Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 6 The child became a coward (5)
When the child is young, the best way is to use one-on-one parenting, that is, the mother takes care of it. Before the age of 3, do not send your child to kindergarten or give it to others to take care of you.Because children in this period are in the critical period of parent-child relationship attachment, children cannot see their mothers, and they must lack a sense of security.Therefore, it is recommended that mothers with babies do not go out to work early.If you go out to work, try to bring your children with you.In this way, at least you can get along with your children more.In addition, give children more warm emotional stimulation, such as touching.After the child is 3 years old, communicate with the child more, often chat with the child, and encourage the child to vent bad emotions.This is easier for children to feel maternal love than giving them a new dress or a new toy.

Beyond that, there are ways to help an insecure child.

(1) Use the "encouragement effect" skillfully.

Children who are in a period of insecurity often only know that going to kindergarten will separate them from their mothers, but they don't know the benefits of going to kindergarten.At this time, parents should properly guide and tell their children that they can play with children, draw, sing, and dance when they go to kindergarten, so as to improve their interest in going to kindergarten.From a certain point of view, this is also strengthening the child's sense of security.

(2) Spend more time with your children.

It is normal for a child who has just entered kindergarten to cry. Parents have to be "hard-hearted" to force the child in, and at the same time, they need to take some gentle measures, such as going to the kindergarten with the child to play before going to kindergarten.In addition, parents can accompany the child for a period of time when the child has just entered kindergarten, so that the child can gradually adapt to the "day without mother".

(3) Utilize the "example effect".

If the parents themselves are insecure people, then the children will not be much better.To improve children's sense of security, parents often need to set an example and set a good example for their children.For example, parents can take their children to experience some exciting sports, such as bumper cars and roller coasters; go to the zoo to see some mighty animals, such as tigers and orangutans.

(4) Game law.

At home, parents can play teacher-student games with their children and let their children play the role of teachers.If the child cannot express, parents can encourage him with eyes, words, and body movements.If the child makes a mistake, tell the child that everyone has shortcomings and weaknesses, and so does the teacher.In this way, children will not be afraid to go to kindergarten because they are afraid of teachers asking questions.During the game, the interaction between parents and children can also enhance the child's sense of security.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Wang Na

Occupation: Corporate Secretary

Daughter's name: Lingling, 4 years old

Lingling was taken care of by her grandmother since she was a child.It may be that I have less contact with her. Since childhood, she and I have not been very close, and she has been very timid, unwilling to talk to people, let alone go to kindergarten.

I remember that when I sent her to the kindergarten on the first day, she cried very sadly, which can be described as hoarse.Although I also knew that I should insist on letting her stay in the kindergarten, but seeing her pitiful eyes, I relented and took her home.

After consulting some experts, I know that Lingling is insecure.In order for children to enter kindergarten smoothly, they must improve their sense of security.

what can we do about it?

Prompted by my neighbors, I adopted the method of "reading with a limited time", that is, after sending Lingling to the kindergarten in the morning, I would stay there for half an hour to an hour and take her to play games with the children.Although the effect was not particularly good at the beginning, when Lingling became familiar with the children, she became less dependent on me.When I was about to leave, she would take the initiative to hug me and say goodbye.

I understand that Lingling's fear of kindergarten has disappeared, and I may never have to "accompany her" in the future.

The next day, I told Lingling: "Mom is going on a business trip today. After sending you to the kindergarten, Mom will go to the train station. Mom will pick you up from school at night, okay?"

Hearing what I said, Lingling nodded and said very sensiblely: "Mom, I don't want you to accompany me today. I'm playing games with my tablemate Wan'er. Go to the train station early and remember to pick me up at night."

Looking at Lingling and Wan'er playing, I was very happy.

7. Stage fright when taking an exam
——Helping children get out of the Jensen effect vicious circle
Liangliang is a very smart child. Although he is only 7 years old, he can recite many Tang poems and Song poems, and he can also learn a few words of English from TV.Mathematics is his strong point, and he can basically answer the questions asked by the teacher in class.His teacher said: "Liangliang is very smart. In terms of mathematics, as long as he can calm down and do it, the correct rate can reach 98%."

