-fetched and not convincing.They first affirmed that life must be meaningful, and the soul must be immortal, and deduced from this, they concluded that there is a God with a plan and will!But why is life meaningful?Is the soul necessarily immortal?They think this is self-evident. I think Europeans are more proud, arrogant, and ambitious than us. They regard the human being as the best in the world, so they do everything possible to create a set of philosophy and metaphysics. , to prove this view of "man is the spirit of all things", as if we really have the mission of God and execute God's will.
In my personal opinion, it's all about vanity.The philosophers and metaphysics of the East are much more modest than they.In addition to Cheng Zhu's school of Neo-Confucianism dogmatic [arbitrary] is very powerful, other people talk about yin and yang Tai Chi, and it is not as absolute, well-founded, and aggressive as Westerners talk about God. Maybe we are more or less skeptical in our bones and cannot accept too strong The insist[insist], too much certainty[OK].
I happened to think the day before yesterday that if you have a girl, you might as well name it in foreign language as Gracia. I think you must remember the origin of this word.The pronunciation of the Italian word is pleasant, and the meaning of the word grace [elegant] is also lovely.Mira doesn't like a name that is too common, so it probably meets her conditions.The year of the lunar calendar is Jiachen, people born in the year of Chen are Xiao Long, the dragon follows the cloud, and the wind follows the tiger. We propose that girls be called "Lin Yun" (Lin Yun) and boys be called "Lin Xiao" (Lin Xiao).what do you think?There is no inspiration [inspiration] for the boy's foreign name, or you decide, or I will report later when I think of it.I wrote a separate letter to Mira about these things (Lingyun=to tower over the clouds, Lingxiao=to tower over the sky, this is how Mira and I explained it).
Dad April [-], [-]
Dear Satoshi:
Since I received the good news, I couldn’t suppress my joy. I kept calculating the date of delivery. Mira said that the doctor estimated that it would be in the first two weeks of August, and the weather was very hot at that time. Worry, there must be air conditioning, so the mother will not have to work hard.In the past month, I have made a few sweaters one after another, and bought a small cloak and a small quilt. As a kindness for my grandmother, I will send them in a few days. I am afraid that you will not be here. Your father-in-law transferred.I don't know if it is suitable for you?The size of the clothes is all made by Wangkong. Fortunately, when you wear sweaters, you will not need them until September and October. If you need them in the future, you may write to let me know, and I can often make them for you.We often discuss the name of the child, because this year is the year of the dragon, so we think about it according to the characteristics of the dragon. I went to Xinchenghuang Temple to see the flowers and plants two weeks ago. There is a flower called Lingxiao. According to Mr. Zhou Chaozhen, this flower blooms in In early summer, the ribbons are fiery yellow and very gorgeous, so we bought one and came back. Later, I had an idea, isn’t “Ling Xiao” a good boy’s name?The voice is also nice, and the meaning has the meaning of high soaring; it is said that the dragon is in the cloud, so the girl named "Lingyun" couldn't be more appropriate, so we decided.Furthermore, our surname is Fu, and the three generations have single names (your grandfather is named Fu Peng, your father is Lei, and you are Cong), so it would be interesting to have a double name.what do you think?
Amin did not come back from the winter vacation last year, and his work was very intense. He was very serious about teaching and studied hard. The school attaches great importance to him.He said in a letter recently: "I have been teaching for more than a year, and I deeply understand that imparting knowledge is easier than teaching people. If you only teach books but not people, you will definitely not be able to teach books well. Instead, you must teach people well and educate students well. We must pay attention to teaching by example and words, and more importantly, teaching by example. We must strictly demand ourselves and lead by example. The more poorly disciplined the class, the more smart children are, and they are more sensitive. Teach well." He has his own views on the specific situation of teaching, and also has his own way, and his father agrees very much.Look how happy I am. Amin grows up to walk the right path. This is exactly the purpose of educating our children. We have no thought of fame and fortune. As long as we do our job well, we will be fine. As an older brother, you know that your younger brother has some achievements. I must be glad too.
Eager to send the letter, this time my handwriting is unbearable.Hope to hear from you a lot!take care!
mom april [-]
1964.4.23
Dear children:
Someone heard you speak on the BBC Far East Chinese program on April 600th. Because it was relayed repeatedly, the content is unclear, but I know that you mentioned family education, the motherland, and Chinese music issues.The reason why our music is underdeveloped, I have thought about it for decades, but I can't come to a conclusion.On the surface, it seems very simple: the underdevelopment of science is the main factor, and the lack of notation method is also a big obstacle.But ask further why our science is underdeveloped?It is not easy to answer.As early as the Warring States period, we had scientists and engineers such as Mozi and Gongshu Pan. Zhang Heng in the Han Dynasty was not only a great writer, but also a great scholar of astronomy and calendar.Why has it stagnated for 2000 years without a successor?Why has the West advanced by leaps and bounds since the Renaissance?Didn’t early Greek science and Arabic science around the seventh century also undergo a long interruption?Why didn't their Middle Ages completely cut off the roots of science?Western notation only started after the tenth century, and modern notation methods were only developed in the past few hundred years. Why have we never developed in this respect?To say that the Chinese mind is not abstract enough, Zhu Zaiyu (the author of "Complete Book of Music Rhythms") in the Ming Dynasty just discussed music as arithmetic, isn't it very abstract?Why is no one putting these abstract theories into practice?Western polyphonic music is also close to mathematics. Why do the Flemish school, the Italian school, and even Bach-Handel all experiment with creation?Is it true that the artistic talent of a nation is not equally developed in the various branches of art?The architecture, sculpture, poetry, and drama of the Greeks reached their peak in the fourth century BC, but they fell into obscurity and achieved nothing for more than [-] years.Renaissance Italian art was also only a flash in the pan.Some peoples, such as England, are inferior in plastic and musical arts, although they have reached the highest peak in literature.Some nations have made outstanding achievements in literature and music, but painting cannot keep up, such as Germany.It can be seen that neither the rise and fall of one art within the same nation nor the development of different arts in different nations is easy to explain.Our calligraphy is only at its peak in the Jin Dynasty, Six Dynasties, Sui and Tang Dynasties, and there has never been a second climax since then.Our painting art has never surpassed Song and Yuan.Even music, it was only in the era of Kaiyuan, Tianbao, and Tang Xuanzong that it flourished for a while, but it was only limited to a "temporary".Now some people try to explain the rise and fall of literature and art with social system and class composition.But slavery has been experienced by many nations in the world. Why did Egypt and ancient Greece alone have such splendid artistic achievements?With the same slavery system, why are the artistic spirits and styles of Egypt and Greece so different?If it has a lot to do with the advocacy of the ruling class, then the advocacy of music by the British royal family in the [-]th and [-]th centuries is no worse than that of the Pope and princes (such as the Medici family) in Italy in the [-]th century. Why can’t the UK itself produce the first music? What about top-notch musicians?From another more specific and smaller point of view, is our underdeveloped music related to the occupation of music by drama?Almost all of our musical material is in various plays.The so-called pure music is only some qin music without score (qin music score only records the technique, not the notes, so it cannot be called a real score).Others such as flute, flute, erhu, pipa, etc. are either simple or foreign.The art that has been overrun by the theater and cannot be independent, and dance.Because we are not superstitious like Westerners, nor do we have strong religious sentiments like them, even god-worshiping programs have become more professional, and the masses voluntarily participate less.It is not true to say that the Chinese nation does not like music very much at all.When I was young in the countryside, I heard boatmen and water cart drivers humming ditty tunes, the so-called "folk songs" not just works written on paper].
