Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 29
When the child is between 3 and 6 years old, parents should not leave the child, nor should they overprotect the child.When children encounter problems, don't rush to give answers, but guide them to think.

(2) Improve children's ability to distinguish right from wrong.

Parents should give clear opinions on what the child should and should not do, and should not be easily changed because of the child's crying and emotional disturbance.For children, this is the authority of the parents.However, parents should pay attention to one thing, this kind of authority is not tyranny, but to guide children to develop the ability to distinguish right from wrong.

(3) Let the children learn to "hands-on".

After the child is 3 years old, he already has a certain amount of hands-on ability.Parents should create opportunities for their children and train them to do some housework within their ability, so that they can feel their abilities and have full confidence in themselves.This helps to cultivate a positive and sunny personality in the child.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Zeng Xiaoyan
Occupation: Corporate staff

Daughter's name: Ai Ai, 5 years old

For breakfast, Ai Ai wanted an egg, so I bought her one, but she clamored for me to peel it for her.Because I was in a hurry to go to work that day, I asked her to do it by herself.Grandma also said beside her: "Ai Ai, you are already 5 years old, and you can peel eggs by yourself."

"Mom, I can't peel...I want to eat eggs..." Ai Ai cried.

"Can't peel eggs? Then let grandma teach you. Mom is going to work first." After speaking, I went to work.

When I got home at night, Ai Ai's grandma told me that she peeled the eggs for Ai Ai in the end, because Ai Ai didn't know how to do it at all, and it broke when she peeled it, so she couldn't eat it at all.

That night, I lay in bed and thought: "I can't even do such a small thing as peeling eggs, Ai Ai's independence is too poor."

It seems that I have to improve Ai Ai's sense of independence, otherwise she will not be hungry when she goes to elementary school (to board)?Realizing the seriousness of the problem, I decided to let the child do something.

I rest the next day.Ai Ai was clamoring to eat eggs again, so I told her: "Mom will teach you how to peel eggs today, okay? You can eat them by yourself in the future." After hearing what I said, Ai Ai seemed very interested.

After getting the eggs, I taught her step by step: first break the eggs, then knead them, and finally peel them off... Ai Ai learned very seriously.

From then on, I began to let go slowly and let Ai Ai do what I could.For example, teach her to wash socks, wash dishes, and mop the floor.

Slowly, Ai Ai's sense of independence has been greatly improved.Now, I am no longer afraid that she will go hungry in elementary school.

6. Never help mom choose vegetables

——If there is a lazy baby at home, how can parents guide them from the "heart"

Xinxin is 7 years old this year and looks very strong.Other things about this child are fine, except that he is very lazy and doesn't want to do anything, not to mention housework.He also said: "I am still a child, and parents cannot abuse their children."

One day, a visitor came to the house, and my mother happened to have some dishes to choose while cooking, so she called Xinxin to help: "My dear son, help mother choose the dishes, okay? Mom is waiting to fry!"

"No, I won't choose." Xinxin shouted in the living room.

"Aren't you okay now? Seeing that mom's pot is about to catch fire, you can help mom choose, be good." Mom almost begged.

"You won't turn off the fire. Mom, why are you so stupid?"

My mother was helpless and had to turn off the fire and choose vegetables.

Why is Xinxin so lazy and unwilling to help her mother choose vegetables?

Case in-depth analysis
Obviously, Xinxin is not a diligent child, he is a typical "lazy baby".

From the perspective of children's growth characteristics, children after the age of 3 are already able to do some housework, but how many children actually do it?According to a survey, only 8% of children will take the initiative to help their parents with housework, 40% of children will do it at the request of their parents, and the remaining 52% of children are the same as Xinxin in the case. unwilling to help.This shows that the child is too "lazy". "The child is too lazy", "can't help at all" and "makes trouble if he doesn't help" are things that many parents often complain about.

Why are children so lazy?Obviously, there is a certain relationship with the excessive indulgence of parents.In addition, it is also related to the following factors:

(1) Improper education methods.

Children are very curious about everything and always want to try it, such as: sweeping the floor, washing dishes, etc.But many parents are afraid that their children will not do well or break things and stop them, which discourages their children's enthusiasm for doing things.The child naturally becomes lazy.

(2) Children do not know the suffering of their parents.

Children don't know their parents' suffering. They even take it for granted and gradually become accustomed to it.Then, when parents ask their children to do housework, the child's first reaction is to refuse.The habit of laziness arises from this.

(3) The influence of the "generation-alteration habit" effect.

In modern society, the phenomenon of "separation of generations" is very serious.Grandpa, grandma, grandma, and grandpa always spoil the children.Give the child what he wants, and do what he wants, just don't let the child do things by himself.Slowly, the child develops the bad habit of willfulness and laziness.

psychologist advice
If there is a lazy baby at home, parents must have a headache.

Lazy babies always don't do things, and always ask their parents to help in everything.And some lazy babies would rather be beaten than work harder.

