Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 28
Yingying blushed for a while, and tried to flip through her schoolbag, but she couldn't find it after searching several times.

"Yingying, where's your homework?" the teacher asked.

"Teacher, I can't find it. My mother didn't let me in." Yingying, who was usually very obedient, burst into tears.

"Why did you ask your mother to help you put your homework?" the teacher asked.

"Every time, my mother helped me to play it. Yesterday she worked overtime and didn't come back, so..." Yingying tried her best to explain.

"Okay, let's forget it today, and remember to leave it to me tomorrow. Next time, you can't let your mother let it go for you. Remember to clean it up yourself, okay?" the teacher taught patiently.

"Okay, I'll remember." Yingying felt relieved.

Yingying didn't remember the teacher's words at all. Every time she finished her homework, she still threw the homework on the table and waited for her mother to clean it up.However, my mother often has to work overtime, can't go home at night, and always forgets to help her collect.Yingying often couldn't find her homework.

Case in-depth analysis
Losing things and forgetting things, careless hands and feet are common problems of modern children.Just like Yingying in the case, as long as her mother didn't help her pack her schoolbag, she couldn't find her homework.In the final analysis, this is a manifestation of the child's lack of self-care ability.According to a survey, nearly 3% of children aged 9 to 60 have forgotten to bring homework books to school.It can be seen that lack of self-care ability is a common problem of modern children.In addition to forgetting things, this kind of children can't do many things, such as packing schoolbags, peeling eggs, sharpening pencils...

So why are these children so weak in self-care?There are several reasons:

(1) Arranged by parents.

Many parents are complaining about their children's poor self-care ability, but they don't know that the real root lies in their own carelessness.Because the child is young, he often does not understand the procedures and methods when taking care of himself. If he encounters difficulties, his parents will not teach the child, but only do it for him, which makes the child unable to take care of himself.

(2) Lack of sense of responsibility.

In the minds of many children, they did not do good things because their parents did not help to prepare them. They would not look for reasons from themselves, but simply put the responsibility on their parents, just like Yingying in the case.And once the child gets used to this, he will never think that this is his own mistake and needs to change by himself.

(3) The influence of bad habits.

Children have some bad habits in their daily life.For example, if you don't clean up after finishing your homework, you will habitually put it aside and then go to play.There are also children who always pack their schoolbags in the morning, and leave their books in a hurry because they are about to be late.With these bad habits, children's self-care ability will naturally be affected.

psychologist advice
Children are always forgetful and fussy when doing things, which is a manifestation of low self-care ability.The strength of a child's self-care ability directly affects the development of his personality.Usually, children with poor self-care ability are more independent, have no independent opinions in doing things, and are highly dependent.Therefore, parents must pay attention to cultivating children's self-care ability as early as possible.

Usually, if the parents guide the child around the age of 3, the child will basically take care of himself, such as eating, washing hands, brushing teeth, etc.; by the age of 4, most children can learn to make quilts, make beds and take care of themselves; five or six After the age of [-], parents can ask their children to put on and take off their clothes quickly, wash their faces and hands thoroughly, etc.

Parents can also help their children develop self-care skills by:

(1) Cultivate children's sense of responsibility.

If you put things in disorder, you can't find them naturally.But children are not worried, because they know that their parents will remind them from time to time.Obviously, children will lack a sense of responsibility.If parents want to cultivate their children's sense of responsibility, they can start by organizing their own school bags and stationery, such as letting children organize their school bags by themselves.

(2) Do your own thing.

When the child is about 5 years old, he can wash his face and socks by himself.When taking a bath, parents can help him adjust the water temperature, prepare towels, and let him wash himself.In this way, children's self-care ability can be cultivated.

(3) Positive environmental effects.

If parents want to cultivate their children's self-care ability, they must create a positive environment for their children, such as allowing them to have more contact with children with strong self-care ability.In addition, it is also necessary to create necessary and reasonable self-care conditions for children, for example, let children have their own small bed and quilt; And Bo et al.In this way, it is conducive to the cultivation of children's self-care ability.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Chen Linmin
Occupation: Supermarket foreman

Daughter's name: Maomao, 5 years old

"Mom, where is the picture I drew yesterday? It's that Mickey Mouse." Early in the morning, Maomao was looking for her homework from yesterday, asking me over and over again, as if she was looking for my things.

"It's on your table, it's covered by your clothes, you can see it when you remove it." Seeing how busy she was, I had no choice but to help her.But 2 minutes later, she yelled again: "Mom, I have an art class today, where did you put my crayons? You put them in my schoolbag for a while, and I will have breakfast first. Mom, hurry up, or I will going to be late."

Every morning, I feel like I am at war, all kinds of fuss, all kinds of tidying up.After she left that day, I suddenly remembered that I forgot to put colored pens for her.This is how to do?I originally wanted to send it to her, but because I was in a hurry to go to work, I didn't send it.

