Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 16 Guiding the "King of Jealousy" in the Family (2)
Parents nowadays dote on their children a lot, and leave all the delicious and fun things at home to their children. After a long time, they have developed a self-centered habit and a strong sense of "monopolism".Kids get jealous if someone shares it, and that's what happened to Jamie.He has long felt that these are all his own, and others cannot share them.Once shared by the younger sister, there will be resistance.

(2) Lack of security.

Children have limited cognitive abilities, and when things that belong to them are occupied by others, they will vaguely feel uneasy in their hearts.For example, Jamie in this article, his parents used to belong to him alone, but since he had a younger sister, they have changed. This change makes him uneasy.Mom treats my sister so well, will she still like me in the future?Will you still buy yourself snacks and take yourself to the amusement park?Of course, Jamie is still young, so he doesn't know how to get rid of his insecurity by seeking evidence, so he has to express it by making trouble and crying.

(3) Improper evaluation.

As they grow older, children's self-awareness begins to sprout, but their evaluation of themselves is often based on the evaluation of adults.Some modern parents often educate their children in an appreciative way.But if the praise is too much, it will make the child feel proud and think that he is the best.And when others say good things about others but not him, he can't accept it, so he feels jealous.

psychologist advice
If you have another baby in your family, and the older child often eats the jealousy of the younger sister and younger brother, it means that the older child is jealous.This kind of jealousy belongs to the jealousy between brothers and sisters, and it is most intense in children under 5 years old.

Parents are bound to find it troublesome to have a jealous child in their home.But children’s jealousy is strong, which has a lot to do with their parents, such as parents often quarreling, being jealous of neighbors or colleagues, incorrect family education methods, and parents’ inconsistent requirements for their children.

Therefore, when children are found to be jealous and jealous, parents must reflect on themselves, see where the problem lies, and then prescribe the right medicine to actively guide their children. For details, please refer to the following methods:
(1) "caress effect".

Psychologists believe that physical contact can reduce people's inner insecurity, especially for children, and this effect is more obvious.When the child is "jealous", parents can hold the child by their side, touch the child's head, back, and arms with their hands, and even rub their cheeks against the child's face and ears to calm the child down quickly.

(2) Meet the reasonable needs of children.

If there is another child in the family, parents must treat each child fairly and try to meet the reasonable needs of each child.If older children want clothes and younger children want toys, parents should try their best to satisfy them.You can take advantage of some holidays and weekends to accompany your children to go shopping in supermarkets, bookstores, toy stores, etc.

(3) Tell the children that we still love you.

Many parents say things like "We all like our little sister, but we don't like you anymore" when their children are jealous, but they don't know that this will not alleviate the child's "jealous" psychology, but will intensify the emotional confrontation between the child and the parents.When the child's mood is relatively stable, parents should tell him: "Although you have little brothers and sisters, mom and dad still love you very much." Find time to spend alone with the child, chat, and tell stories, so as to prevent the child from being jealous .

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Dong Xin

Mother Occupation: Salesperson
Son's name: Tongtong, 4 years old

My son Tongtong is four years old. He is usually very obedient and obedient.But since his grandma got sick, I feel that he seems to have a big change in temperament. He often quarrels and gets angry with us for no reason. When he is angry, he will throw things and throw toys. Another cry...

At that time, his grandma was sick and recuperating at home. His father and I had to go to work every day, and we could go home to take care of the elderly at night, so we had no time to answer him.If he cries, Papa beats him.However, "beating" did not solve the problem, and his behavior became more and more "excessive". Once, he used a stick to beat the pot of boiling medicine to pieces.

I realized that the problem was serious. Tongtong seemed very dissatisfied that we focused all our attention on grandma, he was jealous.

When he was going to sleep at night, I came out of my mother-in-law's room, told him a bedtime story, and told him: "Now grandma is sick and needs to be taken care of by mom and dad, so I may have less time to take care of you. But it doesn't mean that mom and dad don't like you anymore, you know? When grandma recovers from her illness, the three of us will take care of you together, okay?"

After hearing what I said, Tongtong's eyes turned red and he said, "Mom, I was wrong. I shouldn't have knocked out grandma's medicine, otherwise she will feel very ill when she is seriously ill."

"Yeah, look, Dad had to go out to buy casserole just now, and now he's still helping grandma cook medicine, Dad is also very tired!"

"Mom, go and help Dad. I'll sleep alone. I'll help you take care of grandma tomorrow, okay?" Tong Tong asked me with his head turned sideways.

"Okay, my Tongtong is the best!" I didn't go out of the room, but hugged Tongtong until he fell asleep.

Sure enough, from that day on, Tongtong began to help us take care of grandma.Although it was just a small matter of serving tea and water, it moved us very much.

3. No one can eat my delicious food
——Guide the selfish jealous baby
3-year-old Mingming has been a jealous child since he was a child. At first, his family thought he was only targeting children, because he always refused to play with the children around him because they had better snacks and more fun toys.

The mother felt that the child was still young, and it was okay to be a little jealous, so she didn't care much about him.But what my mother didn't expect was that even my grandma was jealous.

It was grandma's sixtieth birthday that day.According to local customs, it should be the birthday star who eats the first bite of the cake.But Mingming quit and started crying, and it still persisted the next day.What made his mother even more unexpected was that when he saw his grandma put on new clothes and shoes, he cried again and insisted that his mother buy him new ones, otherwise he would not go to kindergarten.

One day when I was eating breakfast, I saw poached eggs in my grandma's bowl, so I obviously wanted to grab them and eat them.I don't eat what's in my own bowl, and my grandma is not allowed to eat it. Mom and Dad can't give their poached eggs to grandma.