All in all, the causes of underdevelopment can be summed up as a large number of questions, which no one has thoroughly studied, and of course no one can answer.Recently, we have tried our best to promote folk music, which is of course a great thing.However, I am afraid that purely using local methods will not have much development prospects.Science is international and worldwide, progress is progress, and backwardness is backwardness.It is necessary to improve the soil musical instruments to compete with the piano and the violin. Wouldn't it be a waste of effort?Before the Anti-Japanese War (before [-]) Ding Xilin was researching and improving the Chinese flute, and I thought it was a waste at that time.Tools and content, musical instruments and national characteristics are of course closely related; however, advanced tools and modern musical instruments with high scientific standards are by no means afraid of failing to express our national characteristics and our special aesthetic sense.On the contrary, primitive tools and simple musical instruments are better than people with broken teeth and severely defective vocal cords. No matter how rich their thoughts and feelings are, they cannot express them.The same goes for the form of the music.It is absolutely impossible to create new folk music just by recording folk tunes, arranging them a little, and expanding them with some variations.We don't even have a "music grammar", so how can we be eloquent in music?The theory of the latest Western music school (of course not referring to ultra modern [ultra modern] things such as electronic music) is actually the widest and most convenient for people who create folk music to use; but everyone has suffered from the horror of formalism. , I dare not mention it, let alone study it.The five great Russian masters—from Debussy to Bartok, all have facts, and only from new theories and techniques can a new path of national music be found.The problem is that we can't close our doors and build a car behind closed doors, but we must master the highest and latest Western techniques, turn them into our own, and use them for our own use. Only then can we talk about expressing the thoughts and feelings of our new society with our music.There are too many things I want to talk about on this kind of issue, and I can't finish it all at once.
Every time I receive a letter from me, I check the number of the previous letter. If there is any omission, it means that the letter is lost.Be sure to let us know if this happens!I hope this letter arrives before you leave England, lest it be sent back again!Take care of everything!
Dad April 23, [-]
1964.4.24
Dear children:
I just sent a long letter yesterday, and I received the April [-] letter today, but I didn’t mention the letter I forwarded from your in-law’s family on April [-]. I don’t know if I have received it, and I miss it very much!
The feeling of loneliness is similar to each other, but the degree is different and the number of times is different.We have not left our hometowns, our lives are stable, and we live better than most people; helpless people always think too much, and they are often attacked by a sense of emptiness.The only consolation is a heart-to-heart relationship, so no matter how rare your letters are, I will always try to write to you as often as possible, hoping to relieve some of your depression and loneliness.It's just that wishing is one thing, and the mood of writing a letter is another: I often want to write a pen but my spirit is not calm, and I can't pick up the pen; Very, I am not happy to hear it.
On the one hand, fanaticism and persistence, on the other hand, free and easy, open-minded, suspicious, and even negative: this character is probably inherited from me.Mom doesn't have this contradiction, she's never been this extreme.Mila often said that you really resemble me, which shows that you mentioned me innumerable times in front of her, so although she has never met me, it seems like she has known me for many years.
We've never really worried about your relationship as a couple.We are well aware of your mental fluctuations, and a thousand words are the same. As long as the basic confidence does not waver, any small disputes or big disputes will fade away with time.This is the conclusion of my letter of March [-].Every stage of life is learned and lived. No one has ever met all the (theoretical) conditions before getting married and having children.Your anxiety about your children shows that you are serious about life, but you don't have to think too much about it.Not thinking at all is irresponsible, of course it is not good; thinking too much is futile. The problem is to think through it thoroughly, make up your mind to do things well at each stage, and just think of a good way to implement it.
It is the highest cultivation in life that people do not know but not stunned, and it cannot be achieved in a short time.In the past I was not unreserved about what my critics said, but I just increased my vigilance.That is to say, borrowing from others, we should be particularly introspective, and seek the opinions of teachers and friends who are truly experienced and well-intentioned.I have complete confidence in your self-critical spirit; but artists sometimes dig into corners and think that they are going the original and correct way.Avoiding this requires constant calm and objectivity.The so-called artistic illusion can sometimes blind a person for several years.As for the dark side of criticism, I have gained a lot of knowledge by translating Balzac's Disillusionment in the past three years.This was the case a century ago, let alone today!In the February issue of "Music and Musicians" magazine, there was an interview with Karayan [Karajan], saying that he only thought of criticism as Mr. X's opinion, that's all.He will listen to the scholars he admires, or he will ask for advice automatically.This attitude is roughly similar to yours.
How to calculate remuneration for foreign record recording?One-time payment or royalties according to the number of issues?This is also a kind of knowledge, I really want to know!
Serious people are seldom satisfied with their grades, and that is where my main anguish lies.The difference is that you are changing every day, and you can create new experiences, new realms, and new performances. My vision is constantly improving, but my ability is always stagnant.Every time I listen to your record, I always think to myself: I don’t know how he plays this piece now.
