Mind Control and Distraction: Mind Control Techniques for a Lifetime

Chapter 11 Be the master of emotion, not the slave of emotion (2)
People who easily feel threatened and feel a loss of self-worth have fragile self-confidence, as well as self-esteem.Such people are often self-centered and difficult for others to approach and get along with. We call them "egocentrics".However, the way we treat sick, fragile self-confidence is not to suppress and weaken it, nor is it to try to get rid of selfishness-which makes self-confidence even weaker.Self-esteem is as essential to the mind as food is to the body.To treat "egoism" is to build a strong and healthy self-image by building self-esteem.When a person's self-esteem is healthy and appropriate, he will not be fussy or offended by some trivial things.Even if you are really offended and feel threatened, you will recover quickly and completely.

3. Put an end to "taking the right seat"
A friend expressed her dissatisfaction with her office colleagues in a chat. She thought that her colleagues hated her and made fun of her whenever they had the opportunity.I asked her what evidence she had, and she said her colleagues were fond of Polish jokes.But in fact, her colleagues didn't know she was Polish at all - she took her husband's surname after marriage and withdrew her Polish surname.

If you habitually personalize some trivial matters, hearsay fragments, and content in media magazines, it means that you are an overly face-saving and overly sensitive person.Your "immunity" to this self-image is very low and you can easily get yourself hurt.

Let’s just laugh at some insignificant issues. There’s no need to take what others say to heart, let alone take jokes, ridicule, or even abuse and sarcasm from others.With so many important things waiting to be done on your schedule, stop worrying and wasting time on these little things.

You might as well go to the vegetable market to buy two watermelons, pick the largest and the smallest, and put them in a conspicuous place at home.Take a picture of them and put them where you can often see them, and every time you see them, you say to yourself: "My willpower is much bigger than this little watermelon!" And ask yourself, what is your performance today? Is it like a small watermelon or a big watermelon?
Dare to take responsibility and dare to be independent will make you stronger

Just like juvenile offenders, their hard shell hides a very weak heart, and they hope to get help and love from others.

Some experienced salesmen have told me that people who are very resistant to selling at first, once they get past the defenses of their brains, it becomes very easy to sell.Those with a "Do Not Sell" sign on their door are hard to approach because they don't protect themselves until they're gullible.People who are not talkative, grumpy, and prone to xenophobia have a strong sense of self-protection because their hearts are actually very fragile and easily hurt.People who feel emotionally dependent on others are vulnerable inside and want care and love from others.But on the contrary, people with strong independent ability will feel that they need to give more care and love to others.This kind of person emphasizes the devotion of love as much as the demand of love, and even dedicates more than he takes.They dedicate their love, but they don't force others to love and recognize themselves.People who are accustomed to relying on others entrust their fate to objective factors such as others and luck.They will gradually feel that it is taken for granted that the outside world gives them consideration, care, appreciation, and praise. Once their unreasonable demands or claims are not met, they will feel that they have been fooled and hurt.Because life doesn't work this way, such people often seek things they can't get.

It is entirely up to you to develop a self-reliant heart and attitude towards life.Take responsibility for your own personal and emotional needs. "When you're thirsty, you have to dig a well by yourself." This lyric tells us that there are always some things that you have to face alone. Others can't help you, and you shouldn't count on others.For example, you are already an adult, and no teacher will praise you or wear a little red flower for you when you achieve achievements. You must learn to "lonely admire yourself" and recognize yourself by yourself.

Take it easy and you'll avoid emotional damage

Some people may have this question: If scar tissue is naturally formed and appears automatically after an injury, why is there no scar formation on the wound left by plastic surgery?
The answer is: If you cut a cut in your face and let it heal naturally, as it heals, there will be a certain amount of tension in or underneath the cut that pulls the surface of the skin down, creating a gap, This gap is then filled with scar tissue.But during surgery, the doctor will not only suture the skin on both sides of the wound tightly together, but also cut off a little tissue under the skin so that there will be no tension.As a result, the incision heals smoothly and evenly without scarring.We also need a process like this when emotionally traumatized, to remove tension without leaving distorted scars.

