Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 8 Let the shy baby be generous (2)
In the morning, Niuniu set off with her mother carrying a small schoolbag containing snacks, water, and comic books.Along the way, Niu Niu kept asking: "Mom, is your bag heavy? Would you like me to help?" A sweet little padded jacket.

At the gate of the botanical garden, Niuniu's mother's colleagues also brought their children one after another.

After several rendezvous, the scene became lively.Several children of similar ages quickly became friends, took out their own toys to "exchange" for fun, and even began to imitate the appearance of Superman in the TV show and "declare war" on each other.During this chaos, Niuniu's mother discovered that Niuniu was standing beside her and did not join the "battle".

"Niu Niu, why don't you go play with your friends?" Niu Niu's mother asked her.

Niuniu shook her head, took her mother's hand, and pulled her vigorously to a place where there were few people: "Mom, let's go over there to play."

"Why? How nice it is to stay with these aunts? There are so many children, don't you want to watch the little bees gather nectar? You can invite the children to go together." Niuniu's mother encouraged.Niu Niu pouted her mouth and said nothing, looking very aggrieved.No matter who persuaded her, she would not go.

At the end of the day, she almost kept holding on to her mother's hand.Even if mother goes to the bathroom, Niuniu will follow her.Once, she was looking at the peony flowers, but she turned her head and didn't see her mother, so she burst into tears, no matter what the aunts tried to coax her, she didn't stop crying until her mother came back, and held her mother's hand tightly. lay down.

Now, Niu Niu's mother is very entangled: Niu Niu is this shy?How can I make shy Niuniu know how to communicate and blend in with my friends naturally?

Case in-depth analysis
The reason why Niuniu behaves like this is because she is relatively introverted, and she is shy when she meets strangers or goes to crowded places.

Usually, people who are introverted or timid are shy.Compared with extroverted children, they are more susceptible to the "environmental effect".What is "environmental effect"?The so-called "environmental effect" means that the ability to adapt to changes in the environment is poor. Specifically, it means that if a person is in the same or similar environment as he remembers, his inner joy, memory ability, and potential will be correspondingly improved. improvement.On the contrary, if you are in an environment different from what you remember, you will become restless, twitchy, and your thinking ability will decline.

For a somewhat introverted child like Niu Niu, she is most likely to be affected by the environment, and her outstanding performance is that she likes to cling to her family when she is in a crowded place or a place she is not familiar with.

So why do these children appear in these situations when they are affected by the "environmental effect"?
(1) It is related to parental temperament.

Temperament is a behavioral characteristic shown by a child before the age of 3. It is inherited from parents and cannot be fundamentally changed throughout his life.If one of the parents is introverted, the child will be more introverted and quiet.And timid and introverted children are more shy and aloof from the world, but such children are more afraid of crowded places or unfamiliar environments.

(2) Lack of psychological experience in interpersonal communication.

If the child is originally introverted and rarely has the opportunity to go to crowded or unfamiliar places, he will inevitably feel nervous and restless when he arrives in an unfamiliar environment. The specific manifestations are that he blush when he sees people talking, and even hide behind his parents.Of course, some children will cling to their parents and never leave.

(3) Negative thinking pattern effect.

Generally extroverted children don't think too much before acting.But the introverted child is different. He will look forward and backward, think a lot, and think about problems more pessimistically and negatively.In other words, the mindset is more negative.For example, when there are many people, an introverted child will think: "There are so many people, what should I say? If I say the wrong thing, everyone will laugh at me!" It is the effect of negative thinking mode that makes introverted The children dare not speak or do, and even shrink back.

(4) Affected by environmental effects.

Psychologists believe that children in modern society have a certain sense of feedback to the surrounding environment after 3 months.The environment here includes factors such as surrounding people, objects, sounds, and light.Living in a strange place without the mother around is a change of environment for the child, which may cause unnecessary tension and confusion to his mind.

psychologist advice
For infants and young children, especially children aged 3 to 8, shyness is a very normal expression. For example, shy children are afraid of going to strange places, and they are very cautious when they see strangers.

Do you have shy kids in your family?If your child is withdrawn and overly shy, you need to pay more attention.Because the child is too shy, it will hinder the child's ability to develop normal social interactions. In addition, it will also make the child silent, timid, lack of self-confidence, and lack of assertiveness, which is not conducive to the child's personality growth.