You are always afraid of being unsatisfactory to your parents, and I am always afraid of becoming your burden, especially since [-], the more I understand the hard work of art, the more I can't bear to spend more money on you.After all, everyone cares about everyone.Smoking is a trivial matter, not necessary in life, I have already told you in detail in yesterday's letter, so I won't repeat it--but the record needs you to pay more attention!Mom asks you: Do you want a thin silk padded jacket at home in winter, is it more comfortable to wear to play the piano?We can do it for you.Is the heating equipment in your home okay?What is the temperature indoors in winter?We know nothing.
San Francisco critics said that your Chopin is too extrovert [external], and Mr. Li said it was strange that your playing is just introvert [inner] all the way, how could critics say so.I said that maybe they are used to the old school Chopin [Chopin], which is limp, and they think it is not inner enough when they hear Chopin [sentimental], do you think my guess is right?
Since we are leaving on May [-]th, I want to make this letter in time.I'm afraid I won't be able to communicate with you for a long time in the future.
Take care of everything!
Dad April 24, [-]
1964.10.31
Dear children:
The letters I wrote to you several times have not been completed, and the months of silence have also made me restless and restless.The state of mind we have had since August is indescribable.Your situation, your embarrassment (I guess you have not consulted with experts in international public law or private law before taking action. In fact, it is necessary), your unavoidable difficulties, we all deeply understand, how can you Blame you? [9] But no amount of thorough understanding can relieve our heavy heart.The national self-esteem has been hurt, and it cannot be healed in a short period of time; because this is not a matter of "ego", personal gain or loss.Even your mother, who is easy-going and optimistic everywhere, is also brooding and sad.Without this test, I don't know how strong I feel in this area.What you said in your first two letters in [-], as well as what you said to reporters, naturally kept coming back to our minds. Think about it, how exciting it is!
We know that all official documents are just a form, and no legal procedures can bind a person's heart—we always believe in you on this point; we also know that documents can be canceled unilaterally, but such a day is too far away That's all.What's more, reason is reason, emotion is emotion, and things that are understood through reason may not be accepted by emotion.I wonder if you understand the reason for our silence for several months, can you imagine the depth of our pain this time?No matter when working or resting, there is always a shadow over my spirit, and there is always a stone in my heart, one on the left and one on the right, and I can't let go of it or let go.We miss you more than ever, but my mother and I dare not talk about you: each is afraid of touching our mutual wounds and exacerbating our own.I was also secretly worried, deeply afraid that foreign newspapers, reviews, and future album descriptions would mention your matter... The telegram of the birth of the child came, and our feelings became more complicated.Such a happy event happened in such a period, and we couldn't tell what it was like, mixed feelings, a mess, what should we say?How do you express it?
All this, your father-in-law can't understand.He has his nationality, he has his nation's tragic fate (this fate, they have been used to for 2000 years, and they don't think it is tragic), of course, their views are different from ours.However, I will never admit that our views are national arrogance and stubbornness, while his views are enlightened and correct.He sees nationality as an expression of an expatriate's due gratitude to the host country, which I absolutely disagree with!As for the fact that if Mira comes to China, she must also become a Chinese citizen, so your actions can be said to be related to each other, etc., that is completely a guess made by him who has no understanding of China's national conditions.There has never been a law in our country that requires foreigners to be Chinese citizens before they can live in China for a long time!After receiving such a letter from your father-in-law, I did not reply, so as not to argue with him; but the points of disagreement between me and him should be made known to you.
The child is less than two months old, and he looks so mature, which shows that Mira has good grades.Maybe she put all her energy into her children?Is there a female worker at home to help reduce some of Mira's fatigue?Being a parent is the second major hurdle in life, and the temperament and outlook on life of both of you may be affected.I hope that after the responsibilities are increased, you will manage the economy more reasonably, think about the future (who can guarantee how many children you will have?), and be able to restrain some impulses to do whatever you want, and reduce some unnecessary expenses.Your baby at birth (one week old) does look like you in swaddling babies.In the next few photos, especially the one at seven weeks old, the distance between the eyes and the bridge of the nose is relatively large, obviously showing the shadow of her mother's family - Mira also looks more like her father.But there will be more changes in the baby in the future.
The form of domestic class struggle is sharp, and we must prevent future generations from taking the path of revisionism.Cadres, students, and intellectuals will go to the countryside and factories in batches for a period of one to two years, and use labor training to consolidate the will of permanent revolution.Many young people who failed to get into college are still settled in rural areas.Some erroneous and poisonous works and theories in film, drama, historiography, and philosophy have been severely criticized one after another.At present, the literature and art circles and musicians are mainly from their own country and modern; the direction of not paying attention to serving the workers, peasants and soldiers in the past must be corrected.Of course, the introduction of foreign literature must focus on criticism. Just because it is a classic, it cannot be copied unprincipled and have a bad influence on young people.So my job had to be rethought.Like other classical writers, Balzac's works are too far away from our current situation and requirements. After several months of consideration, he couldn't pick out something suitable for translation.As for the critique, it requires not only a deep understanding and research of the original work, but also a considerable cultivation of Marxism-Leninism, and the combination of the two can write a translation preface that does not make big mistakes: it is really easier said than done!Work is uncertain, my heart is always hanging in the air, and I don't know what to do.Of course, the work of studying Balzac is very promising, and it cannot be finished in a lifetime, but just studying is tantamount to sitting and eating, so it is not a long-term solution. ——The situation is such that it seems difficult to solve the troubles in this area for a while.
Waiting for more than a year for your record, no news, so frustrating!No matter how dissatisfied you are, listening to your records is our greatest enjoyment and comfort.Is there any way to hear your performance other than records?Damn how hard it is to get your records!If you have a way to send it by yourself, you must pack it properly, make two copies, and send it by air.
Finally, I would like to ask you: all your actions will have far-reaching repercussions affecting us; in the future, you must think twice before encountering important things. Comparable!) Negotiate!Take care of everything!
Dad October 31, [-]
It took me a day and a half to write this letter, and I changed the manuscript three times from beginning to end, which has never happened before.
