Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 31 How to teach a delicate baby? (2)
But in the end, Junjun only got No.5 in the test, so he couldn't get Transformers and skates.Now, Junjun is like a deflated ball, without any energy.Although his mother later bought him a pair of roller skates as encouragement, he still couldn't accept the setback, considered himself a useless person, and even secretly told his classmates that he wanted to run away from home.

After realizing the seriousness of the problem, I decided to correct Junjun's "eggshell psychology".According to the expert's opinion, the first step, I talked to Junjun to stabilize his mood.The second step is to help Junjun find the cause of the setback.For example, he wanted to change his seat, but the teacher refused, so I encouraged him to ask the teacher why.With my encouragement, he went to ask the teacher, and finally the teacher told him: "You are too tall, and you will block other students when you sit in front." Now, Junjun not only got the answer, solved the problem, but also avoided the problem. have a bee in one's bonnet.The third step is to guide Junjun to solve some problems by himself.For example, communicate with teachers to adjust seats, organize birthday parties, decide whether to join the school table tennis team, etc.

Thanks to my efforts, the current Junjun has become much stronger, and he is no longer that boy with "eggshell mentality".

3. Miao Miao, who can't bear the slightest grievance
——Cold treatment improves children's resistance to frustration

Miao Miao is the only seedling in the family. Usually, his grandpa loves and loves his grandma, so he often spoils him.Because of this, Miao Miao became more and more domineering, as long as he wanted something, others had to give it to him immediately, otherwise there would be chaos.In addition, he can't bear the slightest grievance. As long as someone says something to him or makes a joke with him, he will be very unhappy and lose his temper at his family when he goes home.

I remember one time, when the flowers in Miao Miao’s class were blooming, everyone rushed to see them, and Miao Miao also joined in. Unexpectedly, the classmate standing at the front said to him: “You didn’t buy these flowers, what are you looking at?” See?" This was originally a joke, but Miao Miao couldn't take it anymore, so she ran home, hid in her room crying, and yelled that she would never go to school again.

No matter how much that classmate apologized and tried to persuade him, he just didn't go to school.Later, Miao Miao's father couldn't see it anymore and threatened to pry open the door and beat him hard.Only then did Miao Miao get scared, so she asked her mother to send him to school.

It was also because of this incident that Miao Miao's mother realized a problem, Miao Miao's mentality was too fragile.But why is Miao Miao so fragile?
Case in-depth analysis
Miao Miao couldn't stand a joke made by others. Not only did she run home and cry loudly, but she even quarreled not to go to school.Miao Miao's psychology is indeed fragile enough, and her frustration resistance is almost equal to zero.

The phenomenon of "low resistance to frustration" is not uncommon in contemporary children.Someone once conducted a survey of "whether your child can withstand setbacks", and the results showed that 81% of parents chose "no".In "how to behave when unable to bear setbacks", nearly 70% of parents chose options such as "crying", "unwilling to talk to others", "losing temper", "unwilling to go to school".

Obviously, children's inability to withstand frustration is a problem that has plagued parents for a long time.There are many reasons for children to have such unbearable setbacks. In addition to the parents' spoiling, there are the following.

(1) "Too protective".

Chinese parents seem to be very worried about their children, always afraid that they will hurt themselves, so that they deprive their children of opportunities to try and encounter setbacks.For example, when a child cuts his body because of playing football, many parents will choose to blame and warn the child "don't do this again next time".Obviously, when a child is forbidden to try, it means that the opportunity to encounter setbacks is lost.Then, once setbacks come, the child can only cry.

(2) Too spoiled.

In terms of educating children, many parents advocate the "Comfortable Parenting Method", thinking that if children are ignorant, they should follow their temper.There is some truth in this statement, but these parents seem to have forgotten one point, blindly submissive parenting will only make children develop bad habits and arrogant temper.The world is impermanent, if one day they are "rebelled", how can they adapt?
psychologist advice
The reason why Miao Miao in this article can't bear the slightest grievance is because of her poor resistance to setbacks.And when a child cries, loses his temper, or even exhibits aggressive behavior due to poor frustration tolerance, such as beating and scolding his parents, saying that his mother is a bad mother or a big villain, parents can adopt a "cold treatment" method.

The so-called "cold treatment effect" means that when a child is emotionally excited, the parents temporarily ignore him or keep a distance of about 10 meters from him.When a child encounters a problem, let the child solve it by himself. For example, when there is a dispute with the child, the parents should not intervene.Because if the parents intervene too much, the child will easily become dependent, and even pamper the child, thus making the child fragile and squeamish.

