Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 12 The Family Has a Sensitive Child (2)
If children are timid and cowardly, they often dare not act according to their wishes.Especially in a relatively unfamiliar environment, this situation is even more obvious.For example, some children dare not eat snacks casually at the children's house, and only dare to eat after their parents nod.This is the expression of cowardice in the child, and this type of child is usually used to acting on the face of others.

(2) Parents act more emotionally.

Children are too sensitive and like to act on the face of adults, which is also related to the emotional nature of their parents.Because emotional parents treat their children well when they are happy, and beat and scold them when they are unhappy, this makes children have a low degree of confidence in safety, and often even worry about whether they can get their parents' love, so they are particularly sensitive to their parents' emotions.If the parents are in a good mood, he will demand a lot, and if the parents are in a bad mood, he will "be good" so as not to be punished.

(3) Habit effect.

Some parents always deny their children when they have their own ideas, and ask their children to follow their parents' ideas.When children's ideas are denied again and again, they will develop a habit. When they encounter problems, they don't think of solutions by themselves, but seek their parents' opinions and act according to their parents' faces.

(4) Indifference effect

In daily life, if parents are indifferent to their children and seldom care about them, it will cause the children to become sensitive and suspicious.For example, when a child encounters difficulties, if the parents do not give sympathy and encouragement, the child will feel lonely in his heart, and some children will even cry secretly and blame themselves.

psychologist advice
Is your child as good at observing words and expressions as Binbin in the case, and likes to act on the face of adults?If you have such a child, pay attention, because your child is too sensitive.

Usually, the sensitivity of observing words and emotions can be divided into two situations: natural sensitivity and environmental repression.

It is not terrible to "act according to people's face" due to the keen nature and strong interest in the external world, but if it is caused by the depressing environment, it will inevitably have a certain negative impact on the healthy growth of children.

To judge whether a child's observation of words and expressions is natural or caused by the depression of the environment, it is necessary to comprehensively observe the child's emotional state.If a child is worried about gains and losses, nervous and anxious, and emotionally ups and downs, parents should reflect on their own education methods.Because the child has such a situation, it shows that he is already very sensitive.If the corresponding guidance is not carried out, the consequences will be very serious.

So, how should parents guide?You can refer to the following recipes to prescribe the right medicine.

(1) The "warmth effect" desensitization method.

Psychologists believe that encouragement and sympathy will produce a warm effect, which will bring warmth to the child's heart, thereby resolving his sensitivity and suspicion.If the child is more sensitive, parents can pay more attention to the child.Such as: "It's amazing that you took off the vest yourself." "Let's see the puppy on the clothes. It would be better if we moved it to the front." The child did not meet the expectations of adults, but he only Do your best and don't criticize him.If a child proudly tells his parents "I washed my hands", parents should not rush to accuse him of "sprinkling water all over the place", but should encourage him to wash his hands first, and then help him wipe the water away.

(2) Incentive effect.

Usually, children with low self-esteem are more sensitive than average children and have more difficulty adapting to their surroundings.Therefore, if you have sensitive children in your family, try to improve your children's self-confidence and self-esteem.The use of incentive effects can make children good at self-recognition and have a sense of accomplishment.No matter what you ask your child to do, you must pay attention to it. At the beginning, you should not expect too much from your child. For example, if your child scores 60 in the math test now, you want him to score 100 in the old test.Once the child has achieved something, such as 65 points in the test, he must encourage the child to work hard and use the incentive effect to guide the child.

(3) Desalination method.

If children are more sensitive, they are easily affected by adults' anxiety, tension, anger, depression and other emotions.Therefore, when a sensitive child does something wrong, if it is not a mistake in principle, parents should try not to care too much and pretend to be relaxed. This will dilute the child's reaction, otherwise the child will continue to guess and aggravate the inner sensitivity.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Liu Min

Occupation: Supermarket owner
Daughter's name: Qiqi, 3 and a half years old
I run a small supermarket, and Qiqi usually follows me to eat and drink in the supermarket. Before she was 3 years old, she was a very well-behaved little girl, with both a naughty side and an innocent side.But a few months ago, I found that Qiqi was no longer so "simple" because she already knew how to act according to the face of adults.

