Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 7 Let the shy baby be generous (1)
Around us, we can always see some shy and shy children.They don't like to play with children, and they don't want to say hello or talk when they see uncles and aunts... Although they may be good at singing and dancing, they are always reluctant to perform in front of strangers.If adults insist on him performing, the final result is often crying.Faced with such a child, parents should not be in a hurry, but should help the child step by step.

baby shyness test

Is your child shy and shy?In many cases, you cannot draw conclusions through intuitive observation, because some children will only show their shy and shy side at specific times and occasions.Such as in front of the teacher, in front of strangers, or when the mood is not high.Now, let's do a test:
1. When a child comes to your house, will the child take the initiative to entertain others?
A. Yes B. No
2. Do you often take your children out for a walk, such as your friend's house?

A. will not B. will

3. Do you often say things like "Why are you so shy" and "You are too timid" to your children?

A. No B. Yes

4. In front of strangers, does the child always act at a loss or like to cry?
A. No B. Yes

5. Does your child cling to you or your spouse when you are outside?
A. will not B. will

6. Does the child speak loudly when talking to others?

A. Quite big B. Very small, barely audible
7. When eating at other people's home, will the child take the initiative to add food?
A. Yes B. No
8. At school, will the child take the initiative to participate in activities?

A. Yes B. No
9. Are you and your spouse also shy?
A. No B. Yes

10. Does your child love to laugh?
A. Yes B. No
Now, count your options:

If there are less than or equal to 6 A options in your results, then you can basically be sure that your child is indeed a little shy and shy.The specific manifestation may be that they are not good at dealing with children, or they may not want to meet strangers.Different children behave differently, but one thing is for sure, as a parent, when you find that your child is shy and shy, you should give guidance as soon as possible to make the child "generous" as soon as possible.

If there are more than 6 options in your results, then congratulations, your child's performance is generally quite generous.The reason why he sometimes shows a shy and shy side is not because of his personality, but because he doesn't know how to deal with the situation he encounters.For example, when a child is a guest at his home, he doesn't know how to entertain him or how to greet his aunt.As a parent, as long as you give proper guidance and education in your daily life, your child will soon grow into what you have in mind.

1. Don't dare to perform in public
——A deep understanding of shyness

Lele is a little girl who loves to sing and dance. Whenever someone dances on a TV show, she will "dance lightly" and learn from the people on TV.Everyone said that Lele would be a dancer in the future, but they didn't know that Lele was a very shy child who never dared to perform in front of others.If dancing and singing, at most it is only in front of parents, grandparents.If there were other people present at the time, even if it was a younger cousin, she would refuse to perform.

I remember one time when the kindergarten was going to hold a Children's Day party. When the teacher asked her what show she wanted to perform, she said she wanted to dance without even thinking about it. When I got home, I followed the TV to learn dance moves.

In the next few days, Lele practiced dancing almost every day, and didn't even watch "Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf", which she usually likes to watch.Seeing her practicing so seriously, her parents were really happy for her: "This child will be great in the future."

But Lele's parents are also worried about one thing: now that Lele is practicing so hard, will she dare to perform on stage?But they didn't show this worry, they just kept encouraging her.

Soon, Children's Day came. That afternoon, many parents took their children to the party.Lele's parents are no exception, they are all waiting to see Lele's wonderful performance.After arriving at school, Lele's parents saw that Lele's program was ranked fourth in the program list, so Lele had to put on makeup as soon as she arrived at school.While putting on makeup, mom and dad encouraged her on the sidelines.

When Lele was about to perform, the most worrying thing happened, Lele dared not perform on stage.

"Lele, it's your turn, come on!"

"Yes, Lele, let's go!"

But no matter how much the teacher tried to persuade her, or how much the children encouraged her, she just didn't want to go up and perform. She was so anxious that she burst into tears.In desperation, Lele's show had to be cancelled.

"The chain is broken at a critical moment, this kid is really!"

It's a pity to think of Lele's hard work for so many days in vain.But what they find even more inconceivable is why Lele is so timid and dare not perform in public?