The day Ling Xiao was born was the seventh day of the seventh lunar month in the Chinese calendar, and it was called Qiqiao. It was the day when the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl met once a year in mythology, because there were two stars in the sky, one was called the Cowherd and the other was called the Weaver Girl (constellation of the Herd). -boy and the star Vega), only appear in the sky at the same time on July [-]th of a year.You might as well talk to Mira, it's more interesting to know the story of Cowherd and Weaver Girl!Is the sweater I made for Ling Xiao wearable?I'm afraid it's too young, the child looks very sophisticated.From time to time, I want to look at the pictures of my children. You really don’t know how happy I am!Children's photos, no matter good or bad, will be sent as soon as they are available, so that we can add some warmth to our lonely life!
mom p.s.
(End of this chapter)
The son of Fu Cong and Mira was born, Fu Lei and his wife were excited and happy, and named him "Fu Lingxiao", which means "Gaoxiang".In the same year, Fu Lei completed the translation of Balzac's "Disillusionment" trilogy.
1964.3.1
Dear children:
Mira's letter was up to four days before yours from Canada.When we heard the good news, we were so happy that we couldn't express it. My mother couldn't even sit or stand. She was excited for a few days.She has a strong maternal nature and is eager to have grandchildren. She has been looking forward to it for a long time. She often says: Why does Cong have no children yet?Every time I don't answer Mira's letters for a long time, I always suspect that she is in love.I am worried about adding to your burden, and I am also afraid that you two will not be free: in short, the same love for children, but a different perspective on the problem.A person with a sense of responsibility can't help being happy and worried when encountering such a major event.But when you got married, you knew that such a day would come, so you don't need to panic temporarily.Thinking back to the moment you were first born 30 years ago, when you heard your mother groaning outside the obstetrics department of the hospital, there was an indescribable "awesome" feeling. I feel like I've taken another big step in my life.A person's growth is often unconscious, but when your mother gave birth to you, I was clearly aware of my own growth, and I still can't forget it.I believe that you and Mira will have similar experiences when the time comes.
After having children, both parents will inevitably have many sporadic and trivial disputes in order to love their children. You should talk to each other in advance, so that you both have a mental preparation: neither be stubborn in small places, nor do you have to fight for inevitable small disputes temper.There is also a wife with a strong maternal nature, which often arouses the jealousy of her husband. It seems that once she has a child, her position in the wife's heart shrinks a lot - I have to remind you of this first.Because in most Western women, motherhood is stronger than in Eastern women-I say "expression", because Eastern maternal love, like other emotions, is not as obvious as Western women.But if you show it too much, it will easily arouse the jealousy of your husband.
In terms of finances, instead of worrying about the arrival of children, it is better to think of ways and make arrangements.The fixed expenses for clothing, food, housing, and transportation, how much is needed every month, and how much is pocket money, make a comprehensive plan based on the principle of living within your means, and then strictly implement it.Most people's experience is always trivial and difficult to master, and most need restraint.When you encounter every non-essential expense, you have to calmly think about whether it is really necessary.I usually see calligraphy, paintings, cultural relics, gadgets (even expensive books), and I never dare to buy them on the spot. cancelled.For all small gadgets, after ten or eight days, the desire will naturally fade away.Even for things related to your research and knowledge, you have to consider whether it is necessary, such as records, buying a few fewer copies may not hinder your artistic progress.Only after some objective thinking every time you take out money, can you implement the budget, achieve a balance of income and expenditure, and still have some small savings.When we were in the most difficult time, we used to put every monthly expenditure in an envelope, and write "food", "water and electricity", "books" and so on; when the money in one envelope was used up, we would never embezzle other The money in the envelope, let alone the next month's money in advance.Looking at the accounts now, it is the least spent in those years.We still often check the accounts at this moment to see which uses were available and unavailable last month, so that we can pay attention to saving this month and the next few months.I'm not asking you to follow suit, but to give you an example of how we control costs.
"Financial management" is a difficult task if it is interpreted as "making money", but it is also easy to understand as "not going short and saving a little".As long as you have the will, determination, don't compromise with yourself, and have the fancy [hobby] to suppress yourself ruthlessly!As the old saying goes: Open source is not as good as cutting expenditure.Our desires are endless, the so-called "desires are hard to fill", if you use as much as you want, even if you make money every day, you will not feel rich.Since you want to maintain your innocence and independence, and you also need to support your family and prevent disasters and fortunes, you have to tighten your belt and firmly hold the "exit" barrier. The "entrance" is in the hands of others, you can't and will not beg servilely; but the "exit" is completely in my hands, and I make the decisions.You should remember the so-called Qingliu in ancient China, people with arrogance are all poor people who are willing to be indifferent.Why the word poverty is connected together is worth pondering.My understanding is that if you are clean, you will be poor, and only if you are poor can you be clean!I don't want you to be "poor", but to restrict your desires and live within your means. You can't say that the requirements are too high!You understand all these principles, so I don't need to repeat them. The problem lies in practice.You can think and do it in art, so you are successful; if you can say you can do it in life, as long as you reach half of your art, you will get eight out of ten of your life worries.Throughout the ages, most artists can't live. This is not their glory, but their failure.The reason for failure is not really being too clumsy for real life, but not paying attention and not making up your mind.Because my so-called "being able to live" does not mean making a fortune, exploiting people, or being miserly, but means living in an orderly manner, making ends meet with a little surplus.To achieve these two points, it is more than enough to apply a small part of the attention and determination to deal with art!
Among our friends, there are quite a few who earn very little and do not live a bad life, and they don’t appear mean or shabby to the outside world: there must be such people around you, so you can observe them and learn from them, wouldn’t it be good?And besides being rational and restrained, they have no other knack.
I remember that when you first got married in [-], I mentioned this to you both. Now that you are worried about finances for your children, I have to repeat the old story. I hope you don’t think I am old and troublesome! ——Even if it’s cumbersome, it’s because I love you, isn’t it?
As for Mira, I remember that you had the intention of cultivating before you got married. Even if the result is still far from your ideal (whose ideal can be consistent with reality?), it cannot be said that there has been no achievement in the past three years.First of all, you have mentioned more than once in your letters in the past two years that your relationship with her has become much more harmonious; it proves that your mutual understanding is increasing, not stagnant.This is the most important foundation of conjugal love.Secondly, her affection for us, even the Chinese daughter-in-law married overseas, may not be as good as her.The sons of many friends have been married abroad for many years, and the daughter-in-law (who is still Chinese) is still like an outsider, and it is rare to write letters. How can Mira be so kind to us!In the end, her education of her children (which she has discussed with us recently) clearly accepted your ideals.She herself also wants to learn Chinese, no matter what the future effect is, she is always "respectful".Her admiration for Chinese culture indirectly expresses her appreciation for you.Although she is very childish and immature in many places, the advantage of childishness is innocence.Her understanding and feelings for your art may not be very many among Western women.At least she wasn't a posh chick, and her approach to art was genuine.Only you can measure the difference between Mira before August [-] and Mira in January [-].I trust that the work you did to her was not in vain.Even if she walks slowly, at least she is following you.