That day, a customer came to the supermarket and said he wanted to buy a bottle of Erguotou.At that time, I was inspecting the goods and couldn't get away, so I asked Qiqi to help.

"Qiqi, help mom get a bottle of wine for uncle, it's the green bottle." I moved my mouth and motioned for her to let Qiqi know which bottle to get.Qiqi usually likes to help me with work, and when she heard that I was "asking" her for help, she jumped up and down to get it.But she accidentally dropped the wine bottle on the ground, and the wine spilled all over the floor.

"Qiqi, don't move, be careful of pricking your hands." I ignored the inspection and started to come back to clean up the "mess".In the end, the customer felt embarrassed and paid for the two bottles of wine.

But from the beginning to the end, I never blamed Qiqi, because I knew that a bottle of Erguotou might be a bit heavy for her, and it was understandable if she missed it.But Qiqi doesn't seem to think so, and always feels that she has made a big mistake.When I continued to inspect the goods, she kept looking at me helplessly, as if she wanted to ask for my forgiveness.

Seeing that I didn't speak, Qiqi brought my favorite tomato from the kitchen and wanted to "show courteousness". After being rejected by me, she brought me a towel and wanted to wipe my sweat...

In short, Kiki was "pleased" me all day, until I smiled at her, she was "relieved", and went back to the room to watch TV alone.

After I realized that Qiqi was "acting according to my face", I thought it was not a good thing, so I wanted to change her.But in the end how to change?I started asking the parents around me for advice.One mother asked me to give my children more attention and understanding.Thinking about it too, maybe it was because I didn't say "it's okay" to her that day that she became sensitive and began to try her best to please me.

After thinking about this, I started to act.I started caring about her after she did something wrong.For example, if she did a wrong task, I would explain it to her instead of simply and rudely blaming her for being "stupid"; if she didn't throw the dirty clothes into the washing machine in time after changing clothes, I would gently remind her... Gradually , I found that the phenomenon of Qiqi pleasing me has become less and less, and she has made fewer and fewer mistakes.

Now Qiqi gives people the feeling of a "sensible big girl", and no longer looks like a "pissed off little daughter-in-law".

3. Nao Nao is always worried that the door is not closed properly

——How to guide the worry-free children

That night there was a report of a home invasion on the news.The victim was stabbed several times by the gangsters because he was unarmed.When I saw the news, Nao Nao's father and I discussed a few words, saying that the public security situation in some places is very bad now. I didn't expect that it was these words that made Nao Nao who was on the sidelines become a "unfounded worry". The children are especially worried that the door of their house is not closed properly, and thieves will enter the house to steal things.

That morning, Nao Nao’s father and I took Nao Nao to the amusement park. Within 10 minutes of going out, Nao Nao began to worry that the door of our house was not closed properly, so he began to ask me: “Mom, is the door of our house closed properly? "

"Close it, Dad locked the door, have you forgotten?" I said to him.

"No, I don't remember, let's go home and have a look." Nao Nao asked.We didn't want to go back, so we cried when we made trouble.My father and I had to take him home.Seeing that the door was locked well, he felt relieved and went to the amusement park with us.

Not long after arriving at the amusement park, Nao Nao began to worry again: "Mom, is the door of our house unlocked?"

"It's locked. Didn't we go back and check it?" I was a little surprised why he asked this question again.

"We just went back and checked, but we didn't put the key in to open it, did we? Maybe the door of our house was just closed, without the insurance. Grandma said that the door should be closed, otherwise the thief will slip in."

"Then we'll go back and watch when we're almost done playing, okay?" I was speechless about Nao Nao's worry, but I couldn't show it, I just hoped to divert his attention.

"No, let's go back now, or the thieves will steal everything from our house." Nao Nao strongly urged us to go back. After we refused, he started crying again, crying and saying, "Our door is not locked." "Okay" "The thief has entered our house." In desperation, he had to take him home.