In the evening, Maomao took all her grievances on me.At first, I also felt quite guilty. Mao Mao asked me to help, but I forgot.But then I thought about it, why should I feel guilty? This is her own business, why didn't she do it herself?

I just talked to Maomao once and told her that my mother is very busy and has to go out very early in the morning, so I can’t wake her up in the future, and I can’t help her pack her schoolbag, so I don’t have time to cook her breakfast.He also told her to get up by herself, dress herself, go out to buy breakfast by herself, and pack her schoolbag by herself.If the dropped things are not picked up, no one will send them to her.

After hearing what I said, Mao Mao was very surprised, but seeing my serious face, she knew that I was not joking, so she nodded with difficulty.So I gave her another suggestion, such as packing up my schoolbag at night and putting the clothes by the bed so that I don't have to look for them the next day...

The next day, I deliberately left home early to see if Mao Mao could do these things well by herself.After she went to school with fluffy hair, I went home and saw that I didn't take the pencil sharpener.When I came back that day, I asked her, "You didn't bring your pencil sharpener, what kind of pencil sharpener do you use?" Unexpectedly, she said disdainfully, "I'm stupid, I wouldn't borrow it from my good friend."

It seems that I was worrying too much, and decided to shut up in the future and let her solve these problems by herself.Practice has proved that this approach is very good. Now, Maomao has given up the bad habit of being forgetful, and she is no longer that careless little girl.

4. Huzi’s room is like a kennel
——How to help children develop good habits in life

"Mom, where is my Transformer?" Huzi asked loudly.

"How do I know, it's in your room, you can look for it yourself." Huzi's mother was busy cooking, so she didn't have time to care about him.

Huzi began to rummage through boxes and cabinets.Toy boxes, wardrobes, desks, under the bed... I searched all over, and finally found it next to the tub in the bathroom.It was only then that Huzi remembered that it was thrown there when he took a bath yesterday.

When my mother came out after cooking, she was dumbfounded.I just tidied up Huzi's room yesterday, and now it's a mess again.When I was looking for Transformers just now, Hu Zi rummaged around and didn’t clean up after reading, books were thrown all over the floor, dirty clothes were mixed with clean clothes and piled on the bed, the toy box was dumped on the ground, toys were scattered everywhere... …the whole room is like a doghouse.

"Why don't you put things away after you're done using them?" Mom said angrily.

"Forget, you can help me tidy up tomorrow." Huzi said with a playful smile.

"Then what are you going to do today?"

"I, I'll just be wronged in this kennel all night!" Hu Zi, who was only 7 years old, said it very humorously.

Huzi's mother was very helpless.Why is the tiger cub still unable to develop good living habits even though it is so big?

Case in-depth analysis
Huzi's room is a mess, but he doesn't know how to clean it up. It's not that he doesn't have the ability, but that he hasn't developed such a good habit.In fact, many children have not developed the habit of pushing the bowl after eating, throwing toys away after playing, leaving books everywhere after homework, and looking for them the next day...

Facing such a child, parents may be very angry, but they don't know why the child behaves like this.In fact, this has something to do with the connivance of parents.In the survey, 90% of parents will help their children clean up the room, 8% of parents will urge their children to clean up by themselves, and 2% of parents will ignore it.It can be seen that the unconditional help of parents is the main reason for children to develop this bad habit.Of course, there are other factors as well:
(1) "Bad example" effect.

If there is a "bad role model" in the family, children who are strong imitators will also imitate negatively.If the father doesn't like to clean up the room and often throws things around, the children will imitate them, so they cannot develop good living habits.

(2) Improper education methods.

If the child develops some bad habits, the parents just complain and blame, but do not teach the child to take care of himself.For example, they did not tell their children that they should clean up their own room, which living habits are not good, which habits should be learned, and how to develop good habits.This will inevitably lead to the lack of self-care ability of children.So it's no surprise that you mess up your room but don't know how to clean it up, just like a tiger.

(3) Parents do not pay attention to the establishment of children's sense of order.

From the perspective of children's growth characteristics, before the age of 4 is a sensitive period for the establishment of a sense of order.At this stage, children need to understand the order of life routines and daily habits.However, if the parents do not pay attention to the establishment and cultivation of the child's sense of order, the child will not establish a good sense of order, and the phenomenon of littering toys will naturally appear.

psychologist advice
In modern society, many children have not developed good living habits.The reason is that apart from the pampering of parents, it has nothing to do with today's social atmosphere.It is unrealistic to expect children to correct all these bad habits overnight, everything must go through a process.However, if parents force their children to change, it may be counterproductive and even destroy the relationship between each other.

So, how to do it?

(1) "Sweet lemon" effect.

