Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 13 The Family Has a Sensitive Child (3)
Before Labor Day, kindergarten teachers require children to arrive at school before 9:00, and after May 8st, children are required to arrive at school at 30:8.He used to arrive at around 45:[-] every day, but now that the time has been changed, we told him to get up early in the morning, otherwise he would be late.

At 5:4 in the morning on May 7th, we woke him up.Unexpectedly, when he woke up and looked at the clock, he began to grin and cry.

"Why are you crying? What's wrong?"

"I'm afraid of being late!"

"As long as you move quickly, you won't be late."

But he was still crying, and he didn't have a good breakfast.I stopped crying until I was not late for kindergarten.

What bothered us the most was that he often cried because he was worried about being late.

"What's wrong with the child? What should I do?"

I consulted a pediatrician before I realized that Tiantian is sensitive to "worries".If you want to overcome this sensitivity, you must explain to your child what he is worried about.For example, when you get up in the morning, don't simply tell your child that you won't be late, but tell your child why you won't be late.

One day, every day, I began to worry about being late again.I said to him: "Son, mom is sure you will not be late. If you don't believe me, I will allocate your time now. Wash your face and brush your teeth, is 5 minutes enough?"

Tiantian looked at me and nodded.

"Is 20 minutes enough for breakfast?" Tiantian nodded again.

"Is 20 minutes enough to go from home to kindergarten?" Tiantian thought for a while and nodded again.

"So, how much time have we spent now? A total of 45 minutes, but now you are still an hour late, which means you can still arrive at the kindergarten 15 minutes earlier, what are you afraid of?"

Under my explanation, Tiantian didn't even cry.It seems that this method really works.Later, when I encountered a similar problem again, I still used this method of "thoroughly explaining" to keep him away from the "worries" type of sensitivity.After half a year, Tiantian was no longer that "worried" little boy.

4. Suspicious Qingqing

——Children are too alert, how can parents guide them?

Qingqing likes to play with the "bamboo dragonfly". It has two leaves and one handle, and it will fly up when you rub it in your hand.Because of the limited height at home, my mother took Qingqing to a nearby park to play.Mother hopes that this game can improve children's communication skills, so she encourages Qingqing to invite children to play together every time.

But Qingqing doesn't want to share it with others, and she doesn't like others to touch her "bamboo dragonfly".As long as someone touches it, she will cry loudly.At first, my mother thought it might be that Qingqing was too selfish and liked to play alone.But after the "toy snatching" incident, I realized that things were not that simple at all.

That day, Qingqing's mother took Qingqing to the park to play "Bamboo Dragonfly" as usual.Qingqing stuck the "Bamboo Dragonfly" on the tree.Mother thought that Qingqing would definitely cry, but Qingqing was very calm and began to direct her mother to "rescue" her toy with a stick.

Just when Qingqing's mother was about to get the stick, a young badminton player next to her ran over and said to her, "Little friend, can I help you get it?" But Qingqing burst into tears when she heard this.Finally, the boy took down the toy and returned it to Qingqing, and Qingqing stopped crying.

What's wrong with this kid?You were fine just now, why are you crying?

When she got home, Qingqing's mother thought about it more and more, so she asked Qingqing, "Why did you cry when that uncle helped you get the toys?"

"He's not helping me with my toys, but playing with my toys." Qingqing thought for a while, and then said, "He's not trying to play with my toys, but to take them away." After finishing speaking, Qingqing ran into the room. In his own room, hold the "Bamboo Dragonfly" tightly in his arms, for fear that the uncle will appear and snatch it away.

"My child, others are kind enough to help, but you feel that others have ambitions. You are really a little white-eyed wolf." Qingqing's mother thought to herself.

Is Qingqing really a "white-eyed wolf"?

Case in-depth analysis
Others help with good intentions, but Qingqing believes that others have "ulterior motives". This is a psychological reaction of the child to be "overly alert" to the surroundings, or because the child's awareness of prevention is too high.

