Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 11 The Family Has a Sensitive Child (1)
There are many sensitive children in life.They don't want others to touch them, like to act according to other people's faces, and they are always worried about losing things and don't trust their children.On the surface, these children always think more than other children, and it is easier to "think too much".However, these situations occur in children, often because they are in a sensitive period of growth and development.In this regard, parents should have the necessary understanding.

baby sensitivity test

Once children are in the sensitive period of growth and development, they will be on guard like little hedgehogs, for fear that others will hurt themselves.Take a closer look at your child, is there a similar situation?If you can't tell, try it out.

1. Does your child allow others to touch his toys?

A. Yes B. No

2. Does he have more than 3 friends?

A. More than B. Not enough
3. Is your child a little "behindsight"?
A. Yes B. No

4. Does your child always have countless worries?

A. No B. Yes

5. Does your child tend to hold grudges after having disputes with other friends?

A. not easy B. easy
6. Has your child ever been stimulated?

A. No B. Yes

7. As parents, are you sensitive people?

A. No B. Yes
8. Is your family complete? (non-single parent family)

A. Yes B. No

Now, please count your options and test results:

"Super sensitive" baby: In the test answer, when item A appears only 1 or 2 times, it means that your child is likely to be in a sensitive period of growth and development.They have some sensitive reactions to some people and things around them.These reactions can be good or bad. If the parents do not guide them correctly, it is likely to affect the child's personality.

"Quasi-sensitive" baby: In the test answer, when item A appears 3 to 5 times, it means that your child has entered the sensitive period of growth and development.Although this performance is not very obvious, parents also need to give some attention and guidance.

"Non-sensitive" baby: In the test answer, when item A appears 6 to 8 times, parents can rest assured that your child has not yet shown a sensitive reaction, and his physical and mental development is relatively healthy.

1. Sisi cries when someone touches her

——How to guide children in the sensitive period of order

Sisi is two and a half years old.It stands to reason that children are at the stage of "playing" and "naughty", so they should be very happy to go to the park or see their friends.But Sisi is unwilling to play with others, or even let others touch her.Whether it's a neighbor or a friend, as long as she touches her, she will burst into tears.

One night, my mother took Sisi to a nearby park.Many people were dancing there, and there were some three- and four-year-old children studying beside them.Seeing that they were dancing very fun, Sisi yelled to go down too.

This is a good opportunity to exercise the child, so the mother asked Sisi to dance with the children.

At the beginning, Sisi had a lot of fun, jumping up and down, and the people around her also praised her.But at this moment, a little boy came over, wanting to dance with Sisi.Sisi's mother asked Sisi: "Would you like to dance with the little brother?" Sisi looked at the little boy, did not speak, and continued to play alone.

But the little boy thought that Sisi agreed, so he came up to hold Sisi's hand.Now Sisi quit, and burst into tears.The little boy's mother hurried over to apologize, and both parents were embarrassed.

Similar situations have happened many times, and Sisi just doesn't want others to touch her.Whenever someone touched her, even by accident, she would cry a lot.

"Why is the child like this?" the mother asked the colleague.Because my colleague's baby is about the same age as Sisi.

"This is a sign of a child's sensitivity. Your family's Sisi may be more sensitive!"

"sensitive?"

"Why is Sisi so sensitive?" Sisi's mother was puzzled.

Case in-depth analysis
Play well by yourself, but cry when others touch it. If you have such children in your family, you will definitely feel that the child has a bad personality.In fact, this is because the child's psychology is too sensitive.And Sisi is so sensitive because she is in the "order sensitive period" of growth and development.

Almost every child has to go through the "order sensitive period" when they are 2 to 3 years old, which is a necessary stage for mental development and maturity.This is the period when children are establishing their own order in consciousness, that is, the "order sensitive period".

During this period, children pay special attention to and care about some external orders and rituals.If someone breaks these things, the child will cry.For example, some children do not allow others to touch their schoolbags, forbid others to eat before him, and he must open the door when they return home.If someone violates the "rules", the child will cry like Sisi in the case.

There are also children who behave according to people's faces, are unwilling to share toys with children, always like to do things by themselves without help from their parents, worry about others saying bad things about them, and do not believe their parents' promises.

Why is the child like this?In addition to the "order sensitive period", what other reasons are there?The specific analysis is as follows.

(1) The impact of parenting attitudes.

Children are sensitive and suspicious. In addition to their own temperament, they are also closely related to their parents' parenting style.For example: some parents don't want others to touch their children, don't like their children playing games with other children, don't trust their children enough, say something to irritate their children, etc.These behaviors of parents will have a negative impact on children.

(2) The awareness of prevention is too strong.

In order to protect their children, some parents often educate their children to know how to take precautions.If too much awareness of prevention is instilled in children, children will live in an environment of insecurity and lack of trust.Over time, they naturally become sensitive and suspicious.

(3) Caused by excessive reinforcement.

When encountering something, many parents will give their children a lot of explanations in order to prevent their children from being confused, regardless of whether the children can understand these explanations.And the more parents explain, the easier it is to arouse the child's inner imagination.When a child has divergent imaginative thinking, it is easy to "can't stop the car" and bring in some negative thinking, which makes the child suspicious and sensitive.

psychologist advice
Children who are unwilling to be touched by others, worry carelessly, and like to make "rules" for those around them are all typical manifestations of the "order sensitive period".This is a special period of children's psychological development, which shows that children are realizing that there are "rules" and "orders" in this society.However, children with sensitive personalities are often easily troubled by small things, which in turn affects the children's normal interpersonal communication.Therefore, parents need to be actively guided.

Specifically how to guide it?Experts gave us the following suggestions.

