Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 22 My child doesn't fit in! (4)
"This has to be done slowly. For example, you have to tell Doudou how to deal with the bullying of older children, and also tell him how it feels for a little girl to be bullied by him. The most important thing is to improve his self-confidence. I I think Doudou's bullying is related to his low self-esteem..."

"Is it related to inferiority complex?"

With Doudou, I walked all the way, thinking all the way, when I was almost home, I asked Doudou: "Your toy was taken away by that big kid, are you angry? Sad?" Doudou looked at me and clicked nodded.Then I said to him: "Do you know that the little girl is also very sad when you bully her? It's like someone robbed your toy." Doudou looked at me again and nodded.

"Then can you stop bullying the little girl next time?" I took the opportunity to ask, this time, Doudou didn't speak.I know, he already understood that he was wrong, so he said to him again: "If the older kid bullies you again next time, you can go to the teacher and ask your good friend to help you, and don't let him rob you." If the teacher is not there, you can yell loudly to let the classmates know that he is going to bully you, so he will not dare."

"Huh!" After that day, I also began to pay attention to the affirmation and praise of Doudou, and tried every means to change his "bullying and fearing the hard".

The hard work paid off, and after one year, Doudou's behavior of "bullying the weak and fearing the strong" has changed a lot.Once, when the domineering child wanted to bully the little girl, Doudou actually stood up to help the little girl.

7. Always make trouble when others play

——Reasonably guide children's disruptive behavior
On weekends, my mother took Yiyi to the mall for shopping.There is a playground in the mall, and many children are playing.When the mother saw that the neighbor was also playing with her son Lin Lin, she said, "It's just right, let these two children play together!"

"Yeah, let's take a break and chat." The neighbor was very happy.

While they were chatting, the mother found that Yiyi didn't play with Lin Lin, but stood there alone watching him play with other children.

Yiyi's mother was feeling strange, but she saw Yiyi walking over, knocking down the building blocks that Lin Lin had built, and kicking them far away, almost hitting someone else.Lin Lin started to cry at that moment.

"Yiyi, how could you do this? Come out to me quickly." Mom was very angry, and carried Yiyi out of the playground, not letting her in to play.

But not long after, Yiyi picked up a toy ball from the side and threw it on the building blocks built by Lin Lin and the others.The crying sounded again...

"Why is this child so naughty? How can a girl be as naughty as a boy?" Yiyi's mother was helpless.

Case in-depth analysis
Yiyi didn't want to play with Lin Lin, but when she saw Lin Lin playing with other children, she deliberately ran over and overturned the building blocks they had built.Once like this, twice like this, if there is a third time, I guess Yiyi will do it again.Obviously, Yiyi was making trouble.From a psychological point of view, making trouble is also a manifestation of withdrawn psychology.

In fact, children's disruptive behavior is not uncommon. It is more common in children aged 3 to 5. The specific manifestations are that they like to destroy, confront others, prevent others from having fun, and are unwilling to wait when they are asked to play with others.Many parents think that children are naughty, but psychologists believe that if children are under the control of "troublemaking" psychology for a long time, their personality will become more and more withdrawn, and the phenomenon of being out of group will become more and more serious. There may be autistic tendencies.

How did the child's "troublemaking" psychology appear?

(1) Compensation psychology.

Children most want to get the attention of their parents. Once their needs cannot be met, they will create some "movement".Such as "make trouble".Modern parents are generally very busy with their work and have little time to spend with their children.So when parents are at home, children will try to attract parents' attention, such as making faces, singing, making noise, throwing things, jumping around, and even "troubleshooting" other children.Yiyi in this article is because her mother chatted with others and did not pay attention to her, so she used this method to attract the attention of people around her.

(2) Vent bad emotions.

Some children want to possess certain things but are unable to do so, and feel unhappy, so they will "destroy" and "make trouble" so that those who possess these things cannot enjoy the same.For example, in kindergarten, some children want the teacher to only focus on themselves. When the teacher focuses on other children, he may use "false accusation", "fighting" and "scoring" to prevent that child from enjoying the teacher's attention. care.

(3) Too much jealousy.

Jealousy is also one of the important reasons why children like to make trouble. For example, if they see other children building blocks better than him, they will go over and kick them; when they hear other children sing better than him, they will go over and push them ...Their purpose of doing this is nothing more than to prevent others from comparing themselves and discrediting themselves.

psychologist advice
Apparently, kids who like to mess up are not likeable.Making trouble is a kind of psychological obstacle. If you don't guide it in time, you may have mental illness.Faced with this situation, parents should be aware of the seriousness of the problem and take timely measures, otherwise it will have a great negative impact on the child's future life.