But it was such a smart kid, every time he came back from school exams, he pouted and looked very unhappy.Liangliang's mother knew that he must have failed the exam again.Other children can get a "learning model", a small award, etc., but Liangliang has nothing.The teacher at the school also said that she also wanted to give Liangliang something, but she really couldn't find a good reason.

In order to find out why Liangliang did not perform well in the exam, Liangliang's mother went to the school to see it.It happened to be a math test that day.Liangliang's mother stood outside the classroom and saw other children answering the questions very attentively. Only Liangliang looked to the left for a while, looked to the right for a while, fiddled with the pencil for a while, and played with the scratch paper for a while... her mind was not on the exam at all. superior.Looking at the whole process of his exam, it was like a farce.

Liangliang's math teacher told Liangliang's mother: "This is because Liangliang is nervous. He is usually serious and careful when doing math problems. But during the formal exams, he will be at a loss. If this continues , the psychological quality will be very poor, what can I do in the future?"

This is exactly what Liangliang's mother is worried about.Although Liangliang is only in the first grade, his grades are not particularly important to him, but if this is the case for a long time, can Liangliang's psychological quality be improved?In junior high school, high school, and even university, will there be emotional tension during exams?
Case in-depth analysis
Liangliang's stage fright after the exam shows that the child is nervous.Nervousness is a very normal psychological reaction for some people and certain occasions.But if the child is too stage frightened and nervous, for example, he usually studies very well, but due to stage fright, the test is a mess, then parents should pay more attention.

Why stage fright?As the name suggests, stage fright is the timidity shown on specific occasions, as well as some nervous emotions and behaviors caused by this kind of psychology.Such as stage fright at speeches, stage fright in kindergarten, etc.Psychologists believe that stage fright is a transient psychological disorder, which is caused by excessive emotional tension due to various reasons.For example, stage fright in exams manifests itself in the inability to recall, reproduce or re-do previously memorized materials and skilled movements.

There are also many children who are very nervous and abnormal when they come to unfamiliar places.For example, a child who is usually very bold and lively becomes taciturn or shy when he arrives in a crowded place.Most commonly, some children will hug their mother tightly or hold their mother's hand tightly. If they are asked to say something, they will be very nervous and even stammer.

Why is the child like this?Of course it was stage fright.

There are many reasons for children to stage fright. The main reason is that they have little contact with the outside world. Of course, it may also be related to the parent's education methods. For example, some parents are too strict with their children.Children are often punished for setting too many rules, which inevitably leads to stage fright or extreme nervousness in unfamiliar environments.

In psychology, children's stage fright is a typical manifestation of the "Jensen effect".What is the "Jensen Effect"?In fact, this psychological phenomenon comes from a true story: there was an athlete named Jason, who was usually well-trained and strong, but he failed repeatedly in the sports field, disappointing himself and others.It is not difficult to see that it is mainly caused by excessive pressure and excessive tension.Therefore, people call this phenomenon of performing well in normal times, but failing in official competitions due to lack of proper psychological quality, as the "Jensen effect".

Many parents have never figured it out: Why do young children have the "Jensen Effect" in the exam?Specifically, the reasons are as follows.

(1) Bad expectation effect.

In modern society, which parent doesn't want their son to become a dragon and their daughter to become a phoenix?Even when the child was very young, some parents began to instill in him the concepts and awareness of "study hard", "go to college" and "make a lot of money".Although children may not understand the meaning of these words, one thing is certain: children will gradually understand that these things are very important, and if they do not take the exam well, parents will think that they are useless.During the exam, my heart will naturally become tense, and the smarter the child, the more serious the situation.

(2) Not suitable for the atmosphere of the examination room.

When playing normally, the child may fight and joke with the children, and the mood is not so nervous, but during the exam, if the child does this, the teacher will interfere, and even say something like "not much time" and "take the exam well".Such an atmosphere often makes children feel depressed, and tension can quickly take over.

(3) Unable to quickly adjust to the test state.