There are shy children at home, how should parents reform?

In real life, many parents do this: when guests come to the house, they will let the shy child stay in the room, or say in front of the guests that the child is shy and not as good as a certain child.It is recommended that parents do not do this, because it is to label the child as shy. This label will give the child bad psychological hints and make the child think that he is a shy child, making it difficult to actively make changes.

How to let children get out of the "introverted" psychological misunderstanding as soon as possible, and help them integrate into the surrounding environment better and more effectively?
(1) Give children a positive "environmental effect".

If your child is introverted and shy, have your child socialize more with outgoing children.For example, find an extroverted child among the neighbors in the community, or ask the kindergarten teacher to arrange more extroverted and bold children to play with him.This will give the child a positive "environmental effect".Why?Because many children are shy because they lack positive environmental effects. The so-called "the one who is close to vermilion is red, and the one who is close to ink is black". After a long time, I believe that your child will be influenced by the psychology of "extroverted" children, and thus become cheerful and also It will become more extroverted.

(2) Reduce psychological confrontation.

When a child does not accept a new environment, there is no doubt about the psychological confrontation.If parents can reduce this kind of psychological confrontation well, they can effectively guide their children out of the "introverted" psychological misunderstanding.In order to reduce children's psychological confrontation, the most effective way is to increase children's interest and let children taste the "sweetness" of the new environment.For example, there are fun toys in the new kindergarten, many cute puppies in the new park, and a bigger TV in the new home.

(3) Make sufficient psychological preparations.

If the child is shy, parents must help the child make full psychological preparations before bringing the child to meet guests or guests at home, such as cleaning up the room with the child and preparing to receive guests.At the same time, tell the child how many guests there are, who they are, and what the child should do when the time comes.A simulation exercise can be conducted before. In the simulation exercise, the parents can play the role of the guest and let the child play the role of the host, so that the child can master the basic common sense such as greeting the guest and bringing fruit to the guest. When the guest comes, the child will naturally be able to Cope with ease.

(4) Let the children be "little commanders".

If you have an introverted and shy baby at home, you can help the child find a few younger children and let them play with your child.This way, your child will take the initiative while they play.No matter what games he plays or what ideas he comes up with, he will naturally become the "little commander" among children.Over time, you will be able to get out of the "introverted" psychological misunderstanding, and after a long time, you will naturally not be shy.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Wan Fang

Occupation: Elementary school teacher

Daughter's name: Sisi, 4 years old

My daughter's name is Sisi, and she is a somewhat shy child.It's better at home, but sticks to me when I go out.Sisi was shy in kindergarten, so she didn't like to play with her classmates and was always alone.All the children in her kindergarten found it strange, and there were some domineering children who always bullied her.Whenever she was bullied, she would cry a lot.

I remember one time, a child in the kindergarten robbed her of a toy, and she cried so much that she insisted on asking the kindergarten teacher to bring her to me.After finding me, she threw herself into my arms and cried out of grievance, which made the kindergarten teacher very embarrassed and apologized to me repeatedly for not taking good care of Sisi.

In fact, I know that it's not that the kindergarten teacher didn't take good care of Sisi, but that Sisi is too introverted and shy, so that she doesn't know how to interact with children.

"I can't go on like this. It seems that I have to change my approach." When I got home at night, I said to Sisi's father.

"Yeah, if things go on like this, she won't know how to get along with others when she grows up. What are you going to do?" Sisi's father asked back.

"I haven't figured it out yet," I said.

However, after two days, I thought of a solution: ignore her.That day, she had a conflict with a child again and cried a lot. The kindergarten teacher called me and asked me to go and have a look.I went to have a look, and it turned out that a child next to me accidentally spilled rice grains on her skirt during the meal. She refused to do it and insisted on making people pay.The kindergarten teacher came to persuade her, but not only did she not buy it, she even started crying.

After knowing the reason of the matter, my face darkened, and I said to Sisi: "In the future, don't come to my mother for such small things, you can solve it yourself. Mom still has so many brothers and sisters to take care of."

After hearing what I said, Xiao Sisi looked dazed, and was so wronged that she wanted to throw herself into my arms and cry loudly.But I pushed her away and left the kindergarten, and the sound of crying came from behind me...

One night a week later, Sisi seemed to be in a good mood.I tried to ask her: "How are you doing? Are the kids still grabbing your toys?"