Usually, children with a high awareness of prevention are more introverted, have a heavy psychological burden, and are unwilling to trust others, so it is difficult to find a close friend.This is not conducive to the physical and mental health of children, but also affects the development of children's communication skills.Therefore, if there are such children in the family, parents should pay more attention.

Why do children have too much awareness of prevention?The reason is the awakening of children's "ownership consciousness".Psychologists have found that 90% of children already have an obvious "ownership awareness" after 5 months, that is, they know which toy belongs to them and which toy belongs to others.If someone takes his toy away, he will protest by crying and pestering.After the child is 3 years old, this "ownership awareness" is further strengthened, and he is always highly vigilant against others infringing on his rights and interests.For example, when others are interested in their toys, they will hug the toys tightly, stay away from him, and even "wrong a good person".Just like Qingqing in the case.

Is the only reason for children's "hypervigilance" is too strong "ownership awareness"?Of course, there are other reasons, which are analyzed in detail as follows.

(1) Negative imitation effect.

In daily life, if there is a lot of suspicion between parents and they always don't trust each other enough, and show this suspicion, the child will be negatively affected and imitate.After a long time, children will inevitably be suspicious of others, especially when they leave their parents and get along with others alone.

(2) Improper parenting methods.

In order to prevent their children from being harmed, some parents began to educate their children, asking him to be alert, for example, not to talk to strangers.Undoubtedly, such education is necessary, but many parents do not have a good grasp of the "degree", and do not clearly tell their children when to accept help from others and when to refuse the approach of others.This kind of excessive and vague education can easily lead children to have a "one size fits all" thinking, thinking that those who take the initiative to approach themselves are not good people.

(3) "Trauma continuation" effect.

Perhaps during the growth of the child, he has suffered similar psychological trauma, such as someone snatching the child's toys in the name of helping the child.When encountering a similar situation again, the child will carry on the traumatic memory and graft it onto the person in front of him, resulting in vigilant behavior.

psychologist advice
It is a good thing for children to have a sense of prevention, but if the awareness of prevention is too strong, it will affect the development of children's social communication skills.You should know that infancy is a critical period for the development of children's social communication skills.At this time, if parents overemphasize the darkness of society and increase their children's awareness of vigilance indefinitely, they will make children overly vigilant.For example, parents always say to their children, "Why did he help me if he didn't try?" "He must not be a fool, he won't help me for no reason." "My toy is so good, he must like it and want to take it away." "Wait.After a long time, the consciousness that others are bad people will take root in the minds of many children.

Children need to grow up healthily and need more psychological sunshine.While instilling awareness of prevention in children, parents should tell them that there are good people and bad people in the world, and let them know that there are still many good people in this society.Otherwise, always wronging good people will make the child's psychology more and more dark, affecting the healthy development of his body and mind and the development of social communication skills.

When you find that your child has such signs, you should control and guide them to protect your child's mental health.The following methods can be used as appropriate.

(1) Positive environmental effects.

If you think that your child is living in an environment of suspicion, you should work hard to change this situation and create a positive environment for your child.It is far better to communicate frankly with family members and talk about one thing than endless speculation and inquiries with "ulterior motives".This is conducive to the establishment of a correct judgment system in the child's heart.

(2) Improve children's ability to observe people.

Parents should tell their children that there are good people and bad people in this world, and teach them how to distinguish between good people and bad people, and how to distinguish whether other people's intentions are good or bad through their words and deeds.Instead of helping the child to identify, it is better to teach the child to identify by himself.The principle of teaching a man to fish is not as good as giving him a fish is also applicable here.Also tell the children not to easily accept small favors from others, especially strangers.But if the parents are present, don't be afraid.

(3) caress effect.

It is understandable for a child to become hypervigilant because of previous similar injuries.However, parents cannot let this kind of psychology continue to spread, and they must carry out timely "comfort and pain relief".For example, when the child is depressed, touch the child's shoulder and tell the child: "The person who hurt you does not represent everyone." "The child who robbed you of your toy does not mean that all children will rob you of your toy. "As long as the child can realize that there is a difference between people, it means that you have already succeeded in half.