Besides, it is difficult to be an artist's wife, and it is especially difficult to be your wife.The average artist can't do without servants.It's not like you and I like to close our doors and live in a monastery.This is very difficult for Western women to adapt to.And the way of running around frequently and treating the family like a house (that is, a station, a reverse journey) also requires Penelope [Panelope] to be as steadfast and patient as Ulysses [Ulysses]—if in these respects, Mira If you have gotten used to it to some extent, it is a great success, and you should be happy.We also have to be self-aware: your temper is as bad as mine, even if you are slightly better, it is only fifty steps or one hundred steps.Thinking of this, the small dispute between husband and wife may be half and half of the responsibility, and maybe I have to bear more responsibility on this side-although our country had the May 20th Movement, the New Women's Movement (around 30), the husband's power It is still heavier than in the West, which is not easy for Western women to accept.I made a special point, I hope you pay attention.As for the way of housekeeping, you can’t train others by example; it’s hard to be orderly when you do things yourself, and frequent travel also makes you have great difficulties: you can only study at the same time, and discuss a lot.I'm sure the two of you have accomplished a lot in giving in to each other.It's just that the artist's mood fluctuates easily, and there are often some inexplicable harassment, boredom, and distress, which affect family life.You might as well think of these calmly at ordinary times, so as not to shake the foundation because of minor quarrels.We don't really take what you say in your letter.It took years of exploration for two young people to get along.Most of what I said above, you have in your mind, I just like to do some "prompt" work on the stage.What I especially want to remind you is belief, belief in the future of the two of you.If you have the heart of "what will happen in the future, you don't know", and the other party will realize it sooner or later, then the root cause will be touched, and everything will be difficult to handle.Often nothing will become a small matter, and a small matter will become a major event; on the contrary, with a firm belief, a major event will be reduced to a small matter, and a small matter will be transformed into nothing.In another 20 years, when you look back on your life around the age of [-] and think of the countless little disputes between the two of you, you will definitely laugh.Didn't you say that you have pushed things away?This is an example.Preliminary experience of the feelings of ten or twenty years later can often make people look down on the difficulties in front of them.
In short, although your art of life is not as good as your art of music, it is not without progress and harvest.Andre Moloa said: Couples are often less intelligent, and the weaker one pulls the taller and stronger one down, and rarely the taller and stronger one can pull the weaker and weaker one. Lift up.For three years at least you've been lifting her up, and that's enough to comfort you.
For people like us, who never put love and family first, but put art and learning first as the goal of life, it is easy to get rid of material troubles, but in order to avoid Worry about the future, it is better to engage in art and learning, and you can’t arrange your material life well; just look down on money and remove all negative attitudes, sooner or later it will affect your highest goal in life-art!I hope that I will make up my mind and take action in this regard in the near future!Take care of everything!
Dad March [-], [-]
1964.4.12
Dear children:
You haven't written a letter since you came back from North America. I don't know how you feel?It is true that you must be in the right mood to write a letter, and I often feel this way.How will you manage three meals a day after Mira goes to Miami?I am afraid that you will be lost in practicing the piano, and you are afraid of going out, so you can only eat coffee and bread, which is not the way of daily life.Especially if you consume a lot of work, don't eat too casually. Nutrition (eating regularly) is important after all.Your whereabouts are uncertain. Even in London, the sound of the piano is constant, the room is soundproof, and the registered letter is delivered to the door, and the bell may not be heard. Therefore, the letter is delivered by your father-in-law to avoid returning it for the third time.The Swiss tour [travel] must be satisfactory, the place is good, the climate is good, the band is an old partner, and the Swiss love Mozart, the effect must not be bad, right?The trip to South America in June will definitely include Brazil; the current situation there has changed suddenly recently. If there is any problem, you must think carefully before leaving, ask your friends in the press, and discuss with your agent in London. , remember remember!There was a heavy snowstorm in Europe and the United States around March 25th. We saw the news and worried for you. Fortunately, it was not the time for you to fly across the Atlantic.It was cold and rainy in spring for several weeks, and it was gloomy from morning to night. My old eyes were dim, so I could only work under the lamp.The weather is like this, and the people are very stuffy, not to mention outings in the countryside, even going to bookstores and antique shops will not work.Even if the wind is warm and the sun is warm, I am reluctant to leave the desk.There is so much to do and so much to read that I can't be blamed for being stingy with my time.How many precious days I wasted from twenty-five to forty!
In recent months, I have been studying Balzac. Some of his novels with a strong philosophical flavor are recognized as extremely important in the West, but it took me a lot of effort to finish reading them, and it took me a lot of patience to read a few. A treatise on these works.I always feel that the mysterious and metaphysical atmosphere is not easy to accept, at most it is just understanding, not to mention appreciation and resonance.
It’s not that the Chinese don’t talk about metaphysics, but they are not as abstract as Westerners, and they often use poetic artistic conception to express metaphysical theories very ethereal. Although the real meaning is elusive, it is not as boring as Western metaphysics, nor is it that kind of abstraction. The religious smack of trying to cut a boat and ask for a sword is annoying.The origin of all things in the West must be attributed to a God no matter what. The so-called God seems to be unable to explain the universe or human life except God, so a Creator must be affirmed.Fortunately, no one can prove that there is no God, so they have to say it; but their positive arguments are also far-fetched and not convincing.They first affirmed that life must be meaningful, and the soul must be immortal, and deduced from this, they concluded that there is a God with a plan and will!But why is life meaningful?Is the soul necessarily immortal?They think this is self-evident. I think Europeans are more proud, arrogant, and ambitious than us. They regard the human being as the best in the world, so they do everything possible to create a set of philosophy and metaphysics. , to prove this view of "man is the spirit of all things", as if we really have the mission of God and execute God's will.
