Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 9 Let the shy baby be generous (3)
When there are guests at home, parents should not neglect their children. It is best to try to promote the interaction between the children and the guests. For example, let the guests watch the pictures drawn by the children, or let the children sing, and let the children express themselves more, so that the children will not be overwhelmed by the guests. Feeling left out due to the arrival of others, resulting in bad emotions.

(4) Gameplay.

Let children play with their favorite children.Parents can take their children to places where there are many children, let them get in touch with strange children first, encourage them to play games and make friends with them, and then let them get in touch with adults.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Sun Xiaoyan
Occupation: Freelance

Daughter's name: Yinyin is 3 and a half years old
Yinyin is a very beautiful little girl, who can speak well at home and is very organized.But what confuses me is that when a guest comes to the house, or takes her out as a guest, she seems to be a different person-very familiar.

Yesterday, I was going to attend a classmate's wedding.As soon as Yinyin heard it, she insisted on going, so I took her there.The wedding banquet was held in a hotel, and I was sitting with some classmates. My classmate Li Xiaofeng also brought their two-year-old daughter Jiajia.

"Yinyin, this is Aunt Liu, and this is Uncle Zhao... These are my mother's classmates, called Auntie and Uncle!" I encouraged Yinyin to call people, but she still kept shrinking back as before.

"Hello, Aunt Liu, hello, Uncle Zhao..." Jiajia greeted my classmates like a little adult.This made me very embarrassed. As soon as the wedding banquet was over, I wished I could take Yinyin home immediately.But Li Xiaofeng suggested that I take the children to the park to play.

When we arrived at the park, Jiajia immediately went to play on the slide.

"Yinyin, don't you also play on slides?"

"Ok!"

"Then mom will take you there!"

I took her to the slide.She slowly made her way to the top, then slid down...

I chatted with Li Xiaofeng.

"Li Xiaofeng, why doesn't your family, Jiajia, admit birth at all?"

"Hehe, when Jiajia was one and a half years old, she was very shy of strangers. She was nervous when she saw strangers, especially men with long beards. I have a cousin who really likes to play with Jiajia. But when Jiajia saw him, she always It's crying!"

"Then why did she deny her birth later?"

"That's because I always take her out to play, wherever there are many children! In addition, I go out to meet friends, go shopping, and I also like to take my children with me. Before going out every time, I will tell her what my mother will see this time." People, should you call me aunt or uncle... let the child have a psychological preparation, so that he won't be too nervous. After a long time, the child will naturally refuse to admit birth!"

"that's it?"

"Also, don't blame the child all the time, but tell the child her good points. I often tell Jiajia that her legs are very long and her skin is very fair! This way the child will have self-confidence, and when meeting strangers, he will not Hold back and hide your shortcomings."

"Then I'll try it when I go back!"

"I also recommend that you invite some children over to your house. Very effective!"

On that Sunday, 8 children came to my house.At first, Yinyin was a bit restrained, but soon he started playing with the children.Since then, I often gather some children to play at home.Slowly, the child no longer takes birth as before.

4. Back off as soon as you step outside

—— Let the children be "generous"

Yangyang is 3 and a half years old. She looks tiger-headed and tiger-headed. She is fearless at home. She holds a "submachine gun" all day long and makes her grandparents "raise their hands and surrender".People who don't know him think that he must be a lively, cheerful and generous little boy, but in fact, his lively, cheerful and generous are only confined to his own family.

Why do you say that?Because he was "not generous" when he went out.Whether he went to school or to play at the children's house, he behaved like a little girl, and even the little girl was more generous than him.

Once, his mother took him to a colleague's house to play. There was a little girl named Jiajia in the colleague's house, who was younger than Yangyang.

After lunch, the two mothers took their children to play in a nearby park.On the way, Jiajia was very lively, bouncing around and leading the way, and even greeted the neighbors she met, calling "Uncle" and "Auntie", and people praised the little girl for being sensible.But Yangyang's performance was very coy, hiding behind her mother for a while, and asking her to hug her for a while.Mom didn't bother to hug him, so he started crying.Those who didn't know thought Jiajia had bullied him.

"I'm sorry, Jiajia, my brother is too embarrassed to cry." Yangyang's mother knelt down and said to Jiajia.

"It's okay, auntie, I sometimes cry too. But my mother said that if the child who cries a lot is not good, I won't cry." Jiajia's answer made Yangyang's mother even more ashamed.Why are other people's children so generous and sensible, but their own children are so "not generous"?Seeing Yangyang's behavior, Yangyang's mother felt ashamed, so she hurriedly found a reason to take Yangyang home.