Obviously, laziness is a bad habit. If parents do not guide it, children will not like to study, do homework, or revise their homework when they grow up.

How can parents guide a lazy child so that he loves to do things and love to learn?
(1) Use the story method skillfully.

It is a good way to guide children by telling stories.For example, parents can find some children's books about celebrities' hard work for their children to read, or tell their children about it.It's also okay to tell stories about failures due to laziness.

(2) Incentive effect.

Parents can have a sweeping or laundry competition with their children, and set a set of reward standards to motivate children.For example, what kind of rewards are there for cleaning up the dishes after eating, what kind of rewards are there for helping with laundry, etc.Only with clear standards and clear rewards can children be motivated to participate.And the more children participate, they will naturally love to do things.

(3) Situational experience method.

Children can be lazy, and parents can also be "lazy".For example, if the child does not help to choose vegetables, the parents can be too lazy to cook dinner, and everyone is hungry; if the child does not help put the dirty clothes in the washing machine, let him wear dirty clothes... This kind of "lazy for lazy" approach can help Let children realize the dangers of laziness, thus forcing them to correct.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Bai Xiaoying
Occupation: Junior high school teacher

Son's name: Ding Ding, 6 and a half years old
Probably because it was brought up by grandma, Ding Ding is very lazy.It's fine if you don't help with family affairs, and you don't even bother to do your own things.

He is in elementary school now, and he is still a member of the Young Pioneers, so how can he be so lazy?Among the students I have taught, there are many smart students who are poor in learning because of laziness.

"Ding Ding's lazy habit must not be allowed to continue!" In the evening, I talked about this topic with Ding Ding's father.

"I know that too." The husband said with a look of melancholy, "but how can we help him?"

"It's easy to handle. I heard from a student in our class that his parents used the 'lazy method' to correct his laziness."

"Lazy method? What do you mean?"

"That is to say, we have to become lazy like Ding Ding, let Ding Ding know the dangers of laziness, and force him to change himself." I explained.

"Well, this method is good, you can try it." The husband clapped his hands and applauded.

The next day, I told Ding Ding about it.But Ding Ding didn't pay much attention, after all, he wouldn't listen to what I said a lot.After get off work in the evening, I asked Ding Ding to put his dirty school uniform in the washing machine.Ding Ding is unwilling, obviously, his laziness has committed another crime.I told him: "If you don't let go, tomorrow you will only have to wear dirty clothes." Ding Ding "Yeah", still did not move.Later, when I was washing clothes, I deliberately didn't go to his room to get them.

When I woke up the next day, Ding Ding realized that I was telling the truth.But I had to wear school uniforms when I went to school, so I had no choice but to wear dirty clothes.

Later, Ding Ding was hungry again because of laziness, forgot to bring homework once, and wore a dirty red scarf once.After going through all this, Ding Ding obviously became more diligent.

7. The daughter is a "ma Daha"

——How Careless Children Teach

Xinxin is a "ma Daha", always forgetting things.

"Girl, hurry up and help mom buy a bag of salt, there is no salt at home, mom will use it later." Mom shouted to Xinxin.

Xinxin was more diligent, and when she heard her mother's "ask for help", she put down the toys at hand and took 10 yuan to buy salt.

After 10 minutes, Xinxin came back.

"Mom, here's the salt." Xinxin threw the salt on the table, turned around and went to play again.After eating, my mother suddenly remembered something, and asked Xinxin: "Where's the change that uncle gave you?"

"I gave it to you, put it with the salt." Xinxin said casually.

"No." Mom deliberately went over to take a look, and it was indeed not there.

"Then I'll forget, anyway, I got it back." Xinxin said while watching TV, not paying attention to it at all.

"Isn't it in your pocket?" Mom asked.Xinxin digs for a long time, but still nothing.

The next day, when Mom was cleaning the room, she found the change—under the couch.Apparently it fell in by accident.

Xinxin encounters such things almost every day.Can't find the book, lost the change, forgot where the toy is, accidentally broke something, and did the exam questions wrongly...

Why are you so careless?
Case in-depth analysis
Xinxin, this is a typical "Ma Daha" performance.

Babies who are forgetful have the following characteristics: poor independence, strong dependence, carelessness, frizz, no habit of checking, etc. This situation is especially obvious in little boys.We often hear some parents complaining: "Obviously he knows those questions, but because he is too careless, he makes mistakes in the exam." "I forgot to write my name in the exam." "My child is very smart, but he is a 'ma Daha'" . "I can't find the things I gave him after a while, and he doesn't remember where he put them." "It's common to lose things."...

Perhaps many parents only blame their children's "ma Daha" behavior on their children's "carelessness", but "carelessness" is only one of the many reasons, and there are other reasons besides this.

(1) Poor self-control.