In my personal opinion, it's all about vanity.The philosophers and metaphysics of the East are much more modest than they.In addition to Cheng Zhu's school of Neo-Confucianism dogmatic [arbitrary] is very powerful, other people talk about yin and yang Tai Chi, and it is not as absolute, well-founded, and aggressive as Westerners talk about God. Maybe we are more or less skeptical in our bones and cannot accept too strong The insist[insist], too much certainty[OK].
I happened to think the day before yesterday that if you have a girl, you might as well name it in foreign language as Gracia. I think you must remember the origin of this word.The pronunciation of the Italian word is pleasant, and the meaning of the word grace [elegant] is also lovely.Mira doesn't like a name that is too common, so it probably meets her conditions.The year of the lunar calendar is Jiachen, people born in the year of Chen are Xiao Long, the dragon follows the cloud, and the wind follows the tiger. We propose that girls be called "Lin Yun" (Lin Yun) and boys be called "Lin Xiao" (Lin Xiao).what do you think?There is no inspiration [inspiration] for the boy's foreign name, or you decide, or I will report later when I think of it.I wrote a separate letter to Mira about these things (Lingyun=to tower over the clouds, Lingxiao=to tower over the sky, this is how Mira and I explained it).
Dad April [-], [-]
Dear Satoshi:
Since I received the good news, I couldn’t suppress my joy. I kept calculating the date of delivery. Mira said that the doctor estimated that it would be in the first two weeks of August, and the weather was very hot at that time. Worry, there must be air conditioning, so the mother will not have to work hard.In the past month, I have made a few sweaters one after another, and bought a small cloak and a small quilt. As a kindness for my grandmother, I will send them in a few days. I am afraid that you will not be here. Your father-in-law transferred.I don't know if it is suitable for you?The size of the clothes is all made by Wangkong. Fortunately, when you wear sweaters, you will not need them until September and October. If you need them in the future, you may write to let me know, and I can often make them for you.We often discuss the name of the child, because this year is the year of the dragon, so we think about it according to the characteristics of the dragon. I went to Xinchenghuang Temple to see the flowers and plants two weeks ago. There is a flower called Lingxiao. According to Mr. Zhou Chaozhen, this flower blooms in In early summer, the ribbons are fiery yellow and very gorgeous, so we bought one and came back. Later, I had an idea, isn’t “Ling Xiao” a good boy’s name?The voice is also nice, and the meaning has the meaning of high soaring; it is said that the dragon is in the cloud, so the girl named "Lingyun" couldn't be more appropriate, so we decided.Furthermore, our surname is Fu, and the three generations have single names (your grandfather is named Fu Peng, your father is Lei, and you are Cong), so it would be interesting to have a double name.what do you think?
Amin did not come back from the winter vacation last year, and his work was very intense. He was very serious about teaching and studied hard. The school attaches great importance to him.He said in a letter recently: "I have been teaching for more than a year, and I deeply understand that imparting knowledge is easier than teaching people. If you only teach books but not people, you will definitely not be able to teach books well. Instead, you must teach people well and educate students well. We must pay attention to teaching by example and words, and more importantly, teaching by example. We must strictly demand ourselves and lead by example. The more poorly disciplined the class, the more smart children are, and they are more sensitive. Teach well." He has his own views on the specific situation of teaching, and also has his own way, and his father agrees very much.Look how happy I am. Amin grows up to walk the right path. This is exactly the purpose of educating our children. We have no thought of fame and fortune. As long as we do our job well, we will be fine. As an older brother, you know that your younger brother has some achievements. I must be glad too.
Eager to send the letter, this time my handwriting is unbearable.Hope to hear from you a lot!take care!
mom april [-]
1964.4.23
Dear children:
Someone heard you speak on the BBC Far East Chinese program on April 600th. Because it was relayed repeatedly, the content is unclear, but I know that you mentioned family education, the motherland, and Chinese music issues.The reason why our music is underdeveloped, I have thought about it for decades, but I can't come to a conclusion.On the surface, it seems very simple: the underdevelopment of science is the main factor, and the lack of notation method is also a big obstacle.But ask further why our science is underdeveloped?It is not easy to answer.As early as the Warring States period, we had scientists and engineers such as Mozi and Gongshu Pan. Zhang Heng in the Han Dynasty was not only a great writer, but also a great scholar of astronomy and calendar.Why has it stagnated for 2000 years without a successor?Why has the West advanced by leaps and bounds since the Renaissance?Didn’t early Greek science and Arabic science around the seventh century also undergo a long interruption?Why didn't their Middle Ages completely cut off the roots of science?Western notation only started after the tenth century, and modern notation methods were only developed in the past few hundred years. Why have we never developed in this respect?To say that the Chinese mind is not abstract enough, Zhu Zaiyu (the author of "Complete Book of Music Rhythms") in the Ming Dynasty just discussed music as arithmetic, isn't it very abstract?Why is no one putting these abstract theories into practice?Western polyphonic music is also close to mathematics. Why do the Flemish school, the Italian school, and even Bach-Handel all experiment with creation?Is it true that the artistic talent of a nation is not equally developed in the various branches of art?The architecture, sculpture, poetry, and drama of the Greeks reached their peak in the fourth century BC, but they fell into obscurity and achieved nothing for more than [-] years.Renaissance Italian art was also only a flash in the pan.Some peoples, such as England, are inferior in plastic and musical arts, although they have reached the highest peak in literature.Some nations have made outstanding achievements in literature and music, but painting cannot keep up, such as Germany.It can be seen that neither the rise and fall of one art within the same nation nor the development of different arts in different nations is easy to explain.Our calligraphy is only at its peak in the Jin Dynasty, Six Dynasties, Sui and Tang Dynasties, and there has never been a second climax since then.Our painting art has never surpassed Song and Yuan.Even music, it was only in the era of Kaiyuan, Tianbao, and Tang Xuanzong that it flourished for a while, but it was only limited to a "temporary".Now some people try to explain the rise and fall of literature and art with social system and class composition.But slavery has been experienced by many nations in the world. Why did Egypt and ancient Greece alone have such splendid artistic achievements?With the same slavery system, why are the artistic spirits and styles of Egypt and Greece so different?If it has a lot to do with the advocacy of the ruling class, then the advocacy of music by the British royal family in the [-]th and [-]th centuries is no worse than that of the Pope and princes (such as the Medici family) in Italy in the [-]th century. Why can’t the UK itself produce the first music? What about top-notch musicians?From another more specific and smaller point of view, is our underdeveloped music related to the occupation of music by drama?Almost all of our musical material is in various plays.The so-called pure music is only some qin music without score (qin music score only records the technique, not the notes, so it cannot be called a real score).Others such as flute, flute, erhu, pipa, etc. are either simple or foreign.The art that has been overrun by the theater and cannot be independent, and dance.Because we are not superstitious like Westerners, nor do we have strong religious sentiments like them, even god-worshiping programs have become more professional, and the masses voluntarily participate less.It is not true to say that the Chinese nation does not like music very much at all.When I was young in the countryside, I heard boatmen and water cart drivers humming ditty tunes, the so-called "folk songs" not just works written on paper].