After returning home, Yangyang's mother complained to Yangyang's father: "Yangyang is really useless! I lost all face today, and I'm not generous at all."

Is Yangyang really an unbelievable child?Why isn't Yangyang generous?
Case in-depth analysis
Why isn't Yangyang generous?Of course, it was because of the change of environment, and I was a little resigned to life.Many children as old as Yangyang have this kind of ungenerous behavior, for example, when asked to greet strangers, he will hide behind adults.No matter how you refuse to address people generously and politely.

When was the child born?Generally speaking, it begins to recognize births in a few months, and it usually gets better after the age of 3, but some children are more serious after the age of 3.They are usually very lively at home, looking like little adults, but once they go outside, they seem to be different people, behave very coyly, and often cry, the "prestige" at home is gone.This kind of behavior of children is because they are relatively shy by nature, and they are not generous enough in front of others, which is a kind of withdrawn behavior.

Why do children behave differently at home and outside?
Psychologists believe that this is due to personality and environmental reasons.If parents dote on their children and obey everything, these children will not be afraid of anything at home and behave lively and generous.But if you are too protective of your child and seldom take your child out, then when you take your child out occasionally, the child will behave very shy.

Of course, there are many reasons why children are not generous outside. The specific analysis is as follows.

(1) The child is too anxious.

Modern parents give their children the best living conditions, why do children still have "psychological anxiety"?Of course, it is because parents are busy with work and have no time to take care of their children.But these parents do not understand that children have emotional needs as well as material needs, and they need more company from their parents to feel safe.Otherwise, the anxiety in the child's heart will always exist. "When will Mommy come back?" "Dad doesn't want me anymore?" Similar questions will keep circling in the child's mind.

(2) Lack of incentive effect.

It is normal for children to do wrong things, such as breaking a neighbor's cup, falling out with the aunt's little sister over a toy, not calling because they don't know their parents' colleagues... Faced with these wrong things, many parents just blame.In this way, the child lacks a sense of trust.Parents' affirmation and trust will give children a great incentive.If this kind of motivation is replaced by scolding, gradually, the child's psychological desire to "go out" will drop to the lowest point.

(3) Lack of expectation effect.

Every child has certain psychological expectations when doing things.For example, when he goes shopping with his mother in the supermarket, his psychological expectation may be to get a toy; when he greets the neighbor aunt, his psychological expectation may be to get a box of chocolates or a compliment from his mother... If after each action, His psychological expectations have not been met, so they will not be so active when they go out in the future.

psychologist advice
Parents see this all the time.Some three- and four-year-old children ran and jumped, very happy; some children entangled their parents and refused to leave half a step.The latter is the shy and introverted child.Most of these children are very lively at home, but they become another person outside.

Like the "introverted" shy children, if the parents do not guide the "introverted" shy children, they will often show low self-esteem, shyness, and autistic psychological tendencies when they grow up. Communication has a big impact.Therefore, in daily life, parents must be caring people.If you find that your child is shy, you should observe carefully to see what type of shyness your child belongs to.

Usually, the shyness of the "less generous type" has a distinct time period.This usually doesn't happen until the child is 6 months old.Since then until the age of 3, the situation of "not generous" is more prominent. After the age of 3, this situation may weaken. Although they will "ignore" strangers at first, they will soon become familiar with them.If your child is over 3 years old and the situation of "not being generous" is still obvious, you can use the "threshold effect" to help the child get out of the psychological misunderstanding of "not being generous".

What is the "threshold effect"?

The "threshold effect" was discovered by the psychologist Cialdini.Usually, it is difficult for people to refuse simple requests made by others, because they are afraid that others will think that they are unreasonable.But after accepting a simple request, the other party raises a higher request. In order to leave a consistent impression on the outside world, people will accept this higher request.This is the famous "threshold effect".In order to help children avoid the misunderstanding of "not being generous enough", parents can borrow this effect, that is, when making demands on their children, they must consider their children's psychological acceptance.

What should I do?The following methods can be referred to.

(1) Don't make too many demands on your children.

When some parents take their children out, they always ask their children to "call Aunt Li", "sing a song to uncle", "dance with little sister" and so on.For children who are naturally cheerful, this is not difficult.But for children who are "not generous enough", these requirements are simply as difficult as reaching the sky.Therefore, parents should start with simple requirements to guide their children.For example, "move a chair for my uncle", "lend my toys to my younger siblings to play with", etc.

(2) Don't let children approach strangers suddenly.