Case in-depth analysis
The reason why Lele did not dare to perform in public was due to "shyness".What is "shyness"?Psychologists believe that if a child is nervous and uneasy in an unfamiliar scene or meets a strange person, he is shy.

Children with a shy mentality don't like others to "watch" themselves, and they don't like the feeling of being put under the "spotlight" by others, because it makes her feel uncomfortable.Children with shyness behave differently at home and outside the home.When there are no outsiders, the child jumps and dances, very lively, but once the parents take them out to visit, the child seems to be a different person, let him dance and sing, he just dare not, and seems to be lost.If his parents complain about it, he will cry.

Most children are shy. According to surveys, 1/5 of children are born shy, and the rest are shy for a certain period of time. As long as this period of time passes, the situation will improve.For example, when a child comes to an unfamiliar environment, it is inevitable to be "honest" or "quiet" for a while, and after getting acquainted with it, he will become active.From the perspective of children's growth and development, half of the children's shyness will last from 6 months to 6 years old.

Why are children shy?In fact, children are shy, in addition to their innate personality, there are several reasons as follows.

(1) Temperament differences.

Every child has a different temperament.If the child's temperament is phlegmatic or depressive, they are shy by nature. They speak softly, blush when they see strangers, and are more shy.For example, Lele in this article, although active at home, dare not perform in public when there are many people.

(2) There is "stranger anxiety".

As the name suggests, when a child meets a stranger, a feeling of anxiety will arise in his heart.Under the influence of this emotion, the child will become timid and cowardly.The originally well-practiced dance forgets the rhythm, and the well-sung song is out of tune. This is a manifestation of the child's low psychological quality.

(3) There may be psychological "preset bias".

The so-called psychological "prediction" actually refers to the "prejudice of psychological presupposition".For example, when he performed in public, he was ridiculed for screwing up, so he had a prejudice in his mind, thinking that performing in public would be laughed at.Once they are asked to do this again, this "psychological preconceived bias" will appear, preventing him from performing in public, thus making the child fearful and withdrawn.

psychologist advice
If there is a shy child at home, parents are very anxious, especially when there are guests at home, or when they take the child out to meet friends, the child will make the parents feel very embarrassed.Because non-shy kids are happy to say hello, but shy kids won't.

The most embarrassing situation is when the parents ask the child to say hello to friends or call her aunt and uncle, but she refuses to do so. When the kind uncle and aunt want to tease her, the child immediately shrinks behind the parents.Therefore, many parents will blame their shy children: "How did I give birth to you?"

Psychologists believe that it is very normal for children to have shyness before the age of 2.If the child is 2 to 3 years old or even over 4 years old, he will still be very shy.For example, you need your parents to accompany you when you do everything. You are afraid of seeing strangers. When you see strangers talking, you always lower your head, lower your voice, and blush, etc., so you should not ignore it. Otherwise, it will affect your child's communication.

American psychologist Campbell pointed out: To make children mentally healthy, parents and elders must make corresponding "spiritual investment".How can parents invest emotionally in their shy children?

Next, let's look at what psychologists recommend.

(1) Guide children to let go of their psychological burden.

A large reason why children dare not perform in public is that they have psychological baggage, which is affected by "psychological preconception bias".At this time, parents should guide their children to abandon all worries and tell them that you should move forward boldly, don't care too much about other people's comments, and don't pursue perfection too much and worry about failure.As long as you play your true self, you are the best.

(2) Skillful use of incentive effects.

When your child shows a shy side and is afraid to perform in public, parents should always use motivation to motivate children, and start with some small details.For example, "Lele saw that a stranger didn't cry today, it's amazing", "Lele helped her mother get a stool for a strange uncle today, that's great", etc.Once parents can give long-term incentives, the child's shyness will weaken and he will grow into a generous child.

(3) Emotional investment method.

Parents should spend as much time as possible with their children, and praise their children's strengths in time to make them proud of themselves, so as to better build self-confidence.When communicating with your child, you should look at your child affectionately, have warm physical contact with your child, and care for your child wholeheartedly.In this way, the child's shyness will also be weakened by the care of the parents.