I don’t know if you have discovered that when you are in fear, depression, anger, depression and other negative emotions and cause physical and mental tension, you will be more vulnerable to injury.

When you think of some annoying things and feel depressed and your self-confidence is shaken, a friend comes over and tells you a joke. You will laugh out loud, forget your worries for a while, and have a pleasant chat with your friend. A few words.But in today's society, there are not many people who can be so open-minded.

In today's increasingly competitive society, people suffer from various suspicions, insecurities, and anxiety, and thus feel a lot of pressure.We are prone to misinterpreting what others say, feeling offended or hurt, and creating emotional scars.

The real truth is this: Our emotional hurt is not so much caused by what other people say, do, or don't say or do, but rather has its roots in our own reactions and attitudes.

Relaxation buffers you from emotional damage

Feel hurt or offended, depending on your reaction and attitude. "Feeling" is actually our reaction.

What we pay attention to and what we don't pay attention to are our own reactions, not dependent on others.We can be tense, resulting in negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, and resentment; similarly, we can also relax, and emotions such as fear, anger, and anxiety will no longer exist.

It is entirely up to you to react or not to react.As long as you don't react and stay relaxed, you won't get hurt again. ＊Tips＊
Take some time each day to think about the three methods described above: be open-minded; develop a strong and healthy self-image;Take time to relax and de-stress.Write down the goals you want to achieve and the achievements you have made on the way to achieve them, bit by bit, and accumulate a "success diary".When you encounter injustice, self-confidence and motivation setbacks, look at your success diary, it will motivate you, help you, and let you go step by step.

Tips for Healing the Scars of the Mind
We can avoid the formation of new spiritual scars and develop resistance to emotional blows and injuries through the three methods introduced above.But for those past scars, how do we get rid of them?

The answer: surgery.Plastic surgery for the soul.

To perform plastic surgery on the soul and remove the scars from the past, you must let yourself be your own surgeon.After the surgery, the wounds heal and you start a new life, rejuvenated, and returned to the embrace of happiness and tranquility. "Surgery" is not just a metaphor, it is for "drug treatment".Trying to get rid of scars by applying ointment doesn't work.The scar tissue must be completely removed through surgery.

[-]. Tolerance is a scalpel
"I can forgive you, but I can't forget the past" is actually equivalent to "I can't forgive you".To forgive means to tear the old resentment in half like a piece of waste paper and burn it to ashes, so that it can no longer be used to show others.True tolerance, sincere and thorough forgiveness, can cut open old wounds, squeeze out pus, and remove scar tissue like a scalpel.An incomplete and false forgiveness out of obligation acts like plastic surgery stopped half way through, and no good results can be obtained.True forgiveness is actually: you not only have to forget the other party’s mistakes and resentment, but also forget your own forgiveness.Because if you still think about your forgiveness from time to time, you will feel arrogance in front of the other party because of your forgiveness, and feel that you have given to the other party and the other party owes you something.This makes the other party owe a new debt when you cancel a debt of the other party. This kind of "forgiveness" is equivalent to no forgiveness.

[-]. Forgiveness is not a tool of revenge

Many people have misunderstandings about forgiveness.The reason the value of forgiveness therapy has been overlooked by the public is that very few people actually forgive.There is a kind of understanding that is very wrong: regard forgiveness as a weapon to defeat the other party - forgiving the other party means surpassing him, defeating him, and making him too humble in front of you.A bishop once said: "The greater victory is not to win the opponent psychologically, but to show kindness to the opponent." This sentence shows that forgiveness or tolerance can be used as an effective tool for revenge.But "forgive" with a vengeance is not going to heal spiritual scars.Forgiveness that is truly therapeutic is letting go of what happened between you and the other person that made you resentful, as if it never happened.It is the real scalpel to wipe away all grievances and enmity with a smile.

Don't shy away from illness and avoid treatment, and be reluctant to cut yourself off. First of all, we must regard past mistakes as unwanted things that must be cut off.Any wounded person who agrees to be amputated by a doctor who has a diseased and useless arm will be reluctant to give up.But if the festering, maggot-filled arm was left there, the bacteria from the wound would only spread throughout the body, causing more damage.Therefore, it is necessary to cut off past mistakes decisively and simply.