What measures should be used to correct it?
(1) Care more about children.

If your child is making trouble because of lack of attention, then parents should pay more attention to the child, such as chatting with the child more, asking the child for his opinion when things happen, and spending more time with him.Many parents travel frequently for business and entertainment, and the time they spend with their children is very short.So it is even more important to seize the opportunity to communicate with your child and let him know that you have been paying attention to him.

(2) Cultivate children's sense of sharing.

Due to the doting of their parents, children are self-centered and rarely have a sense of sharing. When they see others have what they don't, they want to take it for themselves.If you can't succeed, you will make trouble.If this is the case with your child, you should help your child learn to share.For example, when there are good things to eat, don’t let him eat them all, remind him to save some for others; if there are fun toys, don’t let him play alone, tell him to play with his friends, otherwise they will be confiscated.

(3) Teach children to learn to appreciate.

To appreciate others is to see their strengths and affirm these strengths.If children do not understand appreciation, they will be jealous.Parents can use similar words when guiding, such as "see if his building blocks are more stable", "is he more polite when treating the teacher", "is it easier for him to share toys with children", etc. .

Stone of Other Mountains
Father's name: Yuan Gang

Occupation: Railway worker

Son's name: Yuanyuan, 5 years old

I am a railway employee, and my wife is a postman. I am very busy at work every day, so I leave my son Yuanyuan at his grandparents' house and let his grandparents and nanny take care of him.Yuan Yuan was a very obedient child last year. Although he was a little quiet, he was at least not mischievous and could play with the children around him.

He is 5 years old this year. Recently, his behavior has made people feel a little strange. He always likes to watch others play, and then take the opportunity to make trouble.For example, secretly hiding other people's toys, deliberately pushing others, hiding behind to scare others, etc., several times scared the neighbor children to tears.Although Grandpa warned many times, it didn't help.

"What the hell is wrong with this kid?" I was having a conversation with my co-worker about this question the other day.

"I guess your child lacks attention. He does this just to get your attention. You can try to care about him more and see if it will be better. In addition, ask his grandparents to spend more time Accompany him, don't just let the nanny play with him alone." After hearing what my colleague said, I think it makes sense.

The next day happened to be a rest, so I turned down the entertainment and took Yuan Yuan to the zoo that he had always wanted to go.I saw an antelope standing alone in a corner at the zoo, and I said casually: "This antelope is so lonely." Unexpectedly, Yuan Yuan nodded and said: "Yes, just like me .”

After listening to the child's words, I felt very uncomfortable.But this also confirmed the truth of what my colleagues said.

After realizing this, my wife and I made an agreement that one person must accompany him every weekend. If neither of us had time, we would find another day to play with him.In short, children cannot be allowed to not see their parents for a week in a row.

I found that Yuanyuan gradually became more obedient, and his troublesome behaviors also gradually decreased.The well-behaved and quiet Yuan Yuan is back.

8. Fight over little things
——Guiding Conflicting Babies
Recently, Ding Ding's mother was very distressed. Ding Ding became more and more disobedient, and he was also very "aggressive".

I remember one time, my mother took Ding Ding to kindergarten.A child ran out of it and accidentally bumped into Ding Ding. The speed of that child was not fast, and Ding Ding was not knocked down, let alone injured.

The kid quickly apologized to Ding Ding.Everyone thought Ding Ding would say "it's okay".But he didn't, so he stretched out his hand and pushed the kid to the ground, and the kid burst into tears.

The teacher rushed over and learned what had happened, so he asked Ding Ding to apologize to the kid.Ding Ding's mother also felt that Ding Ding was wrong, and also asked Ding Ding to say sorry to the child.Ding Ding had to reluctantly apologize to the kid.

But later, Ding Ding was always looking for that kid's recommendation, looking very unconvinced.

Ding Ding also always conflicts with children.I was playing well, but because of some trivial things, I either pushed others to the ground, or cried loudly.Kindergarten children are not willing to play with him.In this way, Ding Ding, who was originally out of gregarious, was even more out of gregarious.

Ding Ding's mother was very troubled and didn't know what to do.

Case in-depth analysis
Ding Ding is prone to conflicts with children over trivial matters.Parents think this is the reason for the child's violent temper, but in fact it is not. This is a manifestation of the child's "conflicting" psychology.

In fact, there are many such children around us.For example, some children like to yell at others, some like to block the children's way, some deliberately snatch other people's snacks, some throw other people's shoes into the trash can, and some use firecrackers to scare others.Of course, this kind of conflict is not only with children, but also with adults. For example, talking back and quarreling with parents are all manifestations of this kind of conflict.

