Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 15 Guiding the "King of Jealousy" in the Family (1)
Almost every child has jealousy, but some are more obvious and some are more subtle.Seeing parents not holding other children, not wanting other people's toys to look better than their own, wanting to be the first in everything, crying when others have things they don't have... These are the external manifestations of children's strong jealousy.In the face of children's jealousy, parents should pay due attention and try to actively guide them.

Baby Jealousy Psychological Test
Moderate jealousy is normal, but once it is excessive, it will have an adverse impact on the child's physical and mental health.So, is your child's jealousy going too far?Now let's do a test:

1. When you hug the neighbor's child, will the child be willing?

A. Yes B. No
2. Seeing other children have interesting toys, will he cry and ask you to buy a better one?
A. will not B. will

3. As parents, are you jealous?
A. not strong B. strong

4. Do your children have the idea of ​​"fighting for the first place"?
A. No B. Yes

5. Does your child know how to praise other children?

A. Yes B. No
6. Do you think your child is a jealous person?
A. No B. Yes

7. Do your children often get angry with others for no reason?
A. will not B. will

8. Seeing that others are better than him, will he think of ways to destroy it?

A. will not B. will

Now, please count your options and test results:

"Super jealous" child: In the test answer, when item A appears 1 or 2 times, it means that your child's jealousy may already be very strong, maybe he is now in the vortex of jealousy and cannot extricate himself.Parents should really pay attention to this and correct their children's bad habit of being jealous of others.

"Normal jealous" children: In the test answers, when item A appears 3 to 5 times, it means that your child's jealousy has begun to increase. If you do not guide it in time, it is very likely to become a "jealous jar" in the eyes of others.

"Non-jealous" children: In the test answers, when item A appears 6-8 times, you don't have to worry too much about your child's jealousy.At least from the current point of view, his jealousy is not particularly obvious, and it will not have a relatively large impact on his communication and study.

1. When mother hugs someone else, Qiqi will make a fuss
——Eliminate children's domineering jealousy

Qiqi's mother's good sister Wang Yi just gave birth to a fat boy the day before yesterday.Qiqi's mother decided to go to the hospital to congratulate her.

"Qiqi, your Aunt Wang gave birth to a little brother for you, shall we go and see?" Before setting off, Qiqi's mother asked for Qiqi's opinion.

"Little brother? Okay, I'm going to see my little brother, I'm going to see my little brother..." Kiki clapped his hands and danced excitedly.

When he arrived at the hospital, Kiki was very happy when he saw his chubby little brother!
"Qiqi, let's take our little brother home, shall we?" After speaking, Qiqi's mother picked up the baby and kissed the tender little face with a very loving look.Now Qiqi quit and insisted on asking her mother to put down her little brother and hug him. Qiqi's mother said, "You are so old, why do you still want your mother to hug you?" Pay attention to Kiki.

Seeing her mother ignoring her, Qiqi burst into tears with a "wow" and hugged her mother's leg tightly.

"What's wrong with this child, why is he so clingy!" Seeing Qiqi like this, Qiqi's mother was puzzled.

Case in-depth analysis
What happened to Kiki?He is jealous of his "little brother", or he is jealous of his "little brother".This is the most typical jealousy, the jealousy between children, the jealousy between infants and young children.

What is jealousy?Jealousy is a feeling of resentment when others are better than oneself.It is a kind of psychological activity, which is differentiated from people's early emotions.

Psychologists have found that in the neonatal period, babies will show happy emotions when they are fed and clothed, and get physiological satisfaction.Conversely, if you are hungry, tired, or physically unsatisfied, you will cry. At 3 to 4 months, emotions differentiate into happiness and distress, and at 5 to 6 months, distress differentiates into fear, disgust, and anger. After 1 years of age, further differentiation from distressed emotions into jealousy and general distress.

From the age of 1 and a half to 2 years old, children have specific and obvious manifestations of jealousy.For example, if you see your mother holding other children, but you have no one, you will feel depressed.That's the case with Kiki in this article.

In addition, some children will push other children out of jealousy.If in kindergarten, the teacher prefers a certain child, other children will secretly sabotage and trick that child.

Why do children have such "dominant" jealousy?Psychologists tell us that there may be several reasons for this.

(1) Environmental effects.

When a child is just born, it is a blank slate, and the acquired personality, habits, jealousy and family environment have a great influence.An unfavorable family environment, such as parents being suspicious of each other and belittling others in front of their children, will inadvertently have a bad influence on their children.

(2) Improper comparison.

Some parents like to talk about how good other children are in front of their children, and the children will think that the parents like other children but not themselves, so they become jealous of that child.

(3) Self-awareness is too strong.

Some children have been doted on by their parents since they were young, and they rarely suffer grievances or setbacks. This leads to their strong self-awareness, self-centeredness in everything, only paying attention to personal feelings, and rarely thinking of others.Jealousy arises when parents focus on other children.Under the influence of this mode of thinking, the child's sense of monopoly is very serious.

psychologist advice
As we all know, jealousy is a negative psychological phenomenon.Infants and young children are jealous of others, usually because they have strong self-awareness and are self-centered in everything.

Psychologists believe that slight jealousy can stimulate children's social ability and desire for achievement, and they can learn the rules of society and find the gap between themselves and others under the mentality of jealousy.But once jealousy exceeds a certain level, it will become a distorted emotion, affecting the healthy growth of children's body and mind.Therefore, in life, parents need to observe carefully.