In facial plastic surgery, there are no topical, conservative, or experimental treatments.Only when the scar tissue is completely and completely removed can the wound heal in a clean state.

[-]. Whether you can forgive depends on whether you are willing or not

For forgiveness to be therapeutic, the only difficulty you have to overcome is that you have to let go of the guilt completely.In everyday life, we often gain a sense of superiority by condemning others, and we like to condemn others.But we have to admit that the satisfaction we get when we condemn others and sympathize with ourselves is a kind of sick satisfaction, and the happiness we get is sick and unreal.

[-]. Reasons for forgiveness are important

We need to know that, through therapeutic forgiveness, we cancel the other person's debt, not because we are suddenly generous, willing to give alms or favor to others and take the moral high ground.We cancel the debt and forgive each other because we realize that the other party has paid enough to justify the continued existence of the debt.Feeling that it is time to let go is the truly curative forgiveness.We shouldn't have condemned and hated each other in the first place.

Of course, whether you should forgive the other party and whether you must forgive the other party is up to you, and this book cannot force you to do anything.From the perspective of a doctor, I can only tell you that when we truly forgive, tolerance will really work, and the old scars will be completely removed.

Forgive others, don't forget to keep forgiveness for yourself
Sometimes it's ourselves, not others, that hurt us emotionally.

We beat our breasts with regret, self-blame, and regret, in exchange for the sadness and psychological trauma caused by excessive guilt.

If you can't look at your past with tolerance and openness, you can't look forward to the future with optimism.This does not mean dismissing the past as a passing thing.We have to learn from past mistakes and distill a sense of responsibility.At the same time, although the self-criticism in our hearts is much stronger than anyone else's criticism, it cannot be endlessly self-critical and let it destroy our self-image.

Once, after listening to a speech by a prison inmate, I realized: here I am sitting with people who have made huge mistakes and broken the law, and yet most of them are not like the people outside the walls Burying themselves in self-blame and self-punishment, they focus instead on things like getting a lawyer and fighting for their rights in prison.When I walked out of the prison and saw the thick walls and electrified barbed wire, I thought that many people have built a spiritual prison for themselves in their hearts that is even more heavily guarded than here, and put themselves in it, just to "Sins" committed in the past.I don't believe they have any real sins, if the mistakes they made in the past are sins, it's more a "sin" that they waste their precious time blaming and punishing themselves for the mistakes they made in the past .

You just made mistakes, but mistakes shouldn't make you

When many people think about the mistakes they have made, they think that the mistakes have also changed us.The biggest mistake we can make is to confuse what we do with who we really are.If we think that because we do something, we become a certain kind of person, have a certain characteristic - we are very wrong.The mistakes we made were only related to a specific thing, and we cannot classify ourselves into a specific group of people because of this mistake.Just like the difference between the two sentences "I failed" and "I am a failure": the former is to admit mistakes, which will help you to succeed in the future; The word "failure" is etched into the brain.This kind of thinking is obviously not conducive to success, it will make you deep in the quagmire of pain.

Similarly, many parents, because the child stumbles and often makes mistakes when learning to speak—hesitation, inaccurate pronunciation, momentary blockage, etc.—conclude and say, "This child is a child who stutters."This attitude will have a subtle influence on the child's brain, making them think that they really are a stutterer, and then actually suffer from stuttering.Stuttering research experts have found that it is often the parents, not the children, who most need guidance and help, and who need to make changes, to correct children's stuttering.

So, please remember: you just made the mistakes, but don't let the mistakes make you - you are still yourself!

Don't let yourself live like a scallop
Finally, I would like to say that in order to live a full and creative life, we must learn to be a little vulnerable when appropriate.Many, like scallops, have a thick shell that protects them from everything outside.Although they are safe, they also lose valuable creativity.They dare not go where they want to go, they can only wait for the things they yearn for to come closer.They are not willing to take risks and are timid to try new things, so their lives are not exciting or unrestrained at all.So, sometimes keep our fragile nature, let the heart accept the baptism of wind and rain, even if it hurts a little-this may give you unexpected surprises, and make life colorful and creative.

(End of this chapter)