If there are guests at home, the mother must tell the child in advance and teach him how to greet the guests.In this way, it can prevent children from being ungenerous because they don't know how to deal with them, such as hiding behind their parents, not saying hello to guests, or hiding in the room and not daring to come out.

(3) Borrow the incentive effect.

Although the child is "not generous enough", parents should not embarrass and blame them on the spot or afterwards. The best way is to encourage the child and use the incentive effect to make the child continue to work hard.For example: "Next time you see Uncle Wang, you will definitely call him!" If the child has a good performance, don't forget to encourage and praise in time to build self-confidence for the child.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Li Yan

Occupation: Manager Assistant

Daughter's name: Mengmeng, 5 years old

Our family Mengmeng was very timid and shy when he left the house when he was 4 years old.For example, she didn't dare to play with children in the kindergarten, and she didn't dare to speak when she saw the teacher. Every time she took her out to a party, she always behaved "shy".

At the beginning, we didn't pay much attention to Mengmeng's performance. We always felt that it was normal for girls to be shy, and it was better to manage than those naughty children.

But a few days ago, I discovered that things are not so simple.

That day, I took Mengmeng to the bookstore to buy books.I asked Mengmeng to pay the money, while I listened to music in the store.I thought Mengmeng would be able to pay back soon.But more than ten minutes passed, but she still hadn't come back.

What the hell is she doing?
I turned around and saw her standing in front of the cash register.The cashier asked her: "Little friend, do you want to pay the bill?" But she neither agreed nor looked at the person, but lowered her head and remained motionless.

"Mengmeng, why don't you pay the bill?" I was very surprised and a little angry.

Mengmeng looked at me, then at the cashier, and suddenly burst into tears, causing everyone around to look back at her.

I was agitated for a while: "How is it going to be like this, how will she survive alone in the future?" It was at that time that I made up my mind to carry out a series of transformations on her.

How to transform it?I began to ask the mothers of the children around me to discuss some guidance methods with them.Ultimately, I chose the "a little bit at a time" approach.That is the "threshold effect" in psychology!
The specific method is, every time you want to do something, just ask her to do a little bit.For example, when checking out, I no longer ask her to go alone, but go with her, but she will hand over the money to the cashier; when I meet acquaintances, I don't ask her to call "uncle" or "auntie", but just ask her to be quiet Sit beside me instead of hiding behind me... At the beginning, Mengmeng's father didn't understand my approach, thinking that what the child lacked, he should "make up" for her. How could he guide me so slowly? Woolen cloth?

However, when I said the reason.Mengmeng's father agreed.

After a while, Mengmeng's performance has satisfied me.She has been able to do my first step with ease.I began to train her according to the requirements of the second step, such as letting her go to the checkout alone, and I watched from the side; when meeting acquaintances, answer their questions; when playing with children, take the initiative to share toys...

Step by step, now Mengmeng is no longer shy and has become a "generous" little girl.

5. Hide when guests come to the house

——Children are timid to meet people, how to guide them?

It's Chinese New Year, many guests come to Dodo's house, and parents are busy entertaining them.Suddenly, one of the guests asked in surprise: "Where is your Duo Duo? I haven't seen her for a long time, she must have grown a lot taller?"

Only then did Dodo's father realize that Dodo was not in the living room at all, so he went to find her, only to find that she was playing alone in his bedroom.

"Duo Duo, come out quickly, Uncle Li has come to see you and bought you many beautiful books." Dad shouted in the living room.

"I'm not going!"

"Why can't Dodo not go? Uncle Li, Aunt Wang, and Sister Minmin are here as guests today, can you give them some candies?" Mother Dodo also shouted in the living room.

"Don't go!"

"What's wrong with this kid? Why is he not obedient at all?" Duoduo's father was a little embarrassed, so he walked into Dodo's room and said, "What are you doing? Did you hear Dad calling you?"

Faced with her father's reprimand, Dodo just pouted, with a displeased look on her face.

Seeing Dodo like this, my father got angry and wanted to drag her to the living room.Unexpectedly, as soon as she was pulled up, she burst into tears with a "wow".

"Come on, Duo Duo, let's see what uncle bought you something good?" The guest, Mr. Li, also came in to make friends.

But when Dodo saw him, she hid behind her father.

"This child, why are you so ignorant? It seems that you want to be beaten." Dodo's mother said angrily.

Mother's threats did not stop Dodo from crying, but made her cry even harder.

"I'm sorry, Lao Li. The child is ignorant, I made you laugh." Father Dodo could only apologize to the guest.

"It's okay. Dodo, is it because uncle doesn't come here often, so you're afraid to see him?" Mr. Li said kindly.

"En!" Dodo nodded.

(End of this chapter)