Stone of Other Mountains
Father's name: Chen Tao

Occupation: Restaurant Chef

Son's name: Coco, 4 years old

My son, Ke Ke, is 4 years old. He is very smart and cute. My colleagues like to play with him very much. My heart is full of pride for having such a lovely child.

But recently I discovered that Keke is not as fond of laughing and playing with others as before, and is obviously wary of others.Others obviously wanted to hug him or help him, but he felt that others wanted to hurt him.

Why does this happen?I consulted a child psychologist.The psychiatrist asked me: "Has the child ever been 'deceived'?" Under the doctor's reminder, I remembered one thing.

That day in the restaurant, Ke Ke really wanted to eat a dish, but the dish was very hot.At this time, Xiao Wang, the colleague who was in charge of the side dishes, said, "Coco, can uncle help you fill a bowl and let it dry first?"

Coco nodded happily.But Xiao Wang didn't give it to him after he was born. Instead, he put it in a relatively high place, deliberately keeping Keke out of reach.The waiter Xiao Zhang also "took advantage of the fire" and took away the remaining big bowl...

They just wanted to tease Coco, not to stop him from eating.But if I don’t understand, I quit and kept crying.It may also be this time that made him experience the feeling of "deception", so he developed a hyper-vigilant and sensitive psychology.

The psychiatrist told me: "If you want to change the child's mentality, the most important thing is to give the child comfort and tell him how to distinguish which are bad people and which are good people. Under what circumstances are others playing with him? I really want to steal his things."

Later, I told Ke Ke that Uncle Xiao Wang and Aunt Xiao Zhang took the food away last time to play with him, not to really stop him from eating. The reason why they played with you was because they liked you.

Coco didn't understand my words: "They like me, why don't they let me eat?"

"They're messing around with you. Like you messing around with the neighbor's little brother and hiding his toys."

Coco thought for a long time, and finally nodded.Later, I used the opportunity of watching TV and reading children's books to instill in him the concept of "good guys" and "bad guys" and tell him how to distinguish them.Now Coco has stepped out of the shadow of hypervigilance and is able to get along harmoniously with others.

My smart, sweet, laughing Coco is back.

5. Jiaojiao is always worried about others saying bad things
——How to deal with suspicious babies
Jiaojiao is a cute little girl who everyone loves. Although she is only 3 years old, she is already very sensible, and she usually helps her mother with what she can.She doesn't clamor for toys that her father said she wouldn't buy, and she resolutely refuses to eat more snacks that her mother says she can't eat. She even comforts her mother when her parents quarrel.

In the eyes of others, Jiaojiao's parents should be very happy, but Jiaojiao's parents know that Jiaojiao's obedience is probably a manifestation of being "overly sensitive" to the affairs around her, because she is always worried that others will say that she bad words.In order not to let others say bad things about her, she tried her best to play the role of a "good boy".

If the people around speak louder, Jiaojiao will feel that they are angry with her, or feel that she has done something wrong and should not affect others; if everyone around laughs, she will feel that others are Laughing at her, although she won't cry in public, her mood will obviously be affected, and she will even be sullen all day long.

I remember once in the supermarket, two people next to me didn't know what they were talking about, and they couldn't stop giggling.It happened that Jiaojiao and her parents passed by there at that time, and Jiaojiao's eyes were wrong at that time, thinking that those two people were laughing at her.

"Mom, is it because the clothes I'm wearing don't look good?"

"no!"

……

"Mom, I want to go home!" Jiaojiao quickly clamored to go home.Since that day, she has been reluctant to go to the supermarket.And it seems to be more sensitive to the volume of other people's voices and laughter.In such a situation, she wanted to go home and get into her small bedroom and couldn't come out.

Why is Jiaojiao so young and so suspicious?
Case in-depth analysis
Jiaojiao, who is cute and sensible, is always worried that others will say bad things about her, so that she does not want to contact others, go out, or socialize with children.

(End of this chapter)