All in all, the causes of underdevelopment can be summed up as a large number of questions, which no one has thoroughly studied, and of course no one can answer.Recently, we have tried our best to promote folk music, which is of course a great thing.However, I am afraid that purely using local methods will not have much development prospects.Science is international and worldwide, progress is progress, and backwardness is backwardness.It is necessary to improve the soil musical instruments to compete with the piano and the violin. Wouldn't it be a waste of effort?Before the Anti-Japanese War (before [-]) Ding Xilin was researching and improving the Chinese flute, and I thought it was a waste at that time.Tools and content, musical instruments and national characteristics are of course closely related; however, advanced tools and modern musical instruments with high scientific standards are by no means afraid of failing to express our national characteristics and our special aesthetic sense.On the contrary, primitive tools and simple musical instruments are better than people with broken teeth and severely defective vocal cords. No matter how rich their thoughts and feelings are, they cannot express them.The same goes for the form of the music.It is absolutely impossible to create new folk music just by recording folk tunes, arranging them a little, and expanding them with some variations.We don't even have a "music grammar", so how can we be eloquent in music?The theory of the latest Western music school (of course not referring to ultra modern [ultra modern] things such as electronic music) is actually the widest and most convenient for people who create folk music to use; but everyone has suffered from the horror of formalism. , I dare not mention it, let alone study it.The five great Russian masters—from Debussy to Bartok, all have facts, and only from new theories and techniques can a new path of national music be found.The problem is that we can't close our doors and build a car behind closed doors, but we must master the highest and latest Western techniques, turn them into our own, and use them for our own use. Only then can we talk about expressing the thoughts and feelings of our new society with our music.There are too many things I want to talk about on this kind of issue, and I can't finish it all at once.
Every time I receive a letter from me, I check the number of the previous letter. If there is any omission, it means that the letter is lost.Be sure to let us know if this happens!I hope this letter arrives before you leave England, lest it be sent back again!Take care of everything!
Dad April 23, [-]
1964.4.24
Dear children:
I just sent a long letter yesterday, and I received the April [-] letter today, but I didn’t mention the letter I forwarded from your in-law’s family on April [-]. I don’t know if I have received it, and I miss it very much!
The feeling of loneliness is similar to each other, but the degree is different and the number of times is different.We have not left our hometowns, our lives are stable, and we live better than most people; helpless people always think too much, and they are often attacked by a sense of emptiness.The only consolation is a heart-to-heart relationship, so no matter how rare your letters are, I will always try to write to you as often as possible, hoping to relieve some of your depression and loneliness.It's just that wishing is one thing, and the mood of writing a letter is another: I often want to write a pen but my spirit is not calm, and I can't pick up the pen; Very, I am not happy to hear it.
On the one hand, fanaticism and persistence, on the other hand, free and easy, open-minded, suspicious, and even negative: this character is probably inherited from me.Mom doesn't have this contradiction, she's never been this extreme.Mila often said that you really resemble me, which shows that you mentioned me innumerable times in front of her, so although she has never met me, it seems like she has known me for many years.
We've never really worried about your relationship as a couple.We are well aware of your mental fluctuations, and a thousand words are the same. As long as the basic confidence does not waver, any small disputes or big disputes will fade away with time.This is the conclusion of my letter of March [-].Every stage of life is learned and lived. No one has ever met all the (theoretical) conditions before getting married and having children.Your anxiety about your children shows that you are serious about life, but you don't have to think too much about it.Not thinking at all is irresponsible, of course it is not good; thinking too much is futile. The problem is to think through it thoroughly, make up your mind to do things well at each stage, and just think of a good way to implement it.
It is the highest cultivation in life that people do not know but not stunned, and it cannot be achieved in a short time.In the past I was not unreserved about what my critics said, but I just increased my vigilance.That is to say, borrowing from others, we should be particularly introspective, and seek the opinions of teachers and friends who are truly experienced and well-intentioned.I have complete confidence in your self-critical spirit; but artists sometimes dig into corners and think that they are going the original and correct way.Avoiding this requires constant calm and objectivity.The so-called artistic illusion can sometimes blind a person for several years.As for the dark side of criticism, I have gained a lot of knowledge by translating Balzac's Disillusionment in the past three years.This was the case a century ago, let alone today!In the February issue of "Music and Musicians" magazine, there was an interview with Karayan [Karajan], saying that he only thought of criticism as Mr. X's opinion, that's all.He will listen to the scholars he admires, or he will ask for advice automatically.This attitude is roughly similar to yours.
How to calculate remuneration for foreign record recording?One-time payment or royalties according to the number of issues?This is also a kind of knowledge, I really want to know!
Serious people are seldom satisfied with their grades, and that is where my main anguish lies.The difference is that you are changing every day, and you can create new experiences, new realms, and new performances. My vision is constantly improving, but my ability is always stagnant.Every time I listen to your record, I always think to myself: I don’t know how he plays this piece now.
You are always afraid of being unsatisfactory to your parents, and I am always afraid of becoming your burden, especially since [-], the more I understand the hard work of art, the more I can't bear to spend more money on you.After all, everyone cares about everyone.Smoking is a trivial matter, not necessary in life, I have already told you in detail in yesterday's letter, so I won't repeat it--but the record needs you to pay more attention!Mom asks you: Do you want a thin silk padded jacket at home in winter, is it more comfortable to wear to play the piano?We can do it for you.Is the heating equipment in your home okay?What is the temperature indoors in winter?We know nothing.