Usually, after the child is 3 years old, this kind of "conflict-type" performance becomes more and more, and it reaches its peak at the age of 5-7. After the age of 8, the child will gradually become sensible, and the "conflict type" performance will gradually decrease.

So, how did this kind of psychology appear in the child?
(1) Influenced by a confrontational family atmosphere.

The overall atmosphere of many families is not very good, such as frequent quarrels between parents, bad relationship between parents and grandparents, divorced parents, and tense neighborhood relations.These will have adverse effects on children, and let children develop a bad habit. When encountering problems, they need to use conflict and confrontation to solve them.And when conflicts arise between him and his children, they will naturally resolve them in this way.Over time, you will also be particularly sensitive to contradictions.

(2) Troubled by insecurity factors.

Children often bully others because they feel unhappiness or insecurity in their hearts, such as fear that others will snatch their toys, fear that the teacher will scold them, or fear that their mother will leave them.Regrettably, many parents are not aware of this. After the child has a conflict with others, simply scolding the child will aggravate the child's inner sense of insecurity, and the conflict will intensify, forming a vicious circle.

(3) Parental overprotection.

When children have conflicts with the children around them, many parents obviously favor their children and give them excessive protection.In this way, the child will feel that he "has a backer" and "the parents will solve the problem if something happens", so he will be unscrupulous and increase the conflict between himself and the people around him.

psychologist advice
According to statistics, in recent years, due to the popularity of only children and the doting of parents on their children, more and more children have "conflicting" psychology.These children often have conflicts with children over some trivial matters, and fight with each other.If your child belongs to this type, you need to spend more time helping him correct his bad psychology.

You must know that the "conflicting" psychology will not only make children rejected by their partners and affect the development of their communication skills, but also become less and less gregarious and withdrawn like Tintin in the case.This is very detrimental to the mental health of the child.

For this reason, psychological experts warn that these children's psychology must be guided and corrected as soon as possible, otherwise there will be endless troubles.How to help children stay away from "conflict type" bad psychology?

(1) Guide children to think positively.

When a "conflict event" occurs in a child, parents should guide the child to think positively, what is wrong with this matter, what is right, what should be done next time, etc.It is very important to guide children to learn to think, improve their ability to analyze correctly and solve problems independently.When guiding children, the tone must be gentle.

(2) The method of giving care.

When your child is "insecure," it's time for parents to give more care and attention.For example, use some opportunities to buy a toy for the child, take the child to eat a big meal, and take the child to travel.Let your children know that even though their parents are busy at work, they still love you.

(3) Emotional release method.

When a child is in a bad mood because of a conflict with a child, parents should guide the child to vent this emotion.You can take your children for a run, or guide them to face their own mistakes correctly, think from the perspective of others, learn to understand other people's emotions and bear the consequences, such as apologizing and making up.

Stone of Other Mountains
Father's name: Ren Chao

Occupation: HR Director

Son's name: Dangdang, 5 years old

My son Dangdang is 5 years old this year. He used to be a good boy, but he has become very mischievous in recent months, either talking back to his grandparents or fighting with kindergarten children.Once, he did something wrong, and his mother said a few words to him, and he was so angry that he didn't eat all night, and he didn't even talk to his mother for several days.

This kind of temper is hard for me to accept. At such a young age, is it okay to go on like this?Just when I was looking for ways to "rectify" my child, another thing happened that made it even more difficult for me to accept.

That day, when he was eating in the kindergarten, a child sitting next to him accidentally dropped a grain of rice on his shoe.The child was about to squat down to pick up the rice when Dangdang poured a whole bowl of rice on the child's head.The child immediately began to cry.Fortunately, the rice was not very hot, otherwise the consequences would be disastrous.

Afterwards, the kindergarten teacher criticized Dangdang a few words.Not only did Dangdang not apologize, but he also thought that the teacher was eccentric, so he overturned the box where the toys were placed in a fit of anger, and the toys were scattered all over the floor.

When I went home at night, I really wanted to beat him up, but when I thought that we were busy with work and rarely accompanied him, I suppressed my anger and reasoned with him, telling him where I was wrong, and next time I met someone like him. how to deal with it.In the end, I also apologized to him for spending less time with him, and promised that if I have time to rest next time, I will definitely take him out for a trip.

Hearing my apology and promise, a rare smile appeared on Dangdang's face.Before going to bed, he secretly told me: "Dad, I know I was wrong, and I will definitely change it next time."

After listening to Dangdang's words, I think it's wise not to lose my temper.

Although Dangdang still showed some "resistance" afterwards, the intensity decreased significantly and the frequency became less and less.And after every "confrontation", they will take the initiative to admit their mistakes.

Dangdang is advancing on the right path.

(End of this chapter)