The happiest woman who understands her husband

Chapter 22 Stepping on the red carpet of marriage, once walking into the besieged city (1)
What is the reason why women cannot get married?
Saving "leftover women" seems to have become the theme of more and more variety shows. The existence of "leftover women" may be due to missed opportunities, but it is not necessarily bad. The reason for "leftover women" does not mean lack of character and appearance defects.So, what is the reason for women to become "leftover women" and not get married?

1. Excessive dependence, dreaming of "wife is more expensive than husband"
Zhang Lijie is a high-achieving student who graduated from a prestigious university. She originally had many high-paying jobs to choose from after graduation. It was because her boyfriend Dong Jian, who had been with her for 6 years, came to Beijing to find a job. Zhang Lijie felt that she should be his solid backing , because in her opinion, women should take care of the inside and men should take care of the outside, and her main job now is to support Dong Jian's business in Beijing.

Therefore, Zhang Lijie turned down all invitations from companies, and concentrated on being a "housewife" at home, dreaming of "a wife is more expensive than her husband" all day long.At first, Dong Jian was moved by Zhang Lijie's choice, and went for a walk and chat with Zhang Lijie every day when he came back from get off work.Later, as Dong Jian's position became higher and higher, the time to go home was getting later and later, and there was even less talk between Zhang Lijie and Zhang Lijie. Finally, Dong Jian said to Zhang Lijie: "We have too little common language. If you're not married, let's break up!"

Zhang Lijie still didn't understand, Dong Jian obviously changed his mind, why did he still talk about it the day they broke up, because Zhang Lijie was not the Zhang Lijie she used to be.In fact, Dong Jian was right, too much dependence made Zhang Lijie lack wisdom and passion, such a woman could not capture a man's heart, nor could she have a happy life.

2. Looking at the height of a mountain, I always feel that the next one will be better
Some women may have watched too many Qiong Yao dramas, their ideas are too naive and romantic, and they think that they are supermen who can get what they want.She may be "tsk tut" in many areas.But once faced with emotional problems, she is irrational and not sober!In order to find the most suitable prince, she will wait forever under the mentality of "one mountain looks at another mountain".In addition, jealousy is also the Achilles' heel that destroys happiness.Always watching others live better than yourself, such a life will not be happy, let alone happy.

It is said that Li Jing's life is worthy of the envy of many peers. She has a car to drive, a house to live in, her parents are healthy, and her boyfriend is aggressive. However, she feels that her life is a mess because she always uses her disadvantages to compete with others. When she sees that her classmate is going to graduate school, she will wonder why she works harder than that girl, but she cannot continue her studies; when she sees that someone is going to have a baby, she will complain that her boyfriend doesn’t love her enough, why didn’t she talk about marriage with her? On marriage... There is no happiness to talk about in such a life full of complaints.

3. Be ambitious and love your freedom strongly
Some women are busy working, exercising, watching exhibitions, listening to concerts, meeting friends, and even traveling on vacation.In her daily schedule, she didn't leave some time and space for men at all, so naturally she couldn't let men have a place in her life.In case I didn't develop the character of "little birds and people" since I was a child, and after working, I was praised by some people as "a strong woman", and I started to feel ecstatic.Such a woman makes many men stay away.

4. The old love is unforgettable or the emotional hurt is too serious

Some women have had a vigorous love affair, but were eventually abandoned by the man she loved deeply, so they were so injured that they were addicted to the pain of love and couldn't extricate themselves.She couldn't get out of an illusory relationship.Or, she always has a dream man: a father, a brother, or a friend.Anyway, she didn't know how to get over it.As a victim of a past relationship, she struggled to take charge of her life or start a new relationship.Trapped in illusory relationships, she rejects new relationships in order to continue living in her own illusory world.In fact, such a woman should dare to face up to past failures, admit the responsibility she should bear in the failures, and should not use "I don't want to experience pain again" as an excuse to stay single all the time.

5. Blindly pay for each other, not for feelings
Some women always think that they "everything is a loser in life".In their view, the other party will love her only when she is useful.She is often attracted to wounded men and tries to heal his wounds.But this is a relationship between the sexes based on pain.While she loves each other, she feels that the other party loves her too.However, some men are the wolves of Dongguo. When she gave everything, he would leave and abandon her.And she will say to herself painfully: "I have done so much for him, but he..." If you are this type of woman, if you want to have a happy love and marriage, you need to regain control of your own life. The ability to learn to pay for feelings rather than for each other.

