How can I chat?

Chapter 8 Don't Let the Word "No" Appear
A rule of thumb for impromptu drama: Never start a sentence with "no," because it ignores the direction the other person wants the conversation to go, making it difficult for both parties to work toward a common goal.

In improvisation, every word you speak counts.

Maybe you disagree with this point of view.But that's probably where people who aren't good at chatting go wrong.Every word has and should have its function.

If you want to be a good chatter, you need to be aware of the signals you are sending to the other person.These signals affect the entire conversation and play a decisive role in the success or failure of the conversation.Each signal is like a thread leading to a pleasant conversation.

If you start with the word "no," you're setting the wrong tone for the interaction and derailing an otherwise infinitely possible conversation in the first place.

If you start with the word "no", you immediately set the stage for a negative interaction, which undoubtedly makes it extremely difficult to initiate and form a communication.And, because of this negative foreshadowing, you may find it difficult to keep a conversation going.

If you start with the word "no," the inflow of new information will be hindered.This is because, in effect, you are showing that you do not need or want new information.You have already made a decision, and you have no intention of hearing the other party's reasons or other details.

For example, your friend asked you if you watched the video of the basketball game that was very popular on the Internet, and you simply answered no, and did not show any interest.So, what will your friends think?He'll think you might not be interested in this, thus dampening their enthusiasm for showing you their hobbies.He will feel that you don't care about what he has to say and don't want him to continue talking.This may be what you really think, but it should not be expressed directly.

What if you responded positively and got your friend to lead the conversation to the basketball game?Maybe they only spend 1 minute explaining what he finds interesting, but his mood will become positive, so you can lead the conversation to the things you want to talk about.

Plus, if you've started a conversation and it's going well, the moment you say "no," the good feelings you've built up disappear immediately.Everything you said before is overturned, so you have to start all over again.

Unfortunately, many people make this mistake unconsciously.

They said "no" and wondered why the conversation wasn't flowing.So, let’s take the example of a salesman.

A well-known sales trick is to keep asking questions that the other person will definitely answer "yes", such as "Do you want to save money?" People imagine themselves as if something is missing, and this positive context contributes to sales success.When you start with a negative, you also destroy all possibilities, good or bad.

You have to remember that all sales are selling a dream, and the word "no" destroys all possibility of realizing that dream.

Patterns of discovery are more conducive to conversation than patterns of harm reduction.

An error message was issued with a negative
When the other party says "no", no one will deliberately take it as an offense.

From a rational point of view, people will rationally understand the objections of others.We understand that everything has two sides.Because we're all adults, aren't we?

But the problem is that we are also emotional creatures, and from an emotional perspective, the word "no" can be seen as a signal of belligerence, hostility, stubbornness, confrontation.Saying "no" can sometimes be seen as a negative.

It is not difficult to decipher all kinds of negative emotions from sentences beginning with the word "no".On the one hand, this will make the other party subconsciously think that you are full of hostility.On the other hand, even under the best of circumstances, you can come across as unrepentant and unwilling to accept other people's opinions.In either case, it's not a good thing.Therefore, it is extremely important to remove the word "not" at the beginning of the sentence.

The word "no" makes the other person cautious, because they feel that some words may have crossed the line.Once other people have such an impression of you, the chat cannot go on smoothly.You can't get to know each other happily, and the conversation becomes as dull as a business trip.It will take them a while to understand that you're a nice person and that you're worth their trouble with you, or that you're worth their talking to you.It's also possible that they find it too much trouble trying to get to know you, and you'll be left alone.

It's a real tragedy, and it's caused entirely by common misunderstandings.You can have more meaningful conversations and genuine friendships as long as you take care to avoid this.

Remember that improvisation is for a shared goal, and if the actors disagree fundamentally, or if someone is left out, can the show still be successful?

practise:

Try this sales pitch.You sell a car to a friend and replace every sentence with a question that he can answer with a yes, such as whether you want to save money or get more convenience from a new car.You should be able to ask at least five of these questions.

Now imagine your friend answered "no" to all your questions.How does this affect you?Maybe it was a moment of speechlessness, not knowing what to say next, as if your whole plan was disrupted.

(End of this chapter)