San Francisco critics said that your Chopin is too extrovert [external], and Mr. Li said it was strange that your playing is just introvert [inner] all the way, how could critics say so.I said that maybe they are used to the old school Chopin [Chopin], which is limp, and they think it is not inner enough when they hear Chopin [sentimental], do you think my guess is right?
Since we are leaving on May [-]th, I want to make this letter in time.I'm afraid I won't be able to communicate with you for a long time in the future.
Take care of everything!
Dad April 24, [-]
1964.10.31
Dear children:
The letters I wrote to you several times have not been completed, and the months of silence have also made me restless and restless.The state of mind we have had since August is indescribable.Your situation, your embarrassment (I guess you have not consulted with experts in international public law or private law before taking action. In fact, it is necessary), your unavoidable difficulties, we all deeply understand, how can you Blame you? [9] But no amount of thorough understanding can relieve our heavy heart.The national self-esteem has been hurt, and it cannot be healed in a short period of time; because this is not a matter of "ego", personal gain or loss.Even your mother, who is easy-going and optimistic everywhere, is also brooding and sad.Without this test, I don't know how strong I feel in this area.What you said in your first two letters in [-], as well as what you said to reporters, naturally kept coming back to our minds. Think about it, how exciting it is!
We know that all official documents are just a form, and no legal procedures can bind a person's heart—we always believe in you on this point; we also know that documents can be canceled unilaterally, but such a day is too far away That's all.What's more, reason is reason, emotion is emotion, and things that are understood through reason may not be accepted by emotion.I wonder if you understand the reason for our silence for several months, can you imagine the depth of our pain this time?No matter when working or resting, there is always a shadow over my spirit, and there is always a stone in my heart, one on the left and one on the right, and I can't let go of it or let go.We miss you more than ever, but my mother and I dare not talk about you: each is afraid of touching our mutual wounds and exacerbating our own.I was also secretly worried, deeply afraid that foreign newspapers, reviews, and future album descriptions would mention your matter... The telegram of the birth of the child came, and our feelings became more complicated.Such a happy event happened in such a period, and we couldn't tell what it was like, mixed feelings, a mess, what should we say?How do you express it?
All this, your father-in-law can't understand.He has his nationality, he has his nation's tragic fate (this fate, they have been used to for 2000 years, and they don't think it is tragic), of course, their views are different from ours.However, I will never admit that our views are national arrogance and stubbornness, while his views are enlightened and correct.He sees nationality as an expression of an expatriate's due gratitude to the host country, which I absolutely disagree with!As for the fact that if Mira comes to China, she must also become a Chinese citizen, so your actions can be said to be related to each other, etc., that is completely a guess made by him who has no understanding of China's national conditions.There has never been a law in our country that requires foreigners to be Chinese citizens before they can live in China for a long time!After receiving such a letter from your father-in-law, I did not reply, so as not to argue with him; but the points of disagreement between me and him should be made known to you.
The child is less than two months old, and he looks so mature, which shows that Mira has good grades.Maybe she put all her energy into her children?Is there a female worker at home to help reduce some of Mira's fatigue?Being a parent is the second major hurdle in life, and the temperament and outlook on life of both of you may be affected.I hope that after the responsibilities are increased, you will manage the economy more reasonably, think about the future (who can guarantee how many children you will have?), and be able to restrain some impulses to do whatever you want, and reduce some unnecessary expenses.Your baby at birth (one week old) does look like you in swaddling babies.In the next few photos, especially the one at seven weeks old, the distance between the eyes and the bridge of the nose is relatively large, obviously showing the shadow of her mother's family - Mira also looks more like her father.But there will be more changes in the baby in the future.
The form of domestic class struggle is sharp, and we must prevent future generations from taking the path of revisionism.Cadres, students, and intellectuals will go to the countryside and factories in batches for a period of one to two years, and use labor training to consolidate the will of permanent revolution.Many young people who failed to get into college are still settled in rural areas.Some erroneous and poisonous works and theories in film, drama, historiography, and philosophy have been severely criticized one after another.At present, the literature and art circles and musicians are mainly from their own country and modern; the direction of not paying attention to serving the workers, peasants and soldiers in the past must be corrected.Of course, the introduction of foreign literature must focus on criticism. Just because it is a classic, it cannot be copied unprincipled and have a bad influence on young people.So my job had to be rethought.Like other classical writers, Balzac's works are too far away from our current situation and requirements. After several months of consideration, he couldn't pick out something suitable for translation.As for the critique, it requires not only a deep understanding and research of the original work, but also a considerable cultivation of Marxism-Leninism, and the combination of the two can write a translation preface that does not make big mistakes: it is really easier said than done!Work is uncertain, my heart is always hanging in the air, and I don't know what to do.Of course, the work of studying Balzac is very promising, and it cannot be finished in a lifetime, but just studying is tantamount to sitting and eating, so it is not a long-term solution. ——The situation is such that it seems difficult to solve the troubles in this area for a while.
Waiting for more than a year for your record, no news, so frustrating!No matter how dissatisfied you are, listening to your records is our greatest enjoyment and comfort.Is there any way to hear your performance other than records?Damn how hard it is to get your records!If you have a way to send it by yourself, you must pack it properly, make two copies, and send it by air.
Finally, I would like to ask you: all your actions will have far-reaching repercussions affecting us; in the future, you must think twice before encountering important things. Comparable!) Negotiate!Take care of everything!
Dad October 31, [-]
It took me a day and a half to write this letter, and I changed the manuscript three times from beginning to end, which has never happened before.
The day Ling Xiao was born was the seventh day of the seventh lunar month in the Chinese calendar, and it was called Qiqiao. It was the day when the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl met once a year in mythology, because there were two stars in the sky, one was called the Cowherd and the other was called the Weaver Girl (constellation of the Herd). -boy and the star Vega), only appear in the sky at the same time on July [-]th of a year.You might as well talk to Mira, it's more interesting to know the story of Cowherd and Weaver Girl!Is the sweater I made for Ling Xiao wearable?I'm afraid it's too young, the child looks very sophisticated.From time to time, I want to look at the pictures of my children. You really don’t know how happy I am!Children's photos, no matter good or bad, will be sent as soon as they are available, so that we can add some warmth to our lonely life!
mom p.s.
(End of this chapter)
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