We all know that in order to do well in the exam, not only the understanding of knowledge is required, but also the cooperation of mentality is required.Some children are used to being "wild". When it comes to the exam, it is difficult to adjust their state all at once. Under the forced "adjustment" by parents and teachers, nervousness is inevitable, and the results will naturally not be particularly satisfactory. .

psychologist advice
For infants and toddlers and those children who rarely go out and have little chance to contact the outside world, stage fright is a very normal emotional reaction. For children in kindergarten or elementary school, it is also normal to be nervous about exams.

Different children have different performances of stage fright, and psychologists divide stage fright into mild stage fright, moderate stage fright and severe stage fright.Severe stage fright has symptoms such as dizziness (commonly known as field sickness), dizziness, palpitations, and nausea.How to distinguish mild stage fright, moderate stage fright and severe stage fright?

Take exams as an example. Mild stage fright manifests in the fact that familiar knowledge cannot be recalled, but the thinking is relatively normal, and the exam can continue; moderate stage fright manifests in that familiar knowledge cannot be recalled and concentration cannot be concentrated. , thinking is affected, which of course affects the speed of answering papers; severe stage fright often manifests as a messy brain, unable to think of anything, or blurred eyes, resulting in field sickness.Therefore, when parents find that their children have stage fright, they must not take it lightly and ignore it.

How can parents help their children get out of the psychological vicious circle of "Jensen effect"?Here are a few things you might try.

(1) Dilution effect.

If parents always remind their children what to do during the exam before the exam, it will strengthen the child's exams and easily cause psychological pressure on the child.Because the more you talk, the more signals there will be to stimulate your child's nervousness during the test.Therefore, before the exam, try to talk less about the exam in front of your children, and talk more about the weather or social anecdotes.This can not only downplay the exam, but also let the children relax.

(2) Skillfully use the attention shifting method.

If you find that your child is particularly nervous before the exam, you can ask your child to listen to more music, or help your parents do some housework properly, and use the methods of "diverting attention" and "self-suggestion" to relieve your nervousness.At the same time, teach children some relaxation skills during exams. For example, when they are too nervous, they can observe the teacher's clothing, expression, and think about the most interesting things for a while.

(3) Make adequate preparations.

Many children will feel inexplicable tension once they find that they have not brought enough or are not familiar with the equipment during the exam.Therefore, as a parent, be sure to let the children prepare the prepared utensils the night before the exam.Parents should also tell their children that if they find that there are not enough equipment during the test, they can ask the teacher for help, and there is no need to be too nervous.

(4) Participate in cultural and sports activities.

Allowing children to participate in some cultural and sports activities before the exam to relax their body and mind is very good for preventing stage fright.Some parents take their children on a trip or to the movies just before the exam.Don't think this is a waste of time, this approach is very helpful to reduce children's psychological pressure.

Stone of Other Mountains
Father's name: Guo Chenggang
Occupation: Newspaper editor

Son's name: Guo Yan, 6 years old

When Guo Yan was in kindergarten, his grades were quite good.Because I advocate "don't pay too much attention to children's grades", he can deal with it calmly every time.But after he went to elementary school, people around him often asked him questions such as: "Are you tired from studying?"Over time, Guo Yan became tired of the exam, and his grades continued to decline.

After learning this, I realized that the child may be nervous during the test.After consulting the teacher, the answer I got was indeed the same.

I don't value grades, but it doesn't mean that the child's situation can be left alone. We must find a way to calm the child's heart and get out of the psychological vicious circle of the "Jensen effect".

But how to do it?One day, I suddenly had a good idea: to travel with my children before the exam.When I proposed this idea, my family and my son's teachers thought I was crazy, but my son readily agreed.Whether this method is right or wrong, try it out first.

In that final exam, when other students were nervously reviewing, I took my son to travel in Wudang Mountain.Although it took a few days to review, the mental quality of my son who broadened his horizons improved, and he even got a good grade in the exam. You know, this was something I didn't dare to expect before.

It seems that my method is feasible and will be used more in the future.

(End of this chapter)