If you want your child to correct bad habits, you can use the "sweet lemon" effect mentioned above.Let the child see his own strengths and good habits, and praise him from time to time.If a child washes his hands before meals, parents must say: "It's great to know that you have washed your hands before meals! I'm so proud of you."

(2) Skillful use of incentive effects.

If the child has started to correct, no matter whether it is effective or not, the parents should affirm it, and reward the child if necessary, such as taking the child to the zoo.Under the dual motivation of material and spirit, it will become easier to correct bad habits.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Tao Yulin
Occupation: Cashier
Daughter's name: Jiaojiao, 6 years old

Jiaojiao once again made a mess in the house.

I finally lost my temper and beat her hard.Jiaojiao burst into tears.

Listening to her crying, I gradually calmed down and started to think: "Why is Jiaojiao always throwing and placing things around?"

"Isn't it all caused by you?" the husband said.

I admit, I do have some bad habits, such as not returning used things, shoes lying around, teacups lying around...

"If you want to correct Jiaojiao's bad habits, you have to correct your own bad habits first. Only in this way will Jiaojiao be a good example." My husband's words are very sincere, and I agree very much.

The next day, I apologized to Jiaojiao, and made an appointment with her that the two of us will correct our bad habits together.Jiaojiao was surprised, but still agreed.So we began to "monitor each other" and criticize whoever had bad habits.

I told Jiaojiao again: "You have many good habits. For example, you will help your mother clean up the dishes after eating, and you will help entertain guests when the house comes. If you can turn your bad habits into good ones, that would be great."

Under my "seduction", Jiaojiao bravely "challenges" these bad habits.

Three months have passed, and Jiaojiao's bad habits have almost been "eliminated".To show encouragement, I promised to take her to KFC.Unexpectedly, she said angrily: "Eating junk food is also a bad habit, we must resolutely correct it..."

Hearing this kind of "protest" from my daughter made me very happy.

5. Lulu never washes her own feet
- How to cultivate children's sense of independence

"Lulu, hurry up and wash your feet. It's time to go to bed. It's already 9 o'clock. If you don't sleep, you won't be able to get up tomorrow." Mom urged Lulu.

"No, my feet are very clean." Lulu pouted and said, then raised her black little feet to have a look.

"He said it was clean, look how dirty it is?" Lulu's father saw it, and repeated his mother's instructions, "Hurry up and wash it, I'm going to bed soon."

Lulu looked into the bathroom, but didn't move, as if she was quite scared.

"Turn on the light and it won't be dark. Go!" Mom saw Lulu's hesitation and said casually.

"I... I don't want to go." Lulu looked embarrassed.

"Why don't you want to go?" Mom was very surprised.

"I just don't want to go, I don't want to wash my feet alone."

"Are you afraid?" Dad asked.

"No, I just don't want to go alone. Mom, can you go with me?" Lulu's eyes were full of pleading.

Under Lulu's strong request, her mother had to accompany her to wash her feet.

This has happened many times.In her mother's memory, Lulu had never washed her feet, bathed or changed her clothes by herself.Almost everything, as long as she is asked to do it alone, she will refuse.

Case in-depth analysis
Lulu didn't want to go to the bathroom alone to wash her feet, not because of fear, but because of Lulu's "not strong sense of independence".

The so-called "not strong sense of independence" means that children are unwilling to do things by themselves, and they are only willing to do things if they are accompanied by others.Around us, children with "not strong sense of independence" are not uncommon, and they have different manifestations: they don't want to go to school alone, don't want to eat alone, are afraid of being alone, can't do homework alone, etc.If there is an "independent" situation, they often show fear, fear, withdrawal, and overwhelmed performance.

Why are these children's independent consciousness not strong enough?

(1) There is not enough independent space.

It is often said that space determines thinking.This is how the environment affects a person.Although the living conditions of today's children are very good, they don't have much independent space.Even with their own small room, parents often "break in" and interfere with children playing alone.If children do not have enough independent space, they will naturally lack the practice of doing things independently, and over time, they will lose their sense of independence.

(2) There is a problem with the parenting style.

Faced with their children's requests, many parents always find it difficult to refuse, and often assist them in completing everything.For example, parents need to explain homework, others need help to take a bath, parents need to pack schoolbags, and others need help to hold meals... Children need help with everything.And once they leave their parents, they don't know what to do.

psychologist advice
Lack of independent consciousness will not only affect the formation of children's good personality, but also not conducive to children's interpersonal communication.So parents must pay attention.

What should parents do if their child is not independent?Erikson, a famous American psychologist, pointed out that the main task of children's psychological development between 3 and 6 years old is to develop initiative and independence.Parents should take advantage of this period to raise their child to be an independent person.How to do it?

(1) Guide children to think.

(End of this chapter)