If the child is found to be very self-centered, unhappy when the parents treat others well, or attacks children who are better than themselves in some aspects, parents should guide the child effectively. For details, please refer to the following methods.

(1) Let children learn to share.

Children show domineering jealousy because they don't know how to share with others.At this time, parents should create more opportunities to guide children to learn to share.For example, invite children of the same age to come to your house as guests, and ask the children to give them snacks.When children experience the joy of sharing, they will be willing to share it with others.

(2) Communicate with children more.

Parents should communicate with their children more, instead of letting the children monopolize the love of a certain family member, or monopolize certain food, toys, TV, computers, etc.When educating children, family members must respect each other. You cannot artificially exclude a child because he or she doesn't like a certain family member. This will only make the child dislike and respect that family member even more.

(3) Positive environmental effects.

Parents should create a good environment for their children.For example, when a neighbor buys a car, parents should treat it with an attitude of appreciation instead of jealousy, and at the same time let their children interact more with children who do not like to be jealous.When a child has an advantage, let the children praise him more.In the same way, when a child has good grades, parents should say to the child: "If you keep working hard, you will be as good as a certain child!"

(4) Correct evaluation method.

Parents refrain from making inappropriate comparisons to their children.For example: "Why can't you play with your friends like Mingming?" "Why are you not as good as your little sister when you eat?" If parents always praise other children, the child will feel that the parents don't like it. themselves, resulting in jealousy.If parents want to evaluate, they should clearly point out each other's strengths and weaknesses, so that children understand that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and children should learn from each other and help each other to evaluate themselves correctly.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Lu Wanfang
Occupation: Theater conductor
Daughter's name: Lele, 3 and a half years old
My daughter Lele is 3 and a half years old and has been in nursery for half a year.I don't know why, these days when I mention going to kindergarten, I cry and cry, saying that I don't like the teachers in kindergarten, but I just don't want to go.

How to do?
On weekends, I went to kindergarten.The kindergarten teacher said: "Actually, I like your Jialele very much. She is very smart. But she is very jealous. For example, when I praise other children, she is very unhappy and even refuses to play with the child I just praised. ..."

After listening to the teacher's words, I realized that Lele didn't like the teacher and didn't want to go to kindergarten. The reason turned out to be that she was too jealous and didn't want to share the teacher's love with other children.

Find the reason, how to prescribe the right medicine?For this reason, I decided to guide the children to learn to share with others, and began to try to transform Lele.On weekends, I will invite all the children of my colleagues to my house and buy some candy, which I want to share with the children.At the beginning, Lele was a little reluctant, but when the children gave Lele their toys to play with, Lele agreed to share the candies with them.I praised Lele for being so sensible, Lele was so happy!

Now, I am strengthening the guidance in this area. I believe that Lele will one day become a generous and cheerful little girl.

2. Jamie always likes to be jealous of his sister

——Children are jealous, how can parents guide them?

Before having a sister, Jamie was a very obedient child. At the age of 5 and a half, he already knows how to help his mother choose vegetables, sweep the floor, and even started to learn how to cook instant noodles.Relatives and neighbors all envy Jamie's mother's luck.

But after the mother gave birth to her second child, the situation changed:

"Jamie, can you help Mommy get my sister's pink pants?" The mother who was changing the little sister's pants called out to Jamie for help.

"No, you let her get it by herself." Jamie looked unhappy.

"My sister is so young, how can she take it?"

"Anyway, I'm not going. Don't call me, I'm going to sleep." Jamie lay on the foam floor, tossing and turning, looking very irritable.

Mother had no choice but to put down her sister and go get the pants by herself.Before he got to the door, he heard the little guy crying. Looking back, he found that little Jamie was robbing his sister's toys and beating her.

"Jamie, why did you hit your sister?" Mom was very angry, and came over and returned the toy to the little sister, "You are already an older brother, so why can't you let the little sister go?"

Jamie stared and shouted: "Let her go! I knew I would let her go, so I won't! It's my toy, I don't want to let her play with it..." After speaking, he ran over and snatched the toy , causing the little guy to cry again.Mom was so angry that she raised her hand and slapped Jamie.Jamie was also angry and threw the toy on the little sister's head...

There are many similar things. For example, Jamie often makes his little sister cry for no reason, throws her shoes out of the window, and fills her bottle with cold water...Jamie, who used to be obedient and sensible, has now become a troublemaker Ghost, and it's all aimed at my sister.

What happened to Jamie? Why did he become disobedient as he grew older?

Case in-depth analysis
The originally well-behaved and sensible Jamie became disobedient after having a younger sister, deliberately making things difficult for her, and actually eating her "jealousy".

Why did Jamie eat his sister's "jealousy"?Of course jealousy is at play.

Are infants and young children also jealous?Many parents can't believe it.But psychologists have found that 3-month-old babies already have obvious jealousy.For example, a 3-month-old infant kicks and vocalizes when the mother turns her attention to someone else (eg, chatting or other forms of interaction).As the child grows up, this "jealousy" behavior will expand into confrontation, crying, and even revenge.

So, why do infants and young children have jealousy?Of course there are many reasons, the analysis is as follows:

(1) Negative environmental effects.

(End of this chapter)