Otaku man rotten goddess horse is the most annoying

Chapter 11 You Are the Editor-in-Chief of My Life
1
One night, I found that the uncle's face was very stinky, and asked what was wrong, and the answer was: I had diarrhea all day long.

I said, "It's really smelly enough, but it won't be reflected on the face."

The uncle said: "What are you talking about? The main reason is that my continuous running to the toilet today caused dissatisfaction with my supervisor. He even thought that there was nothing wrong with my stomach at all, and it was just an excuse to be lazy."

I asked the uncle: "So do you actually have diarrhea?"

The uncle said: "Of course!"

I patted him on the shoulder and said, "Since you have real materials, don't care what others think of you." The uncle nodded thoughtfully.

After a while he said: "Hey, although what you said just now is very inspirational, why doesn't it sound right?"

2
The uncle's friend arranged a fellowship for him, and the uncle took me to go with him.We saw a few pretty girls, and the uncle was very excited.After we finished eating, we went to KTV. The uncle decided to show off his singing voice to attract the attention of the girls, so he ordered "Kangding Love Song".

Then... Then I don't know what this person thinks!Maybe he was doing it for fun!Maybe it's really interesting!He, he actually changed the lyrics, only to hear him hold up the microphone and sing loudly:
"Li Jiaguang's big brother ~ he has a nice figure ~ Zhang Jiaguang's big sister ~ I like him ~"

Under the catalysis of this pornographic song, this friendship declared bankruptcy.It is said that when others organize such activities, they will not consider Uncle anymore, the reason is "Don't call that naked guy!"

3
Because the uncle has rich experience in blind dates, sometimes I will ask him about some related matters, and the uncle is always willing to accompany him and talk endlessly.

"What if you meet a girl you don't like?"

"36 strategies, the best strategy is to go."

"What excuse should I use?"

"You just say that you have hemorrhoids and you can't sit for a long time, so let's leave first."

"..."

I seem to understand a little bit why uncle's blind dates are always unsuccessful.

4
A best friend is about to hold a wedding, so she specially opened a group, and pulled a group of friends into it, so that everyone can discuss the best wedding plan, so that she and her partner can have an unforgettable memory.

I spoke first: "We can each hold a candle."

Best friend: "Great proposal!"

"Then lights are turned off and we form a heart around you with candles."

"awesome!"

"Then we took turns dripping candle oil on your and your husband's backs."

"..."

Seeing my best friend's sullen expression, I changed the subject: "Otherwise we can spend some time on testing your husband."

The friend turned his anger into joy: "Do you have a good idea?"

"Dig a trench on the way to your house, fill it with mud, and your husband has to swing across it with a long rope."

Best friend: "..."

Another friend was enlightened by me, and echoed: "Then go through the ring of fire! Take the road of broken glass! Splash paint!"

Another friend contributed wisdom: "Finally, climbed to her window by rock climbing, and courted with a rose in her mouth."

Me: "Give him a basin of footwashing water at this time, let him cut it off and retrain."

Another friend: "Why don't you let the groom go to the street and shout 'You are a pig' to the uncle!"

Another friend: "You are so talented!"

Me: "After many insults and tests, the exhausted groom finally stood in front of the bride. When he saw the bride who was as beautiful as a fairy, he snarled and pressed her to the ground and beat her up. The relatives and friends present tried to dissuade her, But the groom could no longer hear any sound, the scene echoed with the cry of the bride and the growl of the groom..."

Just when I was immersed in the impassioned expression and couldn't extricate myself, I was kicked out of the group!
5
One day I was having dinner with some netizens, and one of them was very drunk. After going to QQ the next day, he said a long series of impassioned words:
"Ah, my head hurts." "It's all from you." "Is that really ordinary wine? Why am I so uncomfortable?" "What did you drink for me? Tell me!"...

I pondered for a moment, then decisively replied: "Urine."

Netizen: "Your uncle!"

Me: "No, I don't know whose."

Netizen: "..."

6
A friend surnamed Wu was about to get married, and everyone began to name his future baby without worrying about the world.After one round, there are options for homonym phrases such as witch, wizard, witchcraft, Wuxia, voodoo, Wu Qixian, slander, slander, crow, Urala, Urumqi, filth, slander, sewage, filth, etc.

But the friend surnamed Wu has a very good temper. He vetoed our proposal with a smile and scolded, and then said: "Everyone is a nerd, so why can't we come up with a name with nerd characteristics?"

One sentence made us fall into thinking, and finally someone contributed his life's wisdom, only to hear him say loudly: "Usopp."

A friend surnamed Wu ran away amidst our cheers.

7
It's true that there are mistakes in the busy schedule.For example, a few days ago I went to the supermarket to do some shopping and came back with a lot of shopping.When I was cooking at noon, I walked into the kitchen, only to find that the dish soap I just bought was gone, and there was a bottle of Coke on the place where the dish soap was placed.

I quickly opened the refrigerator, and saw that the detergent was well frozen inside, and the temperature was just right!

Another time after I finished eating, I wiped the table with a rag, then walked into the kitchen with a clean fish bone, threw the rag into the trash can, and threw the fish bone into the sink.

It took me five seconds to realize what I had just done.

8
One day when I opened QQ, I received a message from my girlfriend Xiao Lu, the contents were: "咩咩咩咩!" and "Wow! You ignore me!"

I quickly replied: "Just now I was working hard on the manuscript, and I closed QQ to hide from the editor."

Xiaolu: "You even hid from me! Am I also an editor?"

Me: "Yes, you are the editor-in-chief of my life, and I am the manuscript waiting for your approval."

Xiaolu: "..." After a while, he resolutely said: "Reject the manuscript!"

9
One day I went to a dinner with my dad.He took me to sit in the company opened by his friend first.The company has a large structure and a decent appearance, which surprised me that my father still has such a friend.Obviously, the old man who is already familiar with here and there took me straight into the general manager's office.Pushing open the door, I saw a few people who looked like leaders sitting around the gorgeous desk and coffee table, and my father also sat down casually on the high-end sofa. The scene seemed to be about to start discussing business plans involving millions of capital flows.

Then my father said slowly: "Recently, many people have stolen my food."

The rest of the uncles immediately told my father many anti-stealing techniques, such as getting up in the middle of the night, buying land, and pastures. To be honest, I couldn’t understand them at all!But they are super high!Chatting and chatting, they began to discuss how much the bound mobile phone is, who was scammed by fake video before, who received a Trojan horse and got their account stolen, how about Q coins, how about space...

During this process, I was always in the state of mouth.

...Suddenly felt that I was actually their father.

(End of this chapter)