Why is Nao Nao so "unfounded"?

Case in-depth analysis
The door has been locked and checked again and again. Nao Nao is still worried that thieves will enter his home and steal things.This kind of performance is a typical "alarmist" type of sensitivity.

"Worry"-sensitive children are prone to anxiety, panic and nervous emotions. They are always restless, insecure, frightened, and upset because they guess that the worst is about to happen.They will also lose interest in things they were originally interested in, just like Nao Nao loses interest in amusement parks because he is worried that the door of his house is not locked.

If the child is more sensitive, he will also have fear, and even have difficulty falling asleep and have nightmares.It is also possible to repeat something subconsciously or unconsciously, forcing yourself to accept the thoughts in your mind, etc.

Why do children have "unfounded" sensitivity?Because they lack self-awareness, they don't think about problems when they encounter problems, and they only "graft" through some memories.For example, Nao Nao in the case always habitually grafted scenes from the TV news onto himself, so the situation of "the door was not closed properly" occurred.

In addition, the child has "unfounded" sensitivity, mainly due to the following reasons.

(1) The effect of negative environment.

"Unfounded" sensitivity mostly occurs in children after the age of 3.Children are sensitive.It has something to do with watching some related movies and TV shows. For example, when children watch the movie "2012", they will subconsciously regard themselves as the characters in it, resulting in huge psychological pressure, which leads to the psychology of "unfounded worries".

(2) It is difficult to distinguish between imagination and reality.

After the child is 3 years old, he begins to understand slowly, and his imaginative thinking begins to develop, and he often has fantasy ideas.For example, "Will the puppy bite the door of the house?" "Will the kitten sneak into the refrigerator and eat the meat?" "Will the tiger come out of the zoo and enter our house" and so on.The probability of what a child imagines happening is basically zero, but the child cannot separate imagination from reality, and even thinks that imagination is reality, which creates pressure.

(3) Captive breeding effect.

There are many only children in modern society, and families give too much care to children, and they cannot be raised.In some families, the father "raises" and the mother "raises". Between "one circle and one release", it is easy for children to be under "fuzzy" consciousness, and they don't know how to deal with it.This is also one of the important reasons for children's "unfounded" sensitive personality.

psychologist advice
Sensitivity has many manifestations, and children with "unfounded worry" sensitivity will be overly worried, always worrying about some accidents or unfortunate things happening, such as whether a sudden earthquake will collapse the house, whether the police will arrest the wrong person Catch yourself in and wait.

Often, a child who is appropriately "worrying" is a sign of mental health.Because proper worry can not only improve children's "vigilance" awareness, avoid unnecessary harm, but also exercise children's "mind" and improve their logical thinking ability.

But if the child is under a lot of pressure due to excessive worry, and even affects his life, parents must provide necessary guidance.How to guide it?The following methods may help you.

(1) Use concise and clear language to help children.

The reason why some children imagine too much is because the parents did not explain when they were worried, or the explanation was vague, so that the children could not understand, and this vague awareness intensified the children's imagination.Therefore, parents should patiently explain to their children.Once the child hears the parents' explanation clearly, he will naturally stop thinking about it, and the situation of unfounded worry will be alleviated.

(2) Try to improve children's ability to distinguish.

When parents find that their children are worried about "whether a sudden earthquake will collapse the house", they should directly tell the children that this possibility is extremely small, and at the same time improve the children's ability to distinguish.For example, find two similar pictures, let the children find the differences, say or point out the differences.Allowing children to pay attention to details can cultivate their ability to observe and compare carefully.

(3) Incentive effect.

Normally, parents should not let their children stay at home, but encourage them to go out and play more with their children.Because when the child is in a good mood, he will not be cranky.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Chen Kaimin
Occupation: Hospital nurse
Son: Tiantian, 5 years old

My son is 5 years old every day. Unlike other carefree boys, he is a sensitive type.Although he was young, he was full of worries and often worried about unnecessary worries, which made our family a headache.

(End of this chapter)