Why is this kid so ignorant?
Case in-depth analysis
Obviously it is a typical "selfish" jealousy.Children with this kind of mentality always don't like to hear their family say that others are good, they are unwilling to share their own things with others, and even want to take other people's things for themselves...

Why is the child like this?When the child is 3 years old, he has a strong sense of self, and his actions are mostly self-centered.Parents' doting will make children always think about their own feelings in everything, and don't want others' feelings.From this perspective, "selfish" jealousy is a concrete manifestation of an overly inflated "I" position in a child's heart.They are always afraid that others will share their own things and "compared" themselves.

Of course, the causes of children's "selfish" jealousy are extremely complicated, and the specific analysis is as follows:

So why do children have this kind of psychology?
(1) Exclusive effect.

If there is something delicious at home, I always like to let my child eat it alone; when I see something interesting in the supermarket, I always buy it for my child regardless of the cost... Over time, it will give the child a wrong consciousness that as long as they want it, Those things should be their own, and no one else can touch or own them. This kind of occupation has become a habit.When someone breaks this habit, crying is inevitable.

(2) Due to excessive vanity.

Children with "selfish" jealousy generally have stronger vanity, and they all hope to have things that others don't have, so they will have a psychological advantage of "high above", and their inner pleasure will increase.In fact, it is the reliance on this psychological pleasure that makes children unwilling to see others better than themselves.

(3) Due to the wrong concept of competition.

If parents don’t give them a good concept of competition, children will have a bad sense of competition: if he is stronger than me, the teacher must like him, if he has a big red flower, I will lose it, and if I don’t take the first test, parents don’t like me Yes, if he memorizes well, he is a smart child and I am a stupid child... These incorrect competitive concepts affect children all the time, and lead to jealousy in children.

psychologist advice
Envy is born with envy, and the reason for envy is due to the mentality of "it should be mine" about the things or abilities that other people have.From a psychological point of view, it means that self-awareness is too strong, and there is no correct concept of property rights.Therefore, as soon as the child is sensible, parents should guide the child to establish a correct concept of property rights, and usually tell the child that these are mother's shoes, these are grandma's glasses, this is the computer used by father, and this is the baby's skirt.

At the same time, parents should pay more attention to their children's behavior and emotional changes. When they find that children are always finger-eating, vulnerable and irritable, tend to lose their temper or even bite, then the child may be jealous.

Usually, selfishness and jealousy are a normal emotional reaction of children, but if these emotions are too much and too strong, they may become part of the child's personality, thus making the child develop a bad personality.Therefore, when parents discover that their children are jealous, they should not let it go, but should guide the children correctly.

How to guide children?If you don't have a good solution, try these little tricks:

(1) Cultivate children's awareness of sharing.

Parents should let their children develop the habit of sharing from an early age.Of course, it may be necessary to "force" it at first.For example, after buying fruit, it is mandatory to distribute which ones belong to children and which ones belong to grandparents.As long as the child is used to this kind of sharing, the jealousy can be alleviated.

(2) Guide children to compete correctly.

It is not a bad thing for children to have a sense of competition, but parents must pay attention to guidance, let children look down on the results of competition, and help children survive the "competitive defeat period".If the child's test scores are not satisfactory, parents should not blame the child, but tell the child: "As long as you try your best." "As long as you do better than the last test." Good classmates are jealous.

(3) Enrich children's lives.

Parents should find ways to enrich their children's lives, and spend more time with them to go to the park to play on slides, bumper cars, or take them to the zoo.Usually at home, tell stories to children, teach them to draw or play chess, and cultivate their interests in various aspects.Children have more activities and hobbies, so naturally they have no time to be jealous of others.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Ouyang Tongli

Occupation: Logistics company tally clerk
Child's name: Lulu, 3 and a half years old
Due to busy work, I have no time to take care of my son Lulu, so I put him at my sister's house.It just so happens that my sister's family also has a boy named Xiaogang, who is one year older than Lulu.Originally, he wanted the two children to have a playmate, but he didn't expect that because Lu Lu was too jealous, he would often cry.

One day, my sister bought two small watermelons from the vegetable market and asked them to pick one each.

But when he cut it open, Lu Lu found that his little watermelon was not as good as his little brother's, so he clamored to exchange it with his little brother.The little brother was unwilling, and my sister also said to him: "You picked it yourself, no one else's fault."

Hearing her sister's words, Lulu burst into tears, and when her little brother wasn't paying attention, she threw his watermelon on the ground.

Afterwards, my sister told me: "It's not that I said that your Lulu's is not good, his jealousy is too strong, it can't go on like this."

"I know, but I don't know what to do." I said worriedly.

"My Xiaogang used to be very jealous. Later, I started to cultivate his interest, taught him to draw, play chess, and took him to the park to play during his break... Once the child is happy, he gradually stops being jealous of others. "

After hearing what my sister said, I was dubious.But there is no other good way.I had to try my sister's method.

After persisting for less than two months, I found that Lulu's jealousy has improved a lot.

4. Can't see the goodness of others

——Leading children out of sour grapes
Chaochao and Xinxin are neighbors and very good friends.The families of the two also live very close. They grew up in a kindergarten and were in the same class in the first grade.He has always declared that the other party is his close buddy, and they are inseparable all day long.

However, this harmony has recently been broken. Chaochao's mother suddenly discovered that her son was a little disgusted with Xinxin and no longer wanted to do homework with Xinxin.Even if Xinxin came to play with him on his own initiative, Chaochao ignored him.

(End of this chapter)