In addition, parents can also help children stay away from fragility and squeamishness by improving their children's resistance to frustration. The specific methods are as follows:
(1) Play down the child's frustration response.

Many parents pay a lot of attention to setbacks when their children encounter them.When the child encounters a problem, the parents should look relaxed and don't pay too much attention, so that the child's frustration reaction can be downplayed.If the child fails the exam, as long as the parents don't mention it, the child may forget it the next day.

(2) Don't interfere with setbacks.

Intervening in setbacks is also something that many parents love to do.For example, when a child has a conflict with a partner while playing, some parents will get involved and intervene.But it's not really good for kids.To be an "indifferent" parent, remember one thing: no intervention.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Wanqi

Occupation: Accounting

Son's name: Jiajia, 6 years old

One day when she came home from school, Jiajia's face was gloomy, and there seemed to be tears in the corners of her eyes.

"Jia Jia, what's wrong with you?" I asked him.

"It's okay, I'm going to do my homework." After finishing speaking, Jiajia locked herself in his room and ignored my inquiries.It can be seen that Jiajia must have been wronged.As long as he is unhappy in his heart, it will show on his face.

Later, I asked his classmate Mengmeng, and Mengmeng told me that Jiajia had a quarrel with her deskmate.The deskmate wanted to open the window, but Jiajia was unwilling. Finally, the deskmate opened the window, and Jiajia was unhappy.

I see.Knowing the whole story of the matter, I have a bottom line in my heart.I wanted to change Jiajia's temper a long time ago, and I just took advantage of this opportunity.

In the evening, I called Jiajia out for dinner, but Jiajia ignored me.I yelled a few more times, but he actually asked me to bring the meal in.I solemnly told him: "If you want to eat, come to the restaurant." Unexpectedly, after hearing this, Jiajia said: "Then I don't want to eat!"

"If you don't eat, don't eat, don't cry for a while!" I simply ignored him and started eating.Just when I was halfway through eating, Jiajia called out again: "Mom, bring me the food."

I ignored him.But he didn't come out until he finished eating.

That day, we ate all the food on purpose, leaving nothing for him.I knew he didn't want to eat because he was in a bad mood, but I didn't want to accommodate him because of this, and I didn't even ask him why he was unhappy.

Before going to bed, Jiajia was hungry, and went to the kitchen to see that there was nothing left.Even the instant noodles he put there yesterday are gone (I hid them).Jiajia felt a little wronged, but didn't say it out.I watched TV in the living room and deliberately ignored him.

"Mom, didn't you ask me what's wrong? I'll tell you now." Jiajia came to please me.

"Forget it, you can settle your affairs yourself. Mom doesn't want to know, but just don't cause trouble for me! Now I want to watch TV, please come into the room and don't block it, okay?" I said calmly on purpose.

Jiajia turned to his father again, but his father also looked indifferent and ignored him.

Seeing this, Jiajia didn't speak, and entered the room with tears in her eyes.It was the first time in his life that he went hungry.

The next day after school, I asked Mengmeng: "Is Jiajia reconciled with my deskmate?" Mengmeng smiled and said, "He apologized to his deskmate early this morning. Jiajia performed very well today!"

It appears that my cold treatment has worked.

4. Qiqi who cries when encountering difficulties

——The child is too delicate, how to guide

Yesterday, Qiqi's mother's colleague brought their children to play silently at home.

Momo is two months younger than Kiki, and the two little guys start playing as soon as they meet.Seeing the two little ones having fun, Qiqi's mother went into the study with her colleagues to chat.But not long after, Qiqi's crying came from outside.

what happened?Qiqi's mother felt very strange, but when she went to the living room to see, it was Qiqi who was crying.

"Qiqi, what's wrong with you?"

"Mom, mom!" Qiqi ran over crying when she saw her mother coming.

"Did this kid bully my sister?" Momo's mother was very embarrassed.

"It's okay, it's okay, this child often does this, crying when playing with other children." Although Qiqi's mother said so, she was still very depressed.

Qiqi usually plays with children and cries at every turn.And he always loves to act like a baby, shouting tired after walking for a while, always wanting to be hugged by his mother.

What happened to Kiki?Is it timid or cowardly?Mom couldn't figure it out.Later, a college classmate told her that Qiqi might be too squeamish!

Case in-depth analysis
Obviously, Kiki is a very delicate child.In fact, due to the doting and spoiling of their parents, many children are now very squeamish.

What is squeamishness?Psychologists believe that squeamishness refers to the phenomenon of being always afraid of suffering and difficulties, feeling depressed and stagnant when encountering uncomfortable situations.