(1) Role model effect.

If there are sensitive children in the family, parents should communicate with others more, and should strengthen physical contact with others, such as shaking hands, hugging, dancing, holding hands, etc.If parents set a good example for their children, the children will receive a positive stimulus and learn from their parents.Children will subtly get rid of some bad behavior habits.

(2) "Touch desensitization method".

In order to reduce the child's sensitivity and suspicion, the most important thing is to "desensitize" the child.Parents can consciously let others touch their children more and correct their children's behavior of beating others in defense.If the child wants to wash his hands and face after being touched, the parents should also stop it.Only when the child is gradually familiar with this kind of touch, the sensitivity and suspicion will be weakened.

(3) "Entertainment desensitization method".

There is another common reason for children to be suspicious and sensitive: little contact with the outside world.Insufficient understanding and integration into the new environment.Parents can take their children to participate in some social activities, so that the children can be in a crowded environment and contact more people.This will not only allow children to let go of their defenses, get out of narrowness, and increase their knowledge, but also exercise and cultivate their self-confidence.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Lin Mei

Occupation: Corporate Secretary

Daughter's name: Tongtong, 4 years old

Girls and children are usually very sensitive and don't let others touch her at all.When taking her out, the neighbors always like to hold her hand and touch her face.But every time this happened, Tongtong would cry and scream, clamoring to go home.Even if you are touched by a stranger on the road, you will make trouble for a long time.

I was very troubled and kept looking for the reason why Tongtong was so sensitive.Until one day, I asked Tongtong: "Why don't you let others touch you?"

Tongtong was in a good mood that day, and quickly answered me: "If they touch me, I will get sick!"

If you touch it, you will get sick. Why does Tongtong think so?
It turned out that I once heard an old man say that often letting others touch a child's face can cause eczema.So from that day on, whenever I saw my neighbors, I ran away from them, and even if I bumped into them, I would stop them from touching their children's faces.I remember once Tongtong asked me: "Mom, why don't you let Aunt Wang kiss me?" I told her without thinking, "If someone touches you, you will get bacteria and get sick. Tongtong needs injections and medicines." .”

After understanding the reason, I began to guide Tongtong.I first explained to her: "My mother was wrong that time. Not all people will get sick after touching you. Mom refers to those whose hands are not clean. Aunt Wang was carrying garbage in her hand that day, so my mother didn't touch you. Let her touch you."

After listening to my explanation, Tong Tong did not speak.When I took her out later, things got a little better, but she still acted very sensitive.In order to completely solve Tongtong's problem, I decided to set an example for Tongtong.When I went to the park, I would dance with other people in front of Tongtong, hold hands and talk with people I knew well, and tease other children... Tongtong seemed very unbelievable at first, but after a while, I became Get used to it.

In order to consolidate the results, I also took her to participate in some activities and places with a lot of people.Slowly, I found that Tongtong's habit of not letting others touch her has disappeared, and now she has become more and more generous.

2. Binbin always acts on the face of others
——Reasonably guide emotionally sensitive babies

Binbin's mother had heard it said a long time ago that children these days are very ghostly, and at a young age they know how to read their words and act according to the faces of adults.Binbin's mother found it incredible, thinking that these people were showing off their children's "smartness", so they didn't take this matter to heart.

But soon, my mother was surprised to find that Binbin, who was only 4 years old, could act according to the face of adults.

Binbin's mother likes to watch the TV series "Palace" very much. She had dinner that day and sat in front of the TV early.At this moment, Binbin ran over, picked up the remote control and tuned the station to "Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf".Seeing Binbin's excited face, my mother knew that today's TV series was hopeless again, so she had to go to the bathroom to wash clothes.

After 5 minutes, Binbin ran over and said to his mother, "Mom, don't be angry. I have already tuned back the TV series you want to watch. I don't watch Big Big Wolf anymore. In fact, that one is not good at all."

"I'm not angry, go and see." Mom was a little puzzled, how did Binbin say he was angry?
"Mom, go watch it! I won't change the channel for you casually in the future, so don't be angry, okay?" Binbin said with tears in his voice.

"I said, I'm not angry." Mom was even more incredible.

"Then just give me a smile." Binbin asked his mother.

"Why?" Binbin's mother was helpless.

"Just smile, just smile, it means you're not angry." Binbin was about to cry.

"I don't laugh, you go watch TV, I'm doing laundry." Mom ignored him and lowered her head to wash clothes.And Binbin started to cry.

The mother was very depressed, and it was hard to coax her well, but she was also very surprised, why the child is so sensitive, and has learned to act according to people's faces?

Case in-depth analysis
Binbin wants to watch cartoons, and tunes out the TV series that his mother likes to watch.The mother didn't say a word, but Binbin thought that her mother was angry, and began to try her best to "please" her.

Why did Binbin do this?Of course it was because he was too sensitive, so that he acted according to the face of the adults, and even wanted to please others.From a psychological point of view, sensitivity, aggression, shyness, and sociability are all innate psychological characteristics of children.And children around 3 years old, this feature is more obvious.But different children are sensitive to different things.For example, some children are sensitive to other people's words, some are sensitive to light, some are sensitive to touch, some are sensitive to environmental changes, and some are sensitive to the behavior of others.

Why are children sensitive?Psychologists believe that there is a very important reason why these children have these sensitive reactions: the child's "self-awareness" has not been fully established, and there is no value standard of his own.Therefore, it is necessary to rely on adults to obtain judgments about what is good and what is bad.Even infants of a few months old judge their surroundings by the attitudes of adults.

In addition, what other reasons may cause children to be overly sensitive and act according to people's faces?
(1) It is related to personality.

(End of this chapter)