(4) Improve expressiveness.

If the child's shyness is serious, parents can regularly hold activities such as "storytelling", "singing" and "art performance" in front of relatives and friends to give the child a chance to role-play.In addition, parents can also suggest that children often bring their children to play at home. Mothers can design some vivid and interesting games to attract children and enhance their participation awareness.No matter how well the child performs, parents should give encouragement in time.You must know that the most important thing is to help children take the first step of performing in public, and only then can they be required to have a natural and generous expression and perform wonderfully.

(5) Cultivate initiative in the game.

If your child is shy, in addition to taking the child out to meet the world, parents should also encourage the child to participate in games with friends, so as to get acquainted with children and reduce the performance of shyness.Spending more time with your friends is good for your child's development.

Stone of Other Mountains
Father's name: Yang Zhen

Occupation: Postal system employee

Son's name: Pengpeng, 4 years old

Son Pengpeng will be 4 years old in a few days.Don't look at him with a thick head and a tiger brain, but he is very shy like a little girl. He is unwilling to speak when seeing strangers, and he dare not recite poems or perform in front of everyone.Others say that when a child is 3 to 4 years old, he is not afraid of the sky and the earth, and is very naughty, but why is Pengpeng so shy?
I remember one time, colleagues from our system had a dinner together, and I took Pengpeng to participate.During the meal, a female colleague asked Pengpeng: "Pengpeng, I heard from your father that you learned a lot of Tang poems in kindergarten, why don't you recite one for me, and I will give you all the peanuts on the table." How are you?"

Pengpeng really likes to eat peanuts, but it is a bit difficult for him to recite Tang poems in front of so many people.However, in the end, under the temptation of peanuts, he really recited Tang poetry, but the voice was too low, and the female colleague didn't hear it at all.Even I, who was sitting next to me, only heard a few words.

"Son, speak up! Be manly!" So I asked him to speak up so everyone could hear me.Unexpectedly, he looked at me, then at the peanuts, his mouth narrowed, and he began to cry.

"Pengpeng don't cry, it's because of my aunt! Let's stop memorizing it, and eat peanuts!" Pengpeng cried, which made the female colleague very embarrassed, and immediately came over to coax her.

After the meal, the female colleague said to me while chatting with me: "Your Pengpeng is very shy, you need to be guided as a father. My child used to be like this, and his voice was so small that he couldn't hear clearly, like a mosquito. Call."

"Then how should I guide it?" In fact, I have wanted to do this for a long time, but I have no good way.

"It's actually quite simple. When he is in a good mood, you can tell him that you recite well, and others will not laugh at you, and you have to tell what is good and what is good, so that the child will have confidence Don't worry, when he recites it next time, he won't be so shy." The female colleague took a sip of tea and continued, "You can also ask your son to invite some children to your house as guests, and let him be the host and be responsible. Entertain. Slowly, your Pengpeng will become a generous child."

Under the guidance of a female colleague, I discussed with Pengpeng's mother, and I will guide him in this way in the future.At the beginning, he was a little resistant, but slowly, the situation did improve.At least he already showed "generosity" when entertaining children.After about half a year, Pengpeng is no longer a "shy prince", but a "generous handsome guy".

2. When there are many people, I always stick to my mother
——How to guide introverted babies to socialize

Spring is here, Niuniu's mother and some friends make an appointment to go to the botanical garden together.A few of my friends are all mothers, and of course they have to bring their children when they go to the botanical garden, or to make the children happy.

"Mom, are we really going to the botanical garden this weekend?"

"Yes!"

"I'm going to the botanical garden, to the botanical garden!"

When she heard that she could go to the botanical garden on weekends, Niuniu jumped up for joy.Before the weekend arrived, I asked my parents early: "What should I bring?" After getting the answer, I started to pack my "luggage".After a while, I ran over and asked: "Mom, can I see the little bees picking nectar in the botanical garden?" There are so many questions that make the mother a little irritable, but thinking that this is the child's excitement, she is patient. Answer one by one with temper.

Finally, the weekend is here.

(End of this chapter)