How much love has become a cloud of smoke

Chapter 41
I looked at Chen Jiayan's face through the fire. Although he had lost a lot of weight, he didn't look ugly at all.He suddenly raised his head to look at me and said, "What are you doing sitting so far away?"

"I like it, I want you to take care of it." I wrapped my knees in a blanket and looked at him.He dropped the branch in his hand and said, "Then I'll come over."

"Don't come here." I picked up a branch and pointed at him, "You just sit there, don't come here."

He stood and looked at me, and I stood up wrapped in a blanket, and drew a [-]-point line on both sides of the fire with a branch. He looked at the line with his chin in his hand and said, "What is this? Draw the land as a boundary?"

"Anyway, you're over there, and I'm here. If you don't come over, I won't go over." He put down his hand and said, "I don't want it." Then he was about to come over. "Don't come here." I tapped the line with a small bamboo stick and said, "Chen Jiayan, if you dare to come here again, I will run away immediately, and I promise you will not find me this time." His expression froze suddenly, I knew I said what he was most afraid of, and sure enough, he took back his steps.I dragged the little bamboo stick back to the fire and said, "You just sit there and we talk like this, isn't it good?"

He sat cross-legged and looked elsewhere: "Is it true that you said we broke up?" Of course it was false.I looked up at him, how could he not even hear such a clumsy lie.

"Are you blaming me for not protecting you well and letting you encounter that kind of thing, so you hate me and you want to break up with me, aren't you?" He raised his head, and I only saw his hazy face through the fire.

"Of course not." I blurted out anxiously. "why?"

I didn't know that he had ever blamed himself like this, and this self-blame obviously affected his judgment.Chen Jiayan, how could I blame you, how could I be willing to blame you, what I hate is only myself. "Chen Jiayan," I said in a low voice, looking at the beach illuminated by the fire, "I can't be with you anymore."

"Why?" He got up slightly, but he seemed to force himself to finally not stand up, and sat down slowly.The fire was shining on his face, half-light, I really like to see his appearance, the lips under the bridge of the straight nose are always tightly pressed into a line, the lips are so cold that there is no warmth.

"Chen Jiayan, I really love you." I bowed my head, curled up and said, "I wanted to give you the best, but now I can't, I have nothing, I can't give you anything Jiamin is right, I made you into what you are now. You could have a great future, but you lost it because of me, and you became so indistinguishable. You were healthy and healthy, because Me, your hand was almost disabled. You were fine at first, all because of me..."

I stopped talking, tears just kept rolling down my cheeks, onto my knees, and wet my skirt.

"That's not your fault." His voice was so close that when I looked up, he was already close in front of me.I was so shocked that I stepped back suddenly, raised my hand to support the sand and said, "I told you not to come here."

"What are you afraid of?" He grabbed me.I pulled out my hand and said, "I'm afraid of...ghosts."

His hands were in the air, as if he understood what I said.In fact, I am afraid of everything. What happened that night is like a rotten wound in my heart that cannot heal.I am afraid of everything, I am afraid of the dark, I am afraid of thunder, I am afraid that others will hold my hand, and I am afraid of seeing you.I am afraid of everything.

"Qiqi." He raised his hand and grabbed my shoulder. I was so shocked that I couldn't move as if I was frozen in an instant.

"Look at me," he said.I was looking at him, his face was so well contoured that it was impossible to see anything wrong with it.

But when I looked at him, my heart sank a little.Such a good person, I didn't do anything good for him except hurt him.And now I'm leaving him, maybe never coming back.

"I just want you to stay by my side." He slowly hugged me into his arms, carefully, as if he was holding a thin porcelain bottle, fearing that it would shatter me with a little force. "As long as this is all right, let me handle other things, so, can't it?"

This tone reminds me of the big change in D&K Bank. When we parted at the hospital gate, he took my hand and said, "Just stay by my side, isn't that okay?"

I still can't forget the humble begging tone.He never asked me too much, but gave me too much. "Chen Jiayan, I'm very disappointing." I buried my head in his shoulder and said, "Actually, I can't leave you for a minute, and I've been thinking about you every minute these days, but I want to come back, It will only cause you trouble. I have become your burden, you carry me all the way forward, walking so hard and so tired, but you don't say a word. I am very heartbroken, but there is nothing I can do. "

"I have long been used to carrying you on my back. Without you, I even forgot how to walk."

"But..." My throat choked, and it took me a long time to say, "I am no longer the Meng Qiqi I used to be, I have been..."

"In my eyes, you have never changed." He put his arms around me gently, and said with his cheek on the top of my hair, "Don't you always ask me what I like about you? I'll tell you now. "I sniffed, and looked at him with curiosity over everything: "You say."