6. Resign yourself to fate

Chen Qi, 27 years old, is a white-collar worker in a foreign company. She lives and boards at her parents’ home. Her monthly salary and bonuses add up to about 1 yuan. Consumption, after working for 5 years, there is still no savings, and the credit card is still unable to make ends meet every month.If she can save 5000 yuan a month, 6 yuan a year, and 5 yuan in 30 years, she can buy a mid-to-high-end SUV car without any investment!

Some unmarried women always use "I can't meet a suitable partner" as an excuse, resign their marriage to fate, and let their lives go their own way, instead of saving money, they just squander it blindly.In fact, a woman always thinks that she has not met the right person because she is unwilling to take risks. Before she enters the marriage, she hints that she will definitely lose.She refuses to face the dangers that her relationship might entail.Her rejection of feelings is a cover-up for her lack of self-confidence.

If these unmarried girls have a mother who thinks all day long: "You only lose weight and grow long hair to be more feminine and likable" "Go to social occasions more to have a chance of finding a man", "My poor daughter".They listen too much to their mother's thoughts, and they often develop a self-deprecating psychology, and then turn from "I am trash" to "men are trash".

And starting to learn self-confidence and self-worth is the magic weapon to overcome this fear.

The perfect age for a woman to marry

Today, the word "marriage" seems to have become an economic term.For women, early or late?What is the perfect age to get married?If you want to explain thoroughly, you have to start with the attraction of women to men.

Some people pointed out that women's attractiveness to men began to climb gradually from the age of 18, reached its peak around the age of 25, and then began to decline.It can be roughly said from the trajectory that it is taking an "inverted U-shaped" parabola.

In other words, after a woman turns 18, the number of men she attracts will gradually increase.At the age of 25, the suitors around you and those who are suitable for love reach a peak.Women at this stage will get lost, and feel that they don't have to worry about getting married at all. They can stay single for another three to five years, and when they get tired of playing, they will stop thinking about getting married.As everyone knows, this kind of thinking is the easiest way for women to miss the peak of attractiveness.

Looking back at many older young mature women, she may find that the suitors around her, those courteous men, are slowly decreasing after a certain age.This is an objective fact that does not change with a woman's optimism.

The ideal age of marriage is crueler to women.The majority (65%) of men think that their ideal marriage partner is a woman between the ages of 25 and 28; from the age of 28, their chances of marriage plummet.In contrast, men are much more relaxed. Even at the age of 35, 1/3 of women are still willing to marry him, and even 40% of women at the age of 15.2 choose him.Although official statistics show that the total number of men in our country is higher than that of women, in reality it seems that there are always more "leftover women" than "leftover men".

Professor Jiang Qianjin, a well-known marriage psychology expert in the country, believes that due to various factors, women’s marriageable age is usually shorter than men’s. It's hard to accept a 25-year-old man." Therefore, women are actually under greater pressure to marry, and in reality, they are mostly parents who worry about "marrying their daughters".

After a woman is over 25 years old, the number of men around her decreases, which means that women's opportunities are decreasing.China's marriage customs, men's concept, mostly get married before the age of 30 and start a family, and start a business after the age of 30.That is to say, when a man is 30 years old and a woman is 26 or 27 years old, it is a fairly large age for marriage in China.Most of them get married at this time, and women who have not caught up with this batch will have much fewer choices for the next batch.

Some women may think: "So what if I become an older woman? When the time comes, I will go on a blind date and find a man to marry. Isn't that enough?" This kind of thinking is really absurd!Doing so is not only irresponsible to the other party, but also irresponsible to oneself. It is a bet on the happiness of the rest of your life.If you meet an honest man, you are lucky if you win the bet. Even if you are not particularly affectionate, at least you can live an ordinary life, but once you lose the bet and meet a violent or playful man, don’t expect The marriage is happy.

Although marriage cannot be forced, women should also set a bottom line for marriage at the latest, such as 35 years old, and then continue to work hard towards the palace of marriage.

Finally, I would like to remind women: seize the opportunity and try to choose a man who is suitable for marriage before the age of 25.

A man is a saint when he is in love, but a little turtle when he talks about marriage

Recent studies have found that among young men and women who are engaged, women are more eager than men to enter the palace of marriage earlier, while men are always afraid of difficulties when the marriage is approaching.