Children around the age of 3 have poor self-control, and their attention is easily attracted by what is happening around them, and they forget what they should do.For example, when doing homework, you may be attracted by the birds outside the window, and when you pack your schoolbag, you may be attracted by the cartoons in the living room...Once the child's attention is attracted by the outside world, it is easy for children to be distracted and make mistakes.

(2) The effect of bad rules.

Many parents set rules for their children in order to correct their children's bad habits of procrastination and dawdling.But these rules are only "regulations" without corresponding rewards and punishments.The child obeyed the rules on the surface, but he developed the habit of "ma Daha".For example, some parents require their children to do their homework for an hour before they can watch TV.In order to be able to watch TV earlier, children are prone to "coping psychology".The quality of work will naturally not be high.Slowly, the child develops careless bad habits.

(3) Bad psychological hints.

Sometimes, parents beat and scold their children because of their carelessness, saying over and over again that he is careless: "Why are you so careless? How many times have you told you to be serious, why are you still so careless?" No more carelessness.In doing so, parents are giving negative psychological hints to their children and strengthening their carelessness.Because the subconscious mind only accepts information that has substantial meaning.In this way, the child will only become more and more careless, not more and more careful.

(4) Due to physical and mental fatigue.

Psychologists believe that fatigue is the mental state of weakened learning ability, reduced efficiency, and increased error rate due to long-term continuous activities.In a state of fatigue, carelessness cannot be corrected.For example, some parents stipulate that their children must practice the piano for 3 hours.The child may practice very well at the beginning, but later gets tired and makes many mistakes.

(5) Take care of everything.

If parents do everything and overprotect their children, it is easy to raise children who are careless and careless.If you are the same, then you must learn to be more cruel, for example, no longer organize the children's schoolbags, and no longer help the children to dress.Only in this way can a positive environment be created for the children, which will help the children to get rid of the problem of being forgetful.

psychologist advice
How can we help children get rid of carelessness?
(1) Prepare a collection of wrong questions for children.

Prepare a collection of wrong questions for the children, and let the children record all the mistakes they make.When some "rough" facts are presented in front of you, children can realize their bad habits and correct them consciously.

(2) Cultivate concentration.

To make children more careful, it is essential to cultivate children's concentration.For example, you can give your child a relatively quiet environment, and do not play cards, watch TV, or chat when the child is doing homework, so as not to cause disturbance to the child.In addition, rewards and affirmative methods can also be used in conjunction.

(3) Incentive effect.

Parents can use the incentive effect to help children correct their carelessness, such as giving the child some promises, as long as he completes the learning tasks seriously and fully, he can do and play whatever he wants (as long as it is a legitimate thing).Let children know the benefits of focusing on doing things, and gradually develop good habits.

(4) Use positive psychological hints skillfully.

To make children become careful, you can give them some positive psychological hints.For example, ignore him when he is careless, and downplay his carelessness; praise him immediately when he is occasionally careful, and strengthen his carelessness.In this way, the child will slowly develop in a careful direction.

(5) Experience method.

If the child is always careless, the parents can also be "careless" for a while.For example, forgetting to give children pocket money, forgetting to put salt in the dishes, forgetting to bring wallets when going out, etc.When children taste the consequences of these small mistakes, they will be able to realize the "harm" of carelessness, and will naturally take the initiative to correct them.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Zheng Min

Occupation: Food cook
Daughter's name: Wenwen, 8 years old

When Wenwen was still in the top class of the kindergarten, I found that she was careless. Sometimes she forgot to take her books, sometimes she couldn't find her toys, and once she didn't know where she put the keys at home.

It seems that Wenwen's carelessness should be corrected, otherwise the consequences will be disastrous.But how to change it?I thought about it for a long time, and decided to pretend to be "stupid" - to "learn" the behavior of "Ma Daha" from Wenwen.

Wenwen likes to eat fried eggs.Several times, I either "forgot" to add salt, or put it in one more time, and Wenwen's breakfast was not so "pleasant"; on weekends, I took her out for fun, but I didn't "leave" the prepared snacks , I just "forgot" to bring my wallet, and I had to return in a bad mood; when I went to the street with Wenwen, I deliberately didn't bring any money, and when she chose her favorite things, I had to reluctantly put them down.

In the first few times, Wenwen could tolerate my "Ma Daha" behavior, but after a long time, she started to complain.Wenwen's father also complained to me: "Why have you lost your mind recently, like you have lost your soul?"

I dismissed the complaints of the father and daughter: "What's the matter, I'm just careless occasionally, and it's not always like this."

It was this sentence that made Wenwen catch the "handle".She simply told me about my "crime".When she calmed down, I casually took out her homework and asked her to see her "carelessness".Wenwen immediately understood what I meant, blushed and stuck out her tongue at me and said, "Mom, I understand, I will do my homework carefully in the future, so that you won't torture me and Dad every day."

I am very happy to hear Wenwen's words, which shows that my recent efforts have not been in vain.Since then, Wenwen's carelessness was quickly corrected.

(End of this chapter)