How does a squeamish child behave?Usually, they don't like to accept criticism, and they are not happy when others say it; they will cry no matter they fall or encounter things they can't do; their parents will cry even if their requirements are not met, and they cry hard.

Psychologists believe that children's squeamishness can be divided into two types: first, in life, they are lazy, like to eat good food, eat snacks, and have poor self-care ability, such as not being able to fold quilts, not know how to wear clothes, not how to tie shoelaces , will not wear red scarves and so on.In short, they rely too much on adults in their lives; second, psychologically, they are emotionally sensitive and fragile, unable to bear pressure, can only succeed, cannot fail, and love to escape when encountering setbacks.

Obviously, Qiqi in the case is more of a psychological squeamishness.

So, is squeamishness natural?Apart from the doting of the family, what other reason makes the child so delicate?
(1) Due to inappropriate praise.

Many parents don't know that inappropriate praise can also make children weak.For example, some parents often praise their children in front of others as "obedient", "sensible" and "well-behaved", which makes these children lose the desire to argue and fight in front of strangers, and has since become "delicate children".

(2) Parents are too soft-hearted.

Parents sometimes have to be cruel when educating their children.But many parents can't do this at all. When they see their children's tears, they immediately feel distressed.Although I vowed to change the child's squeamishness before, but giving up halfway like this often makes the child more squeamish.

psychologist advice
It is very normal for a child to be squeamish in infancy.If you are unhappy, you will cry and act like a baby.

Many parents overreact when their children cry or cannot accept criticism, coaxing, persuading, and even beating and scolding.In fact, this is not necessary at all. Parents only need to pay attention to their children's emotional changes and hug them.Because harsh language will make the child overwhelmed, and blindly arrogant and indulgent will only make the child more delicate.

Psychologists believe that with the enhancement of children's cognitive ability and the gradual development of behavior control ability, there will be less and less coquettish behaviors such as crying and acting like a baby.

If the child is too squeamish, parents need to actively guide them.How to guide it?The following methods are available for parents to refer to:
(1) Give positive hints to children.

As a parent, when encountering some things, you can change a statement.For example, change the saying "Don't be afraid, child, it's just lightning" to "Baby is the bravest, it's lightning, don't be afraid at all".In this way, negative psychological cues become positive ones.Over time, the child will become brave and stop crying needlessly.

(2) Change the child's vanity.

If the child's vanity is too strong, it is easy to become squeamish.Others cannot say, scold, or win.Therefore, when children participate in some competitions and play with other children, don't praise them blindly, let alone label them as "honest", "don't know how to resist" and "fool".

(3) Exercise children more.

If the child is squeamish in life, parents can let the child exercise, such as setting aside a few days a week to accompany the child to run, climb mountains, and play.The intensity of exercise depends on the child's age and physical condition.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Liang Xuefang
Occupation: Teacher

Son's name: Tongtong, 5 years old

Tongtong grew up with his grandparents.Because his grandparents doted on him, he became very squeamish, crying at every turn, and shouting tired whenever he was asked to do some housework.

I am determined to help Tongtong get rid of her bad habit of being coquettish.

But how to change it?After reading the introduction on the Internet, I finally chose the method of "giving positive hints".Once, Tongtong was playing in the living room of his grandfather's house, and accidentally fell down and hit his head on the wooden armrest of the sofa. He was not injured, but he burst into tears and asked his grandfather to hug him.Grandpa wanted to hug, but was stopped by Tongtong's father.Dad said to Tongtong who was lying on the ground: "Tongtong is a very brave young man. If he falls down, he can get up by himself, right? He doesn't need grandpa to hug him."

Seeing that his grandfather didn't intend to hug him, Tongtong stretched out his arms and got up.

It seems that this method is correct, and my husband and I decided to "make persistent efforts".

The next day, I took Tongtong to the playground to skate.Tongtong still couldn't slip, and fell down and cried after a while, her lips were cut and bleeding.But we still didn't reach out to pull him, but encouraged him to stand up by himself.

Finally, Tongtong finally stood up.Seeing him standing still, I took out a tissue and asked him to wipe the blood before hugging him.We didn't show a particularly anxious or distressed look, and Tongtong just cried "symbolically" and then went to play again.

Gradually, Tong Tong was no longer as delicate as before. Whether it was a fall or something not done well, he could solve it by himself.If it was in the past, I must have cried to find my grandparents.

I am very relieved to see the changes in my son.

5. "Crybaby" Leilei

——Let the doting baby be strong
(End of this chapter)