"You are really nothing special. You are smart and beautiful. I have seen more girls than you. But you have a strange power that makes people want to get close to you. I thought later that it should be sincerity. No one has ever Give me your heart."

I sniffed carefully, for fear of missing a word. "You know my life experience. Although I have met many good people, I have never felt at ease like you. When I am in front of you, I can be a simple Chen Jiayan without pretense. You probably I don’t know, I asked Mr. Gao for you, but Gao Tianming refused. At that time, I knew that he liked you too. Only you, a fool, didn’t know.”

I slapped him lightly and said, "Don't call me a fool." He chuckled and said, "Although he is my brother, I will not give you up to anyone. I will Stay with me and never let go. But the day I took D&K Bank, I lost you. You don't know, when you turned and walked away, I was so cold. I have never felt like a failure in my life Yes, that was the first time."

I never knew that I was so important to him. "I am determined to find you no matter what, no matter what method is used. It's just..." His voice sank, and he said after a while, "I didn't expect you to be Meng Junshan's daughter. Yes, I was going to join the Legal Department. My original ideal was to be a prosecutor. I wanted to wait until everything calmed down before going to you. But I saw them treat you like that, and I saw you despairing of Zhou Youlin. Seeing you so haggard and sad, I really can't bear to leave you alone. You know that I am not afraid of anything, but when you called from the orphanage that day, I heard you crying, you don't know me How scared, I feel powerless for the first time. I want to fly to you immediately, I think I can never make you cry again, I can’t let anyone hurt you, I must protect you.”

He hugged me harder and said, "But, I wasn't good enough, sorry."

"No, you've done a good job." I stretched out my arms to hug him, and whispered in his heart, "Chen Jiayan, I love you."

"Then stay with me and let me handle the rest, okay?" I nodded silently, and he said, "I know there may be more things to go through in the future. But I just want you to stay By my side, as long as you're here, I can take care of everything else. Okay, Kiki?"

Still nodding my head, I heard him slowly breathe a sigh of relief and kiss my forehead lightly.Chen Jiayan, you don't know that the best luck in my life was meeting you.And the most unfortunate thing for you is that you met me.Then in exchange, I hope that everything that follows can be shared with you.Even if I'm a bit stupid, even if I'm slow, but I can learn, I will become strong, as long as you believe in me, as long as you love me.The fire was crackling and sparks were bursting out, and I felt a little drowsy. I don't know if I was in a dream or awake, and I heard him say in my ear: "It would be great if you were not Meng Junshan's daughter. But there is no choice in this kind of thing, just like I have no choice when I fall in love with you. I don’t regret falling in love with you at all. If I have to say that I have any regrets, it’s that I didn’t fall in love with you earlier, so I have more time to love you ten times and a hundred times more. You love you and treat you well."

Yes, Chen Jiayan, if I have any regrets, it's just that I didn't spend more time with you, so that I can love you better.

In the future, never again.I woke up when the sky was faintly bright, and felt that I was sleeping on something, but when I got up, it was a blanket.The fire had been extinguished, and Chen Jiayan was sitting on the beach not far away, looking at the sea level, wondering what he was thinking.I was about to get up and call him, but suddenly I saw a shadow under a tree not far away.

First startled, then immediately pleasantly surprised.

"Ah Huang." I yelled, and sure enough, the shadow came out and stood a few steps away from me, looking at me.

Chen Jiayan also turned around when he heard my voice, Ah Huang seemed a little scared, but when he saw Chen Jiayan standing up, he took a step back.I think it may think we don't want it, so it still has a grudge against us at this time.What a stupid dog, if we really don't want you, why come all the way to find you.

"Ah Huang." I stood up.Ah Huang jumped back two steps in a daze, but was still hugged by me.It chirped a few times, and after I smoothed its hair, it finally stopped making any noise. "It's good that you are back, you really scared us to death." I picked up the garbage on it, and saw that some of its hairs were knotted, which shows how miserable it has been these past few days.Chen Jiayan had already walked over, Ah Huang licked his face and rubbed against his trouser legs, he was more affectionate than me.Chen Jiayan knelt down and slowly stroked Ah Huang's head, and said to me: "Look, Ah Huang is back too, everything will be fine, isn't it?" I smiled and nodded to him and said: "Yes, yes. All right." I went to return the blanket, and told Ah Huang to wait for us by the extinguished fire, and when I came back, I saw Chen Jiayan standing under a tree on the phone, and when I led Ah Huang over, I found that his face was a little pale. wrong.Realizing that the current actual situation is really complicated, my heart tightened slightly, I looked at him calmly and said, "Is it where Dad is?"

He hung up the phone, shook his head at me, and said, "Something happened to Gao Tianming."

(End of this chapter)