"No, I will give her my toys to play with today, and she will also give me toys to play with. We are good friends now."

After hearing her answer, I was relieved, and it seemed that I was doing the right thing.Sure enough, I kept at it for the next few months.Sisi's introversion gradually disappeared.

3. Qiqi likes to hide behind her mother
——Help recognize the baby

Today is the weekend, Qiqi's sweater is too small, Qiqi's mother decided to take her to a nearby shopping mall to buy a small sweater.Unexpectedly, he ran into his best friend Wang Yunyun in the mall.

"Qiqi, this is Aunt Wang, please call Auntie quickly, your Barbie doll was bought by Aunt Wang!" Qiqi's mother said, holding Qiqi's hand.But what she didn't expect was that Qiqi retreated behind her step by step.

"Qiqi, why did you forget about Auntie? Call Auntie quickly, and Auntie will buy you delicious food later!"

"Mom, go home... Mom, I'm going home..."

Qiqi yelled to go home, which made her mother feel very embarrassed.

"Qiqi, call Auntie quickly, you can't be rude, you know? Mom doesn't like children who are rude."

"Wow..." Kiki burst into tears when she heard her mother say this.

"Qiqi don't cry, you can do whatever you want, don't cry!" Seeing the child crying, Wang Yunyun hurried to buy an ice cream.

"Yunyun, I'm sorry, alas, this child is far from your family's Qiangqiang. Every time I see strangers, I always do this. Every time I go to your house, your family's Qiangqiang always calls me. My child is too rude!"

Is Kiki being rude?
Case in-depth analysis
When a child hides behind a stranger, or does not say hello to a stranger, this is not because of impoliteness, but because the child recognizes his birth.

If you look carefully, there are many children like Kiki around us.If there are no guests in the house or strangers, these children act boldly, but when they see strangers, they seem to be different people.For example, some will be suddenly shy, hiding behind their mother and watching secretly; others will cry and run to their mother or drill into their mother's arms.This is the case with Kiki in the case.

Why do children recognize birth?Psychologists believe that birth recognition is an important memory change in the development of children's cognitive ability.It means that the child has a certain development in perception, discrimination and memory ability, such as being able to distinguish between acquaintances and strangers, and can clearly remember the faces of different people; it also shows that the child has made significant changes in the development of emotions and interpersonal relationships , such as a very different attitude towards relatives and strangers.

There are many reasons for a child to admit birth, let's analyze it in detail below.

(1) Personality factors.

Every child has a different personality, some are introverted, shy, and withdrawn; some are lively and generous.In comparison, introverted and shy children are more likely to recognize their children than extroverted and generous children.

(2) Lack of security.

Babies continue to grow under the careful care of their families. In the process of growing up, they will naturally develop a feeling of attachment to their parents and family members.As long as parents and family members are around, I feel safe; if there are strangers, I will feel anxious and fearful.When the children are a little older, many parents do not let their children go out alone because they are worried about safety issues. This will give the children the impression that it is not safe outside and that strangers are scary. After a long time, they will naturally not get used to the presence of strangers.

psychologist advice
The child's birth usually occurs at 6 months after birth, and there is a gradual process.Usually, it peaks at 8 to 12 months and then gradually weakens.However, due to the influence of factors such as personality and environment, many children still have the performance of recognizing life after the age of 3.

If your baby still recognizes birth at the age of 3, you have to try to guide him out of the strange circle of birth recognition.You must know that admitting to birth is not good for the growth of children. It not only affects the development of children's intelligence and communication skills, but also reduces people's interest in communicating with children, thus causing children to form communication barriers.

How can parents help their children not recognize their birth and face strangers boldly?
(1) "System desensitization".

If their child admits to being born, parents can use the psychotherapy of "systematic desensitization" to help the child.The specific method is: parents can let the child watch the stranger from a distance when there are guests at home, and then let the child get closer, let him get in touch with the stranger, and encourage him to get along with the stranger.This will slowly reduce his anxiety or fear.

(2) Good impression method.

When there are guests at home, you can ask the guests to hand the child a toy or delicious food first, so that the child has a good impression of the stranger first, and then start talking with him.Be sure to use a gentle voice when talking, otherwise it will make the child more nervous.When the child's tension is relieved, the guest can get close to him and touch him.This is much better than touching him "hastily".

(3) Interactive method.

(End of this chapter)