In 2003, at the annual meeting of the National Psychological Association held in Atlanta, USA, Ashley Novak, a researcher from Addifea University in New York, pointed out that compared with their fiancés, women have higher expectations for marriage and expect Both parties can be intimate, but this is often wishful thinking.Nowak and his colleagues, psychologists Dr. Janis and Dr. Alison Newman, conducted anonymous online surveys of 50 highly educated young would-be couples in strict secrecy among themselves.According to the requirements, the respondents not only had to answer the level of intimacy they currently think they have with their partners, but also had to answer the expected value of the level of intimacy after marriage.The results showed that, no matter from the point of view of sexual relationship, interpersonal relationship or other aspects, the interviewed women's evaluation of their existing intimacy was much higher than that of the interviewed men.Also, brides-to-be were more optimistic about their future married life than their fiancés.In an interview with Reuters, Novak said the difference in how men and women estimate the intimacy of a relationship is a difficult one.One explanation is that women prefer to express their feelings unreservedly and usually do not hide their vulnerable side when they interact with the same sex in childhood or adolescence. They feel that sharing each other's secrets can gain enough trust and sense of security .

The researchers said that when pursuing love, men tend to be as indomitable as a holy warrior, but when love is about to blossom and bear fruit, they always shrink back like a little turtle.The main reasons are:

Men have been warned from childhood to be independent and to be friends with gentlemen. They are unwilling to expose the fragile side of their characters to others, even very close ones, so they have a special fear and instinct for marriage and intimacy. resist.

Many men overestimate the bondage of marriage and worry about losing their independent space after marriage.Even though many lovers are actually in the stage of de facto marriage, men still think that once they are bound by a marriage certificate, they will have to give up a lot of freedom for this responsibility.

Some men overestimate the burden of marriage. They think that the responsibilities in marriage will make them have to increase too much burden for the improvement of quality of life.In addition, one of the reasons is the relatively high requirement for the freshness of sexual partners.

Novak also said that previous surveys found that 64 percent of married women and 11 percent of married men have close friends of the same sex, suggesting that women who can't find enough intimacy in their marriages are more likely to find friends by looking for them. Same-sex partners to compensate for this psychological gap.Therefore, if the relationship between husband and wife is getting colder and colder, women's self-adjustment ability is relatively stronger, and men may be more injured. This is one reason why men are not very optimistic about marriage.

However, experts point out that the advantage of marriage is that when you encounter difficulties in life, the one who can be your strong backing will always be the lover you usually feel lacks passion or even a little bored.This is why human beings have this form of marriage, and the reason why marriage has always been encouraged to be cherished and praised.

How to express marriage intention to the man most effectively
Once a woman meets a man she likes, she not only often asks the man "Do you love me?" but also hopes that the man will say "marry me!" as soon as possible. However, many men are unwilling to be bound by marriage prematurely.Therefore, how to ask her boyfriend to propose to her as soon as possible or how to express her desire to marry to her boyfriend, smart women need to use certain conversation skills.

Cui Xiaoqian is a little lonely recently.Several girlfriends have entered the marriage hall.At every wedding banquet, Cui Xiaoqian deliberately invites her boyfriend Guo Qiqiang.Cui Xiaoqian and Guo Qiqiang have been dating for a year. Although Cui Xiaoqian can't tell how much she loves Qiqiang, in Cui Xiaoqian's view, Qiqiang is a good marriage partner.As for Qiqiang, although he often invites Cui Xiaoqian to dinner, he sometimes picks her up to and from get off work, but he doesn't put marriage on the agenda.Sometimes, Cui Xiaoqian felt that Qi Qiang was affectionate towards her, and sometimes she felt that he was indifferent.Cui Xiaoqian couldn't figure out Qiqiang's heart, and she was very eager for him to give her a reassurance.

After drinking other people's wedding wine that day, Qi Qiang drove the car, and Cui Xiaoqian sat in the passenger seat.The notes of a song "Perfume Lily" danced in a small space. With the lyrics of "colorful and elegant clothes, move the world, and speak out loudly..." This line of lyrics, Cui Xiaoqian said suddenly: "Qiqiang, I will be you The final choice?" Cui Xiaoqian's words caught Qi Qiang off guard and almost drove the car onto a flower bed by the side of the road. "I'm driving." Qi Qiang deliberately changed the subject.Cui Xiaoqian raised her brows and said dissatisfiedly, "I want you to answer me now!" Qi Qiang didn't answer and just kept driving, Cui Xiaoqian was so angry that tears came out.

"Stop!" She opened the car door, and said bitterly: "Don't run away, I know you don't have me in your heart." Qi Qiang stared blankly at Cui Xiaoqian, unable to understand why she was so angry.He is not a person who plays games with feelings, but he feels that their love has not yet reached the stage of talking about marriage.

A relationship ended like this, and maybe we all felt sorry for them both.This story also tells us a truth: as women, we have to find a suitable way to express our desire for marriage to our boyfriend.

(End of this chapter)